Hot Girl Parallel Universe

Written on:March 18, 2019
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Friends S5:E17 – Bonjour, gentil mesdammes et messieurs. I’m happy to be blogging to you live and direct from a little continent known to mes amis en France as L’Europe! I’m currently writing to you aboard a train from Paris to München 🚆 (Munich back stateside) and I’m quite thrilled to be making Friends 20/20 history with my first-ever column written and posted from overseas. As I predicted last time, my creative juices are on 11 today having spent yesterday with my wife taking in Musée du Louvre, Tour Eiffel, et les sites de Paris via pedicab. (Speaking of the Louvre, later in the series we’ll be introduced to a Friends character named Mona but take my word for it, the Mona I met yesterday puts “Friends Mona” to shame. But I digress.) Our perfect Parisian day was capped off beautifully with a visit to Bar Hemingway where I drank Hemingway’s Whiskey and soaked in the ambiance of drinking in a bar dedicated to one of my favorite authors in the city he romanticized. Tout-de-le-fruit…yesterday was spectacular frenching it up in Paris. An intense encounter with the Yellow Vest protest on Saturday aside, our time in Paris was flat out remarquable. By the way. It wasn’t too shabby last week either knocking around in London and Liverpool. I’d love to tell you more about my European experience but there’s simply too much to tell that if I did, we’d risk having the critics start complaining that I’m derailing Friends 20/20 into a travel blog. Plus, I want to put these “peak level” creative juices to good use by moving right into my break down of this week’s episode so I can edit and post this before my train arrives in München in approximately three hours. Shall we then?

I simply adore the “Joey can’t find the hot girl” storyline. Watching him repeatedly count the windows and floors in Ross’s apartment building (so he can meet hot girl) only to somehow always end up at Ross’s apartment is like a delicious comedic croissant that’s been buttered in laugh-our-loud hilarity. Could a line be any more epic than, “I can’t believe I almost lost another girl because of counting.” When Monica eventually helps him figure out exactly where to go, the fact that Ross answers the door at Jen’s (hot girl’s) apartment when Joey knocks (leading Joey to believe he’s miscounted again) is the Michelin star-worthy scrumptious macaron (or cherry on top, if you will) to the fantastically executed menu of a storyline that the Friends writers have served up in this episode in order to quell our veracious appetite for laughter. Hear, hear. Compliments to the chef. My other observation today is to ask why, oh why did Mr. Zelner hire Rachel after she embarrassed herself in a way that only Rachel can? She was in total meltdown-mode trying to salvage her Ralph Lauren job prospects after accidentally kissing Zelner while being escorted out of his office from the initial interview. Was Rachel qualified? Sure. Did she demonstrate the potential to work hard and excel at the job? Absolutely. Should he have hired her? Hells to the nah. Watching her try to recover during her second attempt to salvage the “accidental” kiss was like watching a train wreck. (Wait a minute. What am I saying? I’m currently ON A TRAIN. [Please pause for a brief interruption while I KNOCK ON WOOD.]) While, of course, we are rooting for Rachel’s success, let’s be honest, Zelner should have taken her meltdown as an indication of potential headaches to come and steered a hundred miles away from hiring Rachel Karen Green. Spoiler Alert: having not seized said opportunity, Zelner deserves everything he has coming his way for the next five years. On that note, Meine Damen und Herren, it is time for me to Lebewohl sagen. I can already taste the massive glass of bier I have coming my way tomorrow at the Hafbräuhaus München. Thanks for taking part in my European adventures. I’ll holler at ya when I’m back in Amerika.

Recap in the Key of Phoebe – This is the one where Joey attempts to meet a hot girl in Ross’s building across the street that he’s been flirting with from the window at Monica and Rachel’s apartment, Ross meets the same hot girl first and decides to ask her out after she agrees it was unfair of the other tenants to ask him to chip in for Howard the Handyman’s retirement after he had just moved in, Rachel accidentally kisses her interviewer while seeking a new job at Ralph Lauren, Phoebe is hot and heavy with Gary the Cop, Monica is jealous that Phoebe and Gary are in the new relationship “can’t keep your hands off each other” phase and enlists Chandler to have sex repeatedly to compete with Pheebs and her Gare Bear, Chandler briefly becomes the Relationship King when he convinces Monica that the phase that they’re in in their relationship is more exciting than the “hot and heavy” phase, and Joey nearly loses his mind when he’s unsuccessful at unlocking the Hot Girl Parallel Universe.

Gandalf Gaffes – None. Flawless episode!

Chan Man Quip of the Week – [The Setup] Chandler is in a restaurant’s restroom while having dinner with Monica, Phoebe, and Gary. He’s enjoying looking in the mirror while flashing the police badge Gary gave him. Monica sneaks in and seductively says, “Hi Chandler.” Caught off guard, Chandler responds, “Monica! This is the Men’s room! Isn’t it?” Undeterred, Monica answers, “Yes it is. You see I’ve always found the men’s bathroom very sexual. Haven’t you?” Chandler defensively replies, “no” and then elaborates, “and if I did, I don’t think we’d be going out. Monica, this is getting ridiculous!” Monica pleads, “Come on, we can’t let them win!” Exasperated, Chandler argues, “Ugh, we have already proved that we are hot!” He follows up by asking, “Okay? So why-why are you getting so obsessed about this thing?” Providing insight, Monica informs him, “Because Phoebe and Gary are in that-can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other-doing-it-in-the-park phase!” Not getting it, Chandler asks, “So?” Monica continues, “I feel really sad that we’re not…really there anymore.” Making the connection, Chandler asks, “Oh wow! Is that what this all have been about?” Monica continues, “Wasn’t it a lot more exciting when we were ya know all over each other all the time?” Chandler agrees, “Yeah that was great. That was really great!” He then suggests, “But to tell you the truth, I’m more excited about where we are right now.” Sceptical, Monica asks, “Really?” Chandler elaborates, “Yeah! I’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted this long before. Ya know to get past the beginning and still want to be around each other all the time, I think that’s pretty incredible. And the fact that this is happening all with you, yeah I think that’s pretty exciting.” He leans in and kisses her. Monica responds, “That is so sweet. I know that I was acting a little crazy but umm, I feel the same way.” Seeking confirmation, Chandler asks, “Yeah?” Granting it, Monica answers, “Yeah.” They then hug it out. After the hug, Chandler excitedly says, “Ya know what I just realized? You just freaked out about our relationship.” Becoming defensive, Monica insists, “Did not.” Chandler insistently continues, “Yes you did! Admit it! You freaked out!” Relenting, Monica agrees, “Okay, I freaked out a little. Pushing further, Chandler continues, “Little? You freaked out big time! Okay? And I fixed it! We have switched places! I am the relationship and king and you are the crazy, irrational screw up!” He foolishly decides to do the gloating dance that Monica hates. [The Knockout] Realizing his mistake, Chandler digs into his self-deprecating arsenal with, “And now we’re back.”


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