Nomaste
Friends S8:E3 - Happy Indigenous People's Day, Friends Nation ✊ Let me say up front that since today is a holiday, we are going to keep our proceedings this afternoon short and sweet. That's right...you better believe it. Reminiscent of the magic of the Holiday Armadillo, today I bring to you another installment of the Holiday Mail-In Special 💌 Never fear. When it comes to Holiday Mail-In Specials, I'm as dependable as Rivers Cuomo. That being the case, I'll have you in and out of here quick but we have a couple of important anecdotes from today's episode that we must do due diligence and highlight really quick. First, we must enter it into the formal record that today's episode was heavily changed after the events of 9/11. Originally in this episode, Monica and Chandler were supposed to get detained at the airport after Chandler makes a joke about bombs. Obviously, with this episode set to air a mere month after the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, the writer's made the right call in re-writing this episode. Given the stress our nation was under at the time, Chandler's joke about bomb threats would have been about the worst Chan Man Quip of the Week imaginable. Secondly, we discover in this episode that Ross does yoga in a class with Mr. Treeger. Nothing super significant to break down about that, I just find it amusing picturing Ross and Treeger assisting each other with a Downward-Facing Dog pose. I mean, that's a lovely, hilarious image that is providing me some much-needed tranquility on this holiday afternoon so on that calming note: go outside, enjoy the fresh air and have a great rest of your Holiday Mail-In Special Monday, class. See you back here next week. Nomaste 🙏
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel tells Ross that she is pregnant and he's the father, Monica and Chandler become frustrated when another couple also on their honeymoon keeps beating them to getting free upgrades and perks from the airline and hotel, Phoebe and Joey make up that they smell a gas leak in order to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment while they are gone on their honeymoon, and after Ross becomes indignant as a consumer when he discovers that condoms are only effective 97 percent of the time he finally comes around to letting Rachel know he will be there with her through the pregnancy perhaps having the calm of his yoga helping him to get over himself and center his priorities. Nomaste!
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is embarrassed that Monica is being overly affectionate at the airline counter in order to demonstrate that they are in their honeymoon in hopes of getting upgraded to first class like the couple in line before them (who were also on their honeymoon). When they are next in line approaching the counter, Monica commands Chandler, "Grab my ass!" The ticket agent says, "Next." They approach the counter arm in arm and Monica informs the ticket agent, "Hi, sorry. I almost didn’t hear you, because ya know...I’m just so in love with my new husband. We’re on our honeymoon." The ticket agent responds, "Congratulations. Okay, Mr. Bing you’ll be in 25J and Mrs. Bing you’ll be in 25K." Caught off guard that they were being issued their original coach seats, Monica interjects, "Oh no, you see we’re on our honeymoon. So umm, can you do your little thing and bump us up to first class?" The ticket agent responds, "I’m sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two." Turning to Chandler in frustration, Monica barks at him, "You see, if we’d gone around them like I said, we—She would’ve given us those tickets. Damnit!" [The Knockout] Needing an outlet for his embarrassment of how his new bride is behaving, Chandler turns directly to the ticket agent and asks, "25J and K, any chance those aren’t together?"
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I'm Gonna Have a Baby
Friends S8:E1 - What is good, Friends 20/20 Nation? It is so weird to back in class but also kind of cool. How was everyone's summer? I know the summer started with so much promise with the vaccine roll out and a short-period where it felt like things were getting back to normal. I remember how exciting it was back in May (as we were just wrapping up Season Seven) to finally be vaccinated and getting to experience things like hanging out with friends and visiting restaurants again. The way the summer started was such a breath of fresh air. But, of course, here in America we just can't seem to have nice things. As the summer rolled on and the Delta variant started to rage due to so many science-rejecting anti-vaxxer morons living amongst us...it started to become clear that the good times earlier this summer were just a fleeting moment in time and unfortunately not the beginning of the end of the pandemic. So here we are bracing ourselves for more pandemic pain this fall but on the bright side, at least we're in a better place than we were last fall with the pandemic. And while this summer didn't ultimately fulfill all of the promise that it started with, there was still a lot of positives to reflect back on and be thankful about. For instance, I was able to make it down to my undisclosed beach location during my summer break before concerns of the Delta variant started to dissuade travel. I can also report on behalf of theLeftAhead that my editor Ted James both dropped a new track and also thread the needle on safely and successfully booking and taking an international trip to Scotland this summer before the Delta variant reared its ugly head. Finally, and most relevant to our purposes here...the long-rumored and COVID-delayed Friends: The Reunion was finally released on May 27th on HBO Max! Since our last convening as a class for Season 7 was ten days earlier on May 17th, 2021, incredibly, this is our first opportunity to discuss the reunion (aka the biggest Friends pop culture event to occur during the seven years we've been doing Friends 20/20) as a group. I thought the reunion was excellent, so well put together and such a heart-warming trip down memory lane. There is so much to dissect from the reunion special that, rather than try to dive all the way in today, I thought we could better give it the attention it deserves by discussing it weekly throughout our semester this fall by weaving it into our ongoing discussion of Season 8. Does that sound good with everyone? Alright, great...then it's settled. More about the reunion special next week and throughout the fall.For now, let's turn our attention to the aftermath of the big reveal from the Season Seven cliff hanger: Rachel is pregnant. If you remember, we as an audience were filled into the news as the camera zoomed in on Rachel at the end of the Season 7 finale. Now, as we begin Season 8 at the bridal party photo session at Monica and Chandler's reception, we get to enjoy watching Phoebe and then Monica learn the news that we had just spent an entire summer digesting. After Monica denies being pregnant, Phoebe realizes that Rachel is and tries to cover for her by suggesting she is the one that is pregnant and that James Brolin is the father. This ruse doesn't last long. Monica quickly figures it out that Rachel is pregnant when she observes Rachel spitting champagne back into her glass. After Phoebe suggests that Rachel should take a second test to be sure that she is in fact pregnant (and not a mistake), Monica insist that Rachel take the test right away at the reception as a wedding gift to her. After Rachel agrees and takes the test, Phoebe reports that the test is negative which elicits a strong emotional reaction of disappointment in Rachel. We quickly learn that Phoebe was playing a "risky little game" by lying to Rachel about the negative result in order to figure out how Rachel really feels about being pregnant. Knowing now that Rachel really wants to have the baby and is in fact pregnant sets up one of the sweetest moments in series history as Monica and Phoebe share in Rachel's joy. Of course the question Monica and Phoebe along with us in the audience are dying to know is, "Who is the father?" And that, class, is a reveal to be left for another day. For now, no better way to rap up than to bask in the joy of that moment between Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe. It's good to be back and also to have Friends: The Reunion to chew on this fall but as you know, I'm the type of professor that likes to ease back in to a new semester. That being the case, class is now dismissed for today. See you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where everyone thinks Monica is pregnant on her and Chandler's wedding day until Phoebe realizes that Rachel is pregnant but isn't ready to admit it yet so Phoebe claims that she is pregnant and makes up that James Brolin is the father, Chandler can't show off the new dance moves he wanted to surprise Monica with because his shoes are too slippery on the dance floor, Ross dances with all of the little girls at the wedding to impress Mona from Monica's restaurant, Joey gives a bizarre toast designed to demonstrate his range as an actor in order to impress Chandler's Mom's date Dennis Phillips with hopes of being cast in his new Broadway production, Monica discovers Rachel is the one that is pregnant when Rachel spits out champagne and asks Rachel to take another pregnancy test as her wedding gift, and when Rachel finds out that the test confirms that she is pregnant (after Phoebe plays a risky little game lying that the test was negative), Rachel declares, "I'm gonna have a baby."
Gandalf Gaffes - I went back and forth about adding this one to the list but in the end, I decided it needed to be documented even though it might seem a little nit picky. A size seven shoe is an unusually small shoe size for a grown adult male of Joey's height and weight. The idea that Joey actually had feet that unusually small and none of the friends (particularly Chandler) had ever noticed this about Joey seven full years into the series seems so preposterous, it needs to be documented as a Double G. Clearly the writer's were just adding this detail to the story line for this particular episode as an easy way to generate some jokes but all the same, it would have been impossible for Joey's friends to just be noticing this about him now at Monica and Chandler's wedding. (What? Is his identical foot guy a ten-year-old kid?) Furthermore, Matt LeBlanc's feet are visibly the normal size for an adult male of his height and weight further making it unreasonable to suggest that Joey's feet are that unusually small. Given that I've already acknowledged that this a a nit picky Gandalf Gaffe, this is a simple, minor a level one infraction.Gandalf Gaffe #28: Joey admits to Chandler that he has freakishly small feet (size 7) when Chandler discovers how small Joey's feet are during his and Monica's wedding. It would have been impossible for Joey to have had feet that small for an adult male of his size and feet and for none of his friends to notice for the first seven years of the series. This silly detail is also contradicted by video evidence throughout the series of the "normal" size of Matt LeBlanc's feet.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey finds Chandler in the hallway of his and Monica's wedding reception practicing his dance moves on a floor where his shoes have traction. Right before Joey finds him, Chandler says to himself while finishing his dance moves, "And the world will never know." When Joey finds Chandler, he says, "hey" and then asks, "Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?" Chandler responds, "Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives." Panicking, Joey protests, " No, no! No! No! You don’t tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks I’m a soap actor." [The Knockout] Clearly sensing an opportunity to pounce on what he had discovered about Joey earlier in the reception, Chandler unloads the sarcasm with, "But you’re not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet."
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Silly Putty
Friends S7:E19 - [Long Pause] Say something clever! Okay, doesn’t have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! LOLOL.....Ross Geller, y'all!!! How's that for a tone setter? Thought y'all could use a pick me up since here we are again...back in our pandemic virtual classroom for what feels like that 500th week in a row. The good news is there's light at the end of the tunnel. If you haven't heard, President Biden has made all adults in the United States vaccine eligible as of today. We are on our way to safely opening back up so it's just a matter of time until I will be seeing your bright, shiny faces IRL again! Also, I'm just realizing that since we've been on hiatus the entire month of April so far, this is my first opportunity to report that ya guy Kenny Adams got his first dose of the Pfizer vaccine on Friday, April 2nd and I'm getting my second does this coming Friday! I'm beaming from ear to ear because I'm less than three weeks away from getting back out there amongst all of the people. Come on, y'all. Truly, happy days are here again.
When I saw that THIS was this week's episode, I've gotta tell ya, I was quite delighted (and also a little bit frightened). Oh the possibilities of creative ways to clown on one of the most "off the rails" episodes in series history. I mean, ayy, the Notorious RFG making a pass at his own freaking cousin is about as weird and icky a place as the FRIENDS writers dared to take a story line (maybe also in Fireball (S5:E10) when Danny the Yeti is bathing with his sister, but yah). Don't get me wrong, the awkward long pause when Ross is trying to figure out how to explain himself to his cousin after making his move and homie's accompanying inner monologue is, in my opinion, one of the funniest moments in series history so I understand that it took a messy situation for the writer's to serve up a moment that funny but still. Was that moment of pure comic bliss really worth it given that I could never, ever really look at Dr. Geller the same way again from the first time I watched this episode through the in perpetuity that is living in the Friends vortex? Tough call, y'all. Once a cousin romancer, always a cousin romancer. There's really no coming back from that. Then again, we also know from The Rossatron earlier this season (S7:E11) that Chandler used to undress his cousin Glenn so, IDK, maybe they're all just batshit incestuous? In Chandler's defense, at least he was a kid when he did it, not a grown ass man with a PhD that calls himself Bea and likes to drink tea. Anyway, who are we to judge? Let it be, let it be. Haters gonna hate. Ross gonna Ross, I guess. Ugh, I started out writing this paragraph excited (and a little nervous) but now I'm just sad and confused. Maybe that's a sign. Probably makes sense to just call it. I guess the moral of the story, class, is never, ever make a pass out your cousin. Not only can it blow up in your face but it might haunt you for the rest of your existence. And if you're a character on the GOAT television sitcom, you should especially think twice because "the rest of you existence" means infinity because you will live forever in the the vortex of your loyal fans. Kind of a bad episode for Monica's older brother, in the end. For anyone keeping score in the Ross Geller Is Trash Olympics, this is the episode where he earns his gold medal. Cue up the Star-Spangled Banner. Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey is being considered for the lead in a movie but must prove that he is anatomically "not Jewish" in order to get the part, Chandler gets busted leering at Cassie (Monica's cousin) while she is in town visiting and staying with them which causes Monica to suggest that Cassie stay at Ross's apartment, Rachel and Phoebe plan Monica's bridal shower on short notice and forget to invite her to it, Ross freezes up trying to explain away making a sexual advance on his cousin Cassie (gross!!!) after she has switched from staying at Monica and Chandler's to his place, and Monica helps Joey create a "wrap" to help him appear to be anatomically "not Jewish" to the casting and movie director during his call back but the "wrap" falls off while Joey is naked show them his body because evidently Monica's double-sided tape wasn't strong enough to handle the weight of silly putty.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler run into Ross at Central Perk after Monica busted Chandler leering at her cousin Cassie. Monica informs Ross, "Cassie needs to stay at your place." Ross asks, "What? why?" Monica answers, "Because Purvy Perverson over here can’t stop staring at her." Turning to Chandler, Ross suggests disapprovingly, "What? Chandler, she’s our cousin!" Attempting to defend himself, Chandler suggests, "I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. It’s called being a good conversationalist. Watch." He proceeds to stare directly into Monica's eyes and then continues, "Say something." Unconvinced, Monica responds, "You were staring about eight inches south of there." Sidestepping Monica and Chandler's tiff, Ross answer Monica's request with, "Fine, she can stay at my place." He then asks, "By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now?" Monica answers, "She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn." [The Knockout] Brushing aside his concern for how much hot water he is in with Monica, the Chan Man lines up a zinger in the form of a questions with, "Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding?"
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I'm a Medical Marvel
Friends S7:E13 - Welp, it's official. As of today, this rotten pandemic has now touched every single possible month on the calendar. Tomorrow is Groundhog Day and I've gotta say...I think many of us now have a new found appreciation for what Phil Connors was going through in the movie after living the same quarantine day over and over again during this past year. On the bright side, February means we've inched another month closer to finally entering a post-pandemic world where we've mostly all been vaccinated and things can return to something approaching relative normalcy. At least there's hope on the horizon that our days of waking up at home, logging on to Zoom, having to listen to the Ned Ryersons of the world babble on and on and wanting to punch them in the face through the computer, eating dinner, and then scouring the streaming services for something new to binge watch before going back to sleep to repeat it all tomorrow are almost over. Soon there will be a day where we wake up and it's February 3rd. Please, please universe, make it real soon. We are all Earl the Office Manager and we need a break from Zoom. All kidding aside, this working from home talk is a good opportunity to reiterate our appreciation for the essential workers that don't have the privilege to work from home. Thank you all for everything you continue to do keep us all fed, healthy, and safe.That Earl the Office Manager reference is a good segue into breaking down today's episode. Earl, played by Jason Alexander, is a neat little cross-over from one of the other GOAT sitcoms. Overlapping in their series runs on the same network - NBC, it seemed inevitable that Seinfeld and Friends would find some crossover. Of course, Seinfeld fans know that the first instance of such a crossover happened pre-Friends in March 1994 (Friends debuted in September 1994). What is this first instance of Seinfeld-Friends crossover, you ask? It was Courtney Cox playing Jerry's girlfriend Meryl in the Seinfeld episode, The Wife (S5:E17). In the episode, Meryl pretends to be Jerry's wife in order to use his permanent discount at the dry cleaners. Pretty cool that just a few short months after her Seinfeld cameo, Courtney Cox would be playing Monica Geller full time. Of course, today's instance of crossover between the two shows happens a few years after Seinfeld ended its run in 1998. Nevertheless, I remember it being really exciting in 2001 to see Jason Alexander pop up for a cameo on an episode of Friends. Even though Earl the Office Manager wasn't much like George Costanza (Earl's beard and suicidal yearning being prime examples), it was pretty wild to watch George's "worlds collide" during his interactions with the world of Phoebe Buffay. A+ to casting this week for making some magic with one of the most revered sitcom actors of a generation.Moving on to other storylines in today's episode... the Rosita-Stevie the TV-Rachel-Joey-Chandler soap opera was hilarious. I've always felt a little bad for Chandler with this episode because he really does get screwed over. Rachel breaks a chair and Joey breaks a chair. Chandler has a legitimate claim to Rachel's new chair using the logic that he was the only one of the three of them not to break a chair. Chandler deserved justice but instead, there was none to be had when Rachel and Joey teamed up to form the Cobras and used there gang to intimidate him and squeeze him out of being a recliner-owner all together. It's rough out here in these streets, yo. Finally, it was really fantastic to watch Ross flip out when his dad gifted his Porsche to Monica. I'M A MEDICAL MARVEL will resonate throughout time as an iconic Ross Geller moment. Aight, y'all. I think that about wraps it up for today's happenings. I'll see you all next Monday which will be a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of today. In the meantime, "Don't forget your booties cause it's cold out there. It's cold out there every day."
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Monica's parents are selling the house so the Geller kids come to visit to go through their childhood memories, Rachel offers to buy Joey a new chair after she tries to move Rosita and accidentally breaks her, Chandler later thinks he breaks Rosita and so he replaces her with his chair, Joey discovers that Rosita has been healed and declares it a miracle before becoming jealous of Rachel's new chair and breaking Chandler's chair so that he can have the new chair as originally intended, Phoebe starts selling toner as a telemarketer and tries to stop Earl the Office Manager (a customer) from killing himself, Rachel and Joey form a gang called the Cobras to screw Chandler in the chair situation even though both of them broke a chair, and Ross becomes irate when his dad gives Monica his Porsche as a gift even though he tell him, "I'm a medical marvel."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe, Chandler and Ross are at Central Perk. Ross and Joey are on the couch talking and Phoebe is getting coffee. Ross is musing about Monica and Chandler's upcoming wedding. He observes, "Hey, ya know what’s weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you’re gonna have to say, 'This is my brother-in-law Ross.' Not, 'My friend Ross,' 'brother-in-law Ross.' That’s weird isn’t it?" [The Knockout] Wasting no time to swat away Ross's annoying whimsical merriment, Chandler drops him off with a a good ole question answering a question quip, asking, "Couldn’t I just say, 'This is Ross?'"
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Last Time I Checked This Was Still America
Friends S7:E12 - The last time I checked this was still America. What happened on Wednesday isn’t supposed to happen in this country. It is almost impossible to describe the emotions that were stirred up in me from the combination of the lack of surprise that this was the inevitable culmination of where Donald Trump had been leading the Republican Party for five years mixed with the utter disgust of seeing the visuals (particularly the Confederate flag being waved in the Capitol of the United State of America) but I'll try: burning anger, profound sadness, utter disgust. Here we are five days later and the shock of something that was so predictable is still surreal, the pain is still acute. Last time I checked this was America and insurrection is not something we are supposed to experience. I'm mean, Friends 20/20 is a blog series about a 90s/2000s sitcom, it's supposed to be fun, goofy, light-hearted, trivial but nevertheless since this blog series is also supposed to be topical, here I am writing about the same type of hate and horror that my father fought against in World War II except this time, that hate and hour is festering inside of our own country. I thought that the election of Joe Biden would allow me to steer this blog series back away from being a political vehicle to resist the absolute carnage that the Trump presidency has wielded on our democratic norms but, sadly, I guess charting that happier, more scenic course is still going to have to wait a bit longer. This is unbelievable.It would be easy to discount the perpetrators of Wednesday's insurrection as a fringe, extremist element that does not reflect the values of most of Donald Trump's voters. The last thing I want to say on this before we chalk this week's post up as an L and attempt to regroup during the break (we are off for the rest of the month until February 1st and I must say, given that Wednesday might have been the most traumatic day in America since September 11th, 2001...I'm going to greatly appreciate the time off to process this and reflect) is that the word that rang inside my head the most on Wednesday is complicity. WE HAVE KNOWN WHO donald trump IS ALL ALONG AND THERE IS NOT BEEN ONE ACCEPTABLE RATIONALIZATION FOR SUPPORTING HIM SINCE THE DAY HE ANNOUNCED HIS BID FOR THE WHITE HOUSE IN 2015. Sure, the insurrectionists are absolutely individually responsible for their actions on Wednesday but Senator Josh Hawley is complicit in the insurrection. Senator Ted Cruz is complicit in the insurrection. Senator Mitch McConnell, Senator Lindsay Graham, Representative Kevin McCarthy, every Republican elected official (including Liz Chaney and those that had the decency to at least turn on Trump in the eleventh hour) are all complicit. Guess what? IF YOU VOTED FOR donald trump IN 2020 YOU ARE COMPLICIT TOO. Even if you're a regular reader of theLeftAhead, sorry...if you voted for Trump in 2020, you're complicit. Own it. Sure, this is a time for healing and bringing the country together under Joe Biden's leadership but not without accountability. Accountability is paramount to ensuring that we don't see a repeat of this ever again in our beautiful country's future. 74,223,744 Americans are complicit in insurrection against our democracy and have some serious reflecting to do in order to walk themselves back to rejoining the rest of us in sharing the American value of decency again. I hope you all start getting to work. Lastly, big ups to Eugene Goodman, the Capitol Police officer who steered insurrectionists away from the Senate chamber where Vice President Pence and Senators were before they were evacuated. Officer Goodman's bravery and his ability to react under pressure during a crisis likely saved lives and is to be admired. Thank you, Officer Goodman. That's it. That's all I want to say today. See you in February. Peace.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe battles her smoke detector, Rachel battles Tag over who dropped the ball with the mailing to Milan, Ross battles Joey on who is going to risk their life to get down from the roof, Chandler battles Monica on who can keep the other up when they are the one who can’t fall asleep, and the last time I checked this was still America.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler are cuddling in bed after sleeping together in the wee hours of the morning on the night where they kept each other up all night. Monica says, "That really was some of your best work." Chandler responds, "Hm, hmm, I told you!" [The Knockout] Chandler then looks at the clock before firing off this juicy little classic Channy quip, "I can’t believe that I’ve only got two hours before I call in sick for work."
The Rossatron
Friends S7:E11 - Happy new year, Friendsters! Today, with this first post in the January following that rotten, no good, very bad Year 2020, I thought what better way to start off this amazing, cleansing chance we've been given for a fresh start than with a nice, piping slice of Friends 20/20 fiction. What do you think, class? Hearing no objections, let us begin and it goes a little something like this:
Once upon a time the kingdom of Centralperk was thrust into crisis when an unruly gang called The Dessert Stealers rode in from the northern hamlet of White Plains to storm the castle. The leader of the Dessert Stealer gang, an evil wizard called Big Daddy, was hellbent on conquering Centralperk and wasn't above resorting to dark magic to achieve his objective. Ironically, Big Daddy was the twin brother of another prominent wizard, Gandalf, but the two brothers had had a falling out at Wizardry College when Big Daddy became jealous of Gandalf's popularity. You see, Gandalf had a reputation for being the funnest wizard to party with in all of the land and was selected to rush Phi Cappa Cauldron, the most prestigious fraternity at Wizardry College. Meanwhile, Big Daddy (who entered college as Krandalf, a socially awkward Wizard) was not selected to rush a frat. Enraged with jealousy of his twin brother's social status, Krandalf stole Gandalf's book of spells and used it to both transform himself from the socially awkward Krandalf to the smooth-talking Casanova Big Daddy (as he rebranded himself) and to banish Gandalf from the kingdom of Centralperk for all of time. Having just ridden into Centralperk with his gang the Dessert Stealers, Big Daddy knew the key to his plan for conquering the kingdom was to disrupt the nuptials of Princess Regina to the renowned inventor, David the Scientist Guy. He knew that executing his plan prior to the wedding was key because once Princess Regina and David the Scientist Guy were married, David was planning to invent and build an impenetrable security system for the castle that would ensure peace and prosperity in Centralperk for generations to come. Riding in from White Plains to disrupt the nuptials on Princess Regina's wedding day, Big Daddy and the Dessert Stealers executed their plan by luring Princess Regina to a dungeon that they tricked her into believing was the beauty salon where she had booked an appointment to get her hair and nails done for the wedding. Once the Dessert Stealers had captured Princess Regina, Big Daddy cast a spell on her that transformed her to a hideous creature called Broad Back. The key to the plan wasn't to repulse David the Scientist Guy (who would have still happily married his bride as Broad Back knowing it was really still Princess Regina on the inside) but rather trap Broad Back in the dungeon for all of time because her back was indeed so broad, she couldn't fit through the dungeon door to escape. With the wedding delayed and the kingdom likely at risk to fall to Big Daddy as the new ruler, David the Scientist Guy called on the only hope left to restore order...he summoned the might warrior known as The Rossatron. The Rossatron was the most powerful knight in the entire known world and his reputation as a super hero was known from one edge of the world to the other. It is not known whether The Rossatron jumped on his white horse and galloped into Centralperk or if he simply put on a cape and flew in himself (for expediency, of course) but regardless, minutes before Big Daddy was officially going to seize the thrown, The Rossatron burst into the castle and defeated Big Daddy in a duel during the notorious battle that would later come to be know as The Stand at Purple Point (The Rossatron also fought off and defeated the rest of The Dessert Stealers). Once the Rossatron had defeated Big Daddy and the Dessert Stealers, he forced Big Daddy to reverse the spell allowing Broad Back to transform back to Princess Regina. With Big Daddy and the Dessert Stealers looking on from the stalks nearby, Princess Regina married David the Scientist Guy and The Rossatron even had the generosity to stick around and officiate. David the Scientist Guy invented his security system for the castle upon returning from his and Princess Regina's honeymoon and the kingdom of Centralperk indeed was able to enjoy peace and prosperity for generations to come. One more thing I forgot to mention. The Rossatron also just so happened to attend Wizardy College way back when. In fact, he and his roommate Chandy were also members of the Phi Kappa Cauldron fraternity and great friends with Gandalf. When The Rossatron defeated Big Daddy at The Stand at Purple Point and forced him to reverse the spell on Broad Back, he also secretly (while no one else was looking) forced Big Daddy to reverse the spell banning his brother, Gandalf from the Kingdom of Centralperk. Therefore, once that spell was also lifted, Gandalf was able to return to Centralperk in order to PARTY with The Rossatron and Chandy. They PARTIED dude. It was epic. In fact, it was so epic that everyone (except Big Daddy and The Dessert Stealers) lived happily ever after. The End. Happy New Year, y'all!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica forces Ross to make her his "plus one" for their cousin Frannie's wedding (because she wasn't invited), Chandler and Rachel live outside of the law by repeatedly eating cheesecakes intended for Mrs. Braverman downstairs, Phoebe makes Joey feel guilty for standing her up to go on a date, Joey in return makes Phoebe feel guilty for rushing through dinner with him so that she can go on a date with David the Scientist Guy while he is only in town for one night, and apparently the kisses on the lips from Aunt Millie just so happens to be the kryptonite for our super hero, The Rossatron.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is sitting at his and Monica's kitchen table eating cheese cake alone when Rachel comes in the apartment. She says, "hi" while Chandler immediately invites her over, responding with, "Hey, you have got to try this cheesecake." Rachel resists, explaining, "Oh, ya know I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I..." Before she can finish, Chandler sticks his fork with a bite of cheesecake in her mouth. After tasting it, Rachel changes her tune exclaiming, "Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God, this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this?" As Rachel is looking at the cheese cake box, Chandler sheepishly answers, "It was at the front door. When I got home. Somebody sent it to us." Seeing the address on the box, Rachel has Chandler caught in the lie and lets him know by saying, "Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman downstairs." Shocked, she continues by calling Chandler, "Thief!" Doing his best to rationalize his behavior, Chandler explains, "I...no! I didn't read the box before I opened it. And you can't return a box after you've opened the box." Rachel asks, "Why, why not?" [The Knockout] Attempting to make up for the obvious and serious character flaws in question with some quippy charm, Chandler answers, "Because it's too delicious."
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The Sanctity of the Written Word
Friends S7:E7 - Hey there, sports fans. Now that we've gotten past all of that election craziness, I thought it might be nice to take a week off from politics. How does that sound, class? Okay, cool. Since we've established that today's post will be a politics-free zone, what is one thing that allows you to take your mind off the craziness of the political moment that we're in? For me, why it's sports of course. In fact, combining sports with the sanctity of the written word" happens to be one of our specialties here at theLeftAhead. That being the case, today's episode got me thinking how crazy it is that the Subway Series between the New York Yankees and New York Mets was more than twenty years ago. We know this because Joey and Erin argue about it while they're dating (Joey is a Yankees fan and Erin is a Mets fan). Aside from it being lame how the Yanks were "buying" championships in the late 90's and early aughts, this is just tripping me out because I that time like it was yesterday so the fact that it was twenty years ago is really making me feel old. Way to go, sports. You've managed to find something to make me as anxious as thinking about politics would. Nice going.
Okay, since my original line of thinking for this post just blew up in my very own face, maybe we should shift gears and talk about how hilarious it is that the Paleontology section of the library on Ross's university is the make out spot on campus. I really appreciate how much this bugs Ross that people are "rolling around" in front of his book. The fact that Joey (the last person you would expect to know the layout of a library) knows how to describe where it is from personal experience is pretty freaking funny. Monica and Chandler popping in at the end of the episode to try it out is also a nice touch of humor. The funniest part of all, though, is of course when Ross and a woman who read his book get busted themselves after Ross had made such a fuss about defending the "sanctity of the written word." Simply epic.
The Rachel and Phoebe playing matchmaker for Joey plot line and the Monica and Chandler dealing with Janice inviting herself (and Clark too) to there wedding both contribute to make this a well-rounded fun and funny episode. One thing that stands out to me as relatable during the Rachel and Phoebe matchmakers extraordinaire experiment is when Rachel tries to impress Joey that Erin drank two beers at lunch and Joey's first thought is to ask angrily if it were two of his beers that Erin drank. That one backfired on Rachel just as it would on anyone who tried to impress me by informing me that someone has drunk two of my beers upon returning home. (Kenny doesn't share beer!) This episode is also the first time that Monica and Chandler have to go to the "Chandler still has feelings for you, Janice" well but it certainly isn't the last (foreshadowing is fun). Finally, who in the hell is the guy standing in Monica and Chandler's kitchen when Janice is over informing them that she's spending the night? How's about you chew on that this week, class? Let me know what you come up with when we reconvene next week. Until then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross discovers that people are fornicating in front of his doctoral dissertation in the Paleontology section of "the biggest library in the university," Joey asks Rachel to tell Erin (a woman he hooked up with at their apartment) that he's not looking for a serious relationship, Monica runs into Janice while Janice is eating at her restaurant and is forced to inform Janice that she and Chandler are engaged, Phoebe and Rachel convince Joey to give Erin a second chance and then have to make him pancakes after Joey falls for Erin but Erin decides she's no longer into Joey, Chandler has to pretend that he still has feelings for Janice when Monica determines it's best way to get Janice to not spend the night at her and Chandler's apartment and also not attend their wedding, and Ross gets busted fornicating with a woman who read his book while guarding the sanctity of the written word.
Gandalf Gaffes - Super short and sweet Gandy (should we make that a thing or nah?) to document in this episode. When Ross is talking to the woman who read his book while he's defending the sanctity of the written word, she comments that he looks so young (compared to how she pictured him while reading his dissertation). Ross responds by informing her that he skipped fourth grade. We know two previously established facts that make this impossible: 1) Ross is "Monica's geeky older brother" (Pilot: S1:E1) and 2) Monica was a senior in high school when Ross was a freshman in college. He tells this to Elizabeth's dad to explain away how Elizabeth's dad thought it was creepy that he took a high school girl to prom when he was a college student (S6:E21). Since the first fact establishes that Monica and Ross are not twins and the second fact establishes that they were only one grade apart, it is impossible that Ross skipped fourth grade. I'm gonna rule this as a level one infraction since it's entirely plausible that Ross just made that up as a lie on the spot to impress the woman who read his book.
Gandalf Gaffe #27: Ross tells a woman who read his dissertation that he looks young because he skipped fourth grade. However, Ross is Monica's older brother and was one grade ahead of her when they were in school so the idea that he skipped fourth grade would only be possible if Monica and Ross were twins which they are not.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler are home after work when Monica informs Chandler that she ran into Janice at her restaurant. Chandler immediately begins to try to comfort Monica, saying, "Oh...My...God! I am so sorry sweetie, are you okay? You didn’t tell her we were getting married, did you?" Monica answers, "Well, she saw the ring." Chandler continues getting up to speed by asking, "Did she freak out?" Monica reports, "Well, she was shocked when I told her, but then again so were most people." Chandler agrees in a self-deprecating way saying, "Right." Monica continues sharing her traumatic experience of getting caught up with Janice by saying, "Well, she actually has a boyfriend, ya know...herself, named Clark. Uh, she also kinda invited herself to our wedding. Clark too." Alarmed, Chandler asks, "You said no, right?" Not knowing how to admit that she said yes, Monica plays dumb with a "huh?" Even more concerned, Chandler restates his question with "You said no, right?" Monica defensively explains, "Well, she cornered me! She asked if the wedding was in town! I mean, what was I supposed to do?" Needing no time to mull the question, Chandler emphatically answers, "Lie!!! How hard is that? The check’s in the mail! Oh your baby is so cute! [The Knockout] In order to hammer home his point with a mic drop, Chandler reaches into his bag (bag-o-quips, that is) and pulls at the Ross card with, " I can’t wait to read your book, Ross!!"
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Elephants Never Forget
Friends S7:E6 - Friendinistas, I am so pleased to report that as we gather here today in Week 199 of The Resistance, the nightmare is finally drawing to a close. We are being stirred awake by the radiant warmth of the first alpenglow rays of light from dawn's palette. Soon it will be morning again in America. We did it! On Saturday morning, three and a half days after the polls closed on Election Night 2020, Joe Biden was elected the 46th President of the United States of America and Kamala Harris was elected the first female, black, and asian American Vice President of the United States of America. Consequentially, Donald Trump, the immoral president in American history and his super fly vice president, Mike Pence, will be vacating the White House in 72 days. Yo...guess what, y'all? We just made it passed 45!!! In our bitterly divided America, Election 2020 was alarmingly close. Joe Biden will ultimately win the Electoral College handily and leads the popular vote by nearly five million votes (to date) but his margins in several key battle ground states are razor thin. There is no doubt that a racist, immoral, self-consumed born rich conman was very realistically within striking distance of threading the Electoral College needle to reelection. That is a scary, scary thought. Nevertheless, a win is a win is a win. Thankfully, the progressive working people's movement came out in force to drag the corporate Democratic establishment across the finish line so that the non-deal-with-the-devil-making American public can collectively breathe a sigh of relief. Don't worry, those of us in the progressive working people's movement are not expecting a thank you from the Democratic Establishment (I think they already misdirected that towards The Lincoln Project). We know one is not forthcoming. We, instead, can bask in the reverence of the history that was made on Saturday to elect the first female, black, and asian Vice President (reflected in today's wonderful headline image created by artist Bria Goeller) to move us one step closer to perfecting our Union.I know a lot of the President's supporters (who are our fellow Americans) are hurting today and so (as tempting as it is) I won't do any extending gloating. We need to be preparing to reach out to white working class voters and try to share with them a vision of why the union movement can deliver for them economically in ways President Trump, despite his promises, never did. Extended gloating right now would only make it harder to get through to those Americans when it's time to have those conversations. Having said that, I will also say this to the elected officials inside the Republican Party and the former and current appointed officials in the Trump Administration (who have been in a transactional relationship with Donald Trump for the past four and a half years because they have chosen to put their own pursuit of power and political interests ahead of the good of the country and the American people)...remember how the American people came out in record numbers on Tuesday to repudiate your immoral alliance and your despicable behavior; remember it for the rest of your historically tainted lives. Much like Ross and Joey's plutonic and nonsexual yet still obviously inappropriate nap arrangement, you knew what you were doing was wrong. Your integrity is forever lost and when this chapter enters our country's historical record, you will be judged harshly forever for you inappropriate and immoral alliance with Donald Trump. Over the last four and a half years, you were elephants first and Americans second. You are a disgrace. We will not let you forget that. And also don't forget the ice cold repudiation of everything you've compromised that came with the announcement on Saturday that Joe Biden has won the 2020 presidential election. We will not let you forget that either and we will not stand for a return to obstructionism in the coming four years. Don't ever forget, retched elephants, you sold your souls to Donald Trump in pursuit of power and now you have to live the rest of your lives rotting in that tarnish. Elephants, never forget.Finally, for anyone who has noticed things being a little bit difference here at theLeftAhead in 2020 (specifically since the pandemic hit in March), you deserve an explanation. I think the best way to put it is to quote our Editor-In-Chief, Ted James, when he said in his recent Election 2020 post, time is an illusion. Loyal Friends 20/20 readers, your homework is to chew on that until we reconvene again "next week." Until then...be best.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Joey fall asleep on the couch together watching Die Hard, Monica devises a scheme for her, Phoebe, and Rachel to rotate being Maid of Honor for each other but for her not to have to choose her own Maid of Honor by making Phoebe and Rachel decide, Chandler is forced by Monica to face his camp girlfriend, Julie Grath and apologize for breaking up with her for gaining weight, Phoebe and Rachel's decision devolves into a contest that is judged by Ross and and Joey, and all of the judging wears Ross and Joey out seducing them to recreate the greatest nap ever but unfortunately for them, much like a group of Republicans holding a Saturday press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping on the outskirts of Philadelphia, Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Phoebe some how wonder over and, as we all know, elephants never forget.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica arrives home from brunch and informs Chandler about a weird encounter during the meal, recalling, "Yeah hey, a weird thing happened today when I was at brunch. This woman overheard that I was marrying you and-and then she...she wished me good luck." Not sensing the tone, Chandler replies, "That’s sweet." Making a second attempt, Monica emphasizes the sarcasm with, "No, it’s more like...GOOD LUCK." Now intrigued by the mystery, Chandler asks, "So uh, what did this woman look like?" Monica briefs him with, "She was like 30, dark hair, attractive." Warming up his quip-tastic vocal cords for the aria to come, Chandler asks, "Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?" Monica, not amused, brushes past by questioning, "Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?" Chandler responds, "No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive. Hold on one second; let me check this out." As Chandler gets up to grab a photo album Monica asks, "What are you doing?" After bringing the album over, opening it, and pointing to a specific photo, Chandler asks, "Well, let’s see. Okay uh, is that her?" Astonished, Monica proclaims, "Oh my God yes! Who is she?" Seemingly pleased with his ability to identify the person in question quickly, Chandler reports, "Julie Grath, my camp girlfriend." Lobbying the softest of softballs right up, hanging over the plate, Monica asks, "Did you break up with her?" [The Knockout] Chandler Bing, the Luciano Pavarotti of quippage, smashed that question over the right field fence, responding, "No, we’re still together."
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Grab a Spoon
Friends S1:E1 - Hi, my name is Ken Adams. I am a thirty-something writer with a plethora of trivial knowledge that I've been accumulating my entire life through an obsessive-compulsive dedication to pop culture. While this trivial knowledge has been of great benefit to me in the pursuit of beating my friends at board games over the years, it had not had much practical application in the real world as I had, until recently, been struggling to find employment as a writer. Luckily, theLeftAhead was looking for a pop culture writer and I was fortunate enough to Bob Benson my way into convincing them to give me a job. (Do you see what I did there with the Mad Men reference?) Anyway, among other things, I am a huge fan of the hit television show Friends. I have seen every episode of the series at least twenty times and I consider myself somewhat of an expert on any and all things related to the show's story and characters. Tonight, as my first assignment on my new job, I am embarking on a ten-year-long experiment. I will be blogging about Friends in real time...only exactly twenty years too late. Yes, today just so happens to be the 20th anniversary of the pilot episode's original broadcast. So tonight, I will blog about the pilot and then I will subsequently present a blog post for each episode of the series on the 20th anniversary of each episode's original broadcast. If you're doing the math in your heads out there, kids, that's right...I have just committed myself to a project that will require me to write 236 blog posts, each on a specific day, and that will not conclude until May 6th, 2024. It's true...I really am that crazy and I really do love Friends that much. On the bright side, perhaps this stunt will land me some job security.
The original idea for creating this blog series came to my wife and me a few years ago as we were binge watching episodes of the series on DVD for the umpteenth time. We noticed that the writers of Friends indulged in a great many inconsistencies in their storytelling of the series. In fact, the show was chock-full of contradictions during its ten years on the air. To give you an example of what I mean, it is established in the pilot episode that Rachel meets Chandler for the first time when she bursts into Central Perk in her wedding dress looking to find Monica. However, later in the series, the writers create layers upon layers of a backstory in which Rachel had a preexisting relationship with Chandler dating back to when she was in high school. Yep, the Friends writers were wizards at magically revising the history of their own characters. In fact, while writing inconsistent character backstories is pretty common in the sitcom genre, Friends may very well be the Mike "Gandalf" Ganderson of this particular magic revisionism. So from now on, anytime I report an inconsistency in the storytelling of the series I will refer to the transgression as a Gandalf Gaffe and my intention is to curate every single last one of them, episode by episode; pilot to finale. Let me be clear, my pursuit of this undertaking is not to criticize the show or its writers. I love this show and I believe that it is one of the best-written sitcoms of all-time. The show has aged remarkably well and even though I continue to watch episodes over and over again, now 20 years later, they do not feel dated. That is an incredible testament to the quality of the writing on Friends. On the contrary, my motivation for curating these inconsistencies is to challenge the depths of my Friends acumen and perhaps provide a fun, new perspective through which readers can stay engaged in the show over the next ten years. My wife and I have found ourselves both returning to old episodes of Friends more regularly and also receiving greater enjoyment from these viewings by challenging ourselves to try and spot a Gandalf Gaffe in each episode that we have never spotted before. We have found it surprisingly fun to play the game while watching the show so it is my hope that you might as well. Without further ado, I give you my pilot post of theLeftAhead Friends blog series. Happy anniversary, friends. See you for the next ten years.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - So this is the one where Rachel leaves her fiancé at the alter, Carol moves out of her and Ross' apartment after ending their marriage because she is a lesbian, Monica dates Paul the Wine Guy (who concocts a wounded animal story to trick Monica into sleeping with him on the first date), Chandler psycho-analyzes his bizarre dreams, Joey can't figure out which woman he's taking on a date among the many he is seeing, Phoebe sings in the subway, and finally Ross and Rachel establish a spark when Ross decides to grab a spoon.
Gandalf Gaffes - In order to play this Gandalf Gaffe game, we must first begin in a world with established truths. Since the pilot episode is our starting place, each representation of the Friends characters in the pilot establishes their truth. In other words, for our purposes, the pilot episode is our gospel. While the pilot obviously does not establish the entire history of each character up until the point in time that it takes place, it is our starting point, therefore it cannot possess contradictions (Gandalf Gaffes). According to this philosophy for the game, the pilot is pure and free of sin, therefore I do not have any Gandalf Gaffes to report tonight. Our game, however, will play out chronologically from episode to episode with each new development adding to the established truths of our world unless it violates a previously established truth. When a new development contradicts something that was previously established as true in an earlier episode chronologically, then the new development is the Gandalf Gaffe and will be documented in this section of my post for the episode in which it occurs. When it's all said and done on May 6th, 2024...I hope to have caught and documented every single possible Gandalf Gaffe, no matter how large or how small. Game on.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Part way through the episode, the guys are over at Ross' apartment putting together Ross' new furniture to replace all the furniture that Carol took when she left Ross. Joey is trying to cheer Ross up by refuting his theory that there is just one woman for everyone. Joey compares women to flavors of ice cream to convince Ross that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so to speak, and encourages him to "grab a spoon." Ross responds, "I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny." [The Knockout] Chandler quickly pounces, "Stay out of my freezer."#TheChickAndTheDuck
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