Thread the Needle
Season 3, Episode 8
Friends S3:E8 - God, it was awful. Like many Americans, it was one of the most disturbing nights of my life. It just felt so violating. Not because conservatism was upsetting progressivism. As unfortunate as the political ramifications are, I've lived through tough election beats before. They hurt, for sure, but nothing like this. This was violating on a much deeper level. Because this election, at his core, had become a referendum on decency, there was a feeling of utter disgust upon realizing that maleficence could win out. And that was the worst part. When the outcome was still unknown. The uncertainty early in the night on Tuesday was unbearable. It was beyond gut wrenching during those hours after racism had stormed to an early lead. You know, when we knew but at the same time, we didn't yet know. Those hours were horrible, watching and praying as it become more and more improbable, but holding out hope against all logic that somehow Hillary Clinton was going to thread the needle and stage a massive comeback in Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan on behalf decency in America. It didn't happen and like every other decent American, I was crushed that a sexual predator became our President-elect. Look, I'm not going to lie. We are on day six of Trump'sAmerica. I'm still grieving and heartbroken. Before it became clear on Tuesday night that we were experiencing one of the biggest political upsets in American history, I assumed that I would do a full post-election analyses today and be able to put a nice little bow on politics for the foreseeable future. I was looking forward to returning to the people's work of deconstructing 20 year old episodes of Friends. Given the circumstances, I'm not emotionally or intellectually able to do that yet, so forgive me...but we may need to return to politics one more time before we take our winter break. Ted James, theLeftAhead Editor-in-chief asked me to also relay to readers that he intends to write his own postmortem piece on the election of Donald Trump before the end of 2016. We should all be looking forward to that (no sarcasm intended, despite all of our lampooning of one another...in all seriousness, Ted is an excellent political thinker and writer). Finally, for those of you who were wondering if I would even return to write the column this week because of the joke I made last Monday indicating that if Trump won the election, the Friends 20/20 blog series would be cancelled because there would be much more urgency in theLeftAhead offices to write about things of far greater importance than dissecting 20 year old sitcom episodes, let me assuage your fears. I've given it a lot of thought this week and the conclusion that I've reached is that hate won the battle on Tuesday but if we give in out of fear and start reorganizing our affairs in response, then we are allowing hate to win the war. It boggles my mind that I'm about to evoke George W. Bush, but I'm about to evoke George W. Bush. To paraphrase, he argued that if Americans stopped living our lives after 9/11, the terrorists win. Similarly, if we stop living our lives now that somebody as deplorable (pun intended) and dangerous as Donald J. Trump has been elected President of the United States of America, hate wins. Therefore, the Friends 20/20 blog series continues! Plus, given the flexibility that I have to speak on current events in this column, I can continue to use this platform as a bully pulpit to voice my opposition to everything that a Trump presidency represents. The resistance is already underway. Hallelujah. On that note, ladies and gentlemen...Kate McKinnon. See you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is scared to go to the dentist because every time she goes someone she knows dies, Joey informs Chandler that he saw Janice making out with her soon-to-be ex-husband, Ross trusts Rachel to babysit Ben because he knows Monica will also be home but Monica ends up banging Ben's head on a wooden ceiling beam, Rachel and Monica try to hide Ben's injury by dressing him up in a Rainy Day Bear's rain suit, Chandler decides to break up with Janice to give her a chance to make her family work, and Joey, Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe use a giant poking device to thread the needle through an open window across the street and poke Ugly Naked Guy as he lay dormant to make sure Phoebe didn't kill him by going to the dentist.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Towards the end of the episode, Phoebe concludes that the curse of someone dying when she goes to the dentist has been broken after she calls everyone she knows. Joey immediately looks out the window across the street and notices that Ugly Naked Guy is laying dormant with the window open. Phoebe becomes worried that he is dead because of her curse so Joey organizes the group to fashion a giant poking device to see if he's alive. Joey, Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, and Monica proceed to thread the needle of getting their giant poking device across the street and through Ugly Naked Guys window. Once they start poking him, he starts stirring which gives the gang the relief of knowing that he wasn't dead but rather in deep hibernation.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe are over at Monica and Rachel's apartment hanging out with Rachel. Rachel hands Phoebe a brownie and offers one to Chandler and Ross. Chandler and Ross both accept and take a brownie but then see Phoebe groan and spit hers out. Chandler responds to this by saying, "Okay, I'm not going to have one." In turn, Ross chimes in, "Neither will I" and they both put their brownies back on the plate. Seeing this, Phoebe reports, "No, no. It's just my tooth." Hearing this, Chandler changes his mind and says, "Alright, I'll have one." Both Ross and he re-grab a brownie from the plate. Ross then asks Phoebe, "So what’s a matter, you need a dentist? I’ve got a good one." Phoebe responds, "No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can’t see him." [The Knockout] Laying the snark on so thick, he could have used it to butter toast, Chandler observes, "See that is the problem with invisible dentists."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Quartz
Headline Image Source: Heavy.com
Mr. Big Shot
Season 3, Episode 7
Friends S3:E7 - Okay, boys and girls. Here we are less than 24 hours away from Election Day in the United States of America. Today we will either be writing post number 53 in our 236 part Friends 20/20 blog series, or, if Donald Trump gets elected tomorrow, we will be writing post number 53 in our 53 part Oh Shit, Writing About a 20 Year Old Sitcom Doesn't Matter Anymore Because the World Might Come To An End At Any Moment blog series. Clearly, anyone who has been following along with this column already knows how I feel. I'm no fan of Secretary Clinton but her opponent is the most unqualified and dangerous major party nominee in the history of the United States of America. That's right, boys and girls. We have a real Mr. Big Shot running for president. And not the good 'Chauncey Billups draining a clutch jumper to win a playoff game' kind of Mr. Big Shot but the bad 'Donald Trump crass, self-centered, narcissistic sociopath' kind of Mr. Big Shot. Unfortunately for us, the type of Mr. Big Shot and the actual person running for president are one and the same. Even if we set aside the fact that he is too temperamental to be trusted with the nuclear codes and that suffering through even four more years with a climate denier in charge of our government could have catastrophic consequences, how can we conform Donald Trump's behavior during the campaign to the dignity that the office of the presidency requires for America's children? We all know the laundry list of vulnerable populations in our society as well as individuals that this man has insulted over the past 18 months. Therefore, there is no need for me to rehash this very long and painful laundry list. My question remains, though, how can we possible tell our children that it's not okay to be a bully after they've witnessed a bully getting rewarded by being elected President of the United States? Forget liberal vs. conservative, establishment vs. populism, and everything else that the media has told us this decision was supposed to be about. Our election tomorrow has now become a referendum on decency in the United States of American. I can only pray that indecency does not win the day. And that's all I really want to say about the election. I'll admit, though, it's really hard to focus on writing a pop culture column today. For whatever reason, I'm really nervous about this election and I just want if finally to all be over (assuming that Secretary Clinton wins). I'm sure that reading my in depth analyses about all of tomfoolery that Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey got themselves into 20 years ago today is probably very low on your list of priorities as well. That being the case, I'll close my opening remarks by sharing the behind the scenes footage from an Access Hollywood tape of Donald Trump that we all know but should also all watch one more time before we vote. If there is any decency left in our country, this should be an automatic disqualification for the presidency. Do not elect this man as your president, America.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross can't get along with Rachel's dad, Joey starts teaching soap opera acting at a local community college, Chandler call Janice's soon-to-be ex-husband a wank when they see he is using the divorce to sell mattresses on his television commercials, (after seeing the sales offers in the commercial) Monica shops for a new mattress at the Mattress King and ends up with a race car bed when Phoebe signs her name to approve delivery, and Ross goes from Mr. Big Shot to bonding with Rachel's dad over making fun of Bobby Bobby (her chiropractor).
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is alone in Monica's room sitting on her race car bed and fantasizing about driving a real car out in traffic. Perfectly content to be lost in his own little daydream, Chandler mimics the noises that his car would make and then yells out to an imaginary fellow commuter, "Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom!" He goes on to mimic the sound of his tires screeching as he comes to a stop and looks over to apparently see an attractive women. He yells out, "Hey-hey good lookin’!" and proceeds to honk the bed's horn in approval. As he puts his imaginary car back in gear, yelling, "Varrrrrrrrroom" some more, he notices that Rachel has walked into Monica's room and his observing his behavior with a stone-faced look. He acknowledges her presence and says, "Alright, I'll leave." [The Knockout] As he gets up from the bed and begins to leave the room, Chandler informs Rachel, "My bed’s so boring."
Amazing Discoveries
Season 3, Episode 4
Friends S3:E4 - "There's got to be a better way!" Turning to my Amazing Discoveries co-host, "Wow. That's really profound and topical, Kevin. After watching that debate last night, I think you're flingin'-flangin' right." Hey there, everybody. Have you caught your breath from witnessing Donald Trump's attempt to drag the entire country through the mud last night? Speaking of amazing discoveries, Trump's Access Hollywood video, tho. Now that's what I call an October surprise. On second thought, strike that. Is Trump bragging about he can get away with sexually assaulting women because he's a celebrity really an amazing discovery? Isn't that really par for the course at this point? I mean wouldn't the real October surprise have been if a tape like this hadn't been leaked less than 30 days before the election? Are you really going to watch the way this bumbling bully lurked over Secretary Clinton's shoulder as she was addressing voters last night during the debate and still try to convince me that America's most famous racist narcissist doesn't also have a penchant for chauvinism? Regardless of whether Trump's offensive tape was an amazing discovery or simply par for the course for the least qualified presidential candidate in American history, I'm glad it's out there and working to diminish his chances of winning the election. Of course Trump's reaction to the latest scandal was predictably to try and pull Bill and Hillary Clinton down in the gutter with him in by deploying a scorched earth strategy. He may have effectively rallied his base with that strategy, but I think for most reasonable Americans...the damage is done. It should be crystal clear by now that this is not a hard choice. Bottom line: voting for Donald Trump is flat out irresponsible. Anybody who thinks about this election rationally and soberly understands that Hillary Clinton is the only choice.
That being said, I think Democrats are on shaking ground trying to present Hillary Clinton as the moral authority in this race. There is no question that she and Former President Clinton have also had moral shortcomings in their careers and it is because of those moral shortcoming that the "vast right-wing conspiracy" is able to generate the fuel it needs to allow Donald Trump to hang around and still have an outside shot at becoming President of the United States. If the Democratic Party wanted to be the moral authority in this election in order to obliterate Trump's candidacy (and take back the Senate, the House, and a few state houses in the process) there was a candidate in the race we could have nominated. That candidate was Bernie Sanders. Can you imagine how differently the second debate would have gone if Trump was going up against Bernie Sanders' moral leadership instead of being able to grab on to the Clinton's shortcomings and drag them down in the gutter with him? The Republican establishment has a lot of soul searching to do for allowing someone as utterly unacceptable as Donald Trump to become their party's nominee but the Democratic establishment has a lot of soul searching to do as well for insisting on running a flawed candidate against him and subsequently tipping the scales in the primary to ensure their desired outcome. The sky would have been the limit on the amount of progressive change we could have ushered in in the first 100 days of a Bernie Sanders presidency if his political revolution had been given the opportunity to clean Trump's clock and wipe out Republican majorities up and down the ballot. Bernie's new age New Deal governing could have made a real difference in the lives of working families and perhaps given us one last crack at doing something meaningful to address climate change before it's too late. Sadly, this vision for a new era of progressivism is just conjecture. Sure, I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because she is the only responsible choice. At the same time, I will never forgive the Democratic establishment for tipping the scales in the 2016 primaries and squandering a once in a generation opportunity (putting us at risk of a Trump presidency in the process). And I will never forget.On that note, let's talk Friends for a hot second, shall we? In today's episode, Chandler dives head first into powering through the metaphorical commitment tunnel and comes out the other side taking a smothering approach to dating Janice while Ross struggles with a dangerous gender stereotype in his approach to parenting when he decides that he's uncomfortable with Barbie being Ben's favorite toy. Phoebe pretends to be Joey's agent and Janice surprises Monica and Rachel by not getting scared away by Chandler's clinging behavior. All of that pales in comparison, however, to when Monica brilliantly steals the show by outing Ross's cross-dressing childhood. Not only do we discover that Ross dressed in his mother's clothes as a child to throw tea parties in the backyard, but on top of that...he asked his family to call him Bea. Finally, the cherry on top was Monica revealing that there was even a song that went a little something like...
I am Bea.I drink tea.Won't you dance around with me?
Oh man, my Friends heart is filled with joy after reliving that classic Ross moment. If this election has got you worried, stressed, or angry just remember to pull out your metaphorical Milk Master 2000, think about Ross hosting tea parties as his alter ego, Bea and then tell yourself, "Now I can have milk every day!" Until next week...stay thirsty, my fans of Friends.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler goes all Chandler and gives in to his fear of commitment but then allows Monica and Rachel to convince him to overcompensate and scare Janice away, Ross has trouble adjusting to the news that Barbie is Ben's favorite toy, Phoebe forgets to give Joey a message about an audition and then pretends to be his agent to make up for it, and (despite his obsessive behavior) Janice still calls Chandler back which is an amazing discovery for Monica and Rachel because in their experience...a man would never call back if they had acted in a relationship the way Chandler had with Janice.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Rachel is at her place with Ross and notices (while walking by with a laundry basket) that Ugly Naked Guy is still naked but that his dog is wearing a sweater.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel and Monica are across the hall consoling Chandler for freaking out Janice and ruining his relationship with her. They had just determined that the situation was critical enough to go and grab the good ice cream for Chandler when the phone rings. Chandler answers and realizes that it is Janice. He asks her, "Can you hold on a second?" He then turns to Monica and Rachel and asks, "What do I do?" Rachel quickly answers, "I don't know what to do. This is totally unprecedented." Monica follows, "If we ever did what you did, a man would never call." Monica lights up and continues, "Oh wait, I've got it. I've got it. Pretend like you just woke up. Okay? That'll throw her off. Be sleepy." Rachel chimes in, "Yes! And grumpy." [The Knockout] Visibly annoyed, Chandler looks back and forth at Monica and Rachel and barks, "What are you--? Stop naming dwarfs."
Hold Me Close Young Tony Danza
Season 3, Episode 1
Friends S3:E1 - But oh how it feels so real lying here with no one near. Only you and you can hear me when I say softly...(pause)...slowly...(wait for it)...hold me close young Tony Danza. Count the headlights on the highway. YO! YO! YO! How the heck are you, my BFGFF's (Big Freindly Giant Friends Fans)? Can you believe it? After a long and relaxing summer break, we're finally back for the third installment of Friends 20/20. I can honestly say that I've really missed you guys. Sure, full disclosure, I had an incredible summer drifting from beach to beach; relaxing and soaking in rays for weeks on end with umbrella drinks never more than an arm's length away. It may be hard to believe, but alas...like all good things in life, my good people, eventually all of that relaxation played its course. I know, I know, poor pampered me. But it's true. Eventually I grew tired of endless pina coladas and bonfires, so I returned stateside a few weeks early (right before Labor Day weekend). I quickly realized, however, that foregoing a couple of extra weeks of moon parties was a mistake because over the past couple of weeks, I've been bored out of my gourd waiting for my beloved Mission: Impossible assignment to resume today. In fact, there are rumors swirling around the theLeftAhead office that I was so bored these past couple of weeks, I even resorted to binge watching episodes of Saved By the Bell on Netflix to pass the time. (Oh the humanity!) Those rumors will neither be confirmed or denied. Of course, soon after my return, Ted James (my editor) quickly pointed out that one way for me to pass the time would be for me to contribute some political commentary to our Election 2016 coverage (he's constantly reminding me that I was a Poli Sci major, afterall) or to finally follow through on my promise to write some non-Friends related pop culture content for the site. But sadly, I could not be convinced that 1,500 words on the second season of Mr. Robot was a better use of my time than reliving (for the dozenth time) the teen angst torture Zack Morris experienced while trying to outduel A.C. Slater for the affection of one Kelly Kapowski. Sure, things like keeping my word and being a team player at work are important to me but let's be reasonable...time reserved for binge watching SBTB is an important part of any healthy work-life balance. I mean, it's not as if I was blowing off an opportunity to add some much needed content to theLeftAhead in order to binge watch Good Morning, Miss Bliss or Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Let's keep it 💯. I was mainlining the hardest of the hardcore pique SBTB episodes directly into my bloodstream. You know, episodes like the one where Jessie Spano develops a pill popping addiction, or the one where Zack deals with the pitfalls of fame as the lead singer of Zack Attack, or the one where Screech stabs someone (perhaps I'm misremembering that last one). Anyway, as I was saying...reliving the quintessential years of SBTB is an important part of a healthy work-life balance. Of course, when Mr. James caught wind of the rumor that I was allegedly blowing off his suggestion to write a post about Mr. Robot in order to binge watch Saved by the Bell, he proposed that I write a post about Saved by the Bell instead since I'm watching it anyway. As he put it, "if you're hellbent on pissing away your last two Friendless weeks binging old Saved by the Bell episodes, the least you can do is let the site get some mileage out of your sloth." He's such a dick.
But enough about me. We've got a brand spanking new 20 year old episode of Friends to lightly touch upon (I mean, diligently dissect). When last we left our pals, Chandler had just gotten back together with Janice Litman [née Hosenstein] (his married ex-girlfriend) and Monica had just broken up with Magnum, P.I. (I mean Dr. Richard Burke). The story resumes seemingly just a few weeks later as we find that Chandler and Janice are still happily together and we also find that Monica is still in mourning over her and Richard's break up. These story lines continue playing out for the duration of the Season Three premiere but the most noteworthy anecdote from this week's episode comes when Ross has quite a revelation (when Rachel informs him of that women share with each other very intimate details about their romantic relationships) and decides to try sharing with Chandler. At first, it seems to be a good idea as Chandler quickly relates when Ross shares with him his Princess Leia fantasy. Things go south rather quickly, however, when Chandler subsequently shares that he pictures his own mother in his head sometimes while having sex (my man's got issues, yo). Hilarity ensues when the uncovering of this disturbing information later causes Ross to accidentally picture his own mom while trying to play out his Princess Leia fantasy with Rachel. Joey steals the show, however, after returning home from Joey and Janices Day of Fun when he tells Chandler that he and Janice had run into Ross at Central Perk and Ross had subsequently relayed what Chandler had shared with him. Joey consoles Chandler by telling him it happens to him too. When Chandler, feeling reassured, seeks confirmation by asking, "Really?" Joey responds, "Oh yeah. I always picture your mom while I'm having sex." Burn. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Speaking of burn, I've got burnt orange on my mind. No, not burnt orange like the Texas Longhorns (who blew a game to Cal that they should have won on Saturday). Yes, burnt orange like Donald Trump's hair and skin. You see where I'm going with this, right? I'd be remiss if I didn't follow up on commentary from our Season Two finale by giving my two cents regarding the current state of Election 2016 during our Season Three premiere. If you are a loyal reader of the blog series, you already to know that I was all in on feeling the bern last spring. Therefore, as you can probably guess, I'm sad to report that there are not chicks and ducks in the world again because Bernie Sanders is unfortunately not well on his way to the White House. Instead we have a General Election match up of Secretary Hillary Clinton vs. Megalomaniac Donald Trump. Damn, this sucks. Considering that this not only sucks but really, really sucks...I don't have a great deal to say at this point. (I'll save my next extended political rant for closer to the election.) Having said that I don't have a great deal to say, I will say this visa vie the following...as the race stands today, I'm planning to vote for Hillary Clinton (I am not, however, planning to endorse her candidacy). I will not attempt to persuade you to vote for or against Mrs. Clinton during our time together over the coming weeks. You won't get the, you must vote for Secretary Clinton because she is the lesser of two evils argument here. I personally have mixed feelings about whether a vote for Jill Stein is productive or counter-productive (we can explore this more in the forthcoming rant that I teased earlier). So no, I do not know if the you must vote for Secretary Clinton because she is the lesser of two evils argument boasts a sound moral foundation, but I do know one thing. No matter what you choose to do in this Saved by the Bell: The College Years crap-fest dumpster fire that is the 2016 General Election, please think very carefully about making sure that whatever you choose to do does not contribute to the election of Donald John Trump. If you need a reminder of why that would be such a future-jeopardizing disaster, just watch this. Finally (if you will indulge me), hey Ted James. Do you like apples? I just gave you exactly what you've been bugging me for these past two weeks (some Saved by the Bell pop culture content as well as some Election 2016 content) and I did it all without having to lift one extra finger or write one extra word outside of my contractual obligation. How you like dem apples? (Mic drop.) Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica is still mourning her and Richard's break up, Ross shares his Star Wars fantasy with Rachel, Joey tries to get over his dislike of Janice so he can spend more time with Chandler, Phoebe attempts to guide Monica in medication to help her get over Richard, Chandler shares with Ross a disturbing glimpse into his sex life, and Ross may as well have been singing "Hold Me Close Young Tony Danza" in bed with Rachel because he can't stop picturing Rachel as his mother when she dresses up as Princess Leia to fulfill his fantasy.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are hanging out at Central Perk talking about how Joey hates Janice when Rachel notices that Monica is outside visibly distraught and holding a package from the Post Office. Monica seems to be simultaneously crying and speaking rapidly at her friends through the coffee shop's window. Indicating to everyone else to look outside, Rachel exclaims, "Oh my god." [The Knockout] Relishing the opportunity to crush a pitch that's hanging over the plate out of the park, Chandler observes, "Well look everybody, it's Weepy. The mime who cares too much."
Featured Image Source: Chicago Tribune
Headline Image Source: She Does the City
Oh My God
Season 2, Episode 24
Friends S2:E24 - Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there. She would merengue and do the cha-cha and while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar. Yo! What is the damn dee-lee-o, Friends Crafters? OH. MY. GOD. It's hard to believe but the end is nigh for the second installment of Friends 20/20. After you finish reading today's Chan Man Quip of the Week, we will have completed exactly 20 percent of this seemingly endless project. Take that doubters and haters. Many of them believed we wouldn't survive Fall 2014. Yet, here we are still standing one fifth of the way through the impossible journey. It's been one hell of a ride so far. While I'm excited about getting a much needed break from my strenuous schedule of working one day a week, 24 weeks a year, I've also never been more determined to not only continue writing this improbable blog series, but also...I've never been more determined to continue improving the quality of the content to make it worthy of the time that you (the devoted readers) so generously give to me week after week. I'm humbled every Tuesday morning when I check the blog traffic and see that you guys are continuing to show up and allow me to do what I do best. Therefore, I solemnly pledge to you that after I get my hard earned four month summer vacation, I will come back in September ready to take this blog series to yet another level for Season 3. The doubters and the haters can suck it. They thought that our FRIENDship would never last. But you know and I know better. We know that every time the rain starts to pour...I'll be there for you. And you'll be there for me too. Until the end of time. Or at least until May 6. 2024.
I thought that today, if you'll kindly indulge me, since we began this season talking politics (more specifically talking Donald Trump) in This Is Huge (our opening post for Season 2), it might be appropriate to bring this thing full circle and make a few comments on this year's primaries (rather than doing a play by play break down of Monica and Richard's season finale break up). After all, we will be in full-blown general election mode when we reconvene on September 19, 2016 for Season 3. Speaking of OH MY GOD...could the Republican party be any more bat shit crazy? When I wrote on September 21, 2015 (in the aforementioned This Is Huge), "We, as a country, should be collectively ashamed that Trump’s poisonous rhetoric and utter lack of substantive policy proposals has not only not been repudiated, but instead has rewarded him with a sizable lead for the nomination of one of our two major political parties a mere five months before the first primaries" never in my wildest imagination would I have contemplated that Donald Trump would actually win the freaking nomination. I thought for sure when Americans actually cast ballots that Donald Trump's mixture of dangerous rhetoric and complete lack of qualifications would be forcefully repudiated in the voting booths. I clearly thought wrong. And even though Donald Trump is the nominee of a party that I have never voted for in my life, it is indeed a failing of our entire country that this man is a general election candidate for the presidency of the United States of America. We all bare some responsibility. While the Republican party should be especially ashamed, all Americans should be ashamed of the predicament we've put ourselves in. Besides our part in allowing the Trump phenomenon to take root, my team (The Democrats) should also be ashamed by what has happened in our primary elections. We have the opportunity right now to nominate a modern-day Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) type figure named Bernie Sanders who is positioned to lead a political revolution to reclaim democracy and yet because of things like Super Delegates, closed primaries, and voter suppression...we are dangerously close to putting forward another moderate named Clinton instead. On top of being a corporatist and a foreign policy hawk, Hillary Clinton (fair or unfair) has multiple scandals plaguing her campaign and has such unfavorables within the American electorate that (despite what her surrogates within the Democratic establishment will tell you) she is extremely vulnerable to actually (as implausible as it might seem) losing the general election to Trump. Don't believe the propaganda of the political establishment and corporate media. There is still time for the Democratic electorate to come to our senses and nominate Bernie Sanders. The California primary on June 7th could be a game changer. And since I will be "feeling the bern" on a beach somewhere tropical by the time June rolls around, let me ask you now...if you care about things like a living wage, universal health care, affordable college, and leaving a habitable planet for our grandchildren as much as you care about Friends, consider donating some time or money to Bernie 2016. Okay, I've said my peace. Don't blame me if Trump is leading Clinton in general election polls when we reconvene on September 19th. Hopefully, on the contrary, come September there will be chickens and ducks in the world again and Bernie Sanders will be well on his way to the White House. Also, thanks for letting me go on an election rant. It feels good to get that off of my chest before we wrap for the season. Sorry if you happen to disagree with me on politics. Hey, at least we agree that Friends is the greatest sitcom of all time. Have an amazing summer. I'll see you in the fall.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler has a mysterious online girlfriend, Monica and Richard break up when Monica realizes that Richard doesn't want to have any more children, Rachel attends Mindy and Barry's wedding despite the embarrassment of facing all the same people from her wedding when she ran out on Barry, Ross accompanies Rachel to the wedding and gives an awkward speech on her behalf, Joey tries to practice kissing guys in order to get a role in a Warren Beatty movie, Phoebe hypothesizes that Chandler's mystery online girlfriend might be a big giant guy, and when Chandler meets his mystery online girlfriend at Central Perk and realizes it is Janice...Oh My God.
Gandalf Gaffes - Just when you were starting to believe that including the Gandalf Gaffes section of each blog post was an exercise in futility (after all, we've had a overwhelmingly gaffe-free Season 2), we will be ending the season with a score. If you remember from the Carol Willick incident in Season 1, the recasting of a character is a huge pet peeve of mine. We've already set a precedent that (no matter how legitimate the reason for the switch) we are holding the writer's room accountable for the sins of the casting department when it comes to identifying gaffes. Today, we find our second such incident with the recasting of Mindy Hunter (Rachel's former best friend). In Season 1, Episode 20, Mindy was originally played by Jennifer Grey. I'm assuming (since Jennifer Grey was a relatively big name actress at the time) that she was unavailable to reprise her role the next season for The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding. Jennifer is replaced by Jana Marie Hupp. A quick glance at Jana's IMDb indicates that she been a career working actor but has never broken through to leading roles. Her notable appearances include Ed, Independence Day, and Barton Fink. Keeping with precedent, I will adjudicate the recasting of Mindy Hunter as a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #9: The actress portraying the character of Mindy Hunter (later Mindy Hunter-Farber) changes from Jennifer Grey to Jana Marie Hupp from S1:E20 to S2:E24.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk and Joey is trying to figure out why Warren Beatty said he is a bad kisser. Phoebe volunteers to kiss him in order to help him figure out if he's doing something wrong. She stands up and meets Joey in front of the couch. They kiss and Phoebe reacts by saying, "Good. Very good. Firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend." Joey celebrates momentarily and then, visibly frustrated, says, "Then I don't know what it is." He continues by asking, "What's the problem?" Monica interjects, "Joey, you know, maybe you're just not used to kissing men? You know, maybe you just tensed up a little bit? Maybe that's what you need to work on?" Joey responds, "Yeah, that makes sense." He then looks over whimsically to Ross giving a clear indication that he would like to kiss him. Ross reacts by informing Joey, "Over my dead body." Joey then looks down at Chandler and gestures to try and illicit his permission. [The Knockout] A wigged out Chandler looks up at Joey and reports, "And I'll be using his dead body as a shield."
Featured Image Source: Chuck Helstein.com
Headline Image Source: Bustle
You're My Lobster
Season 2, Episode 14
Friends S2:E14 - Howdy, cowgirls and cowboys. Long time, no see. (Considering that we last convened a short four days ago for the special Friends Super Bowl episode, let the record reflect that my previous statement was said in jest.) Regardless of proximity to our last encounter, it's great to see all of you on this lovely Monday afternoon and let me also say Happy Iowa Caucus Day! If you're a political junkie like me, you're probably way too consumed by nervous anticipation for tonight's proceedings to be too worried about dissecting an episode of television that first aired twenty years ago. The old me (and when I say old me, I mean the me that wrote Season One of this blog series) would have used something as massive as the Iowa Caucuses as an excuse to mail in today's assignment and write as little as I could possibly get away with in order to complete the post. However, considering that "The One with the Prom Video" (today's episode) is one of the most famous Friends episodes of all-time and further considering that I have grown this year into a model employee here at theLeftAhead, it would be hard to justify not doing our due diligence on this one. (Taking a moment to turn and yell over to me editor...You hear that, Mr. James? Growth.) But just because our minds are distracted by the monumental political history that stands to be made just a few short hours from now, doesn't mean we can't channel our fixation on Iowa into the work at hand. For example, both the Republican and Democrat caucuses tonight appear to be very close and will likely both end up having a runner-up that comes just short of winning. That runner-up in each party (if the results are as close as they appear that they might be) will be forced to play that miserable game we call What If. Yes, indeed. Whomever comes up just short tonight (whether it be Trump or Cruz on one side, Clinton or Sanders on the other) will be doing the torturous dance of going through every little detail of every single possible thing they could have done differently to win. What if I had done this campaign event instead of that campaign event? What if I had spent more money on grassroots GOTV instead spending more money on television ads? And so it will go for the candidates that come up just short tonight. Therefore, in honor of the pour souls who will soon be playing the What If game in Iowa, I present to you a gigantic Friends What If visa vie the following: What if Jack and Judy Geller hadn't decided to turn Monica's room into a gym?
Whenever you're ready, let's proceed down the rabbit hole. If Jack and Judy hadn't decided to turn Monica's room into a gym, then they would have never brought boxes of Monica's childhood stuff over while visiting Monica and Rachel's apartment. If Jack and Judy hadn't brought boxes of Monica's childhood stuff over while visiting Monica and Rachel's apartment, the gang would have never discovered the videotape with footage from Monica and Rachel's prom. (Do you see where I'm going here?) If the gang had never discovered the videotape with footage from Monica and Rachel's prom, Rachel would have never witnessed Ross' selfless act of getting dressed to take her to the prom. If Rachel never witnessed Ross' selfless act of getting dressed to take her to the prom, the audience would have been deprived of one of the greatest moments in (not only Friends but all of...) television history. Yes, thank you Jack and Judy Geller for putting the events in motion that led to THE KISS. What a spectacular moment. A moment so spectacular (and famous for that matter), it has already been talked about ad nauseam. So rather than blabbing on about it for any extended length of time, let me just state the obvious. This was a huge moment for the show. Sure, even if the Geller's hadn't decided to turn Monica's room into a gym, Ross and Rachel would have probably gotten together another way. After all, they are each other's lobster. But thank you Gellers that you did decide to turn Monica's room into a gym because it's hard to imagine a Friends universe that doesn't include THE KISS. So with today's important episode now thoroughly dissected through the lens of the What If game, in closing, let me just say that on a day like today (where the gravity of the Iowa Caucuses make writing a Friends blog post seem like the least important thing in the world) I want to once again thank you for staying loyal to me and this utterly crazy ten year journey that I signed us up for. I couldn't do it without your support and it's good to know that no matter how far away the finish line is or how ridiculous it sometimes seems to keep pushing forward in hopes of seeing my vision for this Friends 20/20 project through to the end, you're there continually supporting this dream. In other words, you're there serving as the Chandler financial support to my Joey acting career. "Is this friendship? I think so." On that note, good luck to all of the candidates tonight in Iowa. To those of you who end up being the unfortunate ones left playing the What If game, remember...don't pull a Howard Dean, you will live to fight another day. See you in New Hampshire.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel rejects Ross when he pleads with her that they are meant to be together, Joey gives Chandler $812.00 and a ridiculously gaudy bracelet as a thank you for all of the financial support he's received from Chandler over the years, Monica has to suck up her pride and tell her parents that she got fired from her job in order to try and borrow money from them, Phoebe uses a clever metaphor to encourage Ross in his attempt to rekindle the magic with Rachel, and it all pays off at the end when Rachel watches the prom video and then kisses Ross confirming that Ross was in fact right all along when he declared to Rachel, "You're my lobster."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Monica and Rachel's apartment going through the boxes of Monica's stuff that her parents had brought over. They discover a video in the box and decide to put it on. After the gang sees Rachel in a dress, Monica realizes what the video is of and reports, "You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom." Rachel responds, "Oh." Looking embarrassed, Ross immediately cuts in after that pleading, "You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this." The gang, in unison, rejects Ross' suggestion and continues to watch the video. A few seconds later, a heavier set Monica appears on the screen and Joey cries out, "Some girl ate Monica." Offended by the insult, Monica fires back, "Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds." [The Knockout] Chandler does not miss a beat in responding with one of his most famous sarcastic remarks of the entire series, questioning Monica with, "Awe, so how many cameras are actually on you?"
This Is Huge
Season 2, Episode 1
Friends S2:E1 - Oh. My. God. It is such a thrill to be back for my second season blogging Friends for theLeftAhead. I'm back with renewed energy and a new attitude about the task at hand. Yep, gone are the negative disposition and lukewarm commitment of last season and here in their place are swimming pools full of Red Bull on the ready for serving an endless supply of energy to my inner-Rudy Ruettiger. That's right...this year I'm getting my Kevin Garnett on by staring down the remaining nine years of this project and screaming "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE." How, you ask, was I able to accomplish such a dramatic reversal from my negative approach to last season? (An approach that quite honestly should have gotten me fired during a "when keeping it real goes terribly wrong" moment with my editor-n-chief.) Well, you inquisitive reader you, I'd be happy to answer your question. Let me tell you a little secret. Four months away from a word processor can be extremely therapeutic for a disillusioned writer. I've been on a beach (with an umbrella drink in my hand) for 120 straight days. Until this morning, I hadn't as much as looked at a computer or thought about a deadline for 2880 straight hours. Essentially, I've been living Peter Gibbons fantasy since May 19th and let me tell you, Bob...it's been everything I thought it could be. Indeed, four months of doing nothing has a way of putting you in a perpetual state of zen. But since all good things must come to an end, I was fearful that coming back to work would seriously harsh my chi. So when I fired up my trusty Macbook this morning to begin working on the second leg of my psychotic half-baked ten leg marathon of a blog series, I suspected I'd feel dread the second I heard that annoying tone the computer makes during the Apple logo screen. To my surprise, it was not dread I felt but rather excitement. I discovered that I'm actually fired up to tackle the challenge at hand. (Thanks, inherited wealth and seasonal employment.) Batteries? Recharged.
As theLeftAhead's pop culture writer, many of you might have been hoping that I would do a few pieces over the course of the summer on some happenings in pop culture other than this, my regular column. After all, there was a lot going on during the summer from the explosion of Mr. Robot upon the television landscape, to Kanye West proclaiming "I've got next" by announcing his 2020 presidential run, to the biggest pop culture phenomenon of recent memory: Donald Trump bamboozling a portion of the American public into believing that he is a legitimate threat to win the White House in our current election cycle. More on Trump in a moment, but for those of you who were hoping to see me serving theLeftAhead a supply of non-Friends pop culture content these past few months...I apologize for taking the summer off and I hope to make it up to you in coming weeks and months by taking this Friends 20/20 project to another level. And since so many of you have been requesting it, I'll also do my best to start tackling some non-Friends topics here and there. I mean, how hard could it be to write two blog posts in a week from time to time? Well, loyal readers, I wouldn't know but you have my commitment that I will try my best to find out in the very near future. Okay, back to Trump. The Donald's campaign is making a mockery of our political system. It is disconcerting that this man's racist and misogynistic vitriol was not immediately and emphatically renounced by the American media, electorate, and most importantly by his fellow candidates for the Republican nomination. We, as a country, should be collectively ashamed that Trump's poisonous rhetoric and utter lack of substantive policy proposals has not only not been repudiated, but instead has rewarded him with a sizable lead for the nomination of one of our two major political parties a mere five months before the first primaries. If you're a Trump supporter (and I suspect that you're not considering that enjoyment of the witty prose that I serve up in this column requires the possession of critical thinking skills that have been scientifically proven to cure Trump fever), please reconsider that support before February. If I can leave you with one little nugget of wisdom on this our first day back to school, I would tell you that elections matter. We are electing our next Commander-In-Chief, not our next favorite reality television personality. This is huge. (Like Rachel showing up to meet Ross at the airport with flowers huge.) As a still possible candidate in the 2016 race would say, "this is a big fucking deal." We, as Americans, should start acting like it. On that note, on to the recap. It's good to be back.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel discovers that Ross has met someone in China after she goes to the airport to welcome him home and reveal her feelings, Joey's tailor takes advantage of Chandler when he goes in for a fitting, Phoebe mistakenly gives Monica a haircut to look like Dudley Moore when Monica asked for a haircut to look like Demi Moore, and Phoebe's observation that "this is huge" in reference to the idea of Rachel and Ross becoming a couple is completely destroyed when Rachel makes to terrible decision of hooking back up with Paulo in the aftermath of everyone realizing that Ross is head over heals smitten with his new girlfriend Julie.
Gandalf Gaffes - Boys and girls, we're starting Season Two off on the right foot by recording a Gandalf Gaffe in the official scorer's book. Our gaffe today is unusual because both the established precedent and the contradiction take place within today's episode. The precedent in question is the establishment of Ross's preexisting relationship with Julie. Early on in the episode, when Ross and Julie first show up at Monica and Rachel's apartment so that Julie can meet everyone, they reference having known each other prior to the China trip. After absorbing the shock of discovering that Ross has met someone in China, Monica asks, "This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?" Julie responds, "Well, Ross and I were in grad school together." Ross continues, "But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig?" The precedent has clearly been established that Ross knew Julie during his time in grad school. However, later in the episode when Chandler (with Rachel's urging) is grilling Ross for more information about the fact that he left on his China trip madly in love with Rachel and came back with a new girlfriend, Ross contradicts the established timeline of knowing Julie in grad school. When Chandler asks, "So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know." Ross responds, "Look, you were right. She looks at me and sees a friend, that's all. But then I met Julie, and I don't know, we're havin' a great time. And I have to say, I never would've gone for it with her if it hadn't been for you." Here in lies our gaffe. Ross infers that he 'met Julie' in China which contradicts the fact that he already knew her from grad school. This is admittedly nit-picky, but our mission is to uncover every Gandalf Gaffe no matter how large or small. Even though this is the tiniest of a level one infraction, it is a level one infraction nonetheless.Gandalf Gaffe #6: Early in the Season 2 premiere, Ross talks about having known Julie in grad school. Later in the episode he contradicts himself by suggesting that he met Julie for the first time during his dig in China.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Frankie (Joey's tailor) is taking Chandler's measurements. While down on the ground getting ready to measure Chandler's pants, Frankie asks, "How long do you want the cuffs?" [The Knockout] Chandler, with unbridled sarcasm answers, "At least as long as I have the pants."
Featured Image Source: ABC News
Headline Image Source: Metro.co.uk