Nomaste
Season 8, Episode 3
Friends S8:E3 - Happy Indigenous People's Day, Friends Nation ✊ Let me say up front that since today is a holiday, we are going to keep our proceedings this afternoon short and sweet. That's right...you better believe it. Reminiscent of the magic of the Holiday Armadillo, today I bring to you another installment of the Holiday Mail-In Special 💌 Never fear. When it comes to Holiday Mail-In Specials, I'm as dependable as Rivers Cuomo. That being the case, I'll have you in and out of here quick but we have a couple of important anecdotes from today's episode that we must do due diligence and highlight really quick. First, we must enter it into the formal record that today's episode was heavily changed after the events of 9/11. Originally in this episode, Monica and Chandler were supposed to get detained at the airport after Chandler makes a joke about bombs. Obviously, with this episode set to air a mere month after the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, the writer's made the right call in re-writing this episode. Given the stress our nation was under at the time, Chandler's joke about bomb threats would have been about the worst Chan Man Quip of the Week imaginable. Secondly, we discover in this episode that Ross does yoga in a class with Mr. Treeger. Nothing super significant to break down about that, I just find it amusing picturing Ross and Treeger assisting each other with a Downward-Facing Dog pose. I mean, that's a lovely, hilarious image that is providing me some much-needed tranquility on this holiday afternoon so on that calming note: go outside, enjoy the fresh air and have a great rest of your Holiday Mail-In Special Monday, class. See you back here next week. Nomaste 🙏
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel tells Ross that she is pregnant and he's the father, Monica and Chandler become frustrated when another couple also on their honeymoon keeps beating them to getting free upgrades and perks from the airline and hotel, Phoebe and Joey make up that they smell a gas leak in order to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment while they are gone on their honeymoon, and after Ross becomes indignant as a consumer when he discovers that condoms are only effective 97 percent of the time he finally comes around to letting Rachel know he will be there with her through the pregnancy perhaps having the calm of his yoga helping him to get over himself and center his priorities. Nomaste!
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is embarrassed that Monica is being overly affectionate at the airline counter in order to demonstrate that they are in their honeymoon in hopes of getting upgraded to first class like the couple in line before them (who were also on their honeymoon). When they are next in line approaching the counter, Monica commands Chandler, "Grab my ass!" The ticket agent says, "Next." They approach the counter arm in arm and Monica informs the ticket agent, "Hi, sorry. I almost didn’t hear you, because ya know...I’m just so in love with my new husband. We’re on our honeymoon." The ticket agent responds, "Congratulations. Okay, Mr. Bing you’ll be in 25J and Mrs. Bing you’ll be in 25K." Caught off guard that they were being issued their original coach seats, Monica interjects, "Oh no, you see we’re on our honeymoon. So umm, can you do your little thing and bump us up to first class?" The ticket agent responds, "I’m sorry, all our first class seats are taken. That couple got the last two." Turning to Chandler in frustration, Monica barks at him, "You see, if we’d gone around them like I said, we—She would’ve given us those tickets. Damnit!" [The Knockout] Needing an outlet for his embarrassment of how his new bride is behaving, Chandler turns directly to the ticket agent and asks, "25J and K, any chance those aren’t together?"
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I'm Gonna Have a Baby
Season 8, Episode 1
Friends S8:E1 - What is good, Friends 20/20 Nation? It is so weird to back in class but also kind of cool. How was everyone's summer? I know the summer started with so much promise with the vaccine roll out and a short-period where it felt like things were getting back to normal. I remember how exciting it was back in May (as we were just wrapping up Season Seven) to finally be vaccinated and getting to experience things like hanging out with friends and visiting restaurants again. The way the summer started was such a breath of fresh air. But, of course, here in America we just can't seem to have nice things. As the summer rolled on and the Delta variant started to rage due to so many science-rejecting anti-vaxxer morons living amongst us...it started to become clear that the good times earlier this summer were just a fleeting moment in time and unfortunately not the beginning of the end of the pandemic. So here we are bracing ourselves for more pandemic pain this fall but on the bright side, at least we're in a better place than we were last fall with the pandemic. And while this summer didn't ultimately fulfill all of the promise that it started with, there was still a lot of positives to reflect back on and be thankful about. For instance, I was able to make it down to my undisclosed beach location during my summer break before concerns of the Delta variant started to dissuade travel. I can also report on behalf of theLeftAhead that my editor Ted James both dropped a new track and also thread the needle on safely and successfully booking and taking an international trip to Scotland this summer before the Delta variant reared its ugly head. Finally, and most relevant to our purposes here...the long-rumored and COVID-delayed Friends: The Reunion was finally released on May 27th on HBO Max! Since our last convening as a class for Season 7 was ten days earlier on May 17th, 2021, incredibly, this is our first opportunity to discuss the reunion (aka the biggest Friends pop culture event to occur during the seven years we've been doing Friends 20/20) as a group. I thought the reunion was excellent, so well put together and such a heart-warming trip down memory lane. There is so much to dissect from the reunion special that, rather than try to dive all the way in today, I thought we could better give it the attention it deserves by discussing it weekly throughout our semester this fall by weaving it into our ongoing discussion of Season 8. Does that sound good with everyone? Alright, great...then it's settled. More about the reunion special next week and throughout the fall.For now, let's turn our attention to the aftermath of the big reveal from the Season Seven cliff hanger: Rachel is pregnant. If you remember, we as an audience were filled into the news as the camera zoomed in on Rachel at the end of the Season 7 finale. Now, as we begin Season 8 at the bridal party photo session at Monica and Chandler's reception, we get to enjoy watching Phoebe and then Monica learn the news that we had just spent an entire summer digesting. After Monica denies being pregnant, Phoebe realizes that Rachel is and tries to cover for her by suggesting she is the one that is pregnant and that James Brolin is the father. This ruse doesn't last long. Monica quickly figures it out that Rachel is pregnant when she observes Rachel spitting champagne back into her glass. After Phoebe suggests that Rachel should take a second test to be sure that she is in fact pregnant (and not a mistake), Monica insist that Rachel take the test right away at the reception as a wedding gift to her. After Rachel agrees and takes the test, Phoebe reports that the test is negative which elicits a strong emotional reaction of disappointment in Rachel. We quickly learn that Phoebe was playing a "risky little game" by lying to Rachel about the negative result in order to figure out how Rachel really feels about being pregnant. Knowing now that Rachel really wants to have the baby and is in fact pregnant sets up one of the sweetest moments in series history as Monica and Phoebe share in Rachel's joy. Of course the question Monica and Phoebe along with us in the audience are dying to know is, "Who is the father?" And that, class, is a reveal to be left for another day. For now, no better way to rap up than to bask in the joy of that moment between Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe. It's good to be back and also to have Friends: The Reunion to chew on this fall but as you know, I'm the type of professor that likes to ease back in to a new semester. That being the case, class is now dismissed for today. See you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where everyone thinks Monica is pregnant on her and Chandler's wedding day until Phoebe realizes that Rachel is pregnant but isn't ready to admit it yet so Phoebe claims that she is pregnant and makes up that James Brolin is the father, Chandler can't show off the new dance moves he wanted to surprise Monica with because his shoes are too slippery on the dance floor, Ross dances with all of the little girls at the wedding to impress Mona from Monica's restaurant, Joey gives a bizarre toast designed to demonstrate his range as an actor in order to impress Chandler's Mom's date Dennis Phillips with hopes of being cast in his new Broadway production, Monica discovers Rachel is the one that is pregnant when Rachel spits out champagne and asks Rachel to take another pregnancy test as her wedding gift, and when Rachel finds out that the test confirms that she is pregnant (after Phoebe plays a risky little game lying that the test was negative), Rachel declares, "I'm gonna have a baby."
Gandalf Gaffes - I went back and forth about adding this one to the list but in the end, I decided it needed to be documented even though it might seem a little nit picky. A size seven shoe is an unusually small shoe size for a grown adult male of Joey's height and weight. The idea that Joey actually had feet that unusually small and none of the friends (particularly Chandler) had ever noticed this about Joey seven full years into the series seems so preposterous, it needs to be documented as a Double G. Clearly the writer's were just adding this detail to the story line for this particular episode as an easy way to generate some jokes but all the same, it would have been impossible for Joey's friends to just be noticing this about him now at Monica and Chandler's wedding. (What? Is his identical foot guy a ten-year-old kid?) Furthermore, Matt LeBlanc's feet are visibly the normal size for an adult male of his height and weight further making it unreasonable to suggest that Joey's feet are that unusually small. Given that I've already acknowledged that this a a nit picky Gandalf Gaffe, this is a simple, minor a level one infraction.Gandalf Gaffe #28: Joey admits to Chandler that he has freakishly small feet (size 7) when Chandler discovers how small Joey's feet are during his and Monica's wedding. It would have been impossible for Joey to have had feet that small for an adult male of his size and feet and for none of his friends to notice for the first seven years of the series. This silly detail is also contradicted by video evidence throughout the series of the "normal" size of Matt LeBlanc's feet.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey finds Chandler in the hallway of his and Monica's wedding reception practicing his dance moves on a floor where his shoes have traction. Right before Joey finds him, Chandler says to himself while finishing his dance moves, "And the world will never know." When Joey finds Chandler, he says, "hey" and then asks, "Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?" Chandler responds, "Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about Days Of Our Lives." Panicking, Joey protests, " No, no! No! No! You don’t tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks I’m a soap actor." [The Knockout] Clearly sensing an opportunity to pounce on what he had discovered about Joey earlier in the reception, Chandler unloads the sarcasm with, "But you’re not just a soap actor. You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet."
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Silly Putty
Season 7, Episode 19
Friends S7:E19 - [Long Pause] Say something clever! Okay, doesn’t have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! LOLOL.....Ross Geller, y'all!!! How's that for a tone setter? Thought y'all could use a pick me up since here we are again...back in our pandemic virtual classroom for what feels like that 500th week in a row. The good news is there's light at the end of the tunnel. If you haven't heard, President Biden has made all adults in the United States vaccine eligible as of today. We are on our way to safely opening back up so it's just a matter of time until I will be seeing your bright, shiny faces IRL again! Also, I'm just realizing that since we've been on hiatus the entire month of April so far, this is my first opportunity to report that ya guy Kenny Adams got his first dose of the Pfizer vaccine on Friday, April 2nd and I'm getting my second does this coming Friday! I'm beaming from ear to ear because I'm less than three weeks away from getting back out there amongst all of the people. Come on, y'all. Truly, happy days are here again.
When I saw that THIS was this week's episode, I've gotta tell ya, I was quite delighted (and also a little bit frightened). Oh the possibilities of creative ways to clown on one of the most "off the rails" episodes in series history. I mean, ayy, the Notorious RFG making a pass at his own freaking cousin is about as weird and icky a place as the FRIENDS writers dared to take a story line (maybe also in Fireball (S5:E10) when Danny the Yeti is bathing with his sister, but yah). Don't get me wrong, the awkward long pause when Ross is trying to figure out how to explain himself to his cousin after making his move and homie's accompanying inner monologue is, in my opinion, one of the funniest moments in series history so I understand that it took a messy situation for the writer's to serve up a moment that funny but still. Was that moment of pure comic bliss really worth it given that I could never, ever really look at Dr. Geller the same way again from the first time I watched this episode through the in perpetuity that is living in the Friends vortex? Tough call, y'all. Once a cousin romancer, always a cousin romancer. There's really no coming back from that. Then again, we also know from The Rossatron earlier this season (S7:E11) that Chandler used to undress his cousin Glenn so, IDK, maybe they're all just batshit incestuous? In Chandler's defense, at least he was a kid when he did it, not a grown ass man with a PhD that calls himself Bea and likes to drink tea. Anyway, who are we to judge? Let it be, let it be. Haters gonna hate. Ross gonna Ross, I guess. Ugh, I started out writing this paragraph excited (and a little nervous) but now I'm just sad and confused. Maybe that's a sign. Probably makes sense to just call it. I guess the moral of the story, class, is never, ever make a pass out your cousin. Not only can it blow up in your face but it might haunt you for the rest of your existence. And if you're a character on the GOAT television sitcom, you should especially think twice because "the rest of you existence" means infinity because you will live forever in the the vortex of your loyal fans. Kind of a bad episode for Monica's older brother, in the end. For anyone keeping score in the Ross Geller Is Trash Olympics, this is the episode where he earns his gold medal. Cue up the Star-Spangled Banner. Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey is being considered for the lead in a movie but must prove that he is anatomically "not Jewish" in order to get the part, Chandler gets busted leering at Cassie (Monica's cousin) while she is in town visiting and staying with them which causes Monica to suggest that Cassie stay at Ross's apartment, Rachel and Phoebe plan Monica's bridal shower on short notice and forget to invite her to it, Ross freezes up trying to explain away making a sexual advance on his cousin Cassie (gross!!!) after she has switched from staying at Monica and Chandler's to his place, and Monica helps Joey create a "wrap" to help him appear to be anatomically "not Jewish" to the casting and movie director during his call back but the "wrap" falls off while Joey is naked show them his body because evidently Monica's double-sided tape wasn't strong enough to handle the weight of silly putty.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler run into Ross at Central Perk after Monica busted Chandler leering at her cousin Cassie. Monica informs Ross, "Cassie needs to stay at your place." Ross asks, "What? why?" Monica answers, "Because Purvy Perverson over here can’t stop staring at her." Turning to Chandler, Ross suggests disapprovingly, "What? Chandler, she’s our cousin!" Attempting to defend himself, Chandler suggests, "I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. It’s called being a good conversationalist. Watch." He proceeds to stare directly into Monica's eyes and then continues, "Say something." Unconvinced, Monica responds, "You were staring about eight inches south of there." Sidestepping Monica and Chandler's tiff, Ross answer Monica's request with, "Fine, she can stay at my place." He then asks, "By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now?" Monica answers, "She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn." [The Knockout] Brushing aside his concern for how much hot water he is in with Monica, the Chan Man lines up a zinger in the form of a questions with, "Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding?"
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I'm a Medical Marvel
Season 7, Episode 13
Friends S7:E13 - Welp, it's official. As of today, this rotten pandemic has now touched every single possible month on the calendar. Tomorrow is Groundhog Day and I've gotta say...I think many of us now have a new found appreciation for what Phil Connors was going through in the movie after living the same quarantine day over and over again during this past year. On the bright side, February means we've inched another month closer to finally entering a post-pandemic world where we've mostly all been vaccinated and things can return to something approaching relative normalcy. At least there's hope on the horizon that our days of waking up at home, logging on to Zoom, having to listen to the Ned Ryersons of the world babble on and on and wanting to punch them in the face through the computer, eating dinner, and then scouring the streaming services for something new to binge watch before going back to sleep to repeat it all tomorrow are almost over. Soon there will be a day where we wake up and it's February 3rd. Please, please universe, make it real soon. We are all Earl the Office Manager and we need a break from Zoom. All kidding aside, this working from home talk is a good opportunity to reiterate our appreciation for the essential workers that don't have the privilege to work from home. Thank you all for everything you continue to do keep us all fed, healthy, and safe.That Earl the Office Manager reference is a good segue into breaking down today's episode. Earl, played by Jason Alexander, is a neat little cross-over from one of the other GOAT sitcoms. Overlapping in their series runs on the same network - NBC, it seemed inevitable that Seinfeld and Friends would find some crossover. Of course, Seinfeld fans know that the first instance of such a crossover happened pre-Friends in March 1994 (Friends debuted in September 1994). What is this first instance of Seinfeld-Friends crossover, you ask? It was Courtney Cox playing Jerry's girlfriend Meryl in the Seinfeld episode, The Wife (S5:E17). In the episode, Meryl pretends to be Jerry's wife in order to use his permanent discount at the dry cleaners. Pretty cool that just a few short months after her Seinfeld cameo, Courtney Cox would be playing Monica Geller full time. Of course, today's instance of crossover between the two shows happens a few years after Seinfeld ended its run in 1998. Nevertheless, I remember it being really exciting in 2001 to see Jason Alexander pop up for a cameo on an episode of Friends. Even though Earl the Office Manager wasn't much like George Costanza (Earl's beard and suicidal yearning being prime examples), it was pretty wild to watch George's "worlds collide" during his interactions with the world of Phoebe Buffay. A+ to casting this week for making some magic with one of the most revered sitcom actors of a generation.Moving on to other storylines in today's episode... the Rosita-Stevie the TV-Rachel-Joey-Chandler soap opera was hilarious. I've always felt a little bad for Chandler with this episode because he really does get screwed over. Rachel breaks a chair and Joey breaks a chair. Chandler has a legitimate claim to Rachel's new chair using the logic that he was the only one of the three of them not to break a chair. Chandler deserved justice but instead, there was none to be had when Rachel and Joey teamed up to form the Cobras and used there gang to intimidate him and squeeze him out of being a recliner-owner all together. It's rough out here in these streets, yo. Finally, it was really fantastic to watch Ross flip out when his dad gifted his Porsche to Monica. I'M A MEDICAL MARVEL will resonate throughout time as an iconic Ross Geller moment. Aight, y'all. I think that about wraps it up for today's happenings. I'll see you all next Monday which will be a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of today. In the meantime, "Don't forget your booties cause it's cold out there. It's cold out there every day."
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Monica's parents are selling the house so the Geller kids come to visit to go through their childhood memories, Rachel offers to buy Joey a new chair after she tries to move Rosita and accidentally breaks her, Chandler later thinks he breaks Rosita and so he replaces her with his chair, Joey discovers that Rosita has been healed and declares it a miracle before becoming jealous of Rachel's new chair and breaking Chandler's chair so that he can have the new chair as originally intended, Phoebe starts selling toner as a telemarketer and tries to stop Earl the Office Manager (a customer) from killing himself, Rachel and Joey form a gang called the Cobras to screw Chandler in the chair situation even though both of them broke a chair, and Ross becomes irate when his dad gives Monica his Porsche as a gift even though he tell him, "I'm a medical marvel."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe, Chandler and Ross are at Central Perk. Ross and Joey are on the couch talking and Phoebe is getting coffee. Ross is musing about Monica and Chandler's upcoming wedding. He observes, "Hey, ya know what’s weird? After you guys get married, when you introduce me to people you’re gonna have to say, 'This is my brother-in-law Ross.' Not, 'My friend Ross,' 'brother-in-law Ross.' That’s weird isn’t it?" [The Knockout] Wasting no time to swat away Ross's annoying whimsical merriment, Chandler drops him off with a a good ole question answering a question quip, asking, "Couldn’t I just say, 'This is Ross?'"
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Last Time I Checked This Was Still America
Season 7, Episode 12
Friends S7:E12 - The last time I checked this was still America. What happened on Wednesday isn’t supposed to happen in this country. It is almost impossible to describe the emotions that were stirred up in me from the combination of the lack of surprise that this was the inevitable culmination of where Donald Trump had been leading the Republican Party for five years mixed with the utter disgust of seeing the visuals (particularly the Confederate flag being waved in the Capitol of the United State of America) but I'll try: burning anger, profound sadness, utter disgust. Here we are five days later and the shock of something that was so predictable is still surreal, the pain is still acute. Last time I checked this was America and insurrection is not something we are supposed to experience. I'm mean, Friends 20/20 is a blog series about a 90s/2000s sitcom, it's supposed to be fun, goofy, light-hearted, trivial but nevertheless since this blog series is also supposed to be topical, here I am writing about the same type of hate and horror that my father fought against in World War II except this time, that hate and hour is festering inside of our own country. I thought that the election of Joe Biden would allow me to steer this blog series back away from being a political vehicle to resist the absolute carnage that the Trump presidency has wielded on our democratic norms but, sadly, I guess charting that happier, more scenic course is still going to have to wait a bit longer. This is unbelievable.It would be easy to discount the perpetrators of Wednesday's insurrection as a fringe, extremist element that does not reflect the values of most of Donald Trump's voters. The last thing I want to say on this before we chalk this week's post up as an L and attempt to regroup during the break (we are off for the rest of the month until February 1st and I must say, given that Wednesday might have been the most traumatic day in America since September 11th, 2001...I'm going to greatly appreciate the time off to process this and reflect) is that the word that rang inside my head the most on Wednesday is complicity. WE HAVE KNOWN WHO donald trump IS ALL ALONG AND THERE IS NOT BEEN ONE ACCEPTABLE RATIONALIZATION FOR SUPPORTING HIM SINCE THE DAY HE ANNOUNCED HIS BID FOR THE WHITE HOUSE IN 2015. Sure, the insurrectionists are absolutely individually responsible for their actions on Wednesday but Senator Josh Hawley is complicit in the insurrection. Senator Ted Cruz is complicit in the insurrection. Senator Mitch McConnell, Senator Lindsay Graham, Representative Kevin McCarthy, every Republican elected official (including Liz Chaney and those that had the decency to at least turn on Trump in the eleventh hour) are all complicit. Guess what? IF YOU VOTED FOR donald trump IN 2020 YOU ARE COMPLICIT TOO. Even if you're a regular reader of theLeftAhead, sorry...if you voted for Trump in 2020, you're complicit. Own it. Sure, this is a time for healing and bringing the country together under Joe Biden's leadership but not without accountability. Accountability is paramount to ensuring that we don't see a repeat of this ever again in our beautiful country's future. 74,223,744 Americans are complicit in insurrection against our democracy and have some serious reflecting to do in order to walk themselves back to rejoining the rest of us in sharing the American value of decency again. I hope you all start getting to work. Lastly, big ups to Eugene Goodman, the Capitol Police officer who steered insurrectionists away from the Senate chamber where Vice President Pence and Senators were before they were evacuated. Officer Goodman's bravery and his ability to react under pressure during a crisis likely saved lives and is to be admired. Thank you, Officer Goodman. That's it. That's all I want to say today. See you in February. Peace.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe battles her smoke detector, Rachel battles Tag over who dropped the ball with the mailing to Milan, Ross battles Joey on who is going to risk their life to get down from the roof, Chandler battles Monica on who can keep the other up when they are the one who can’t fall asleep, and the last time I checked this was still America.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler are cuddling in bed after sleeping together in the wee hours of the morning on the night where they kept each other up all night. Monica says, "That really was some of your best work." Chandler responds, "Hm, hmm, I told you!" [The Knockout] Chandler then looks at the clock before firing off this juicy little classic Channy quip, "I can’t believe that I’ve only got two hours before I call in sick for work."
Mr. Bigot
Season 5, Episode 12
Friends S5:E12 - Greetings, Friendinistas. I hope Week 105 of The Resistance finds you well. Given that we are reconvening as an indisputably unnecessary government shutdown is beleaguering our country, I hope you're having a resilient MLK Day. We reflect on Dr. King's legacy today while we simultaneously struggle to overcome the racism and fear mongering behind the manufactured crisis that has resulted in millions of federal employees struggling to make ends meet after weeks of not getting paid. The moment we are in is an important reminder that part of the hard work of realizing King's inspirational vision that "the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice" means figuring out how to bend the arc around walls. The challenges we face from the presidency of Donald Trump (aka Mr. Bigot) are numerous and fierce. Hopefully the magnificent legacy and example provided to us by leaders such as Dr. King coupled with opportunities for reflection on days such as today help to replenish our moral reservoir and rekindle the vital hope that we will come out the other side of this thing a stronger and more just society. Keep fighting the good fight, sister and brothers. If we remain diligent in our resistance, King's words will once again prove prophetic. In 92 weeks (on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020) we have the opportunity to ensure that the moral arc will bend towards justice once again. If we're successful, the racists, the misogynists, the xenophobes, etc. who have been empowered by Donald Trump (aka Mr. Bigot) will be forced to admit on Wednesday, January 20th, 2021, "the sun has set on our day in the sun."
* * *
Okay, class. Sorry to shift gears on you. After the important conversation we just wrapped up, I know this is going to seem trivial by comparison, but as you all know...your New Year's Resolution homework assignment is due today. (You didn't really think I'd forget, did you Johnny?) If you remember, you are all expected to report on what your New Year's resolution is and whether you have been successful in keeping it for the first three weeks of the year. As an added bonus, the student with the best presentation will receive a Nutter Butter as a prize. I, of course, will serve in the Joey Tribbiani role as judge of this here competition. So without further ado, let the competition begin and the presentations commence. [Long pause for presentations] [A handsome man walks to the front of the classroom] Well done, class! Those were some lofty and noble New Year's resolutions you just presented on. I'm really excited to hear that almost half of the class has kept their resolutions for the past three weeks and is still on track to achieve your goals. While almost all of you will be receiving an A on this assignment (sorry Johnny, I don't find your resolution of making Mr. Adams life a living hell a resolution worthy of an A), there can only be one winner. [Drum roll]. Congratulations, Susie. Your resolution of fostering an abandoned duck and keeping it as your pet (Joey and Chandler-style) for the entire year was both inspiring and admirable. You receive extra credit for how you drew inspiration from the Friends 20/20 textbook and applied it to your real life. Bravo, Susie. It probably goes without saying, but, "the duck gets the Nutter Butter!" The shameless integration of a quote from today's episode into the fictional classroom this blog series has cultivated into has been brought to you by Ichiban. (Ichiban: lipstick for men.) That's it for today, class. Keep up with your resolutions and keep on resisting. Solidarity forever ✊
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica discovers Chandler's super-phony work laugh after she and Chandler start hanging out with Chandler's boss and his wife so they don't have to hide their relationship and can be a "real couple," Ross is so depressed after he finds out Emily is getting re-married that he hooks up with Janice (Chandler's annoying ex-girlfriend), Chandler becomes worried when Ross tells him the rules about dating your friends' ex-girlfriends or sisters and, in order to minimize the damage when Ross inevitably finds out about him and Monica, pretends to be angry and then forgive Ross for hooking up with Janice, Joey acknowledges to Rachel that he doesn't know very much about the nature of Monica and Chandler's relationship, Phoebe loses a chick and duck "Nutter Butter" race when Joey is both her competitor and the race's judge, Rachel presses Monica but can't get her to admit her and Chandler's relationship, and when asked by Rachel about a phone conversation she overheard...Monica claims Chandler's nickname is Mr. Bigot.
Gandalf Gaffes - Today we have pretty straight forward Double G to add to the board. When Monica and Chandler are in Chandler's room discussing their struggles in continuing to hide their relationship from their friends, Monica expressed remorse about lying to Rachel. During the discussion, she makes an interesting claim to Chandler. She suggests a long, uninterrupted closeness to Rachel when she tells Chandler, "Ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything to." Hmm, that's weird. Last time I checked, it was established in The Pilot that Monica and Rachel drifted apart after high school and weren't in regular contact by the time the show began. I mean, Monica wasn't even invited to Rachel's wedding to Barry and found out about it second hand. That's a far cry from Rachel being "the one person I told everything to." Monica's blatant disregard for her and Rachel's "distant" period when discussing their relationship with Chandler is a noteworthy gaffe but not too egregious so I'm ruling it a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #26: During an intimate conversation with Chandler discussing how difficult it's become to hide their relationship from their friends, Monica expresses remorse over lying to Rachel and claims that since high school, Rachel is the one person she told everything to. However, The Pilot established that Monica and Rachel grew distant after high school to the point where Monica wasn't even invited to Rachel's wedding to Barry and had to find out about it second hand.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler have just returned to Monica and Rachel's apartment after playing tennis with Chandler's boss and his wife. Monica is upset with Chandler for sucking up to his boss and barks at him, "I can't believe you let them win!" Chandler removes a busted tennis racket from his bag and sarcastically responds, "Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it." Monica defends her actions saying, "I was frustrated." Chandler bemoans, "It was my racquet." Not backing down, Monica fires back, "I was frustrated with you!" Now on the defensive, Chandler moves the conversation along by pointing out, "If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invited us to dinner tomorrow night." Unable to hold back, Monica berates Chandler with, "Ya know what really bothers me? Is—it's how-how different you act around them! I mean, ya know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the 'I'll see you around, Bing!' 'Not if I see you first, Doug!' (Monica mocks Chandler's fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up. [The Knockout] Not knowing what else to do, Chandler decides to go nuclear, responding, "Okay ya know what? Because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight."
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Headline Image Source: Magnus Colorado on Pinterest
More Turkey, Mr. Chandler?
Season 5, Episode 8
Friends S5:E8 - Turkey for you. Turkey for me. I like to eat turkey with my friend Phoebe. Hey there, Friendsters. The holiday season is upon us, hmm? Glad to be back with you on this fine Thanksgiving Eve Eve Eve. Despite the Double G-extravaganza that we'll be discussing later, today's episode aka The One with All the Thanksgivings is one of the funniest episodes to date. It's got everything. Phoebe at war, Ross and Chandler's oft-forgotten guest-starring roles on Miami Vice, and who could forget the living testament of awesomeness that is Turkey-Head Monica. There is so much going on in this episode that we're unquestionably headed towards one of the lengthier breakdowns that we've encounter on our journey thus far. For that reason, and also because I know many of us our trying to get all caught up on work before the long holiday weekend, I am officially declaring Thanksgiving Eve Eve Eve as a Mail-In Special holiday. So, after you finish writing those reports and sending those emails, why don't you go ahead and put on a warm fire in the fireplace, ease on in to a comfy chair, and curl up with our sweet yet savory Recap in the Key of Phoebe. Happy Holidays to you and yours. It's almost turkey time. I'll catch up with you in December.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler claims to be the "King of Bad Thanksgivings" so the gang reminisces about unfortunate Thanksgiving memories from their past including Joey getting a turkey stuck on his head in 1992, Phoebe getting her arm blown off in past lives in both 1882 and 1915, Ross hitting on Rachel in 1987 but then having a new girlfriend named Carol in 1988, Rachel getting a nose job sometime before Thanksgiving 1988, Monica getting upset that Chandler called her fat in 1987 and then (after losing weight) trying to seduce Chandler in order to humiliate him in 1988, and Chandler having part of his pinky toe severed in 1988 when Monica accidentally drops a knife on his foot while trying to seduce him which rivals his worst Thanksgiving memory ever...the one of the housekeeper (his dad's lover) asking, "More Turkey, Mr. Chandler?"
Gandalf Gaffes - Gather round the table, girls and boys. We have a heaping serving of Double Gs to be thankful for this week courtesy of the GOAT sitcom's infamous Thanksgiving flashback episode. That's right, kiddos. We have continuity issues galore that we'll be slicing up and the handing out like pumpkin pie with whip cream on top. So grab a plate and step right up. Our first tasty dish comes to us courtesy of one of the most infamous pairs of roommates in television history: Chandler Bing and Joey Tribbiani. Move over, Bert and Ernie because we're flashing back to the time that JT played an epic prank on the Chan Chan Man during Thanksgiving 1992. That's right, we're getting a first-hand look at the time Joey put a turkey on his head to scare Chan...hold up. Did I just say Thanksgiving 1992? Funny, I did say that. And the reason this is funny is that we've previously established that Joey first moves in with Chandler in 1993. Ironically, this was previously established in another flashback episode, aptly named The One with the Flashback (S3:E6). So, unless Joey started hanging out with Doc Brown and Marty McFly at some point and borrowed their time machine, it is impossible that Joey would've been pranking Chandler during Thanksgiving 1992. Nice try, FRIENDS writer's room. You're going to need to feed us a lot more turkey to get the necessary tryptophan to catch us sleeping on that blatant of a Double G. Since we all know that Joey wouldn't use a time machine to go back in time and prank Chandler, he would use it to go back in time to eat the very first ever meatball sub, I'm ruling this a level three infraction. Moving right along into our second scrumptious piece of Gaffe pie, we're now flashing back to the (count 'em) third iteration of how Rachel and Chandler first met. The time? Thanksgiving 1987. The place? Jack and Judy Geller's house. According to this lovely flashback, Ross brings his college roommate Chandler home to spend Thanksgiving 1987 with his family. Rachel is over at the Geller's house hanging out with Monica when Ross and Chandler arrive. During introductions, Rachel and Chandler meet for the first time. This is all well and good except for one teensy tiny problem. It was established from the jump (and when I say jump, I mean the Pilot) that Rachel and Chandler first met at Central Perk after Rachel ran out on her wedding to Barry. As we all know, class, the facts that were established in the pilot are the closest thing to Natural Law that we have in our humble little blog series. Therefore, Rachel meeting Chandler in 1987 is a continuity error that cannot be allowed to stand. As I alluded to earlier, this is not the first time that the Friends writer's room has tried to pull this fast one on us. In S3:E6, the other infamous flashback episode, they tried to suggest that Rachel and Chandler first met in 1993 at the bar that would eventually become Central Perk (prior to Rachel's wedding). Do they think we are gulli-bulls? Or even gulli-calves? Why not have Rachel and Chandler meet for the first time in every episode of Friends? Considering that this particular Double G is a repeat offense, it is unequivocally a level three infraction. Moving right along, I hope you kids left room for dessert. I know, I know. We're already served up two slices of Gaffe pie and you're probably already full. Tough cookie because we've got more more tasty dish to digest. This time we're flashing back to Thanksgiving 1988 and Ross is telling his family about his new girlfriend, Carol. Funny thing, though. In the pilot (our Natural Law), Ross talks about divorcing Carol after seven years of marriage. The pilot takes place in 1994. You do the math. This would mean that Ross and Carol would've gotten married in 1987. Now, I'm no math wizard but how could Carol be Ross's new girlfriend at Thanksgiving 1988 when they had already married in 1987? Spicing this dish up with more confusion, remember that earlier in this episode during the flashback to Thanksgiving 1987, Ross still had a crush on Rachel. This extra detail makes this final slice a Gaffe-explosion since it would be unlikely that Ross and Carol would meet, start dating and get married between Thanksgiving 1987 and the end of the year. Of course a Gaffe-explosion is going to result in a level three infraction. So there you have it, class. We have officially scraped the plate on our Thanksgiving-flashback-Gandalf-Gaffe-extravaganza. Time for a nap.
Gandalf Gaffe #22: Our third flashback in today's episode takes us back to Thanksgiving 1992 and shows Joey trying to scare Chandler by putting a turkey on his head. Good try. S3:E6 (also a flashback episode) establishes that Joey first met and subsequently moved in with Chandler in 1993.
Gandalf Gaffe #23: Our fourth flashback in today's episode takes us back to Thanksgiving 1987 and shows Chandler and Rachel meeting for the first time at the Geller's house for Thanksgiving. In the Pilot (S1:E1), it was clearly established, however, that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time at Central Perk in 1994 after running out on her wedding to Barry. This is a Double-Double G since Chandler and Rachel's first meeting each other was also already contradicted in S3:E6.
Gandalf Gaffe #24: Our fifth flashback in today's episode takes us back to Thanksgiving 1988 and shows Ross telling his family about his new girlfriend, Carol. In the Pilot (S1:E1), Ross and Carol get divorced in 1994 after seven years of marriage. This would mean they would have married in 1987 and almost certainly have been, at the very least, dating by Thanksgiving 1987. Remember in today's episode, Ross still had a crush on Rachel at Thanksgiving 1987 making this a super-charged Double G.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross and Chandler enter the Geller's house while visiting for Thanksgiving 1987. After walking inside the house, Ross says, "Hey!" Chandler walks in behind him sporting a Flock of Seagulls haircut. Jack (Ross and Monica's dad) looks at Chandler's haircut and says, "Oh my!" Ross proceeds to introduce Chandler to his family, saying, "Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!" Intrigued by Ross's roommate and wanting to be individually introduced, Monica prompts him by pleading, "Ross!" Turning to Chandler, Ross informs him, "Oh, this is Monica." Monica immediately jumps in, "Hi, I'm Ross's little sister." Looking her up and down and noticing how overweight Monica is, Chandler says sarcastically, "Okay." Judy (Ross and Monica's mom) jumps in, "I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry." Ross answers for Chandler by informing his mom, "Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food." Perplexed and a little frustrated, Judy responds, "Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then." Wanting to make a good impression on Chandler, Monica offers, "Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner." Chandler answers, "Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in." Monica laughs at Chandler's joke to the point that Diet Coke comes out of her nose. Embarrassed she says, "Dammit!" and runs out of the room. After Monica leaves Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and then goes over to talk to her. Ross asks Rachel, "So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Ya know since I've been away at college." Preoccupied and uninterested, Rachel responds, "Oh! No, not really." Ross continues, "Well, that's cool. So did..." Before he can finish, Rachel walks away. Ross sheepishly returns his attention to Chandler. [The Knockout] Ready to twist the knife into Ross's unrequited love angst, Chandler says, "So that's Rachel, uh? The one girl you've been writing all those songs about? You might want to re-think the lyrics of She Feels Weird Since I've Been Gone."
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Headline GIF Source: GIPHY
It's What Grown-Ups Do
Season 5, Episode 6
Friends S5:E6 - Greetings, Friendinistas. I hope Week 94 of The Resistance finds you well. To start, let me state the obvious. This post is going to be a ? Grade-A Mail-In Special. If you have to ask why, you probably haven't been paying close enough attention to your favorite pop culture blog series since this happened. While writing that now infamous post, we made the decision to soldier on with this project under the philosophy that part of how we #resist is by maintaining a sense of normalcy. (In other words, had theLeftAhead abandoned Friends 20/20 after Election 2016 in order to instead cover Donald Trump full-time, we would've been playing into his hands since publicity, good, bad, or otherwise, is central to his grip on power. While many, many news outlets and blog sites believe with good intention that reporting on every horrible thing he does every single day is a dutiful form of resistance, in our opinion, a much more effective form of resistance and way of diffusing Donald Trump's power is to intentionally turn attention away from the circus that is his presidency at times and instead, maintain a grip on what normalcy was prior to Trump's America.) So, yes. For us, soldiering on with Friends 20/20 was the right decision. Not foreseen at the time but a byproduct that's been a pleasant surprise is that this blog series has gotten more political since Election 2016 because (by making the decision to continue the series) we simply don't have the manpower to adequately equip theLeftAhead with the necessary amount of political content to hold Trump accountable on all of the big stuff (not speaking here about the daily minutia of reprehensible behavior but things like Charlottesville, the massive transfer of wealth to the one percent through the GOP tax bill, the siding with Putin over our own intelligence agencies, Kavanaugh, babies in cages). So, since we don't always have the manpower to cover this stuff otherwise at theLeftAhead, Friends 20/20 has become a greater political forum by default. Having said all of that (to summarize, continuing the blog series was the right decision), today is one of those days where not just me - but all of us - have something more important to be focused on than Friends 20/20. Namely, compelling people to vote. We get the elected officials we deserve. Our fellow American citizens who believe in conservatism enough to sell their souls to the devil by aligning with the values that Donald Trump represents are planning to show up at the polls tomorrow. On their side, they show up to vote because they believe that it's what grown-ups do. (Now rationalizing a reason to condone Donald Trump's behavior isn't what grown-ups do but that's a different conversation.) The good news? They are a vastly outnumbered minority. Most Americans still believe in decency, and tolerance, and holding our leaders accountable to the rule of law. Most Americans want universal health care, and want to reverse climate change for future generations, and believe in holding corporate power in check, and think our current levels of wealth and income inequality are a moral dilemma. Here's the kicker. The vast, vast majority of younger eligible voters believe these things. Our job is to make sure that the vast, vast majority of us (particularly young voters) believe that we must vote because it's what grown-ups do. If we turn the corner on our collective thinking about our civic duty (we mobilize the youth vote, outwork the other side at GOTV, and operate with the mindset that we must ALL vote because it's what grown-ups do), we might begin to reverse the erosion of our democracy and start restoring dignity in our government. We might even elect some leaders who believe in the things that most of us believe in. We get the elected officials we deserve. If we all show up tomorrow and VOTE, we might just deserve to get elected officials like this...
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Emily asks Ross to sell all of his furniture and then move out of his apartment so she won't be subjected to Rachel cooties upon moving to New York, Phoebe's birth mom gives her a fur coat made from mink as a family heirloom that disgusts her at first before she decides it looks good on her, Chandler accidentally almost makes Phoebe woke about child labor abuses in Third World countries, Rachel fogs her new neighbor Danny in the storage room and then begins developing a love/hate relationship with him, Monica unconditionally forgives Rachel for also fogging her during the Danny storage room incident, Joey can't control his emotions (because he's an actor) and tells Ross how much he hates Emily's unreasonable requests, and Ross ultimately breaks up with Emily because when one is in a relationship with a partner that is that controlling and untrusting, it's what grown-ups do.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch – Thinking that it is their last time having dinner all together (because Emily has forbidden Ross to see Rachel once she moves to New York), the gang serendipitously sees Ugly Naked Guy through the window again for the first time after a long period of not seeing him.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey, Chandler, Monica and Phoebe are at Central Perk when Ross enters holding a flyer that he wants to post inside the coffee shop. While attempting to do so, he says "hey" to there rest of the gang. Noticing what Ross is doing, Gunther approaches him and says, "Oh, Ross. Ross! You can't put up flyers in here." Caught off guard, Ross responds, "How come? Everybody else does." Gunther matter-of-factly responds, "you can't" in a way that clearly demonstrates his biased against one of Rachel's ex-boyfriends. Before Ross can protest, Monica asks, "What is that?" His attention successfully diverted, Ross turns to Monica and answers, "Oh, umm, I'm just getting rid of a couple of things." Monica looks at the flyer and observes, "This is all of your things." Putting on a brave face, Ross responds, "Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it's—Emily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Ya know, brand new." Monica counters, "So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale." Agreeing, Ross continues, "Touched. Used. Sat on. Slept on." Still hovering near the conversation, Gunther interrupts by informing Ross, "I'll take it all." Moving right past the stalker-alert implications of Gunther's offer, Joey asks Ross, "Hey, Ross, you're okay with that?" Ross answers, "Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine." Chandler follows up with, "Okay, but don't you think this is a little extreme?" Ross suggests, "After what I did? Can you blame her?" Phoebe validates Ross by offering, "Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green." Hearing this, Ross makes a b-line for the restroom. After he leaves, a frustrated Joey asks, "What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies?" Monica interjects, "Now calm down Joey." Joey does not relent, however, continuing, "No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us!" Phoebe concurs, "Oh, I hate this. Everything's changing." [The Knockout] Clearly more concerned with taking a sarcastic shot than he is about the implications of the Ross-Emily-Rachel situation, Chandler piles on, "Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence."
Video Source: Beto for Texas on YouTube
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Me Too
Season 5, Episode 5
Friends S5:E5 - Trick or Phoebe, smell my Phoebe, give me something Phoebe to eat. If you Phoebe, I don’t Phoebe, I’ll Phoebe down your underwear! What. Is. Good, Mercedes Friends? Welcome to our fifth annual Halloween Post-Extravaganza! ? (I realize that my use of the comma there means a) I could be writing a Halloween extravaganza blog post or b) we could be celebrating Halloween after having an extravaganza.) 👻 Any who, how're ya doing on this lovely Halloween Eve-Eve? If you're in the spirit of the season like I am and, therefore, open to a fright, we have quite a scare in store for you later in the post. Before we get to that, however, it occurred to me that while we are celebrating Halloween today, funnily, our Friends 20/20 episode analysis won't be part of the celebration because our FRIENDS were not celebrating Halloween 20 years ago in the episode under discussion. The GOAT 🐐 sitcom certainly had years with Halloween-themed episodes but this does not happen to be one of them. While I might find that batty, right now in my head, I'm envisioning you - the reader - completely unimpressed by the observation in such a condescending way, you decide to respond to me in your best Chandler Bing-impression voice, snickering, "Well, ah Boohoo." Fine. Enough FRIENDS observations for today. I can tell that ever since I let the (black) cat out of the bag that there is going to be a scare in today's post, you're all fixated in anticipation. Fine, fine, fine. Without further ado, I present...
Me Too: A Donald Trump Horror Story
Chandler and Monica Bing sat down with me (Ken Adams) in their Westchester County, New York home last Thursday, October 18th, 2018, to give their first public statements and provide video documentation to theLeftAHead of then Monica Geller's "Me Too" moment.
[Ken] Monica and Chandler, thank you so much for choosing to share your story with theLeftAhead. Monica, please begin, whenever you're ready.
[Monica] Well, thanks for having us Ken. I guess I'll start by giving a little background. The year was 1998, twenty-years ago, almost to the day, in fact.
[Ken] Is that why you chose to go public with your story now? The twenty-year anniversary?
[Monica] Well, I hadn't really thought about it until just now, so no, Mr. Adams. Our reason for going public now is that Chandler and I felt that perhaps my story could help empower other survivors and also help inform voters.
[Chandler] Yeah, so anyway, as Mon was saying, it was roughly 20-years ago...
[Monica] Now, that I'm thinking about it, it was the weekend of October 23rd -25th, 1998, to be exact.
[Chandler] Nobody needed you to be that exact, but whatever...
[Monica] Nobody needed you to interrupt me but you still did that now didn't you?
[Ken] Monica, please continue.
[Monica] Anyway, as I was saying, Chandler and I were really new in our relationship and we were still hiding it from our friends so we decided to have a weekend getaway to get a break from all of the sneaking around.
[Chandler] We told our friends that we both had out-of-town work conferences. It was genius, except for one small detail. Monica decided to say her conference was in New Jersey without consulting me. Had she consulted me, she would've found out that my fake conference was already in New Jersey so it would have made more sense for her fake-conference to be somewhere else as to not arouse suspicion.
[Monica] You're doing it again.
[Chandler] What?
[Monica] Interrupting me. So, once again, as I was saying, Chandler and I went away to Atlantic City for a romantic getaway weekend and immediately started fighting.
[Ken] Why were you fighting?
[Monica] Chandler was obsessed with watching some stupid car chase from the moment we got there and when I called him out for being inconsiderate, he called me, "Mom."
[Chandler] Umm, actually...the reason we were fighting and not having fun is that you made us change rooms 17 times upon arrival.
[Monica] Whatever, Speed Racer. So, even though we were fighting, we decided to grab dinner together on Saturday and as we were walking back into the lobby of the hotel after dinner, to our great surprise, we saw Donald Trump waiting for an elevator in the lobby.
[Chandler] Kenny, as you might imagine, I'm not big on videography. Having said that, I just so happened to have a video camera on this particular occasion. It was a video camera that belonged to my roommate at the time, Joey Tribianni. He had brought it with him on a trip to London and also used it when our other friend Phoebe had her brother's triplets.
[Monica] Tell him why you, a non-viroegraphy enthusiast, had Joey's camera on our trip to New Jersey.
[Chandler] Monica and I wanted to use it in the hotel room on our weekend get-a-way for...
[Monica] Excuse me, Monica and I?
[Chandler] I wanted to use it in our hotel room that weekend to try a thing I learned in Maxim Magazine.
[Ken] I'm sorry, did you say your friend Phoebe had her brother's triplets?
[Chandler] Story for another time, Kenny. Story for another time.
[Monica] Chandler, get on with your videotape part already.
[Chandler] Sorry, Mon, TMI? Okay, anyway...as soon as we approached and I realized it was Donald Trump waiting for the elevator, I thought I could one-up Joey's footage of him and Fergie (he got her on camera on the aforementioned London trip) by getting Trump to be on camera with Monica.
[Monica] So we approached Donald Trump and Chandler asked if we could get footage of him posing for a hug with me.
[Chandler] At first he seemed approachable and amenable to our request.
[Monica] Oh, man, did that quickly change. As soon as he turned his attention from Chandler to me, something changed in his demeanor. He put a TicTac in his mouth and he moved on me. I was shocked because Chandler was standing right there. I stepped aside and quickly reported that the guy that had asked for the picture is my boyfriend. He mumbled that he didn't care and something about being a star. He had become so tunnel-visioned with his infatuation for me, he hadn't even noticed that Chandler had lifted to camera and was now filming him.
[Chandler] To my complete astonishment, in front of a lobby full of people, he approached Monica again and stuck his and out to grab her...
[Monica] Luckily, my brother once taught me some martial artists and so I used the concept of Unagi to sense what this pervert was attempting to do and to quickly react by karate chopping Donald Trump's hand away before he had successfully grabbed my private area. He was extremely agitated at my ability to defend myself and angrily screamed at me, "You're supposed to let me do this, you rotten bitch. Whatever, you're a dog anyway. If you worked for me, I'd tell you, 'You're fired.' Have a nice life regretting turning down the best thing that ever happened to you."
[Chandler] Without ever once turning back to me to notice that I was filming, Donald Trump stormed onto the elevator and his scowling, pumpkin face disappeared behind the elevator doors as they closed.
[Ken] Tell me you got the whole thing on tape.
[Chandler] Could I have gotten any more of the whole thing on tape?
[Ken] That's a yes?
[Monica] Yes, that's Chandler's dumb-ass way of saying yes.
[Ken] I've heard whispers from many other journalists over the past couple of years about the existence of an Elevator Tape. Are you telling me...?
[Chandler] Exactly Ken, my man. I shot the Elevator Tape!
[Monica] Well, I starred in it! So I win!
[Chandler] Yes, dear, as always...you win. Anyway, Kenny...see the common misconception among the journalistic rumors is that the incident took place in Trump Towers when in fact, it happened at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City before Trump was forced to declare bankruptcy there. What a loser, I mean, you've got to be pretty bad a business to bankrupt a casino. Any of my colleagues in the advertising world, you see, I'm in advertising...
[Monica] Chandler, shut up.
[Chandler] Yes, dear.
[Ken] Well, I must say, this is an incredible development one week before the midterms. And you're willing to release the tape today to theLeftAhead for us to make available to the public?
[Monica] We are, Ken. This has been a tough decision, I really value my privacy. I actually almost came forward in 2016, but when so many other women came forward after the Access Hollywood tape, I assumed that Trump's sexual misconduct would be a disqualifying for him to become President of the United States. I assumed he would lose the election without me needing to come forward and I could go on living my private life. To this day, it still boggles my mind that that disgusting, pervert won. I have had a nagging thought in my mind ever since. What kind of message does excusing Donald Trump's sexual misconduct by electing him president send to our kids? What kind of example do our children currently have in the White House? My kids, Jack and Erica, will be eligible to vote for the first time in the 2020 Presidential Election and I fear if the voters don't provide a check on his power in the midterms, there may not be a 2020 election. The stakes are too high this time. I had to come forward. I had to speak out. If our interview and our releasing of the infamous Elevator Tape helps persuade one person to vote on Tuesday, November 6th who was planning to sit the midterms out, then the sacrifice of our privacy will be worth it.
[Ken] Monica, Chandler, thank you.
[Monica] Thanks, Ken.
[Chandler] Thanks, Kenny.
Fin.
I hope you've enjoyed our horror story. The scariest part? While our Halloween tale is hyperbole, it is not really an exaggerated portrayal of the behavior of the real-life Donald Trump and the fact that this behavior was not disqualifying for him to be elected to the most distinguished position in our government is a true indictment on our society and its erosion of decency. For two years now, we've been living in the aftermath of what Thomas Friedman aptly coined our Moral 9/11 and Election 2018 is our chance to Make America Good Again. One week from Tuesday, we need to make Lady Liberty the new face of the Me Too Movement and say #TimesUp on the deal with the devil that the Republican Party made in order to be in control of our government - their choice to be complicit in Donald Trump's assault on the moral fabric of the United States of America. Help make sure that their cynical, win-at-all-costs degradation of our values will not prevail in the end. Vote for a Blue Wave of decency on November 6th.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica and Chandler go on a weekend getaway to get a break from all of their sneaking around, Rachel's family dog LaPoo dies which causes her to start getting nose bleeds, Ross (temporarily set back by Rachel's nose bleeds) finally tells her that he has promised Emily to stop seeing her in order to get Emily to come to New York, Phoebe agrees to Rachel's plot to start a new group and decides to recruit Joey for it, Joey figures out that Chandler and Monica are hooking up and then promises them he won't tell anyone else, and Monica and Chandler get in a huge fight on their weekend getaway but then Monica explains to Chandler that couples in an adult relationship can work through a fight while indicating to him that she wants to make up followed by him indicating, "me too."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are in Monica's bedroom pretending to flip Monica's mattress but really attempting to wait out an expected fight between Ross and Rachel. Chandler is listening intently out into the living room through the door. Phoebe asks him, "Can you hear anything?" Chandler sarcastically responds, "Oh yes, somebody just said, 'Can you hear anything?'” Monica looks over across the room to see Joey bending over on the other side of her bed. She asks, "Hey, Joey's ass, what are you doing?" Joey raises back up holding a box that he pulled out from under the bed and reports, "Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here." Looking through the box, Monica says, "Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles…" Before she can finish, Phoebe interjects, "Ooh, Madlibs, mine!" She proceeds to snatch up the MadLibs. Glancing in the box, Chandler asks Joey, "Condoms?" Joey defensively explains, "You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth." [The Knockout] Using his interrogation technique as if it were a sharp blade, Chandler questions, "And condoms are the way to do that?"
Featured Image Source: Pikara Magazine
Headline Image Source: HuffPost
A Selfless Good Deed
Season 5, Episode 4
Friends S5:E4 - Hey there. Fancy seeing you here. How goes it, Friendsters? Good to be with you once again on this incogitable Monday afternoon. (That's right, I went with incogitable.) We have a fine post for you today. Maybe one of our finest posts ever. (The Conan O'Brien tribute that you just participated in was proudly [but unfortunately] brought to you by the abandonment of the hour-long format on Conan ?.) For starters, today's episode features a disagreement between Phoebe and Joey and, if you haven't been previously made aware, a Phoebe v. Joey argument is about as hilarious as beef between two of the main characters can get (Chandler v. Ross and Monica v. Rachel also come to mind). Speaking specifically to the Phoebe v. Joey face-off in today's episode, I think we all know who's to blame. Thanks a lot, PBS. Because of the trauma you inflicted on poor little grieving-the-death-of-her-mom Phoebe, we all have to bare witness to Joey insisting there is no such thing as a selfless good dead and Phoebe setting out to prove him wrong. On second though, thank you, PBS, for your negligence and abuse of childhood Phoebe. Her quest in pursuit of a selfless good dead is hilarious and quite a treat for us, the viewers. The second reason why we have a fine post today and maybe our finest post ever is because we have a piping hot, delicious age-continuity Gandalf Gaffe to feast upon later in the post. As many of you know, there are few things I find more appetizing than a well-seasoned, mouth watering age continuity Double G. You can bet your bottom dollar that I'm looking forward to that section of the post. Speaking of appetizing, I part ways with you today by moving right into the third and final reason why we have a fine post today and maybe our finest ever. If you know Friends 20/20 (and I think you do), you're probably already guessed the last juicy thing that makes this post fine. That's right, we also have a juicy Friends pop culture reference to discuss this week. Can't think of what it is? Let me point you towards another one of the most famous comedy shows to air on the very same network as Friends. That network? NBC. The other famous comedy show? Saturday Night Live. That's right, you got it now. The juiciness I speak of is none other than the Friends reference Seth Meyers pop cultured on the SNL stage during his monologue Saturday night. You will find the video embedded below. And that, boys and girls, is what you call a Fine Post Trifecta. You're welcome. I'll be there for you again next week. Until then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe challenges Joey's motives for taking part in a PBS telethon, Joey (in turn) challenges Phoebe's motives for having her brother's triplets, Ross has to decide between cutting Rachel out of his life in order to stay married or keeping Rachel in his life and having to get divorced, Rachel catches Monica in a compromising seductive position in her room, Monica makes up a secret new boyfriend from work to explain away Rachel's embarrassing discovery, Chandler starts behaving obnoxiously when he finds out that Monica told Rachel her secret new boyfriend is the best sex she's ever had, and, when Phoebe feels good that her PBS contribution allowed Joey to get on television at the telethon, she is forced to concede once and for all that there is no such thing as a selfless good dead.
Gandalf Gaffes - G...G...Grab your mittens, girls and boys because it's cold outside and we have a doozy of a Double G to discuss today. As we have already started discovering previously in this section of the blog series, dealing with the FRIENDS character's ages and birthdays is one of the biggest continuity issues our dear writer's room consistently liked to serve up for us on the Gandalf Gaffe buffet. And, as we are coming to find out, Ross Geller's age and birthday is the most problematic of all six of our major characters. Today's gaffe continues to argue that case. While lamenting the choice that Emily has presented him (he stops seeing Rachel and she moves to New York or he doesn't stop seeing Rachel and they get divorced), Ross complains to Monica, Phoebe, and Chandler, "Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30." Wow, I'm not a scientist like Dr. Geller, but I'm pretty sure that the rules of the space-time continuum that apply to the rest of us also apply to Ross. I'm guessing that this event taking place before Ross turns 30 is a little...I don't no...IMPOSSIBLE. You see there is a funny thing called facts and one of them is that Ross established his age in The Pilot aka S1:E1 aka Grab a Spoon aka the very first episode of the show by complaining to Joey and Chandler, "I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!" So, despite Ross' age being established essentially from the jump, somehow, more than five years later, he still has not reached the age of 30? This is so not possible and I'm about to demonstrate why. In Friends S4:E5 aka I'm Gonna Head, Ross establishes his birthday month when he says in response to Gunther informing Rachel he's creating a list of people's birthdays, "Mine's December..." This means that two months after The Pilot, Ross turned from 26 to 27 years old which, referring back to that space-time continuum thingy, in turn means that in December 1997 Ross turned (ding ding ding ding ding...you guessed it) the big 3-0. Since today's episode takes place sometime between May 1998 and October 1998 (it's not exactly clear how many weeks after Ross's May 1997 wedding in London our story has advanced), there is no possible way that Ross could be complaining about a second divorce before the age of 30. Am I right? Or am I right? Or am I right? Since you all know how much age and birthday continuity issues really tend to stick in my craw, I'm ruling this a level three infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #21: While seeking advise from Monica, Phoebe, and Chandler on his impending decision to stop seeing Rachel and stay married or keep seeing Rachel and get divorced, Ross complains about the prospect of being twice-divorced before the age of 30. Sorry, not possible, try again. S1:E1 establishes Ross's age as 26 and S4:E5 establishes his birthday month as December so the point in the series that Ross turned 30 was December 1997 which is clearly prior to the Emily marriage situation as it is playing out in 1998.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe, Monica, Ross, and Chandler are at Monica and Rachel's apartment eating breakfast when Joey enters wearing a tuxedo. He greets everyone saying, "Hey!" Noticing what Joey is wearing, Chandler freaks out declaring, "Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!" Joey responds, "Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned." Monica begins to inquire and then thinks better of it, asking, "Vomit tux? Who vomited on—y'know what, what you up to Joe?" Joey answers excitedly, "Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!" Monica reacts, "Oh that's great!" Joey continues, "A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!" Raining on his parade, Phoebe chimes in, "Ugh, PBS!" Curious, Monica asks, "What's wrong with PBS?" Annoyed, Phoebe responds, "Ugh, what's right with them?" Dutifully following up on Monica's original questions, Joey asks her, "Why don’t you like PBS, Pheebs?" Finally compelled to give the real answer, Phoebe replies, "Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back." [The Knockout] Like Batman breaking through the glass ceiling and parachuting down to confront the Joker, Chandler from out-of-nowhere defends PBS, arguing, " Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Official Miss Val
Headline GIF Source: Recap Guide
What About Gunther?
Season 5, Episode 2
Friends S5:E2 - It has been four long, hard years since she first walked into my life. Sure, when that happened she was a hot mess - drenched and wearing a wedding dress that she clearly didn't need to be wearing. Everyone else here in the coffee shop probably thought she looked crazy. But not me. I didn't care. She was an angel, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life. Four long, excruciating years. Of course it was the biggest break of my life when she decided to come waitress here at Central Perk. But as amazing as it was to have her close by for eight hours a day, five days a week...it was also torture. It was like finding out there is a store that exclusively sells pink, purple, and yellow shirts only to discover when you try to shop there that not a single item in the store comes in your size. I mean, if she wasn't dating that Italian Fabio bozo then she was doing the "getting back together" thing with that tool Barry. But worst of all by far? That stupid, stupid doofus, Ross. God, I hate him. I could just smack the crunchy hair right off of his head. How on earth did she ever find HIM sexy? He's such a dweeb. I mean, he's not even close to being in the same league as me. I was Bryce on All My Children for Christ's sake. He plays with Dinosaurs for a living. DINOSAURS. Seriously, Geller? When the third grade teacher asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, you do know you weren't legally obligated to follow through, right? And of course, while dating him, Ross convinced Rachel to quit her job at Central Perk. That one killed me. She was happy here and he just couldn't leave well enough alone. We could've worked together here for the next 40 years, but nooooooo...after getting involved with Ross, she got it in her head that coffee wasn't a glamorous enough career. Like fashion is better? Whatever. I will never forgive Ross for taking the 40 hours a week I spent with Rachel away from me. I mean, now that she's just a customer, she only spends about 33 hours a week hanging out at the Perk. That's seven hours a week and 28 hours a month less that I get to see my queen. Thanks a pant load, Tyrannosaurus Ross.
I still remember the day that my roommate at the time, Jasmine, told me that this moron had cheated on Rachel with Chloe from the copy shop. (YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE DUMBEST IDIOT ALIVE TO CHEAT ON THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.) I won't lie. Even though my plan didn't work out, I really, really got a lot of pleasure out of being the one to tell Rachel that Dinosaur Boy was stepping out. Oh, what was my plan? Yeah, my plan was that after I told Rachel about Ross cheating on her, she would be so distraught she would need to find comfort in the arms of a friend and former co-worker. I assumed that she would melt into my arms crying when I delivered the news and before you could say, "platinum blonde hair dye," tah-dah, we would become lovers. As you know, since we're sitting here today and I'm wearing my lament on my pink sleeve, that's not what happened. Instead, she just sulked over to a window seat and sat there in a daze until that weasel Ross came dashing into the shop asking me to lie for him. (WHAT. A. SNAKE.) Nonetheless, even though that wasn't Rachel's and my moment, at least the Rossasaurus was finally out of the picture. At that point, I thought I'd give my darling Rachel a little time to get over the trauma of being cheated on. But of course, just when I was plotting to finally ask her out, that frat bro, douchebag Mark from her fashion job got to her first. Lucky for me, that didn't last long. But after Mark, quicker than you can say "clean the cappuccino machine," (because Rachel and all of her "friends" hang out at the Perk everyday, all day), I caught wind of the rumor that Rachel was still in love with stupid Ross, even though he was engaged to some British twit named Emily. As much as I hated the idea of Rachel still being in love with my arch enemy, at least Ross was engaged to someone else. Suffice it to say, I was a BIG fan of the Ross and Emily relationship. I won't lie, at the time I was hoping that that Emily was doing the kinds of things to him in bed that would make him marry her fast and never, ever look back again to what he had with Rachel.
As you can imagine, I was really nervous last week when Phoebe told me that Rachel had flown to England to try to ruin the wedding by informing Ross she was still in love with him. When Chandler and Joey got back and told me that Rachel was in Barbados on Ross's honeymoon, I nearly had a heart attack. Luckily, later that day, Monica clarified that Rachel was there but Ross wasn't because he actually married Emily. So why, then, was Rachel in Barbados instead of Ross and Emily? She also said that Ross accidentally said Rachel's name during the service. (WHAT. A. BONEHEAD. Although, in fairness, I can't really blame him for that one. I've practiced saying my "I do's" to Rachel in the mirror several hundred times since I first met her.) At this point, I was relieved to hear that Ross followed through on marrying Emily but, at the same time, I was a little worried that that Ross / Rachel door was still slightly cracked open by the accidental name incident. At any rate, Rachel returned yesterday from her trip to Barbados and, while sitting here at the Perk, she wisely decided that she needed to move on from Ross. She FINALLY said she was ready to date someone else. HALLELUJAH! Wait, it gets better. By the grace of God, Monica got involved and asked, "What about Gunther?" Those magical words. My heart almost leaped into my throat. My moment had finally arrived. I listened intently from behind the bar as Rachel started responding, "Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda…" I SWEAR TO GOD she was about to say, "cute" when Ross's annoying sister cut her off and pointed to that male-model-looking-type dude Dave that is a frequent customer here, saying, "Oh, what about that guy over there? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time." Monica went on to convince her to go and talk to him and before you know it, she had asked Dave out on a date. I died a thousand deaths. I also marched over to that ass-munch Dave with the "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone" sign and kicked that fool to the curb, LOL. As good as that felt, it didn't make up for how close Monica had come to making my life perfect before subsequently stomping on my heat. Monica giveth and Monica taketh away. Now, once again, I am forced to wait as Rachel dates Dave (or figure out a way to sabotage her new relationship). And if that is what I must do, that is what I must do. One day Rachel will be mind. Oh yes, one day she will be mine. Four long, painstakingly horrific years. Damn the Gellers. Damn the Gellers to hell.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel admits that she thinks Gunther is cute, Phoebe is frustrated that the rest of the gang have all of these shared "insider" memories of their trip to London that she wasn't a part of because she was too pregnant to travel to Ross's wedding, Chandler pretends to have picked up a new, European farewell kiss when he accidentally kisses Monica in front of Rachel and Phoebe, Monica is elated when Rachel puts her in charge of making her decisions for her, Joey goes out in search of Boddington's - a London beer- in NYC, Ross attempts to send Emily 72 long-stemmed red roses to make up for the fact that he said Rachel's name at the wedding and then invited her on their honeymoon, and Rachel moves quickly past her attraction to Gunther to allow Monica to direct her to ask out Dave instead which in turn begs the question, "what about Gunther?"
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang has just left Monica and Rachel's apartment to go to the hospital because Phoebe's water broke. Everyone else has already gone downstairs but Monica and Chandler decide to linger behind in the hallway to get some alone time. Monica says to Chandler, "I can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!" Chandler responds, "I know, it's beautiful. Amazing." They proceed to kiss in celebration of the exciting moment. After the kiss, Chandler offers, "Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room." [The Knockout] Continuing with a gleam in his eye like he's just discovered evidence of life on another planet, Chandler proposes, "I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex."
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Headline Image Source: Unbelievable Facts