You Forgot Your Legs
Season 1, Episode 23
Friends S1:E23 - What's golden, my friends of Friends? Can you guess why I am excited on this beautiful Monday afternoon? That's right. You guessed it. Today we are reviewing the penultimate episode of Season One. And you know what that means, right? Exactly. Only one more week until I get a three month break from the cumbersome weekly grind of this project! Yes, yes, y'all. Summer is coming. Now, I don't want to get the reputation as a slacker or someone who despises his job, but considering that when I proposed the idea for this project to my editor, I did so fully expecting him to reject it. I never intended to have to write for deadlines at theLeftAhead. I was just trying to demonstrate an ability to think outside of the box during the pitch meeting with my editor. Well, the joke was on me when he approved the project and I found myself committed to 24 Friends deadlines a year for 10 years. Nevertheless, I will be one-tenth of the way through my commitment after two more posts so let's get right down to business, shall we? When we last left our heroes, they were rushing to the hospital to bear witness to the birth of Ross' son. In this episode, we meet the gang back at the hospital and watch hilarity ensue as Ross and Susan almost miss the birth of their child by accidentally getting themselves locked in a supply closet with Phoebe. Phoebe also puts on hospital worker Ben's uniform in the supply closet which later gives Ross, Susan, and Carol the inspiration to name their child Ben.
Another important layer to this episode happens as Monica and Chandler are killing time in the waiting room. They joke about being in a relationship. This is the first time in the series that we see these two interact romantically. While the interaction takes place in jest as they are clearly joking about being involved, it raises the question of whether or not this was foreshadowing on the part of the Friends writers or just a coincidence. Put a pin in that for now (they will find themselves interacting in this way again during the beach episodes and before their eventual hook up) but it was definitely worth making a note in this blog series of the first time that these characters flirted with the idea of a relationship. Moving right along, I'm also excited to report that we actually have two Gandalf Gaffes to dissect this week later in the post. So considering that we have some red meat to chew on later and in the spirit of brevity (in other words, getting me one step closer to summer vacation), I'll close by wishing a happy belated Mother's Day to all of the moms out there in our readership. Happy Mother's Day to you too, Carol Willick. Ben is a precious baby boy. Oh, and Happy Lesbian Lover's Day to you, Susan Bunch. On to the recap...
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross gets locked in a closet with Susan and Phoebe while Carol is in labor, Joey befriends a pregnant women whose boyfriend isn't around to help with the birth, Rachel flirts with Carol's doctor, Chandler and Monica joke about being in a relationship (hmm...foreshadowing?), Phoebe helps Ross and Susan see the bigger picture while they are fighting and inadvertently puts the idea out there to name the baby Ben, and Ross gets to the delivery room just in time to see the birth of his son right after a janitor informs him, "you forgot your legs."
Gandalf Gaffes - Today we have a double play! There are two gaffes for the price of one in this episode. Our first gaffe takes place in a conversation between Rachel and Chandler at the hospital. Rachel has just returned from changing into a dress to impress Carol's doctor (who she was previously flirting with). Chandler asks, "Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?" Rachel responds, "yeah" confirming that her father is indeed a doctor (we come to find out later in the series that Rachel's father is a heart surgeon). Discovering that Rachel's father is a doctor in S1:E23 contradicts a phone conversation that she had with him in S1:E17. After Monica (pretending to be Rachel on a double date) informs Rachel's dad over the phone that she had sex on his bed with Billy Dreskin (presumably an old boyfriend) during freshman year, Rachel calls her father back and attempts to undo the damage. Rachel tells her dad on the phone, "Daddy, why why would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business." This conversation insinuates that Rachel's father is some sort of business owner and not a doctor. It is possible that she could have been suggesting that Billy Dreskin's father tried to put him out of business as a doctor, but it would not have likely been phrased that way. She might have said something to the effect of, "his father tried to sue you for malpractice." Therefore, the most likely conclusion is that Rachel's father was originally conceived to be a business owner in S1:E17 which makes it a Gandalf Gaffe to reference him as a doctor in S1:E23. Since there is a tiny bit of wiggle room to make the argument that Billy Dreskin's father could have been trying to put a doctor out of business, we will rule this as a level one infraction.
For our second Gandalf Gaffe, it appears that the Friends casting department has tried to slip a fast one by us. In this episode, they use June Gable (the actress who plays Joey's agent Estelle Leonard) as the delivery room nurse during Carol's pregnancy with Ben. June had previously appeared in S1:E6 as Estelle Leonard. Here's where it gets a little tricky. Estelle's scene was actually cut from the broadcast version of S1:E6 (she doesn't reappear as Estelle Leonard to make the broadcast cut until S2:E10) but remember, our bible for the Friends universe is the extended versions of the episodes that appear on the DVD release. Estelle's scene is included in this version of the episode, therefore June Gable has already been established as Estelle Leonard by the time S1:E23 rolls around where casting contradicts an established role by having her play a delivery room nurse. This Gandalf Gaffe is also a level one infraction since it does not directly create a plot contradiction.
Gandalf Gaffe #4: Rachel's father is referenced as a business man in S1:E17 but that reference is contradicted in S1:E23 when Rachel confirms that he is a doctor.
Gandalf Gaffe #5: June Gable, the actress portraying the character of Joey's agent Estelle Leonard in S1:E6 (and recurring 9 more times throughout the series run), also plays the delivery room nurse in S1:E23.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The entire gang is in the delivery room with Carol, Ross, and Susan. A nurse, sensing the ridiculousness of having the father's entire group of friends in the room, announces, "All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!" Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey wish Carol good luck and start exiting the room. Chandler appears to be following them out and then turns around to address the nurse. [The Knockout] He mischievously propositions her, "Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?"
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Headline Image Source: Recap Guide
Dream Score
Season 1, Episode 22
Friends S1:E22 - Greetings to all of you fine ladies and gents out there throughout the Friendsosphere on this gloomy Monday afternoon. As you might have already imagined, the offices here at theLeftAhead are rather quiet today after the San Antonio Spurs lost a heartbreaking Game 7 111-109 to the Los Angeles Clippers on Saturday night to bow out in the first playoff series of their title defense. In fact, I'm the only person here at work today. Ted James, our editor-in-chief and resident Spurs blogger, has not been heard from since Saturday night. This, in and of itself, is not highly unusual. He regularly disappears from the offices for days at a time without checking in and no one around here ever seems to mind (since every first and fifteenth our pay checks are always on time) but I imagine that this Spurs defeat is especially difficult for him since he is the biggest fan of the team that I have ever met in my entire life. I'm checking the site as we speak and he still hasn't posted Four Back (which invariably will be his last post in the Black & Silver series for the season) but I'm sure he will get around to posting that in the next few days. As a Spurs fan myself, I can say that watching Chris Paul hit the shot with one second left on the clock to win Game 7 on Saturday night was a hard pill to swallow but I'll also say that the Spurs played valiantly on the road in a hostile environment and should be extremely proud of what they've accomplished over the past two seasons. I have no doubt that they'll be right back in the thick of things next year. But I digress, you didn't click on this post to read about the San Antonio Spurs...you're here for some good old recapping of an episode of television that originally aired 20 years ago. My apologies for the off-topic opening paragraph, I just figured some of you may be interested in the goings on (or lack there of) here in theLeftAhead offices today.
So this episode was a little weird, huh? The writers certainly decided to pick this as the time to start testing the boundaries a little bit of what was acceptable sexual subject matter for mid-nineties primetime American television. You've got Monica inadvertently committing statutory rape with an "awe shucks" all-american man child and you've also got multiple dialogues about Rachel's dream orgies. Throw in Ross' telephone conversations returning pages to strangers who had intended to reach 55-JUMBO, and you've got quite a risqué half an hour of television for a pre-Lewinsky scandal Clinton Administration audience. By today's standards (of course) this episode doesn't move the proverbial "controversy needle" even one iota but back in those days...quite a bold script. Of course, it was easier for Friends writers to take risks while they were sharing a network and a Thursday night lineup with Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld (who were taking bolder risks on a weekly basis). Nevertheless, this episode displayed a noticeable shift outwards towards the boundaries of acceptable subject matter for our beloved sitcom. This episode also (by way of Chandler's subordinates doing impersonations of him) kicks off a ten year run of other characters on the show making jokes of impersonating Chandler's conversation style and mannerisms, which is one of the better reoccurring gags of the series. Could that bit be any funnier? Finally, Ross receives a page near the end of the episode that will change his life forever. Our week concludes with the gang getting ready to leave for the hospital after Ross finds out that Carol is in labor and he is about to become a father. Of course, this happens right after Ross has stumbled upon Rachel napping and discovered that he has dream scored with her. Once again, a reoccurring theme for Season One rears its ugly head...every time Ross is on the verge of making things happen with Rachel, something always comes up. So that's that. When we return next week (same friendly time, same friendly channel) we'll finally be meeting Ross' son. Until then, if you see Ted James wandering around near the edge of a cliff somewhere, tell him that this too shall pass and to remember that despite this year's painful exit...the fact remains that the San Antonio Spurs have still won five out of the last sixteen NBA championships and no one can ever take that away from us. Go sports.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel starts has a dream that she hooks up with Chandler and then later has a dream where she hooks up with both Chandler and Joey, Monica dates Ethan (who she believes to be a college senior but later finds out is a high school senior), Chandler allows Phoebe to fill in as his secretary for a couple of weeks and learns from her that is subordinates at work no longer like him since he was promoted to be their boss, and Ross is disillusioned by the idea of Rachel having sex dreams about Chandler and Joey but later discovers that he also has had a dream score with Rachel while she is napping on the couch right before he finds out that Carol is going into labor with his son.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk discussing the dream Rachel had in which she and Chandler hooked up. Ross, noticeably disturbed by the thought of the girl that he has a crush on dreaming about sex with his best friends, asks Rachel, "Why, why, why would you dream that?" Before she can respond, Chandler interjects, "More importantly, was I any good?" Responding to Chandler instead of Ross, Rachel informs, "Well, you were pretty damn good." In typical self-deprecating fashion, Chandler remarks, "Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm always surprisingly inadequate." Reassuringly, Rachel continues, "Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table." Visibly flabbergasted, Ross interjects, " I love it, when we share." He thens gets up from the couches and walks over to the coffee shop counter. Chandler follows him over and asks, "You okay there?" Ross answers, "I can't believe you two had sex in her dream." [The Knockout] Chandler responds sarcastically, " I'm sorry, it was a one-time thing. I was very drunk and it was somebody else's subconscious."
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Headline Image Source: Xellix on Deviant Art
Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof
Season 1, Episode 21
Friends S1:E21 - Hey there, all you friendly connoisseurs of Friends. How's everyone doing this lovely Monday afternoon? I'm resplendent myself, thanks for asking. It is an exciting time here at theLeftAhead. Not only am I embarking on the stretch run of blog posts for Friends: Season One, but if you've been checking in on the site over the past week, you will have noticed that Ted James, our fearless Editor-n-chief, is back writing with a vengeance as part of his annual Black & Silver blog series covering the San Antonio Spurs' playoff run. Being a Spurs fan is a prerequisite for landing a job at theLeftAhead, so I'd be remiss if (before moving on) I didn't add, Go Spurs Go! Now that that is out of the way, I'm really excited because there are only four episodes left of Season One to write about over the next four weeks and then I'll probably be leaving on an extended summer vacation. (Isn't being a television blogger cool?) Mr. James would prefer me to stick around the offices over the summer and blog about something else other than Friends during the off-season. In his words, "I hired you as a pop culture writer not just to blog about a show that went off the air over 10 years ago." But (as I was sure to remind him) contractually, he can't force me to work over the summer so long as I am still fulfilling my obligations to the Friends 20/20 project. So we'll see. It could be four more Friends blog posts and then peace out until September. Or maybe you'll see me periodically during the summer blogging about hip hop album releases and summer blockbuster movies. (I mean, did you see the trailer for Jurassic World? I could easily put together 1000 words of sarcasm about that hot mess.) Only time will tell.
Research for today's episode provided a magnificent opportunity for one of my infamous internet deep dives. Yep, researching Joseph Stalin in preparation for this piece proved to be fertile territory. For example, did you know that Joseph Stalin was born Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili and was an ethnic Georgian? Did you further know that Joseph Stalin was fond of American cowboy movies? Born into different circumstances, who knows. I can see it now. John Wayne and Joseph Stalin are The Night Riders. See, that's why I'm here. To make jokes about tyrannical Russian leaders while adding to the depth of your historical knowledge. But as hilarious as the subplot of Chandler tricking Joey into taking Joseph Stalin as his stage name was, unfortunately this is also the episode that Ross is forced to say goodbye to Marcel. We talked extensively about Marcel (played by Katie the Monkey who is still thriving in Hollywood to this very day) in a previous blog post but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out once again that in limited appearances, Marcel is one of the most memorable Friends characters of the entire series run. Unlike Justin Bieber, Ross loves his furry friend enough to try to find him the best possible home when he is no longer able to keep Marcel. He somehow wins the "zoo lottery" and gets Marcel accepted into the San Diego Zoo. The writers create a clever comedic premise of likening Ross placing Marcel in a zoo to a parent getting a child into college. As you will see later in the CMQOTW, the analogy provides Chandler Bing with ample ammunition to deliver razor sharp wit and humor. The other storyline finds Monica becoming friends with a woman who stole her identity in an effort to learn how to live free and in the moment. Aside from Fake Monica trashing on Dead Poets Society (one of my favorite all-time movies), this storyline also proves to be quite entertaining. It is fun to watch Monica operate outside of her comfort zone. And that, ladies and gentleman, is what I've got. So (if you're playing along at home), we are now officially seven eighths of the way through Season One. We're so close to summer, I can already feel the sand between my toes. Enjoy the recap, etc. and I'll see all of you history buffs next week. Alas (as close as we are to Summertime), there is still work to be done. Study hard because you never know...they don't call it a pop quiz for nothing. Carpe diem!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica befriends a woman who has stolen her credit card and her identity, Ross is forced to come to grips with the fact that he can no longer keep Marcel, Joey tries to come up with a new stage name, Rachel and Phoebe help Monica track down the fake Monica, Chandler fills Joey's head full of embarrassing stage names, the gang says goodbye to Marcel after he is accepted into the San Diego Zoo, and Joey changes his stage name to Holden McGroin after he discover that Joseph Stalin is NOT the Fiddler on the Roof.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The guys are sitting at Central Perk trying to figure out what to do with Marcel after Ross has received the bad news that he can't keep him. Joey asks, "Isn't there any way you can keep him?" Ross replies, "No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin' he's just going to get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo." Joey, continuing his inquisition, asks "How do you get a monkey into a zoo?" Chandler bursts in, "I know that one! No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen." Ignoring Chandler, Ross continues, "Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. My vet knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility." [The Knockout] Chandler interjects, "Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo."
Featured Image Source: Bio.
Headline Image Source: The Public Reviews
How a Bill Becomes a Law
Season 1, Episode 20
Friends S1:E20 - From the depths of the sea, back to the block, your boy Kenny Adams is back on the clock, went solo on vacation but it's still the same, theLeftAhead is the spot where I run blog game. Yes, indeedy. I'm back once again for the stretch run of Friends: Season One. How was everyone's Spring Break? Mine was perfectly splendid, thanks for asking. So here's the scuttlebutt...today's episode takes us on a wonderful journey of discovery. We discover both how Rachel can very easily slip back into old bad habits with Barry (her ex-fiancé) and we also discover (thanks to some excellent diversionary tactics by Chandler) how a bill becomes a law. Consequently, as America has witnessed through recent happenings in Indiana, observing how a bill becomes a law can also double as an exercise in witnessing how the people's elected representatives can lose their collective minds to appease a fringe minority in the base of the majority party. But that's neither here nor there. What's important to remember from today's lesson is that, no matter what you're told by Chandler M. Bing, a leaf blower can't answer a telephone. Well kids, your teacher is in quite the rush to get out of class. Yes, yes, I know it is my first day back to work, but what can I tell you? Just because Spring Break has ended doesn't mean that the beautiful weather we're experiencing in my neck of the woods has to as well. Gotta run. For your homework assignment, watch Mr. Walt Disney and Schoolhouse Rock teach you all about how a bill becomes a law, write a report, and be prepared to give a presentation in next week's class. Until then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel has an affair with Barry (her ex-fiance) who is currently engaged to Mindy (her ex-best friend), Chandler conspires to arrange a second date with Danielle without coming across to her as desperate, Joey repeatedly walks in on Rachel during intimate embraces with female friends, Monica and Ross try to counsel Rachel during her reckless fling with Barry, Phoebe worries about he well-being of birds, and Rachel and Mindy make a pact to dump Barry together but Mindy does not have the strength to follow through despite the betrayal that was on display in Barry's behavior during the time he was seeing Rachel and Chandler was explaining how a bill becomes a law.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - While the gang is looking back at someone in a neighboring building after noticing that person has been snooping on them with a telescope, Phoebe also discovers that Ugly Naked Guy has brought home gravity boots.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang sans Rachel is at Central Perk talking about Chandler's first date with Danielle. Monica asks, "So have you called her yet?" Chandler responds, "Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem?" He then turns to Joey and Ross and asks, " I'm right, right?" Ross responds, "oh yeah" and Joey adds, "yeah, let her dangle." Flabbergasted at the guys' responses, Monica decries, "I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people." Equally perturbed, Phoebe grabs the phone and instructs Chandler, "Oh, God, just do it! Call her! Stop being so testosterone!" Chandler, getting his well oiled sarcasm machine warmed up, responds, "Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat." He then dials the number and abruptly hangs up informing the others, "I got her machine." Joey asks, "Her answering machine?" [The Knockout] Chandler rolls his eyes at Joey and responds, "No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up."
Video Source: Dr. Gerard Jabbow on YouTube
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Headline Image Source: Disney Video
The Heating and Cooling Milieu
Season 1, Episode 19
Friends S1:E19 - Hey there, everyone. How are you this fine Monday afternoon? I'm a little more chipper than usual today because once I finish this Friends post, I'll be heading off on vacation for the better part of the next month. Where am I going? Well, that's classified. But I can tell you where I'm not going and that is South by Southwest in Austin, TX. And since that festival (which was once a grassroots diamond in the rough) has now turned into a corporate monstrosity that lures everybody even remotely connected with the entertainment industry to the Lone Star State every March to shill their souls, as a native Texan (who hates watching my beloved Austin reach new depths every year in its willingness to sell-out) and as writer (who remembers that true artists forge their own path and never follow the herd), I'll be staying as far away from that freak show as possible. So yes, while the entire entertainment industry is in Texas, I'm looking forward to having my run of the other forty nine states during my vacation. But I digress. We still have unfinished business to take care of today before I can pack my bags and disappear. I'm excited to report, however, that our unfinished business just so happens to be monkey business. Now, usually I get in a tremendous amount of trouble with my editor when I start dabbling around in so-called "monkey business," but luckily I'll be getting a free pass today since malfeasance and tomfoolery is relevant to the content of the Friends episode we happen to be discussing.Indeed, today we are examining the episode where Marcel gets away. My research for this episode took me on an interesting internet deep dive looking into the monkey who played Marcel. Did you know that Marcel is actually a female white-throated capuchin named Katie? Did you further know that capuchins can live up to 45 years in captivity? Well, "if you don't know, now you know."
Katie was born in 1993 which made her a child star during her tenure on Friends. I was pleased to discover through my research that twenty years after Mr. Heckles put Marcel in a dress and called him Patti, Katie is still putting in work in Hollywood. She recently appeared in a photo shoot for Allure Magazine alongside Kendall Jenner. Good for you, Katie. Keep getting dem checks. Please, just do me a favor and don't show up in Austin next week at South By to sell Hennessy with Nas. Also, please don't call it South By...that is so pretentious. Returning to Katie's early classic work playing Marcel, we find her character in this episode playing an important role in the development of the Ross and Rachel storyline. Marcel's disappearance rolls perfectly into the dominant recurring theme of Season One. Marcel splitting (like and for a banana) from Monica and Rachel's apartment stands as the latest in a long line of incidents that get in the way of Ross' desire to ask Rachel out on a date. As per usual, Ross has concocted an elaborate plan to "woo" Rachel (as the kids are saying these days) which is foiled by circumstances outside of his control. While Marcel is returned safely to Ross in the end, dealing with all of that monkey business delays Ross from putting his "wooing" plan into motion so that by the time he gets around to asking Rachel out, he is preempted by Barry who bursts in to tell Rachel that marrying Mindy is a mistake because he is still in love with her. Whether it's cats, Italian guys, or ex-fiancés, Ross just hasn't been able to catch a break yet this season. Speaking of a break, sorry gang but I'm itching to embark on mine. I've sincerely enjoyed our time together so far in 2015, but your boy, Kenny Adams is ready to disappear for the rest of March and forge my own path...not in Texas. So if you also get one, have a transformational Spring Break. If you don't, "I'll be there for you" in spirit. See you pals in April.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel (who is distracted dealing with the news that Barry [her ex-fiancé] is engaged to Mindy [her former maid-of-honor] accidentally lets Marcel run away while looking after him for Ross, Joey and Chandler blow a chance to pick up "hot girls" while they are searching for Marcel, Monica is forced to reflect on her difficult high school years after standing behind Mr. Heckles' carnival mirror, Phoebe is shot with a tranquiler dart by Animal Control, and Barry shows up to tell Rachel he is still in love with her right before Ross is about to ask her out throwing Ross and Rachel back into the heating and cooling milieu.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The guys are eating lunch at a pizzeria and discussing Ross' latest plans to work up the courage to ask out Rachel. Ross is explaining his plan to meet up with Rachel at her apartment to pick up Marcel. He suggests, "Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey..." Chandler interjects "I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey." Undeterred, Ross continues, "Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her." [The Knockout] Chandler, laying on the condescension as thick as he can, suggests, "Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used."
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Headline Image Source: Dring Air Conditioning and Heating
The Big Green Poker Machine
Season 1, Episode 18
Friends S1:E18 - How's it going, ladies and gents? Happy Monday. I hope everyone out there is ready for another exciting installment of the most unorthodox blog series about a major American television series in the history of the internet. While we don't have a great deal of time today, I thought I would use what little time we have to speculate about whether or not love is in the cards for Ross and Rachel. In order to do that, let us first open up our textbooks to quote from one of the greatest poker movies of all-time: "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker." Mike McDermott, who narrated this famous quote from Rounders, may have played against his fair share of "suckers" but, as we come to find out in the legendary Friends poker episode, he would have been hard-pressed to find one at a table with the likes of Ross Geller and Rachel Green. These two are a pair (no pun intended) of gambling titans who nobody would mistake for "suckers" when they square off mono y mono and go all in on a hand that, not only has a significant sum of money riding on it, but also, seemingly, moves their entire relationship to the center of the table. Rachel, having just lost a shot at her dream job and determined to put an end to Ross's chauvinistic behavior, goes all in with nothing to lose. Ross (on the other hand), still desperately in love with Rachel and lacking the courage to do anything about it, goes all in with everything to lose. In the end, Rachel is victorious which in the larger sense is also a victory for Ross. He seems genuinely pleased to take part in Rachel's happiness. We will never know for sure if Ross threw the hand to allow Rachel a moment of triumph during a difficult time (but, yes we kind of know he threw the hand). So I guess, actually, even though Mike McDermott would not have been able to spot a gambling "sucker" within his first half hour at a table with our beloved Friends, he would have been able to spot a "sucker" in another sense of the word. Yep, he would have spotted that Ross Geller is a "sucker" for love (Awe...you see what I did there?) and based on his selfless gesture at the end of the poker game, I have a sneaking suspicion that love might be in the cards for Ross and Rachel after all. (Double awe...you're welcome, dear readers. Feel free to bask in the warmth of my sentimentality as you continue on down into the recap.) See you again next time. I hope your week is aces (over kings).
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel gets an interview for an Assistant Buyer position at Sak's Fifth avenue, Joey weeps when he loses at Poker Night which prompts the girls to ask the guys to teach them how to play poker, Monica enlists her Aunt Iris to give the girls Poker lessons after they lose their first game with the guys, and Ross borrows money from Chandler and Joey to call a bet in which Rachel borrowed money from Monica and Phoebe but (feeling sorry for Rachel after she didn't get her dream job) "loses" the hand to the Big Green Poker Machine.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is playing poker at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe (being Phoebe) observes, "You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.'“ She then asks, "Coincidence?" [The Knockout] Chandler sarcastically points out, "Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'!"
Featured Image Source: Wallpaperus
Headline Image Source: Poker Sites 101
Under the Bridge
Season 1, Episode 16 & 17
Friends S1:E16 & Friends S1:E17 - "Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner. Sometimes I feel like my only [Friends]" are the my friends from TV, the Rosses and Rachels. Lonely as I am, they stay by my side. Yo, yo, what it do, ladies and gents? Hope you enjoyed my nice little jingle, just now. For the record, I'm not currently lonely...I'm happily married but I do remember times back from my single days when staying home on a Saturday night would make me feel lonely but binge watching Friends on DVD truly would make me feel better. So, during those times when I couldn't get a date, I could always rely on being able to hang out with Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey. They were always there for me. For that matter, listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers made me feel better too (back in those days). The Chili Peppers were always there for me too, so mashing the two together seemed oddly appropriate. But enough about the ties that bind and my depressingly pathetic past, this week we are tasked with dissecting (count 'em) two episodes of the show (if you want to be technical about it). In actuality, "The One with Two Parts" is a one hour-long episode for all intensive purposes. So, while it is listed as two episodes on IMDB, "The One with Two Parts" has one continuous plot and since it is presented on the DVD edition as one episode, that is how we will treat it. Plus, if you think that I'm going to put in twice the work (for no extra money) and write two Friends blog posts on the same day, I'd say you've probably been hanging out under the bridge with Anthony Kiedis.
Now that we've established that we're dealing with a one hour-long continuous episode and not two independent half-hour episodes, let’s dive right into the meat of today's subject matter. This episode, while one of the more entertaining and well-written from Season One, was also clearly one where the writer's room was heavily influenced by NBC executives. Probably in an effort to persuade fans of the network's other hit shows to start watching Friends, the NBC brass turned this episode into a cross-promotion extravaganza of biblical proportions. Stars of both Mad About You and ER make cameos in this episode. Helen Hunt and Leila Kenzle appear at Central Perk (presumably playing their Mad About You characters) and mistake Phoebe for Ursula (Lisa Kudrow's character on that show). George Clooney and Noah Wyle appear in a hospital scene and later at Monica and Rachel's apartment (presumably playing their ER characters). What Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander couldn't get any run? Come on, NBC. If you're going to sell out…sell out all the way. While the cameos were a little over the top (a Seinfeld cameo withstanding), I give the writers credit for not allowing them to steal too much focus away from a cleverly written episode that involved major story lines for all six of our main characters (see the Recap in the Key of Phoebe below). One Mad About You cameo that paid off in spades, however, was the one made by Lisa Kudrow, herself. This is the first episode of Friends in which Phoebe's aforementioned twin sister Ursula Buffay makes an appearance. Lisa Kudrow's quirky waitress character first appeared on Mad About You in an episode titled, "Married to the Job" in 1993. Brilliantly, NBC decided to create a continuous universe between the two show's by making Ursula a part of Friends as well. What better time to introduce her to the show than the episode in which NBC has already chosen for cross-promoting Mad About You? While Ursula dates Joey on her first Friends appearance, she goes on to play an important role as a reoccurring character throughout the series run. Ursula is played on Friends as an entirely self-centered character which often works well to contrast against Phoebe's generosity of spirit. We learn a great deal about Phoebe because of Ursula's presence on the show and it delightful that what seemingly started as a gimmick, ended up working brilliantly to add a depth of character to Phoebe because Lisa Kudrow was given the creative freedom to repeatedly explore both characters. So there you have it: two Friends episodes for the price of one blog post. And Ted James (my editor) thought I should be worried about an audience backlash to recapping two episodes in one post. Well, in case you are feeling a little short changed…perhaps I can win you back over with the little added bonus of Red Hot Chili Pepper's Under the Bridge video? I embedded it below. Besides, I told my boss, "I never worry." Now that is a lie. Peace.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - These are the ones where Joey asks Phoebe's permission to date Ursula (her twin sister), Ross begins doubting his ability to be a good father while having difficulties getting Marcel to behave, Chandler gets a crush on Nina (one of his employees) right before his boss asks him to fire her, Rachel sprains her ankle and conspires to commit insurance fraud with Monica to pay for it while also deciding to go on a double date with a couple of cute doctors who work at the "scene of the crime," and Joey kisses Phoebe while she is pretending to Ursula in order to give her friend a proper break up so he can begin to heal from the heartbreak of losing the magic he had found under the bridge.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - The gang watches Ugly Naked Guy use a hula hoop. This is part of a conversation that takes place in Spanish during the closing credits.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey is at Central Perk talking to Ross and Chandler about taking Ursula out for her birthday. After they remind him that is is also Phoebe's birthday, Joey (sounding exacerbated) asks, "Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?" Ross responds, "You take your time" as Joey stares off deep in contemplation. After a few seconds, when Joey shows in his face that he has connected the dots that Pheobe and Ursula have the same birthday because they are twins, Chandler remarks, "There it is" and then asks, "So what're you gonna do?" Joey answers, "What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula." Chandler continues his questioning of Joey, "And your friend Phoebe?" Joey defiantly responds, "Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand" and then asks, "I mean, wouldn't you guys?' [The Knockout] Chandler stares down Joey and informs him, "Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit."
Video Source: Red Hot Chili Peppers on YouTube
Featured Image Source: The Express Tribune
Headline Image Source: Friends Central
Amuse-Bouche
Season 1, Episode 15
Friends S1:E15 - President George Washington once said, "Happiness and moral duty are in separably connected." With that in mind, I want to wish you a dutifully moral Presidents Day. How's it going, gang? I hope you had a stellar week and a spectacular Valentine's Day weekend. Mine were quite lovely (thanks for asking) but I cannot tell a lie: with the massive amount of snow dropping from the sky here in Denver, I've had a hard time getting into high gear this Monday morning. It didn't help that I was up way too late last night because (after watching the NBA All-Star Game) it was well after midnight when I finished getting through my recording of the three and a half hour SNL 40th Anniversary Special. (Speaking of the SNL special, I'd be remiss if I didn't say #RIPJonLovitz who, coincidentally, played Steve the Stoner Guy in this week's episode.) Nevertheless, (despite my sluggish start to the day) I've now had my coffee and I'm ready to get down to business. In this week's episode, we find Chandler Bing at a crossroads. When his boss offers him a promotion to Processing Supervisor, he decides to quit his job because he knows he does not want to make his career in a field that he doesn't particularly enjoy. His boss, however, continues to up the ante on the financial incentives tied to the new position in an effort to keep him. Chandler finally relents and (against his better judgement) accepts the promotion. Little does Chandler know at the time, but this decision seals his fate to continue at his "temp" job for the next nine years.
While conducting my research for this episode, I thought that I had finally spotted our long overdue fourth Gandalf Gaffe. I know it seems that Gandalf Gaffes are a rarity since we haven't had one in several weeks but this trend will prove to be an anomaly and not the norm. Season One is inherently a Gandalf Gaffe desert because there are so few established truths to contradict this early in the series. Trust me, the "gaffeage" rate will increase dramatically once we get passed the first season. The potential Gandalf Gaffe in question this week was triggered when Monica (in reference to Chandler's job) states, "You've been there for five years." While re-watching this scene over the weekend, I thought to myself "ah-ha" because it seemed as if Chandler was too young in Season One to have been at the same job for five years. This prompted me to do some digging and attempt to establish the character's ages at the beginning of the series. The earliest reference I could pinpoint (on short notice and admittedly without due diligence) was in S1:E22 (or May 4, 1995 in chronological time). Monica states in this episode that she is 26 years old. We know that Chandler is the same age as Ross and that Ross is a year older than Monica therefore, Chandler is either 26 or 27 during this week's episode. Thus, it is plausible that he could have been at his job for five years if he started there at age 21 or 22 (presumably immediately after graduating college). So, despite my initial excitement, I could not rule Monica's statement as a Gandalf Gaffe. On a related note, the establishment of the character's ages does have me questioning the plausibility of Ross Geller earning his Ph.D. before the beginning of the series when he was presumably 26 or 27 years old. But, I suppose we can explore that another time. Until next week, kiddos. Stay safe and keep warm.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe sets up a cooking demonstration for Monica to give to one of her massage clients who is opening up a restaurant and needs a head chef, Rachel's feelings are hurt when Monica doesn't ask her to waitress during the cooking demonstration so Rachel blackmails her into paying a hefty hourly rate when Monica ends up needing her help after all, Chandler repeatedly tries to quit his job when he is offered a promotion to Processing Supervisor, Joey teaches Ross how to step up his "dirty talk" skills, and Monica ends her interview when Steve (Phoebe's massage client) gets the munchies after eating his amuse-bouche.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Rachel are at their apartment with Phoebe and are trying to cheer Chandler up after his career aptitude test revealed that he was ideally suited for a career in data processing. Monica brings him a plate of food she is preparing for her cooking demonstration and offers him a small sampling, "Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up." Noticing how tiny the portion is, Chandler responds, "Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you." Monica points out, "It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amuse-bouche." [The Knockout] Chandler, tastes it and declares sarcastically, "Well, it is amuse-ing."
Featured Image Source: Fanpop
Headline Image Source: Savory Experiments
The Man's Got An Egg
Season 1, Episode 14
Friends S1:E14 - "Guess who's back? Back again." Kenny's back. Tell your Friends. What's cracking, boys and girls? (Egg. Cracking. Get it? Ha.) Fresh off of a short hiatus, yes (indeed) we're back at it again with a hot take on another twenty year old episode of your favorite sitcom. Thanks for choosing to give us a few minutes of your time. Glad to be with you again. Today's assignment is to explore one of our six main character's story arc for Season One. In order to do that, I'm pleased to announce that we will also be solving one of the biggest riddles in the history of nursery rhymes in the process. Let me explain. In conducting my research over the weekend for today's post, I was sucked back down the internet rabbit hole into a deep dive on the nursery rhyme character, Humpty Dumpty. Apparently, since the origin of the character comes out of obscure oral tradition in England, the nursery rhyme's meaning and the person upon which the character is based are subject to debate. The prevailing theory is that Humpty Dumpty is based on King Richard III of England (who was depicted in Tudor histories as humpbacked). While a strong theory, we here at theLeftAhead are confident in proclaiming once and for all that (as it turns out) this is not actually correct. So, you ask, "Who is Humpty Dumpty, then?" Will the real Humpty Dumpty please stand up? (That is if you haven't yet had your "big fall.") Drum roll, please. The real Humpty Dumpty is Ross Geller.
Rossy Geller sat on a wall
Rossy Geller had a great fall.
All of Rossy's fossils and all of Rossy's friends
Couldn't put Rossy Geller together again.
Yep. It's as clear as day that this brilliant poet who authored the Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme was not only a masterful wordsmith, but was also such a brilliant prophet and seer of the future that he or she makes Nostradamus look like a dime store psychic. As our clairvoyant savant foretold in nursery rhyme a couple hundred years ago, the Season One story arc for Ross Geller is precisely about a man who falls down when his wife leaves him for another woman, is broken from the heartbreak, attempts (with the help of his friends) to put himself back together by falling in love with Rachel, but is unable to do so when he realizes that his love is unrequited. I mean (channeling my inner-Chandler), could Humpty Dumpty be any more about Ross? This particular episode is brilliant because it sums up the entire Ross Geller story arc for Season One in one scene. When Ross, unable to get anything going with Rachel, builds up the courage to successfully ask out Kristen (a woman from his building) by using the corny hook of returning the egg he had once borrowed from her, the egg eventually breaks when Chandler gives him a congratulatory hug. This broken egg (besides proving beyond a reasonable doubt that Humpty Dumpty is, indeed, Ross Geller) is a metaphor foreshadowing the doom of not only Ross' relationship with Kristen, but also the doom of his love life for the entirety of Season One (until it's final scene). Boom. Another case closed. That's right, kids. The Walrus was Paul and Humpty Dumpty is Ross Geller. See you next week. Same eggstraordinary time. Same eggstraordinary channel.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross asks out a woman from his building, Chandler does Joey a favor by going with him on a double date that turns out to be Janice forcing him to break up with her (yet again) on Valentine's Day, Phoebe arranges an ex-boyfriend bonfire with Monica and Rachel that causes a fire and gives them a chance to flirt with firemen, and Ross' date with Kristin ends in disaster (partly because Carol and Susan show up at the restaurant but also because "the man's got an egg").
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is at Central Perk with Joey on Valentine's Day trying to psych himself up to be ready to break up with Janice again the day after accidentally being setup with her blind as part of Joey's double date with Lorraine. Visibly nervous, Chandler asks, "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day?" Joey quickly fires back, "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's." [The Knockout] Chandler, acknowledging the shameful irony, predicts "Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush."
Featured Image Source: Fact Fixx
Headline Image Source: Bill Warren on PBase
When the Laughter Stops
Season 1, Episode 13
Friends S1:E13 - Happy MLK Day, engaged citizens of the internet! I know that all of us have chosen to occupy a large portion of our day doing something constructive to honor the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. However, even on a day of reflection, everyone needs to sprinkle in a little downtime, so thank you for choosing to spend a few minutes of yours with me. In the spirit of devoting most of our attention on this holiday to matters much more important than pop culture, I will keep this post short and to the point. In today's episode, we begin with Chandler accidentally seeing Rachel naked which sets into motion a chain reaction of revenge peeping that, unfortunately for Monica, concludes with her getting to know Joey's dad rather intimately. One of the major plot lines of the episode is centered around Joey discovering that his dad is having an affair, which (besides giving Monica nightmares) allows the audience to observe the dynamics at work within the Tribbiani family. This goes a long way in expanding our knowledge of Joey's upbringing and family as we see him interacting with his parents in an attempt to make peace with his discovery. Add Phoebe's eccentric new boyfriend (Roger the Shrink) into the equation and the writers have put together a fertile environment for hijinks and hilarity to win the day in this episode. So, if you're following along at home, enjoy re-watching this Friends classic and have a fruitful remainder of your holiday. Oh, and since I was lucky enough to grab a few minutes of your attention, I'd be remiss if I didn't leave you with a quote from the historic civil rights leader that we are spending today celebrating. To quote Dr. King, "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'" It never hurts to keep that in the back of your mind as a little food for thought as you are navigating this beautiful planet that we are all so privileged to share. See you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is smitten with her new boyfriend (Roger the Shrink), Ross gets jealous of Chandler when he discovers that Chandler accidentally saw Rachel naked by being in Monica and Rachel's apartment uninvited just as Rachel was walking out of the bathroom after taking a shower, Joey discovers that his dad is having an affair, Rachel (trying to get back at Chandler) walks in on Joey naked in the shower who in turn walks in on Monica naked who in turn walks in on Joey's dad naked, and Phoebe dumps Roger after she realizes that she "hates that guy" when the laughter stops.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is sitting around Monica and Rachel's apartment talking about Joey's dad's affair when Rachel notices Chandler is staring at her chest. Bewildered, Rachel asks, "Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?" Playing dumb, Chandler shoots back, "What? What?" Rachel responds sarcastically, "Did you not get a good enough look the other day?" Still unhappy with Chandler, Ross interjects, "Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee." Chandler quickly attempts to nip that idea in the bud, "You know, I don't see that happening." Rachel, however, visibly excited agrees with Ross, "Come on, he's right. Tit for tat." [The Knockout] Chandler, having none of it, dismisses the notion with "Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'"
Featured Image Source: Manicomio Series
Headline Image Source: Digital Spy
Poconos
Season 1, Episode 12
Friends S1:E12 - Howdy, boys and girls. Welcome back for another installment of your favorite Friends blogger's favorite Friends blog series. I hope you have been enjoying binge-watching the show on Netflix. It has been available via the streaming service for twelve days now which means that many of you might have already sprinted through more than half of the series. A few of you, with too much free time on your hands, may have already streamed the entire thing. If, in fact, you have already binge-watched the complete series on Netflix, I give you mad props for your effort and dedication but I also sympathize with the fact that you have inadvertently tattooed The Rembrandts - "I'll Be There For You" permanently into your brain. Take it from me (a guy who made this mistake years ago), it really sucks at first but eventually you get used to the song popping into your head out of nowhere, inexplicably and without warning, a couple of times a week for as long as you will live. It's not so bad. I've learned to embrace it. Nowadays, when the song wrestles its way into my thoughts, I just start freestyling my own lyrics. This is a good way to take the power back from The Rembrandts and reassure myself that I am still in control of my own destiny. You can occupy my mind, Rembrandts...but you will never take my freedom! The fact, however, that (because of my affinity for Friends) I've probably heard "I'll Be There For You" more times than any other song in my entire life is quite a sobering thought. Perhaps I should start listening to Bone Thugs-N-Harmony - "1st of tha Month" twenty times a day again (like I did from like 1995 through 2002) so as to overtake The Rembrandts and not give them the satisfaction of topping my "music listening career" play count.
I don't have a great deal of time to devote to this post (the boss has me tied up with helping theLeftAhead Bot cover a breaking news story) but I am very excited about today's episode because there is something that I have been needing to get off of my chest for many, many years. Today we are covering the episode where Joey and Chandler purchase the foosball table. Part of the foosball storyline in this episode is that Monica is (hands down) a better foosball player than both Joey and Chandler. She plays them (with Ross as her partner) midway through the episode and then plays them again (on her own against the two of them) at the end of the episode. Both times she wins easily. Given Monica's competitive nature, it stands to reason that she would be able to get the upper hand on Joey and Chandler on their own foosball table. There is just one problem to this storyline, as it is portrayed on camera, and this problem has bothered me since the first time I saw the episode twenty years ago: Monica is not actually beating Joey and Chandler in foosball in this episode because she is in violation of the rules every time she takes a shot. Monica spins the rods which (besides being a pet peeve of mine) is patently illegal according to the rules of the game. Each time that she scores while spinning the rods, what actually should happen is the goal should "not be counted as a point and [should] be put back into play by the goalie as if the ball had been declared a dead ball between the goal and the nearest two-man rod." In order to actually score, Monica would need to turn her handle without her rod spinning the player more than 360 degrees during any given shot attempt. This is how civilized people play and win at foosball. Granted, you could make the argument that none of the Friends characters actually know the rules, therefore Monica is in fact better at this lawless bastardization of the game that all involved are complicit in playing. I would argue, however, that there is no excuse for someone as competitive as Monica Geller to not take the time to learn the rules of a game before embarking on the task of dominating her friends at it. There, I've said my piece and (after holding that in for twenty years) I now feel much, much better. Have a great week, everyone. On to the recap...
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel plans a weekend getaway with Paolo, Ross decides he doesn't want to know the sex of the baby he is having with Carol and Susan, Monica tries to get rid of a dozen lasagnas, Joey and Chandler get a foosball table to replace the kitchen table that Joey broke, Phoebe is forced to tell Rachel that Paolo hit on her while she was giving him a massage, and Rachel inadvertently tells Ross that he is, in fact, having a son after she breaks up with Paolo and cancels her weekend getaway to the Poconos.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - The gang watches Ugly Naked Guy make shadow puppets.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are at a furniture store trying to pick out a replacement for the kitchen table that Joey broke. Chandler, gesturing at a table with a bird pattern asks, "What about the birds?" Joey responds, "I don't know, birds just don't say, 'Hello, sit here, eat something.'" Chandler, willing to compromise, suggests to Joey, "You pick one." Joey surveys the showroom floor and counters, "All right, how about the ladybugs?" [The Knockout] Chandler, visibly flabbergasted, shoots back, "Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining."
Featured Image Source: The Real Deal
Headline Image Source: Shutterstock
Teams Played Sports
Season 1, Episode 11
Friends S1:E11 - Hello there friends of Friends! I want to wish every single reader out there a happy New Year! As you might have suspected, I was very happy to chunk deuces at 2014. It was a pretty rough year. I spent the first nine months of the year as an unemployed writer and then when I finally got hired as the pop culture writer for theLeftAhead (my big break), I overextended myself by going all in on my first assignment. If you weren't already aware, this caused my editor, Ted James, and I to get off to a rocky start in our professional relationship. In the beginning, he was adamant that I should learn to crawl before announcing that I would be running in the New York City Marathon. I, however, convinced him that I could handle it but then quickly realized that I had bitten off way more than I wanted to chew with my ill-conceived commitment to write 236 posts about Friends over the course of the next ten years. Mr. James and I proceeded to bump heads during the fall over my repeated attempts to weasel my way off of the project as well as my proclivity to gravitate towards behavior that most objective observers would categorize as blatant insubordination. Lucky for me, Mr. James was able to practice restraint in his handling of my defiant nature. Granted, it took me driving to the studio where he is recording his new album and delivering a humble and heart-felt apology, but I escaped the fall with my writing gig in tact. So yes, by some miracle, it brings me great joy to reassure you that I'm still here as theLeftAhead pop culture writer to start this new year. I can't predict what the future holds, but at least for now, you will continue to get to ingest the same breathtakingly magnificent prose that you have grown accustomed to in reading this series. Should I have been fired, I would have landed on my feet (after all, I'm a ridiculously talented writer) but the real victims would have been the readers because I would have almost certainly been replaced on this project by some second-rate hack. Indeed, the magnanimity of Ted James' decision to retain me for 2015 is lucky for me, but it's also lucky for you. In other words, the fact that I've been given a second chance to continue what I naively started on September 22, 2014 is a win-win. I get a pay check and you get to continue receiving the type of quality entertainment and analysis that is such a scarcity these days in the Tumblrized world of blogging that currently dominates our beloved internet. Moving forward, my New Year's resolution is to focus my writing in these posts less on my own personal weirdness (and the drama it stirs up) and more on the wonderfully wacky world of Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler and Joey.
On that note, in case you were spending the holidays under a rock and weren't following along, there was a major development for fans of the show that took place as we were ringing in 2015. After years of speculation and negotiation, an agreement was reached between two giant media conglomerates which puts them in business together to (borrowing from the incomparable Jalen Rose) give the people what they want. How, you ask, did this happen? Most observers had already given up. It was beginning to seem, over the past few years, that all hope was lost. The American public had ostensibly resigned itself already to the harsh reality that we would never be allowed to access Friends on a digital streaming service, but then you and I set out on our journey together and changed the course of history. Because of the popularity of this blog series, and the worldwide trending viral sensation that you and I stir up week in and week out, Friends is now on Netflix. We did it! With billions of people around the planet now suddenly demanding instant access to every single episode of the best series in American television history in order to play along to our Gandalf Gaffe game, this swell of grassroots fervor forced Warner Bros. Entertainment to reopen negotiations with Netflix and come to terms. As of January 1st, 2015, all 236 Friends episodes have been made available to the masses allowing everyone (with a Netflix subscription) to stream the show on demand according to our own schedules (day or night) and binge watch to the heart's desire. More importantly, this allows everyone to follow along with our blog series and check to make sure that we spot every single Gandalf Gaffe from week to week as we continue down this long and winding road for the next nine and a half years. Citizens of Earth (or at least the United States and Canada)...you are welcome. No need to thank me and my loyal readers, we were glad to help.
As with most good things in this world, there is a caveat. If you consider yourself to belong to the legion of the show's most loyal fans, you may have already noticed that the episodes available for streaming on Netflix are shorter in length than the episodes that were released in the DVD box sets that many of us have been relying upon for our Friends binge fixes over the past ten years. If you are like me and you have watched the DVDs so many times that you have the entire series memorized, then you would have noticed that some of your favorite lines (and even entire scenes) are inexplicably missing from the Netflix streaming versions of the episodes. Every indication seems to be that Netflix is streaming the episodes in broadcast form as they originally appeared on NBC and that the DVD edition included extra footage in each episode, however I have not been able to clarify this definitively. Nevertheless, what I am about to say is extremely important for our purposes with this here blog series. Since I began this project relying upon the DVD edition of the series to establish the foundation of truth upon which we have built the universe for our Gandalf Gaffe game, I will continue to rely upon that edition throughout the duration of the project. This means that, from time to time, I will reference dialogue or a scene that you will not be able to watch on the Netflix streaming version. Hopefully this will be a minor rather than a major issue moving forward, but I wanted to be sure and establish this now to minimize confusion later. All in all, though, the loss of a few lines here and there is a small price to pay for FINALLY having the series available for streaming. Our days of having to roll out of bed at 2:00 am to change the disc in our DVD players when we are on a late night binger are thankfully behind us. So if you're ever down in the dumps and feeling blue, like say when you are trying to take your mind off of the bad things that have happened when teams played sports, don't worry because your friends are there for you...right there at your fingertips (no matter where you are) to cheer you up. And always remember, Friends 20/20 is there for you too.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe and Monica distract an attractive man on the street which causes him to get hit by a truck, Joey catches Ross kissing Chandler's mom in a restaurant, Rachel tries to write a romance novel, Chandler tells off his mom which allows him to make a break through in working out his issues with her, Phoebe and Monica fight over who gets to take care of the attractive man while he's in the hospital in a coma, and in other news...teams played sports.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler walks into Central Perk as Phoebe (in the middle of her acoustic set) runs out to chase Monica back to the hospital to see the guy in a coma. Since Phoebe has inexplicably abandoned her performance, Rachel announces to the customers, "Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!" in order to elicit an ovation. Confused by what had just occurred, Chandler walks up to the seating area and asks Joey, "What was that?" Ross begins offering up an explanation, saying, "Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a..." [The Knockout] Chandler, still furious with Ross from the recent incident in the restaurant, bluntly cuts him off, "Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser?"
Featured Image Source: F.R.I.E.N.D.S. on Tumblr
Headline Image Source: Syracuse New Times
Scientist Guy
Season 1, Episode 10
Friends S1:E10 - Hey there, Friends Nation. Did you miss me? I hope that your time off from reading this blog series has been as restful and relaxing as my time off from writing it. I can't lie, it was quite a relief last month to have finally arrived at the first break from consecutive episodes of the series. While I've really enjoyed these past four weeks off, I must admit that I've missed you guys and I am quite happy to be back (even if it is just for this one week). Since this is our only episode back until 2015, I'm glad that we are luckily being treated to an episode that introduces us to two of the series more iconic characters: Marcel the Monkey and David the Scientist Guy. Marcel bursts on to the scene like a supernova and lights up the television screen for the remainder of Season One and for the first part of Season Two. Ross adopts this adorable little monkey after Marcel is rescued from an animal testing research laboratory and hijinks ensue over the course of this episode as well as seven upcoming ones. Every time that Marcel is on the screen, he steals the show. David the Scientist Guy, on the other hands, is introduced in this episode as Phoebe's love interest but is quickly shuffled off to Minsk to pursue a research opportunity. While David's appearance is brief, it is also memorable enough that (spoiler alert) he returns for four more episodes much later in the series and plays a crucial role in the writers' ultimate series arc for the Phoebe character. Since my credentials as a Friends aficionado cannot be disputed, I'm sure that you will trust my judgement to rank both Marcel and David in my top ten most important secondary characters in series history. Therefore, having two of the top ten secondary characters of all-time introduced in the same episode makes this a pretty special occasion. So on that note, rather than ramble on for another paragraph about my own personal issues (you know...like updating you on the drama with my boss or telling you about how during my break I got in a fist fight with a Seinfeld blogger at our monthly poker game over which was the superior series) I'll encourage you to re-watch this hilarious episode sometime during this holiday season and wish you and yours a very excellent, happy New Year. On to the recap, see you in 2015.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe meets a guy at Central Perk after stopping in the middle of her acoustic set to scold him and his friend for chatting too loudly while she was playing, Ross adopts Marcel (a monkey that a friend of his rescued from a research lab), Chandler proposes that all six friends make a pack to not get dates for New Year's Eve and just hang out together, Joey gets passed over for a seasonal job as Santa Clause and instead gets hired as an elf, Rachel gets assaulted while trying to hail a cab, Monica is forced to babysit Fun Bobby after he arrives at the New Year's Eve party immediately after finding out his grandfather had died, and Phoebe falls madly in love with David the Scientist Guy but then forces him to break up with her on New Year's Eve because he will be leaving for a three year grant-funded research assignment in Minsk.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - The gang watches Ugly Naked Guy hang candy canes.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross has just brought Marcel (the monkey) over to Monica and Rachel's apartment to introduce him to the gang, announcing, "Guys? There's somebody I'd like you to meet." Marcel is standing on Ross' shoulder as everyone comes over to have a look. Monica is clearly freaked out by Marcel's presence but Rachel is excited by how cute he is. Ross explains that his friend Bethel rescued Marcel from a lab and Phoebe suggests, "That is so cruel!" She then ponders, "Why would a parent name their child Bethel?” [The Knockout] Chandler walks up to enter the conversation and remarks, "Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!"
Featured Image Source: The Guy With The Glasses
Headline Image Source: In-Shows
Shoop
Season 1, Episode 9
Friends S1:E9 - "Here I go, here I go, here I go again. What's my weakness?" Snow...apparently. Let me explain. So I had driven up to Vail, Colorado this past Friday to do some research for this week's blog post. My plan was to spend one night up in the mountains, finish my research on Saturday morning, and leave Saturday afternoon to drive down to Denver in time for a very important meeting that I had scheduled for Saturday night with a prospective publisher. In case I haven't mentioned it already, my new plan to get out of my ridiculous commitment to write 236 Friends blog posts for theLeftAhead over the next ten years (and the seemingly endless string of hard deadlines attached to the project) is to land a book deal to write the great American novel. Ted James, my editor, has graciously made an agreement with me. If I can present him with a book contract from a reputable publisher that provides me with an advance to write a novel, he will absolve me of my responsibilities on the Friends blog series and hire another writer to complete the project. Since this solution will allow me to keep my job with theLeftAhead and will also get me out of the minutia of my weekly grind, I have accepted the challenge and started soliciting meetings with publishers. So back to the weekend. I was having a lovely time up in the mountains. The "research" I was conducting was proving extremely fruitful. I was checking out the Vail ski resort so that I could better understand the disappointment that Rachel must have felt in this week's episode when she missed her flight to meet her family there for Thanksgiving. I wanted to experience the exhilaration of "shoop, shoop, shooping down a ski run so that I would have a point of reference to write accurately about this storyline. Hey, don't judge me. I just go where the research takes me. If that happens to be one of the world's premiere ski resorts, so be it. So, yes, I called in some favors and arranged a private ski lesson on Saturday morning so that I could better relate to Rachel's passion for the sport. (On a side note, did you know that a private ski lesson costs about $900.00 a day at Vail? Did you further know that Vail Resorts only pays ski instructors a pittance of an hourly wage even though it is the instructors' expertise that allows the company to gouge their well-to-do customers and make money hand over fist? Luckily, theLeftAhead paid for my ski lesson out of my research budget otherwise a lowly blog writer such as myself could never afford the luxury of a private ski lesson. But it got me to thinking that if I were a ski instructor, with that type of specialized professional skill set, I would probably give some serious consideration to organizing a union rather than continue to put up with such blatant exploitation.) The ski lesson that I received on Saturday morning was phenomenal and I came away from the experience prepared to write an amazing blog post this week but as I was preparing for my trip into Denver to take my publishing meeting, disaster struck. A monstrous snow storm blew into the Vail area Saturday afternoon and I was advised that I would be putting my life at risk if I attempted to get on I-70 and make the drive through the mountain passes and back into the city. While I briefly contemplated doing it anyway, reality quickly set it and I realized that I couldn't land a book deal if I lost control of my car and drove off of a mountain on the way to the meeting. I was stuck in Vail for the night and I wasn't going to be able to take my publishing meeting. I tried to call to reschedule but the publisher more or less told me that that was my one opportunity to pitch my book and I blew it. So because I had spent my morning conducting research for this Friends blog series (a tedious assignment that yields no relief until 2024), I blew my shot to take a meeting that could have landed me an opportunity to get off the project. Oh, the irony. So, what's my weakness? Snow. Okay, then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel tries to earn enough tips to meet her family in Vail to go skiing for Thanksgiving, Ross and Monica find out that their parents have decided to go to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving so Monica offers to cook Thanksgiving dinner at her apartment, Joey gets disinvited to his family's Thanksgiving because he appears on posters around the city for a PSA campaign as Mario (a strapping young fellow who also happens to have VD), Phoebe's Thanksgiving celebration with her grandma isn't until December because her grandma's boyfriend is lunar, Chandler doesn't partake in traditional Thanksgiving cuisine or customs, and Rachel misses her flight to Vail after the gang gets locked out of the apartment watching Underdog get away and thus is unable to fulfill her hope to spend Thanksgiving going shoop, shoop, shoop.
Gandalf Gaffes - As an avid television viewer, one of my biggest pet peeves is when a television series interchanges one actor for another to play a recurring character. It really bugs me. I know it's irrational because actors are human beings with free will so obviously I understand that there are a variety of reasons for why this may happen and many of them are out of the showrunner's control. I also understand that, for our purposes here, a show's writers should not be held responsible for discrepancies in the casting department but still...I don't care. Because it is such a big pet peeve of mine, I'm going to ignore logic and hold the Friends writing staff responsible for the recasting of Carol Willick (Ross' ex-wife) in Season 1, Episode 9 by penalizing them with a Gandalf Gaffe. Friends originally cast Anita Barone as Carol. She appeared in Season 1, Episode 2. The Carol character does not make another on screen appearance until this week's episode and when she returns, she is played by Jane Sibbett. Sibbett plays Carol for the duration of the series and makes appearances in a total of 16 episodes. Apparently, Anita Barone chose to leave a role on one of the biggest shows in television history to find a more "full-time" acting job. How did that work out for you, Anita? At any rate, even though this recasting offends my sensibilities to the extent that I'm tempted to slap it with a level three infraction, because it is unfair of me to hold the writers responsible for this discrepancy and it in no way affects the laws governing the Friends fictional universe, I will be reasonable and adjudicate it as a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #3: The actress portraying the character of Carol Willick changes from Anita Barone to Jane Sibbett from S1:E2 to S1:E9.
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - The gang watches Ugly Naked Guy have Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey, having recently discovered that his likeness is being used by a Public Service Announcement campaign to inform the public about Venereal disease, enters Monica and Rachel's apartment and sullenly asks the gang to, "set another place for Thanksgiving." He continues, "My entire family thinks I have VD." [The Knockout] Chandler peers whimsically into the distance and remarks, "Tonight, on a very special Blossom."
Featured Image Source: Winter
Headline Image Source: Nihal Mohamed on Pintrest
Buried at Sea
Season 1, Episode 8
Friends S1:E8 - Hey there, girls and boys. I'm glad to have you back this week for another installment of my Friends blog series. It is really encouraging to see so many of you out there are already religiously reading the greatest experiment in pop culture since Saved By the Bell: The College Years. (Although it is a little less encouraging to find out that only about one-third of you are actually heeding my advice. I mean, I serve up free platters of wisdom on a weekly basis and it stands to reason that most readers would happily take advantage. Apparently not. Although I must say, the world would be a better place if more of you did. But that's neither here nor there.) What I want to talk about today is the triumphant return of a television program that was thought to have been buried at sea. Congratulations are in order to former-Friends actress Lisa Kudrow on the comeback of her HBO series, The Comeback. Last night, Kudrow's critically acclaimed show ended a hibernation that makes the Family Guy hiatus seem, in comparison, like a 15 minute power nap. Because it's not television, HBO aired The Comeback's Season 2 premiere last night, the first episode since September 4th, 2005. If you're not doing the math at home, that's over nine years off of the air.
The Comeback is the latest entrant into a fascinating fraternity of American television programs that have returned (in various forms) after officially being put to rest. While historically there are other examples, this phenomenon seems to have become a trend that is gaining steam over the last decade. The aforementioned Family Guy was, perhaps, the trail blazer when it returned in 2005 after being cancelled in 2001. Of course, in 2008, Sex and the City fans were treated to the return of Carrie Bradshaw on the big screen after the series run had ended in 2004. Unfortunately, the franchise got greedy and also released a Sex and the City movie sequel in 2010 that turned out to be so bad, it was an affront to the concept of selling out. More recently, Arrested Development made a big splash when it returned for a fourth season on Netflix in 2013 after being cancelled by Fox in 2006. Then, this year, there was the unconventional return of Veronica Mars as a feature length film after being off the air as a television program since 2007. The Veronica Mars film project might have never been realized had it not been for an army of dedicated fans willing to provide grass-roots funding on Kickstarter to see their beloved show resurrected. Finally, who can forget the magical return of Seinfeld, as a fictional reunion episode that takes place inside the larger plot of the seventh season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. The Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 7 Finale (the one that presents the Seinfeld reunion episode) was brilliantly conceived and flawlessly executed and will forever stand as one of the finest moments in American television history.All of this is to say, as Friends fans, never say never. Who says, just because at this point the Jack Geller character might be buried at sea, that the whole show needs to be. I for one would love to see the Friends comeback episode that has Joey growing old living in a room over Monica and Chandler's garage. And who wouldn't be curious to watch Ross and Rachel parent a college-aged Ben Geller-Willick-Bunch and a pre-teen Emma Geller-Green? God knows what Phoebe would be up to these days. So whose with me? This needs to happen. And I'm not talking about a half-hearted attempt by Jimmy Kimmel at fan fiction. Let's be the change that we've been waiting for. Let's be the change that we seek.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Monica's grandmother dies; twice, Chandler tries to figure out the quality he has that makes people think he is gay, Phoebe informs the gang that using a little yellow pencil allows her to sense the spirit of Debbie (her best friend from junior high who was struck by lighting on a miniature golf course), Rachel wears the shoes that Paolo sent her from Italy, Joey watches the Dallas Cowboys play the New York Giants on a portable TV at Ross and Monica's grandmother's funeral, Ross falls into a hole in the ground at the cemetery and then gets loopy at the reception after taking pain medication for his injuries, and Monica's dad (Jack Geller) informs her that when he dies he wants to be buried at sea.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] At the very beginning of the episode, Chandler is eating ramen noodles for lunch in the break room at his office when Shelley, his co-worker, comes in. Shelley asks Chandler, "Hey gorgeous, how's it going?" [The Knockout] Chandler looks up at her and (with utter contempt) responds, "Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights. Does it get better than this?"
Blackout
Season 1, Episode 7
Friends S1:E7 - Remember the nineties? Awe, the nineties. A time when a group of six single early-twenty somethings could live in New York City in nice apartments and survive on the income they generated from entry-level professional jobs without needing any support from their parents. Yep. Those were crazy times. The lifestyle that the Friends gang enjoyed seems like such a foreign concept for this generation's young adults, but if you don't exercise your right to vote then you have no one to blame but yourself for our generation's harder economic circumstances. Yes, tomorrow is Election Day. I know that I'm only a pop culture writer and I'm probably the last person you want to hear this from, but there is absolutely no excuse for you to not go to the polls and fulfill your civic duty tomorrow. In fact, one of the two major political parties is counting on the fact that you won't go to the trouble of voting tomorrow in order for their candidates to comfortably win this election. It doesn't matter that this particular political party is bankrupt in their ability to put forward a policy platform and is devoid of new ideas but is instead running on blaming President Obama for an array of problems that are directly attributable to their own obstructionism. They are probably going to still win tomorrow because of low voter turnout. In fact not only is this party hoping that you don't go to the polls tomorrow, but that have used a significant amount of their time and energy over the past two years putting forward legislation to make it harder for you to vote. When one of the two major American political parties has to resort to voter suppression and blatantly illegal (and racist) redistricting in order to yield power in a country for whom they no longer represent the values of the majority, that is a major problem. If you don't have another reason to go, then you should go to the polls to let them know that you are not going to allow them to keep getting away with it. Okay, I've said my peace. In the end, it doesn't matter who you vote for; just go vote. Until next week, kiddos.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler (during a blackout) is trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre, the rest of the gang rides out the blackout at Monica and Rachel's apartment and Ross tries to get up the courage to ask Rachel out but before he is able to do it he is attacked by a cat that happens to belong to Paulo, a strapping Italian immigrant, who proceeds to sweep Rachel off her feet, Joey tells Monica that Ross is planning her a surprise party, Phoebe is upset that she is the last one in the group to find out about everything, and Chandler is bummed that when he gets a kiss on the cheek from a supermodel, no one is there to see it.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The blackout has ended and the lights are back on in the ATM vestibule and the door has now been unlocked. Jill Goodacre gathers herself to leave and turns to bid Chandler farewell, "Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she proceeds to give him a kiss on the cheek) See ya." [The Knockout] After Jill is gone, Chandler (looking up at the ATM vestibule's security camera) pleads "Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape."
Video Source: Rock the Vote on YouTube
Freud!
Season 1, Episode 6
Friends S1:E6 - "Say hello to my little friend." And that little friend is entirely Id, right Sigmund Freud? Apparently, mine is as impulsive as Tony Montana's because in a fit of rage, I devoted almost my entire post last week to seeking the "immediate pleasure and gratification" of trashing on my boss. The good news is, as I predicted, Ted James (too busy trying to be a 36 year old rapper) didn't actually read last week's post so my Ego and Super Ego are still employed this week for the sixth installment of my Friends blog series. The bad news is, my best efforts to make last week's post go viral were not good enough to give Marky Mark 2.0 some good vibrations (ha, you see what I did there with the backhanded white rapper insult pun), so I was not allowed to reactivate my Facebook account early for good behavior and in time for my birthday. Now, there is a silver lining. As it turns out, it wasn't too bad being off Facebook for my birthday. By not providing your pals with the cheat sheet of a Facebook notification reminder and a timeline to write on, you thereby force them to have to first, remember It Is Your Birthday. And second, require them to have to actually pick up a phone and call (or at the very least text) to wish you a happy birthday which, as a result, shows you who your real friends are. In my case, to be more accurate, it showed me who my real friend is. Thanks for the call, buddy (you know who you are). As for the rest of you jokers who forgot to wish me a happy birthday, "why don't you try sticking your head up your ass? See if it fits."Before you go feeling sorry for me for only having one compadre who cares enough to call me on my birthday, you have to remember that (in defense of the the rest of my alleged friends) I'm kind of a bad guy. In fact…(pause to allow the suspense to build)…I'm THE bad guy. So I don't need no stinking friends. I've got all the Friends I need in the little box in my living room. I've got Monica, and Rachel, and Phoebe, and Ross, and Joey, and Chandler. Them's my stinking friends, okay. So…
What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of f*ckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your f*ckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way!
…and scene. Psychoanalyze that, Freud!
All you want is a dingle, What you envy's a schwang, A thing through which you can tinkle, Or play with, or simply let hang…
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where, while attending Joey's new play, Chandler meets Aurora and begins seeing her despite the fact that she already has a husband and a boyfriend, Rachel cleans her and Monica's apartment which results in Monica attempting to battle her obsessive-compulsive tendencies, Ross stumbles awkwardly into a "big guy" moment, Phoebe tries to cheer Joey up after he gets fired as Al Pacino's butt double by predicting that some day a young actor will be excitedly telling his friends that he landed a role as "Joey Tribbiani's ass," and Joey finally gets himself signed by a talent agency after being discovered based off his impressive work in the Off Broadway musical, Freud!
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey is explaining to the gang that he has landed a part in a new movie as Al Pacino's butt double. When everyone starts to tease him for being required to bare his posterior on camera in order to advance his acting career, Joey pleads, "C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!" [The Knockout] Chandler, never one to miss a golden opportunity to pile on, insists, "Oh no, it's terrific, you know...you deserve this. After all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business."
Moose and Squirrel
Season 1, Episode 5
Friends S1:E5 - Well, that's what I get for tempting fate. On only the fourth post of my illustrious blogging career, I was reprimanded by my editor, Ted James, for dancing on the line of acceptable conduct and then proceeding to cross my toe over it whilst baiting him to call me out. I'm not sure if it was the direct reference to the Bill Simmons situation or my contemptuous character assassination of Jack from fairy tale lore, but I was up in the big boss' office getting a thorough tongue lashing less than five minutes after last week's post went live. Luckily, I was able to talk my way out of a suspension. But sadly, I was unable to avoid punishment all together as I have been required to deactivate my Facebook account until at least October 28th (I knew I shouldn't have friended my boss on Facebook). On a side note, it may seem like a good idea to post drunken selfies of yourself with a giraffe at the zoo on FB (I mean it takes 20 minutes to get up to the perfect height in the tree and frame the shot), but, let me be the first to tell you, if you take and subsequently post the photo during work hours...it's absolutely, unequivocally not a good idea. The good news is I might be allowed to reactivate my Facebook account early for good behavior if I can generate a positive response from the audience for this week's post. So come on, good people of the internet...help me make this post go viral! I have a serious Facebook addiction and I really, really need to get back on. After all, my birthday is later this week and my self-esteem could use the positive reinforcement of having a whole bunch of people that I haven't talked to since high school post "happy birthday" on my wall.
At first, I wanted to fight the injustice of what I thought at the time was a punitive punishment for a victimless crime. From my point of view, I thought I was just doing my job (that giraffe had an important role to play in my content research). Also, doesn't theLeftAhead employ me because of my talent for self-expression and speaking my mind? The way I saw it, Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk could stand to get taken down a peg or two. Furthermore, I'm doing ALL of the heavy lifting on this here blog. Week after week, I'm put under enormous pressure to be provocative and entertaining. I'm also given hard deadlines to meet while Ted James can just come and go as he pleases. I mean, he posts one poem that probably took him five minutes to write and all of a sudden he is everyone's favorite contributor again? To makes things worse, he knows that aside from being the boss, he's also the star writer and he's arrogant around the office about it too. It's just so unfair. Prior to posting his little poem yesterday, he hadn't written anything since July and the icing on the cake is that he never even bothered to finish that piece. That was three months ago! I wish the rest of us were allowed to just post our work whenever we feel like it, whether we have completed it or not. By the way, if you are worried that I'm going to get in more trouble this week for blatant insubordination...don't be. Ted James is currently in the recording studio working on his precious solo album so there is absolutely no chance that he is going to read this. Someone will just feed him a memo with the analytics behind how much traffic this posts generates and that will be how he determines whether or not to allow me to reactivate my Facebook account early for good behavior. So I thought, since Bill Simmons suspension garnered him incredible public good will and a viral hashtag for an eerily similar injustice to the one that I perceived myself to be experiencing, I spent the better part of the past week attempting to get #FreeAdams trending on Twitter. The problem with my plan was, as you will recognize if you click on the above link, there are a half dozen other "Free Adams" campaigns already active and I alone could not generate enough viral buzz to drown any of the rest of them out. It was only then I realized that one man alone, even one as social media savvy as me, cannot defeat The Man. It takes power in numbers. So while this experience has humbled me slightly and I am now able to acknowledge that my behavior was abhorrent and I kind of deserved the punishment that I received, I will never retreat from the principle that a well organized group of ordinary people can change the world. Therefore, no matter whether I deserved it or not, as long as I am not allowed to activate my Facebook account, I am enlisting your help in the noble cause of getting my hashtag trending on Twitter and making this post go viral to show my editor that we're here, we're mad as hell, and we're not going to take it anymore. So please enjoy the following Friends episode recap and help me generate enough social media buzz to reactivate my account early so that when my sweet, aged grandmother goes to wish me a happy birthday on Facebook on Friday, you don't force her to get behind the wheel of a car she shouldn't still be driving and go over to Hallmark to send me a greeting card instead.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe and Chandler both tire of the people they are dating at the same time and decide to execute a mutual break up in which Phoebe breaks up with Tony while Chandler breaks up with Janice, Joey tries to rekindle an old flame with his ex-girlfriend (Angela) by convincing Monica to go on a double date where she thinks she is on a date with the current boyfriend of Joey's ex (Bob) but Angela and Bob think Monica is on a date with Joey, Ross pretends he needs to do laundry at a laundromat in order to spend time with Rachel, and Janice gives Bullwinkle socks to Chandler that go with his Rocky socks so he will have the ability to mix and match, "moose and squirrel."
Gandalf Gaffes - In S1:E4, Rachel is sitting talking with her old friends from Long Island at Central Perk and while filling them in on her new life, she tells them that "I even do my own laundry." However, in S1:E5, Rachel contradicts that she has already been doing her own laundry since moving in with Monica when she goes to a laundromat with Ross and he asks her if it is her first time doing her own laundry. Rachel reveals, "Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin." This is another level one infraction on the Gandalf Gaffe scale, but an infraction none the less.
Gandalf Gaffe #2: In S1:E5, Rachel contradicts the point in time that she started doing her own laundry from what was established in S1:E4.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Phoebe and Chandler are at Central Perk waiting for their significant others to arrive so that they can break up with them. Chandler is clearly anxious about the impending confrontation but Phoebe remarks, "This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us." [The Knockout] Chandler, observing the misery of the situation responds, "It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies."
Featured Image Source: Based On Nothing
Headline Image Source: EVRD
Magic Beans
Season 1, Episode 4
Friends S1:E4 - Hey there boys and girls, it's your favorite gainfully employed writer, Kenny Adams back at your service for another installment of your favorite blogger's favorite blog series. I hope that you had a good week and I'm really glad that you remembered to find a couple of minutes to squeeze me in to your busy schedule today because I've got quite a pita pocket of entertainment bliss to offer you in this our fourth week together. YES! I just realized something. I've made it one month into this project and I haven't gotten fired or Bill Simmonsed yet. Congratulations are in order...oh wait. On second thought, never mind. This is the fourth Monday but since the series started on a Monday, that means I've only made it three weeks into the project...not four. Dude, I'm only three weeks into this project? That means that there are still 447 weeks until May 6th, 2024 when I will finally be free of this ridiculous commitment that my editor is forcing me to honor. I think I want to cry. On second thought, maybe getting fired or suspended wouldn't be such a bad thing. In that case, perhaps talking smack about beloved childhood fairy tale character Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk is an offense that can do the trick (pun very much intended). Let me explain.
So in prepping for this blog post last night, my research took me down the internet's rabbit hole again where I ended up getting reacquainted with a story from my childhood. Do you remember that fairy tale Jack and the Beanstalk? Of course you do. Everyone remembers reading it or hearing it as a kid, right? Indubitably! But how often have you thought about it as an adult? I realized today that since entering into adulthood, I hadn't spent any measurable amount of time thinking about this story until last night and I must say, I am shaken to my very core. Here's why. Jack trades his mother's milk cow for some magic beans, a beanstalk grows, Jack climbs it and what follows would make Charles Manson blush. If you read the story objectively, it is safe to say that you would conclude that Jack is much more of an anti-hero than a hero. I know that Jack and his momma are poor and all, but did you ever stop to think about the fact that Jack was a sadistic little thief and murderer? In the moralized versions of the fairy tale that most of us knew as kids, the giant is made out to be evil in order to justify Jack's actions. But lets just keep it real for a moment. Even if we accept the premise that the giant is evil, it does not excuse Jack's behavior. Jack repeatedly steals from the giant and then cuts down the beanstalk as the giant is climbing down it causing him to fall to his death? That's some cold-blooded gangsta ish. And we, as children, were meant to celebrate this character as a hero? Put this kid Jack in any other scenario (other than a fairy tale) and the next chapter in the story is probably that this little criminal subsequently goes and spends some serious time in the clink. Of course in fairy tale land, I imagine the trial went something like this...Jack's Defense Lawyer: Yes, your honor...my client did indeed take all of this giant's gold and other valuables and eventually murder him, but that's okay. He did it because he and his mother are poor and the giant didn't deserve to keep his possessions or his life anyway because...well, you know, everyone says he was kind of a dick. I mean, "Fee-fi-fo-fum," what's that all about, anyway? The Judge: Huh, you really are making an important point. It's only robbery and murder when the victim isn't a giant dick. Not guilty!
Unless we as a society want to re-imagine the Jack and the Beanstalk story in the context of portraying the giant as some sort of oppressive dictator and Jack as a revolutionary warrior who resorts to Robin Hood-esque thievery to feed the hungry and ultimately violence to free his people only after he had exhausted all of his other options, it is hard to argue a case for Jack as a sympathetic character or a hero. Anyway, I digress. Doing Friends research on the internet leads me down these rabbit holes that seem to suck me in every time. In case you are wondering, there is a connection between Jack and the Beanstalk and today's episode of Friends. Hopefully, it should become clear in the recap that follows.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel panics about her lifestyle change after receiving her first Central Perk pay check and running in to some of her friends from her former life of opulence, Ross laments the anniversary of his first time with Carol, Monica obsesses over George Stephanopoulos when a pizza delivery boy accidentally brings the girls his pizza, Joey and Chandler take Ross to a hockey game and then a hospital when he gets hit in the nose with a puck, and Rachel comes to the conclusion that she's going to be okay because of her "magic beans."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler have just brought Ross the hospital and are trying to get the attention of a receptionist who is having a telephone conversation that she can't be bothered to turn away from. She holds up her hand to signal for them to wait a moment and as if to suggest that it is an important conversation. The guys listen in only to hear her say while looking down at a candy bar, "It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied." [The Knockout] An exasperated Chandler butts in, "Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the Predicament Room."
The Millners' Farm in Connecticut
Season 1, Episode 3
Friends S1:E3 - What's good, Friends fans? It's your boy, Ken Adams back again for this week's installment of my blog series. I'm back for the third week in a row to serve you some fresh takes on a 20 year old pop culture phenomenon that is near and dear to our hearts. My Friends revival is already taking the interwebs by storm. Indeed, boys and girls, you have stumbled upon what we here in the biz call an instant classic. And if all 10 or 15 of you devoted readers out there who were adept enough to get in on the ground floor of the meteoric rise of Friends 20/20 could go ahead and inform the rest of the masses out there it would really be helpful in allowing future readers to interpret my tone as dauntless rather than sarcastic. To further incentivize your desire to participate in building the viral buzz surrounding my mad blogging skills, this post is going to be short and sweet thereby strategically limiting the commitment I am asking of you this week as a reader. The reason for this (other than getting you on my side by giving you the goods efficiently) is that, as I'm sure will happen from time to time, there are no Gandalf Gaffes to report in this episode. With so few established truths at risk of contradiction because of the small history of only two episodes to review, the Friends writers escaped this one unblemished. So thank you for giving me the next two minutes of your time, enjoy the read, tell your friends, rep the hashtags on Twitter...#TheChickAndTheDuck, check back next Monday, and holler at your boy when you see me in these streets.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe accidentally receives $500 dollars in her bank account which leads her down a path where in trying to rectify the mistake... she ends up with $7000 dollars as compensation for finding a thumb in her soda, Chandler starts smoking after having been an ex-smoker for three years, Monica starts dating Alan and the gang adores him which makes Monica conflicted when she decides to break up with him, Ross mourns the loss of his dog Chi Chi, Rachel learns "dating language," Joey rehearses to play a death row inmate in a play, and Chandler agrees to re-quit smoking in exchange for Phoebe's $7000 dollars.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica, midway through the episode, beginning to tire of Alan asks everyone if they think that Alan is sometimes, "a little too Alan." Rachel responds, "Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan." Ross also chimes in, "Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore." [The Knockout] Chandler gleefully agrees, "I personally could have a gallon of Alan."
Featured Image Source: Friends Wiki
Headline Image Source: Connecticut Farmland Trust