Thread the Needle
Season 3, Episode 8
Friends S3:E8 - God, it was awful. Like many Americans, it was one of the most disturbing nights of my life. It just felt so violating. Not because conservatism was upsetting progressivism. As unfortunate as the political ramifications are, I've lived through tough election beats before. They hurt, for sure, but nothing like this. This was violating on a much deeper level. Because this election, at his core, had become a referendum on decency, there was a feeling of utter disgust upon realizing that maleficence could win out. And that was the worst part. When the outcome was still unknown. The uncertainty early in the night on Tuesday was unbearable. It was beyond gut wrenching during those hours after racism had stormed to an early lead. You know, when we knew but at the same time, we didn't yet know. Those hours were horrible, watching and praying as it become more and more improbable, but holding out hope against all logic that somehow Hillary Clinton was going to thread the needle and stage a massive comeback in Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan on behalf decency in America. It didn't happen and like every other decent American, I was crushed that a sexual predator became our President-elect. Look, I'm not going to lie. We are on day six of Trump'sAmerica. I'm still grieving and heartbroken. Before it became clear on Tuesday night that we were experiencing one of the biggest political upsets in American history, I assumed that I would do a full post-election analyses today and be able to put a nice little bow on politics for the foreseeable future. I was looking forward to returning to the people's work of deconstructing 20 year old episodes of Friends. Given the circumstances, I'm not emotionally or intellectually able to do that yet, so forgive me...but we may need to return to politics one more time before we take our winter break. Ted James, theLeftAhead Editor-in-chief asked me to also relay to readers that he intends to write his own postmortem piece on the election of Donald Trump before the end of 2016. We should all be looking forward to that (no sarcasm intended, despite all of our lampooning of one another...in all seriousness, Ted is an excellent political thinker and writer). Finally, for those of you who were wondering if I would even return to write the column this week because of the joke I made last Monday indicating that if Trump won the election, the Friends 20/20 blog series would be cancelled because there would be much more urgency in theLeftAhead offices to write about things of far greater importance than dissecting 20 year old sitcom episodes, let me assuage your fears. I've given it a lot of thought this week and the conclusion that I've reached is that hate won the battle on Tuesday but if we give in out of fear and start reorganizing our affairs in response, then we are allowing hate to win the war. It boggles my mind that I'm about to evoke George W. Bush, but I'm about to evoke George W. Bush. To paraphrase, he argued that if Americans stopped living our lives after 9/11, the terrorists win. Similarly, if we stop living our lives now that somebody as deplorable (pun intended) and dangerous as Donald J. Trump has been elected President of the United States of America, hate wins. Therefore, the Friends 20/20 blog series continues! Plus, given the flexibility that I have to speak on current events in this column, I can continue to use this platform as a bully pulpit to voice my opposition to everything that a Trump presidency represents. The resistance is already underway. Hallelujah. On that note, ladies and gentlemen...Kate McKinnon. See you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is scared to go to the dentist because every time she goes someone she knows dies, Joey informs Chandler that he saw Janice making out with her soon-to-be ex-husband, Ross trusts Rachel to babysit Ben because he knows Monica will also be home but Monica ends up banging Ben's head on a wooden ceiling beam, Rachel and Monica try to hide Ben's injury by dressing him up in a Rainy Day Bear's rain suit, Chandler decides to break up with Janice to give her a chance to make her family work, and Joey, Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe use a giant poking device to thread the needle through an open window across the street and poke Ugly Naked Guy as he lay dormant to make sure Phoebe didn't kill him by going to the dentist.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Towards the end of the episode, Phoebe concludes that the curse of someone dying when she goes to the dentist has been broken after she calls everyone she knows. Joey immediately looks out the window across the street and notices that Ugly Naked Guy is laying dormant with the window open. Phoebe becomes worried that he is dead because of her curse so Joey organizes the group to fashion a giant poking device to see if he's alive. Joey, Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, and Monica proceed to thread the needle of getting their giant poking device across the street and through Ugly Naked Guys window. Once they start poking him, he starts stirring which gives the gang the relief of knowing that he wasn't dead but rather in deep hibernation.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe are over at Monica and Rachel's apartment hanging out with Rachel. Rachel hands Phoebe a brownie and offers one to Chandler and Ross. Chandler and Ross both accept and take a brownie but then see Phoebe groan and spit hers out. Chandler responds to this by saying, "Okay, I'm not going to have one." In turn, Ross chimes in, "Neither will I" and they both put their brownies back on the plate. Seeing this, Phoebe reports, "No, no. It's just my tooth." Hearing this, Chandler changes his mind and says, "Alright, I'll have one." Both Ross and he re-grab a brownie from the plate. Ross then asks Phoebe, "So what’s a matter, you need a dentist? I’ve got a good one." Phoebe responds, "No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can’t see him." [The Knockout] Laying the snark on so thick, he could have used it to butter toast, Chandler observes, "See that is the problem with invisible dentists."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Quartz
Headline Image Source: Heavy.com
Mr. Big Shot
Season 3, Episode 7
Friends S3:E7 - Okay, boys and girls. Here we are less than 24 hours away from Election Day in the United States of America. Today we will either be writing post number 53 in our 236 part Friends 20/20 blog series, or, if Donald Trump gets elected tomorrow, we will be writing post number 53 in our 53 part Oh Shit, Writing About a 20 Year Old Sitcom Doesn't Matter Anymore Because the World Might Come To An End At Any Moment blog series. Clearly, anyone who has been following along with this column already knows how I feel. I'm no fan of Secretary Clinton but her opponent is the most unqualified and dangerous major party nominee in the history of the United States of America. That's right, boys and girls. We have a real Mr. Big Shot running for president. And not the good 'Chauncey Billups draining a clutch jumper to win a playoff game' kind of Mr. Big Shot but the bad 'Donald Trump crass, self-centered, narcissistic sociopath' kind of Mr. Big Shot. Unfortunately for us, the type of Mr. Big Shot and the actual person running for president are one and the same. Even if we set aside the fact that he is too temperamental to be trusted with the nuclear codes and that suffering through even four more years with a climate denier in charge of our government could have catastrophic consequences, how can we conform Donald Trump's behavior during the campaign to the dignity that the office of the presidency requires for America's children? We all know the laundry list of vulnerable populations in our society as well as individuals that this man has insulted over the past 18 months. Therefore, there is no need for me to rehash this very long and painful laundry list. My question remains, though, how can we possible tell our children that it's not okay to be a bully after they've witnessed a bully getting rewarded by being elected President of the United States? Forget liberal vs. conservative, establishment vs. populism, and everything else that the media has told us this decision was supposed to be about. Our election tomorrow has now become a referendum on decency in the United States of American. I can only pray that indecency does not win the day. And that's all I really want to say about the election. I'll admit, though, it's really hard to focus on writing a pop culture column today. For whatever reason, I'm really nervous about this election and I just want if finally to all be over (assuming that Secretary Clinton wins). I'm sure that reading my in depth analyses about all of tomfoolery that Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey got themselves into 20 years ago today is probably very low on your list of priorities as well. That being the case, I'll close my opening remarks by sharing the behind the scenes footage from an Access Hollywood tape of Donald Trump that we all know but should also all watch one more time before we vote. If there is any decency left in our country, this should be an automatic disqualification for the presidency. Do not elect this man as your president, America.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross can't get along with Rachel's dad, Joey starts teaching soap opera acting at a local community college, Chandler call Janice's soon-to-be ex-husband a wank when they see he is using the divorce to sell mattresses on his television commercials, (after seeing the sales offers in the commercial) Monica shops for a new mattress at the Mattress King and ends up with a race car bed when Phoebe signs her name to approve delivery, and Ross goes from Mr. Big Shot to bonding with Rachel's dad over making fun of Bobby Bobby (her chiropractor).
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is alone in Monica's room sitting on her race car bed and fantasizing about driving a real car out in traffic. Perfectly content to be lost in his own little daydream, Chandler mimics the noises that his car would make and then yells out to an imaginary fellow commuter, "Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom!" He goes on to mimic the sound of his tires screeching as he comes to a stop and looks over to apparently see an attractive women. He yells out, "Hey-hey good lookin’!" and proceeds to honk the bed's horn in approval. As he puts his imaginary car back in gear, yelling, "Varrrrrrrrroom" some more, he notices that Rachel has walked into Monica's room and his observing his behavior with a stone-faced look. He acknowledges her presence and says, "Alright, I'll leave." [The Knockout] As he gets up from the bed and begins to leave the room, Chandler informs Rachel, "My bed’s so boring."
Don't Say Anything
Season 3, Episode 6
Friends S3:E6 - When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween. Hey there, boys and girls. Happy Halloween to you and yours! How cool is it that the wickedest of wicked holidays is on a Monday this year? I'm super stoked that we get to spend a few minutes together on the scariest day of the year. If you guessed that your boy Kenny Adams would be dressing up for Halloween, you guessed correctly. Wanna know what I dressed up as today? (Drum roll please...) I'm Casper the FRIENDly Ghost! Ha ha, I know you're feeling that, right? The fact that today is, indeed, the scariest day of the year seems apropos to today's festivities considering we have two terrifying Gandalf Gaffes to dissect from the infamous flashback episode that we will be covering during our time together. I won't get too much into the plot of today's episode during my opening remarks because we will dissect the episode in excruciating detail during the Gandalf Gaffe section of today's post. For now...I just want to say, Happy Halloween! I hope everyone has a blast tonight but stays safe. Also, for any of you out there who enjoy when I deviate away from pop culture (and Friends specifically) to dip my toes in the ice cold water of political commentary, rest assured that I will once again fishing those waters next week in our final post before Election Day 2016. After that, I promise to do my best to avoid discussing politics again during this blog series until the 2018 cycle is in full swing. Any who, that's what I got on this sugar-driven holiday. Don't get sick eating too much candy this week. I want you all to be feeling rested and healthy when we reconvene next week. Until then...one last thing. Go Cubs Go!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where we flashback to Ross finding out that Carol is a lesbian, Monica finding out that Phoebe is moving out of the apartment, Joey finding out that Chandler isn't gay while interview to be his roommate, Rachel finding out that she has wild oats to sew before settling down with Barry, Chandler finding out about the glory that is Baywatch, Phoebe finding out what it's like to make out with Ross, and Rachel finding out that you don't say anything when you start fantasizing about having a one-night stand in a bar with Chandler.
Gandalf Gaffes - Trick or treat. If you can believe it, we have two gaffes to dissect in today's infamous flashback episode. In fact, not only do we have two gaffes to dissect, but, as it turns out, these are two very serious infractions. So, enough with the formalities, let's begin shall we? Today's episode starts with the gang sitting around at Central Perk. Janice, Chandler's girlfriend, is there with them and she poses a question to the group asking who of the six of them has slept with who of the six of them. After they all deny having had any flings (aside from Rachel and Ross, or course), Janice asks if any of them had any close calls when it comes to hook ups. Everyone reacts as if to suggest that there have indeed been some close calls and the scene cuts away to opening credits. We return to discover that we are in a flashback and it says, "three years earlier" on the screen. Because we are currently in October of 1996, three years earlier implies that the flashback is taking place in October of 1993 (which is 11 months before the pilot episode). The story line that plays out during today's flashback turns out to be extremely problematic with two previously established precedents. First, it is indisputable that the Friends pilot episode makes it clear that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time in her life when she bursts into Central Perk soaking wet and wearing a wedding dress after running out on Barry (her fiancé). However, in today's flashback (that according to the timeline, remember, takes place 11 months prior to the pilot) Chandler makes a move on Rachel at a bar (which eventually is renovated into a coffee shop and becomes Central Perk) after overhearing her confide in her girlfriends that she would love to have a fling with "the next guy she sees" in an effort to sew her wild oats (so to speak) before settling down with Barry. The flashback makes it clear that Chandler and Rachel's interaction during the flashback was memorable enough that neither would have forgotten it 11 months later and reasonably think that they were meeting for the first time during the pilot. There is no other way to spin it, this story line in the flashback is a gaffe. Second, it is also indisputable that the Friends pilot and S1:E2 contain a story line where Ross's wife Carol moves out in the pilot and then tells Ross that she's pregnant in S1:E2. However, in today's flashback, Ross reveals to Phoebe and then the gang that he has just discovered that Carol is a lesbian and that he thinks his marriage is over. Thus, if we are to believe the timeline that this flashback is offering, Carol reveals to Ross that she's a lesbian and that they should no longer be married in October of 1993, however they continue to live together and have sex until September of 1994? Carol reveals to Ross that she's pregnant in S1:E2 but it is not until S1:E23 that she gives birth (May of 1995). Therefore, in order to make the birth timeline work, it is indisputable that Ross and Carol were still having sex until around the time of the pilot. It is simply too implausible that Carol would reveal to Ross in October of 1993 that she's a lesbian (with her lover Susan already in the picture, by the way) but Ross and Carol would still continue to live together and have sex for another 11 months. Once again, I have no choice but to rule that this story line in the flashback is another serious gaffe. It gives me no pleasure, but because of the extreme inconsistency of both of these infractions, I decree that they are both severe enough to go on the permanent record as level three infractions.
Gandalf Gaffe #11: As part of the flashback that takes place 11 months prior to the pilot episode, Chandler attempts to start a fling with Rachel at a bar that later becomes Central Perk. It was clearly established in the pilot, however, that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time at Central Perk after running out on her wedding to Barry.
Gandalf Gaffe #12: As part of the flashback that takes place 11 months prior to the pilot episode, Ross informs the gang that he has discovered that his wife Carol is a lesbian. This is inconsistent with the timeline established in the pilot and S1:E2. In the pilot Carol moves out and in S1:E2 she tells Ross that she's pregnant. Since Ben isn't born until almost nine months after S1:E2, the implication is that Ross and Carol were living together and continuing to have sex until the pilot episode. It is not realistic that Ross and Carol would continue living together and having sex for 11 months after she revealed to him that she is a lesbian.
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - At the beginning of the flashback (which takes place about 11 months prior to the pilot episode) Phoebe is at her and Monica's apartment (she was Monica's roommate back then) looking out the window across the street. Ross is also there hanging out so she informs him that Cute Naked Guy is "really starting to put on weight."
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is at his apartment during the flashback interviewing a roommate applicant named Eric. He starts the interview by asking, "So, uh, Eric, what kind of photography do you do?" Eric responds, "Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time. I hope that’s cool?" Quite pleased with Eric's answer, Chandler continues, "Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here, you know......never." Even though Chandler is already clearly pleased with how the interview is going, Eric decides it wise to go ahead and continue running up the score by informing Chandler, "Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister’s beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she’s a porn star." [The Knockout] Unable to contain himself, Chandler breaks the pencil he is holding to conduct the interview in half and says, "Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you’re chances are pretty good." He then hugs Eric.
Featured Image Source: Trademarkia
Headline Image Source: How You Doin'? on Tumblr.
Ninja Stars
Season 3, Episode 5
Friends S3:E5 - Happy Monday morning, Friends Crafters. Glad to be back together with you for the fifth consecutive week. I'm taking some initiative today by trying to get this post written and delivered to you before embarking on my four-hour outing to Top Golf (I think the technical term is lunch break). Indeed, today is one of those rare occasions where I woke up early with an extra skip in my step. And considering that I've already had my half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte this morning, I'm alert and ready to power right through today's proceedings. Let's begin this morning, girls and boys, by turning our text books to Chapter 53. Could someone read the chapter heading? "Chapter 53: The List of Five Celebrities You're Allowed to Sleep With Without Your Significant Other Getting Mad." Yes, well done. Thank you for reading, Johnny. So today, class, our Friends are creating lists of late 90's celebrities that they're allowed to sleep with without getting in trouble. Can anyone name one of today's celebrities that you would like to have on your list? Becky? "Channing Tatum." Okay, great Becky. Hey and with a name similar to Chandler, very FRIENDly of you. Anyone else? Timmy? "Jennifer Lawrence." Great, thanks Timmy. I see you're hungry to play the game. (Damn right...I just did that.) Okay, how about one more? I see a hand raised in the back. Yes, go ahead. "Ken Bone." Damnit, Kenny is that you? I didn't even see you sneak in. I figured you would still be out in LA trying to supplant Guillermo as the most lovable weirdo on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Stand up, son and let me explain a few things to you. First, you are not a celebrity. You're having your 15 minutes of fame because you asked the two major party nominees for the presidency of the United States (with the entire world watching) to talk about energy policy and didn't say the words climate change? What kind of ridiculous lack of understanding of the monumental challenge we face waste must you have to ask an energy question without pinning the candidates down on the most important issue? Here's a thought, Ken. How about just straight up asking the candidates about climate change since the media seems hellbent to allow one of them to get elected President without ever having to go on the record in any detail about what they plan to do to deal with it. People see you as having brought a bit of positivity into the campaign? Not me. I see you as a feckless, tone-deaf harlequin who abdicated your responsibility to impact our political discourse in a meaningful way. Second, let's set aside for a moment the fact that you're not a celebrity and examine what you just did here in my class room. I asked the class to raise your hands to give an example of a celebrity you would like to have on your list and you named yourself? Really, Ken? Is your list laminated? What kind of strange weirdo names himself as a celebrity he would be allowed to sleep with and not get in trouble with his significant other? Come on, K-Dawg. That's just strange. And, I'm scared to ask, but who's your significant other? Never mind, don't answer that. I have to say, you're doing some serious damage to the name Ken (our family name, right Joey Tribbiani?) and by the way...Krayzie, Bizzie, Layzie, Wish, and Flesh aren't very happy with you either. Lastly, what kind of engaged voter could have sat through these past 15 months of constant bombardment by this presidential campaign and still truly not know which candidate is the better choice? My suspicion is that they shouldn't call you an undecided voter but rather they should call you a "wants to get on TV" voter. Because I got to tell you, Kenny...if you've been watching everything that has unfolded over these past 15 months and still legitimately not been able to tell who is a better choice between Secretary Hillary Clinton and Sexual Assault Posterboy Donald Trump, I don't think I'm really interested in any question you could have possibly asked the candidates to make up your mind. You know what, Ken? I've had enough of you. That's it. Go to the Principle's Office. Don't talk back. I could care less if you're permanently kicking me out of The Bone Zone. Bye, Kenny. See the clock on the class room door? It reads 14:49. Don't let the 15:00 hit you on the way out. Sorry you had to see that, class. I'll tell you what. Because we all just had to endure the disruptive behavior of Ken Bone, I'm going to let you out a little early today. I'll leave you with one final thought. At the end of today's episode, Chandler bets Joey that he won't fit inside a cabinet in the homemade entertainment center. Joey gets in the cabinet to win the bet. Chandler then proceeds to take a piece of wood and lock Joey inside the cabinet before leaving the apartment all together. Could this just be another meaningless interaction between a couple of roommates or could this be foreshadowing for a future episode? YOU DECIDE...how bringing this back fits into the days of our livez.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe has a hard time bonding with her younger brother (Frank, Jr.) when he comes to visit, Joey wants to create a mail slot for him and Chandler so he decides to build a new entertainment center, Monica diverts Joey from the entertainment center project to redo her floor after Joey shows her how grungy her old tile is, Ross laminates a list of five celebrities he's allowed to sleep with, Rachel allows Ross to hit on Isabella Rossalini when she shows up at Central Perk, and Phoebe ends up having an a fantastic weekend with Frank, Jr. that even included going to Time Square and finding ninja stars.
Gandalf Gaffes - It has been clearly established at this point in the series that Monica Geller is a neat freak. Therefore, when Joey demonstrates to Monica in today's episode that a corner of the tile floor in her bathroom is less grungy than the rest because it has had less wear and tear from years of being covered, our spider senses started going off that something was amiss. We already know Monica to be the type of person who regularly cleans her apartment down to the very last nook and cranny. Therefore, it not only seems improbable but it seems down right implausible that Monica would not have already known that the covered tile was less grungy than the uncovered tile in her bathroom before Joey pointed it out to her. The Monica Geller that has been clearly established as one of our beloved primary characters would not only have already been aware of the issue, but would have taken steps to rectify it after the first time that she noticed the tile was fading. While this is yet another minor Gandalf Gaffe in a series of minor Gandalf Gaffes, it cannot be overstated how important it is for us to document every single last one (no matter how understated some may seem). Because if we can't document every single last Gandalf Gaffe, then really...what are we doing here people? But yeah, this was kinda of subtle...therefore, a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #10: Monica discovering a corner of her bathroom that is less grungy than the rest is a gaffe. We have clearly established as precedent in prior episodes that Monica is a neat freak who would never allow even one nook or cranny in her apartment to go uncleaned for more than a week, much less years on end and therefore would have already known that the covered tile was less grungy than the rest.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is in his room minding his own business reading when he realizes that a very sharp, long drill bit is entering the room through the wall disturbingly close to his head. He runs out into the living room to discover Joey there working on the homemade entertainment unit. When Joey sees Chandler has hastily come out of his room, he asks, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get ya?" [The Knockout] Clearly frustrated by the stupidity of the question, Chandler fires back, "No, you didn’t get me!! It’s an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!"
Video Source: silence714 on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Origami 4ik on YouTube
Headline Image Source: How You Doin'? on Tumblr.
Amazing Discoveries
Season 3, Episode 4
Friends S3:E4 - "There's got to be a better way!" Turning to my Amazing Discoveries co-host, "Wow. That's really profound and topical, Kevin. After watching that debate last night, I think you're flingin'-flangin' right." Hey there, everybody. Have you caught your breath from witnessing Donald Trump's attempt to drag the entire country through the mud last night? Speaking of amazing discoveries, Trump's Access Hollywood video, tho. Now that's what I call an October surprise. On second thought, strike that. Is Trump bragging about he can get away with sexually assaulting women because he's a celebrity really an amazing discovery? Isn't that really par for the course at this point? I mean wouldn't the real October surprise have been if a tape like this hadn't been leaked less than 30 days before the election? Are you really going to watch the way this bumbling bully lurked over Secretary Clinton's shoulder as she was addressing voters last night during the debate and still try to convince me that America's most famous racist narcissist doesn't also have a penchant for chauvinism? Regardless of whether Trump's offensive tape was an amazing discovery or simply par for the course for the least qualified presidential candidate in American history, I'm glad it's out there and working to diminish his chances of winning the election. Of course Trump's reaction to the latest scandal was predictably to try and pull Bill and Hillary Clinton down in the gutter with him in by deploying a scorched earth strategy. He may have effectively rallied his base with that strategy, but I think for most reasonable Americans...the damage is done. It should be crystal clear by now that this is not a hard choice. Bottom line: voting for Donald Trump is flat out irresponsible. Anybody who thinks about this election rationally and soberly understands that Hillary Clinton is the only choice.
That being said, I think Democrats are on shaking ground trying to present Hillary Clinton as the moral authority in this race. There is no question that she and Former President Clinton have also had moral shortcomings in their careers and it is because of those moral shortcoming that the "vast right-wing conspiracy" is able to generate the fuel it needs to allow Donald Trump to hang around and still have an outside shot at becoming President of the United States. If the Democratic Party wanted to be the moral authority in this election in order to obliterate Trump's candidacy (and take back the Senate, the House, and a few state houses in the process) there was a candidate in the race we could have nominated. That candidate was Bernie Sanders. Can you imagine how differently the second debate would have gone if Trump was going up against Bernie Sanders' moral leadership instead of being able to grab on to the Clinton's shortcomings and drag them down in the gutter with him? The Republican establishment has a lot of soul searching to do for allowing someone as utterly unacceptable as Donald Trump to become their party's nominee but the Democratic establishment has a lot of soul searching to do as well for insisting on running a flawed candidate against him and subsequently tipping the scales in the primary to ensure their desired outcome. The sky would have been the limit on the amount of progressive change we could have ushered in in the first 100 days of a Bernie Sanders presidency if his political revolution had been given the opportunity to clean Trump's clock and wipe out Republican majorities up and down the ballot. Bernie's new age New Deal governing could have made a real difference in the lives of working families and perhaps given us one last crack at doing something meaningful to address climate change before it's too late. Sadly, this vision for a new era of progressivism is just conjecture. Sure, I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because she is the only responsible choice. At the same time, I will never forgive the Democratic establishment for tipping the scales in the 2016 primaries and squandering a once in a generation opportunity (putting us at risk of a Trump presidency in the process). And I will never forget.On that note, let's talk Friends for a hot second, shall we? In today's episode, Chandler dives head first into powering through the metaphorical commitment tunnel and comes out the other side taking a smothering approach to dating Janice while Ross struggles with a dangerous gender stereotype in his approach to parenting when he decides that he's uncomfortable with Barbie being Ben's favorite toy. Phoebe pretends to be Joey's agent and Janice surprises Monica and Rachel by not getting scared away by Chandler's clinging behavior. All of that pales in comparison, however, to when Monica brilliantly steals the show by outing Ross's cross-dressing childhood. Not only do we discover that Ross dressed in his mother's clothes as a child to throw tea parties in the backyard, but on top of that...he asked his family to call him Bea. Finally, the cherry on top was Monica revealing that there was even a song that went a little something like...
I am Bea.I drink tea.Won't you dance around with me?
Oh man, my Friends heart is filled with joy after reliving that classic Ross moment. If this election has got you worried, stressed, or angry just remember to pull out your metaphorical Milk Master 2000, think about Ross hosting tea parties as his alter ego, Bea and then tell yourself, "Now I can have milk every day!" Until next week...stay thirsty, my fans of Friends.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler goes all Chandler and gives in to his fear of commitment but then allows Monica and Rachel to convince him to overcompensate and scare Janice away, Ross has trouble adjusting to the news that Barbie is Ben's favorite toy, Phoebe forgets to give Joey a message about an audition and then pretends to be his agent to make up for it, and (despite his obsessive behavior) Janice still calls Chandler back which is an amazing discovery for Monica and Rachel because in their experience...a man would never call back if they had acted in a relationship the way Chandler had with Janice.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Rachel is at her place with Ross and notices (while walking by with a laundry basket) that Ugly Naked Guy is still naked but that his dog is wearing a sweater.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel and Monica are across the hall consoling Chandler for freaking out Janice and ruining his relationship with her. They had just determined that the situation was critical enough to go and grab the good ice cream for Chandler when the phone rings. Chandler answers and realizes that it is Janice. He asks her, "Can you hold on a second?" He then turns to Monica and Rachel and asks, "What do I do?" Rachel quickly answers, "I don't know what to do. This is totally unprecedented." Monica follows, "If we ever did what you did, a man would never call." Monica lights up and continues, "Oh wait, I've got it. I've got it. Pretend like you just woke up. Okay? That'll throw her off. Be sleepy." Rachel chimes in, "Yes! And grumpy." [The Knockout] Visibly annoyed, Chandler looks back and forth at Monica and Rachel and barks, "What are you--? Stop naming dwarfs."
Hug and Roll
Season 3, Episode 3
Friends S3:E3 - Howdy, gals and guys. How's everyone doing today? Well, I'm a bit perplexed (thanks for asking). The reason? Here we are sharing in only our third post of the season but somehow we've already made it to October. Can you believe it? I know you're thinking, "Surely this is some sort of mistake." Maybe, let me double check. (Looking up at my calendar.) Nope, it's definitely October (and don't call me Shirley). Apparently time flies when you're busy working four hours a day, one day a week. So October has arrived, huh? I guess so because the leaves are changing color, football is in full swing, and since it's Monday...I'm throwing you another perfect spiral all the way down the field and into the Friend Zone. (See what I did there?) All you have to do is sprint 100 yards and make sure you catch it. In fact, for those of you keeping score...I am actually coming up rapidly on my deadline for today's submission at this late hour on Monday afternoon so you might call this particular pass a Hail Mary. I know, I know. It's pretty lame that (as mentioned above) this is only our third post of the season and I'm already prefacing one of my infamous "mailed in" submissions. On the bright side, you must admit that I brought the goods these past two weeks so it all evens out in the wash. Agreed? I knew you would understand.
So in the brief time that we have together today to discuss this episode, I thought I would use it to say that I always thought that David Arquette was a bit unusual. Not necessarily in a bad way but that the dude definitely marches to the beat of his own drum. I mean, after staring in the wrestling movie Ready to Rumble, my man actually starting appearing at WCF and WWE events as a wrestler. Given that his physical stature is less than imposing, that's a little strange. Once again, weird in a channeling your inner Andy Kaufman redeeming kind of way...but weird, nevertheless. All of this is to say that (given that David Arquette already gives off the vibe that he is an unusual fellow) he was perfectly cast in this episode of Friends as Ursala's creepy stalker ex-boyfriend. The role seems to suit him. It is interesting that Arquette is involved in a storyline where he doesn't work directly with his real life girlfriend at the time (and future wife) Courtney Cox, but rather her co-star, Lisa Kudrow. (Hint: This sets a precedent that repeats itself later in the series. Considering the giant elephant in the room when discussing the romantic relationships of the Friends cast, I bet you can guess at least one of the cameos of which I speak). Cox and Arquette infamously met in 1996 on the set of Scream. He makes a perfectly cast hilarious cameo in today's episode of Friends and the rest is history (including Arquette and Cox's marriage as of May 2013). In closing, I just want to make a quick acknowledgement of the recent loss of David Arquette's sister Alexis. A brilliant actress in her own right, Alexis was also a prominent figure in the transgender community. Rest in peace, Alexis.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler seeks advice from Ross and Rachel to avoid the types of relationship pitfalls that have accidentally been getting Janice mad at him, Monica needs a new plan to get over her man (Richard) and that plan is jam, Phoebe develops a crush on her sister Ursala's stalker, Joey is shocked when he discovers that a sperm bank he once donated to hasn't given away any units of Tribbiani, and Ross winds up on the receiving end of Rachel's wrath when Janice informs her that Chandler has been using Ross's hug and roll technique.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey, who has been eating jam constantly since Monica began her "plan to get over her man," is sitting at the kitchen table with Chandler while Monica shops for sperm donors in the living room as Ross and Rachel look on in horror. Joey motions to Chandler to offer him a taste of the jam he is eating straight out of the jar. [The Knockout] With as much contempt as he can muster (pun intended), Chandler responds, "Nah, it's all right. I just had a jar of mustard."
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Headline Image Source: techShirts
Drink the Fat
Season 3, Episode 2
Friends S3:E2 - Howdy? How goes it out there for all of you on this beautiful autumn Monday, my fantastic Mercedes Friends? Personally, I have a lot of balls in the air today. For starters, today is a travel day for me as I will be catching the red-eye out to the West Coast (Portlandia to be exact). Secondly, tonight is the first Presidential Debate between Secretary Hillary Clinton and Career Con Man Donald Trump. While this means that our offices here at theLeftAhead will be a zoo all day (making it harder for me to focus on banging out this post), I will actually miss watching the debate live because of my aforementioned trip. Since I'll be on a plane, I'll be observing #BannedBooksWeek during the debate and, given the toxic state of our political discourse, I'll be all the better for it. But that's neither here nor there. My next ball in the air is that I'm facing yet another disciplinary meeting which is scheduled for later today with my editor, Ted James (don't worry, I've requested representation from my union rep). As you have probably guessed, this meeting is a result of the unfortunate allegation that I called Mr. James "a dick" in last week's post (good luck coming up with concrete proof, Ted). I'm actually looking forward to this meeting to see how Frank "Fish Scale" Gambini (my Union Rep) smacks this allegation down to save me from yet another suspension. Lastly, and to top it all off, there's this damned Friends post to write. If you know me, you know that I would gladly mail in my work assignment today, if possible. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be fair to you (the reader) because today we are covering one of the great Friends episodes of all time (and must therefore provide the type of solid analyses worthy of a classic episode). So, since I won't be mailing in today's post and given everything else that I'm dealing with, when I woke up this morning and came to the realization of what's in front of me on this mad-busy Monday...I channeled my inner-Monica and screamed out, "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"
Okay, I feel a little better after getting out that Monica scream. Whew. I'm now in the right frame of mind to do this thang so let's dive right into today's episode, shall we? There is so much classic material to comb through with this one. Set in Monica and Rachel's living room (for the duration of the episode except for the scene during the final credits), we find our trusty Friends writer's room channeling the single set narrative construction popularized by sister show Seinfeld with their infamous The Chinese Restaurant episode. Friends writers were clearly doing their homework studying Larry David and company because The One Where No One is Ready creates brilliant rhythm by moving our beloved six mainstays in and out of the scene with the camera fixated on Monica and Rachel's living space. Oh my, oh my...what an episode. Where to begin? Let's start with Monica "going over to the bad place" after hearing a voicemail from Richard that she can't determine whether is old or new. She dips her toe "into the bad place" by dialing into Richard's answering machine (of course she knows the code) to hear the message she left him responding to his old or new message. After hearing another message from a mysterious woman after dialing in, she starts wading "in the bad place" by calling Richard's daughter Michelle and hanging up after determining that Michelle was in fact the mysterious voice on the other message. Finally, she throw caution to the wind, vacates the pool, walks to the top of the high dive, and proceeds to belly flop her way into immersing herself in "the bad place" when she attempts to erase her message to re-record but accidentally erases Richard's outgoing message instead. Accidentally erasing your ex-boyfriend's outgoing voicemail message and replacing it with a message where you speculate about having your period? I think that qualifies as immersing yourself in "the bad place" and "pulling a Monica" with platinum status. Plus, my favorite part? Monica's scream when she realizes she has changed Richard's outgoing message. There is something about Monica screwing up and screaming out "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!" that makes me crack up every time.
One of the most endearing storylines in an episode chock-full of endearing storylines is the fight that Chandler and Joey get in over who should get to sit in the chair. When Chandler gets up from the chair he was sitting in order to use the bathroom, Joey seizes an opportunity to sit down in the spot that Chandler vacated. When Chandler returns, he informs Joey that he was sitting there and demands that Joey give him his seat back. Joey refuses and we're off to the races. The squabble keeps escalating and escalating to rarefied levels of hilarity. Perhaps the altercation is so funny because Joey and Chandler attempt to resolve this conflict with the maturity of two prepubescent siblings. First, after Chandler returns to Monica and Rachel's after getting dressed for the museum benefit, he expects when Joey gets up he will be able to reclaim the chair. However, unbeknownst to Chandler, when Joey gets up...he takes the chair cushions with him. Chandler protest that the cushions are "the essence" of the chair. Joey retorts, "That's right! I"m taking the essence!" Of course, Chandler must then retaliate. To get Joey back for stealing the essence, Chandler hides all of Joey's underwear prior to Joey changing into his tuxedo for the museum benefit. After discovering the prank, Joey comes back over to Monica and Rachel's apartment and informs Ross that he can't change into his tux without his underwear. When Ross asks why, Joey informs him that he's currently going commando. Sure enough, Ross takes the bait and asks why he can't continue going commando at the museum benefit. This sets up one of the greatest Friends lines of all-time. Joey informs Ross, "It's a rented tux, okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues." After dropping the walk off shot of the night, one would think that Joey might be satisfied but, rest assured, he still needs to get even with Chandler for stealing his underwear. He leaves vowing to do the opposite of stealing his underwear and returns moments later wearing all of Chandler's clothes. Joey hilariously struts around, does some lunges, and delivers yet another memorable line. Mimicking his roommate, Joey declares, "Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes?" In case you haven't caught on yet, this was one massive episode for Joey Tribbiani in the funny department. I hate to say it, but the performance we just documented from a middling soap opera actor totally upstages our Chan Man Quip of the Week at the end of this post. This rarely happens, so mad props to Joey for out maneuvering the king of the one-liners this week.One last thing...that dress, tho. The other storyline involves Rachel flirting with the idea of skipping the museum benefit after Ross yells at her and embarrasses her in front of their friends. At one point she even changes into pajama pants and a New York Knicks sweatshirt. In the end, she decides to go when Ross agrees to drink the fat to demonstrate how much he wants and needs her there by his side. When Rachel ultimately walks out of her bedroom ready for the museum benefit, she is wearing a stunning green dress and informs Ross that (much like Joey) she's "going commando too." Considering that this image has been burned into my permanent memory since I was of the impressionable age of 17, I will close by saying that this image would make a smash hit of a Throwback Thursday #TBT post on Rachel Green's Instagram. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Nexties.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where (despite a strong effort) Ross is unable to stop from unleashing Red Ross (his alter ego) when the gang risks making him late for a museum benefit, Joey and Chandler get in a massive fight after Joey takes Chandler's chair, Monica goes to the bad place after she can't tell whether a message from Richard is old or new, Phoebe falls victim to Chandler and Joey's fight when she is on the receiving end of a glop of projectile hummus, Rachel flirts with not attending the museum benefit after baring the brunt of Red Ross' wrath, and in the end every one is ready with 5 seconds to spare after Rachel changes her mind because Ross was willing to drink the fat.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] After realizing that Monica is not in her bedroom getting dressed but rather is in there trying to call Richard on her bedroom's phone, Phoebe and Chandler follow her in there to stop her. With the camera still in the living room, Phoebe's voice can be heard inside Monica's bedroom screaming, "Get away from the phone!" Phoebe then casually walks out of Monica's bedroom holding the receiver and cord to Monica's bedroom phone and informs Ross and Rachel, "She's just getting dressed now." [The Knockout] Having just witnessed a spat between Monica and Phoebe, Chandler follows Phoebe out of Monica's bedroom with a mischievous smirk on his face and asks, "Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?"
Featured Image Source: GradTouch
Headline Image Source: SHEmazing!
Hold Me Close Young Tony Danza
Season 3, Episode 1
Friends S3:E1 - But oh how it feels so real lying here with no one near. Only you and you can hear me when I say softly...(pause)...slowly...(wait for it)...hold me close young Tony Danza. Count the headlights on the highway. YO! YO! YO! How the heck are you, my BFGFF's (Big Freindly Giant Friends Fans)? Can you believe it? After a long and relaxing summer break, we're finally back for the third installment of Friends 20/20. I can honestly say that I've really missed you guys. Sure, full disclosure, I had an incredible summer drifting from beach to beach; relaxing and soaking in rays for weeks on end with umbrella drinks never more than an arm's length away. It may be hard to believe, but alas...like all good things in life, my good people, eventually all of that relaxation played its course. I know, I know, poor pampered me. But it's true. Eventually I grew tired of endless pina coladas and bonfires, so I returned stateside a few weeks early (right before Labor Day weekend). I quickly realized, however, that foregoing a couple of extra weeks of moon parties was a mistake because over the past couple of weeks, I've been bored out of my gourd waiting for my beloved Mission: Impossible assignment to resume today. In fact, there are rumors swirling around the theLeftAhead office that I was so bored these past couple of weeks, I even resorted to binge watching episodes of Saved By the Bell on Netflix to pass the time. (Oh the humanity!) Those rumors will neither be confirmed or denied. Of course, soon after my return, Ted James (my editor) quickly pointed out that one way for me to pass the time would be for me to contribute some political commentary to our Election 2016 coverage (he's constantly reminding me that I was a Poli Sci major, afterall) or to finally follow through on my promise to write some non-Friends related pop culture content for the site. But sadly, I could not be convinced that 1,500 words on the second season of Mr. Robot was a better use of my time than reliving (for the dozenth time) the teen angst torture Zack Morris experienced while trying to outduel A.C. Slater for the affection of one Kelly Kapowski. Sure, things like keeping my word and being a team player at work are important to me but let's be reasonable...time reserved for binge watching SBTB is an important part of any healthy work-life balance. I mean, it's not as if I was blowing off an opportunity to add some much needed content to theLeftAhead in order to binge watch Good Morning, Miss Bliss or Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Let's keep it 💯. I was mainlining the hardest of the hardcore pique SBTB episodes directly into my bloodstream. You know, episodes like the one where Jessie Spano develops a pill popping addiction, or the one where Zack deals with the pitfalls of fame as the lead singer of Zack Attack, or the one where Screech stabs someone (perhaps I'm misremembering that last one). Anyway, as I was saying...reliving the quintessential years of SBTB is an important part of a healthy work-life balance. Of course, when Mr. James caught wind of the rumor that I was allegedly blowing off his suggestion to write a post about Mr. Robot in order to binge watch Saved by the Bell, he proposed that I write a post about Saved by the Bell instead since I'm watching it anyway. As he put it, "if you're hellbent on pissing away your last two Friendless weeks binging old Saved by the Bell episodes, the least you can do is let the site get some mileage out of your sloth." He's such a dick.
But enough about me. We've got a brand spanking new 20 year old episode of Friends to lightly touch upon (I mean, diligently dissect). When last we left our pals, Chandler had just gotten back together with Janice Litman [née Hosenstein] (his married ex-girlfriend) and Monica had just broken up with Magnum, P.I. (I mean Dr. Richard Burke). The story resumes seemingly just a few weeks later as we find that Chandler and Janice are still happily together and we also find that Monica is still in mourning over her and Richard's break up. These story lines continue playing out for the duration of the Season Three premiere but the most noteworthy anecdote from this week's episode comes when Ross has quite a revelation (when Rachel informs him of that women share with each other very intimate details about their romantic relationships) and decides to try sharing with Chandler. At first, it seems to be a good idea as Chandler quickly relates when Ross shares with him his Princess Leia fantasy. Things go south rather quickly, however, when Chandler subsequently shares that he pictures his own mother in his head sometimes while having sex (my man's got issues, yo). Hilarity ensues when the uncovering of this disturbing information later causes Ross to accidentally picture his own mom while trying to play out his Princess Leia fantasy with Rachel. Joey steals the show, however, after returning home from Joey and Janices Day of Fun when he tells Chandler that he and Janice had run into Ross at Central Perk and Ross had subsequently relayed what Chandler had shared with him. Joey consoles Chandler by telling him it happens to him too. When Chandler, feeling reassured, seeks confirmation by asking, "Really?" Joey responds, "Oh yeah. I always picture your mom while I'm having sex." Burn. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Speaking of burn, I've got burnt orange on my mind. No, not burnt orange like the Texas Longhorns (who blew a game to Cal that they should have won on Saturday). Yes, burnt orange like Donald Trump's hair and skin. You see where I'm going with this, right? I'd be remiss if I didn't follow up on commentary from our Season Two finale by giving my two cents regarding the current state of Election 2016 during our Season Three premiere. If you are a loyal reader of the blog series, you already to know that I was all in on feeling the bern last spring. Therefore, as you can probably guess, I'm sad to report that there are not chicks and ducks in the world again because Bernie Sanders is unfortunately not well on his way to the White House. Instead we have a General Election match up of Secretary Hillary Clinton vs. Megalomaniac Donald Trump. Damn, this sucks. Considering that this not only sucks but really, really sucks...I don't have a great deal to say at this point. (I'll save my next extended political rant for closer to the election.) Having said that I don't have a great deal to say, I will say this visa vie the following...as the race stands today, I'm planning to vote for Hillary Clinton (I am not, however, planning to endorse her candidacy). I will not attempt to persuade you to vote for or against Mrs. Clinton during our time together over the coming weeks. You won't get the, you must vote for Secretary Clinton because she is the lesser of two evils argument here. I personally have mixed feelings about whether a vote for Jill Stein is productive or counter-productive (we can explore this more in the forthcoming rant that I teased earlier). So no, I do not know if the you must vote for Secretary Clinton because she is the lesser of two evils argument boasts a sound moral foundation, but I do know one thing. No matter what you choose to do in this Saved by the Bell: The College Years crap-fest dumpster fire that is the 2016 General Election, please think very carefully about making sure that whatever you choose to do does not contribute to the election of Donald John Trump. If you need a reminder of why that would be such a future-jeopardizing disaster, just watch this. Finally (if you will indulge me), hey Ted James. Do you like apples? I just gave you exactly what you've been bugging me for these past two weeks (some Saved by the Bell pop culture content as well as some Election 2016 content) and I did it all without having to lift one extra finger or write one extra word outside of my contractual obligation. How you like dem apples? (Mic drop.) Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica is still mourning her and Richard's break up, Ross shares his Star Wars fantasy with Rachel, Joey tries to get over his dislike of Janice so he can spend more time with Chandler, Phoebe attempts to guide Monica in medication to help her get over Richard, Chandler shares with Ross a disturbing glimpse into his sex life, and Ross may as well have been singing "Hold Me Close Young Tony Danza" in bed with Rachel because he can't stop picturing Rachel as his mother when she dresses up as Princess Leia to fulfill his fantasy.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are hanging out at Central Perk talking about how Joey hates Janice when Rachel notices that Monica is outside visibly distraught and holding a package from the Post Office. Monica seems to be simultaneously crying and speaking rapidly at her friends through the coffee shop's window. Indicating to everyone else to look outside, Rachel exclaims, "Oh my god." [The Knockout] Relishing the opportunity to crush a pitch that's hanging over the plate out of the park, Chandler observes, "Well look everybody, it's Weepy. The mime who cares too much."
Featured Image Source: Chicago Tribune
Headline Image Source: She Does the City
Oh My God
Season 2, Episode 24
Friends S2:E24 - Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there. She would merengue and do the cha-cha and while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar. Yo! What is the damn dee-lee-o, Friends Crafters? OH. MY. GOD. It's hard to believe but the end is nigh for the second installment of Friends 20/20. After you finish reading today's Chan Man Quip of the Week, we will have completed exactly 20 percent of this seemingly endless project. Take that doubters and haters. Many of them believed we wouldn't survive Fall 2014. Yet, here we are still standing one fifth of the way through the impossible journey. It's been one hell of a ride so far. While I'm excited about getting a much needed break from my strenuous schedule of working one day a week, 24 weeks a year, I've also never been more determined to not only continue writing this improbable blog series, but also...I've never been more determined to continue improving the quality of the content to make it worthy of the time that you (the devoted readers) so generously give to me week after week. I'm humbled every Tuesday morning when I check the blog traffic and see that you guys are continuing to show up and allow me to do what I do best. Therefore, I solemnly pledge to you that after I get my hard earned four month summer vacation, I will come back in September ready to take this blog series to yet another level for Season 3. The doubters and the haters can suck it. They thought that our FRIENDship would never last. But you know and I know better. We know that every time the rain starts to pour...I'll be there for you. And you'll be there for me too. Until the end of time. Or at least until May 6. 2024.
I thought that today, if you'll kindly indulge me, since we began this season talking politics (more specifically talking Donald Trump) in This Is Huge (our opening post for Season 2), it might be appropriate to bring this thing full circle and make a few comments on this year's primaries (rather than doing a play by play break down of Monica and Richard's season finale break up). After all, we will be in full-blown general election mode when we reconvene on September 19, 2016 for Season 3. Speaking of OH MY GOD...could the Republican party be any more bat shit crazy? When I wrote on September 21, 2015 (in the aforementioned This Is Huge), "We, as a country, should be collectively ashamed that Trump’s poisonous rhetoric and utter lack of substantive policy proposals has not only not been repudiated, but instead has rewarded him with a sizable lead for the nomination of one of our two major political parties a mere five months before the first primaries" never in my wildest imagination would I have contemplated that Donald Trump would actually win the freaking nomination. I thought for sure when Americans actually cast ballots that Donald Trump's mixture of dangerous rhetoric and complete lack of qualifications would be forcefully repudiated in the voting booths. I clearly thought wrong. And even though Donald Trump is the nominee of a party that I have never voted for in my life, it is indeed a failing of our entire country that this man is a general election candidate for the presidency of the United States of America. We all bare some responsibility. While the Republican party should be especially ashamed, all Americans should be ashamed of the predicament we've put ourselves in. Besides our part in allowing the Trump phenomenon to take root, my team (The Democrats) should also be ashamed by what has happened in our primary elections. We have the opportunity right now to nominate a modern-day Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) type figure named Bernie Sanders who is positioned to lead a political revolution to reclaim democracy and yet because of things like Super Delegates, closed primaries, and voter suppression...we are dangerously close to putting forward another moderate named Clinton instead. On top of being a corporatist and a foreign policy hawk, Hillary Clinton (fair or unfair) has multiple scandals plaguing her campaign and has such unfavorables within the American electorate that (despite what her surrogates within the Democratic establishment will tell you) she is extremely vulnerable to actually (as implausible as it might seem) losing the general election to Trump. Don't believe the propaganda of the political establishment and corporate media. There is still time for the Democratic electorate to come to our senses and nominate Bernie Sanders. The California primary on June 7th could be a game changer. And since I will be "feeling the bern" on a beach somewhere tropical by the time June rolls around, let me ask you now...if you care about things like a living wage, universal health care, affordable college, and leaving a habitable planet for our grandchildren as much as you care about Friends, consider donating some time or money to Bernie 2016. Okay, I've said my peace. Don't blame me if Trump is leading Clinton in general election polls when we reconvene on September 19th. Hopefully, on the contrary, come September there will be chickens and ducks in the world again and Bernie Sanders will be well on his way to the White House. Also, thanks for letting me go on an election rant. It feels good to get that off of my chest before we wrap for the season. Sorry if you happen to disagree with me on politics. Hey, at least we agree that Friends is the greatest sitcom of all time. Have an amazing summer. I'll see you in the fall.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler has a mysterious online girlfriend, Monica and Richard break up when Monica realizes that Richard doesn't want to have any more children, Rachel attends Mindy and Barry's wedding despite the embarrassment of facing all the same people from her wedding when she ran out on Barry, Ross accompanies Rachel to the wedding and gives an awkward speech on her behalf, Joey tries to practice kissing guys in order to get a role in a Warren Beatty movie, Phoebe hypothesizes that Chandler's mystery online girlfriend might be a big giant guy, and when Chandler meets his mystery online girlfriend at Central Perk and realizes it is Janice...Oh My God.
Gandalf Gaffes - Just when you were starting to believe that including the Gandalf Gaffes section of each blog post was an exercise in futility (after all, we've had a overwhelmingly gaffe-free Season 2), we will be ending the season with a score. If you remember from the Carol Willick incident in Season 1, the recasting of a character is a huge pet peeve of mine. We've already set a precedent that (no matter how legitimate the reason for the switch) we are holding the writer's room accountable for the sins of the casting department when it comes to identifying gaffes. Today, we find our second such incident with the recasting of Mindy Hunter (Rachel's former best friend). In Season 1, Episode 20, Mindy was originally played by Jennifer Grey. I'm assuming (since Jennifer Grey was a relatively big name actress at the time) that she was unavailable to reprise her role the next season for The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding. Jennifer is replaced by Jana Marie Hupp. A quick glance at Jana's IMDb indicates that she been a career working actor but has never broken through to leading roles. Her notable appearances include Ed, Independence Day, and Barton Fink. Keeping with precedent, I will adjudicate the recasting of Mindy Hunter as a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #9: The actress portraying the character of Mindy Hunter (later Mindy Hunter-Farber) changes from Jennifer Grey to Jana Marie Hupp from S1:E20 to S2:E24.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk and Joey is trying to figure out why Warren Beatty said he is a bad kisser. Phoebe volunteers to kiss him in order to help him figure out if he's doing something wrong. She stands up and meets Joey in front of the couch. They kiss and Phoebe reacts by saying, "Good. Very good. Firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend." Joey celebrates momentarily and then, visibly frustrated, says, "Then I don't know what it is." He continues by asking, "What's the problem?" Monica interjects, "Joey, you know, maybe you're just not used to kissing men? You know, maybe you just tensed up a little bit? Maybe that's what you need to work on?" Joey responds, "Yeah, that makes sense." He then looks over whimsically to Ross giving a clear indication that he would like to kiss him. Ross reacts by informing Joey, "Over my dead body." Joey then looks down at Chandler and gestures to try and illicit his permission. [The Knockout] A wigged out Chandler looks up at Joey and reports, "And I'll be using his dead body as a shield."
Featured Image Source: Chuck Helstein.com
Headline Image Source: Bustle
Joseph the Processor Guy
Season 2, Episode 23
Friends S2:E23 - What it do, Friendsinistas? Hope you're doing well. We have been keeping mad busy here in the TLA bunker these past few weeks. As loyal readers, you've probably noticed that late Spring into early Fall is theLeftAhead's busy season, so to speak. The reason for that is two of our Feature blog series (Black & Silver and Friends 20/20) start to overlap in late April when the NBA playoffs get going. At least the hard work is paying off. In honor of Charlie Sheen making a cameo in today's episode of Friends, I'm happy to report that theLeftAhead is WINNING. We've been killing it lately with some of the best traffic our little ragtag website has ever seen. It feels good to know the hard work is paying off. Our increase in traffic is thanks in large part to all of you the loyal Friends readers. Also having a bunch of diehard Spurs fans frequenting the site this time of year never hurts. Anyway, just wanted to share the good news. I thought you guys could use a Monday afternoon pick me up (especially if you did your homework in preparation for today's class). If you watched today's episode, you might be feeling a little bummed that Phoebe didn't get to do all the fun stuff she had planned for her and Ryan (the Navy guy played by Charlie Sheen who she apparently hooks up with whenever he's on leave but who we never ever see again after this episode). When Ross informs everyone (in the Eeyorish way that only Ross can) that Ben has the Chickenpox, Phoebe realizes that she's also been infected (having never had it) and proceeds to infect Ryan (having also never had it). This ruins all of the plans that Phoebe had for the two weeks Ryan is in town on leave and the two end up spending the whole time hilariously trying to figure out ways to scratch each other's itches. Even though they are coconspirators in relieving the torture, the discomfort also makes Phoebe and Ryan get on each other's last nerves. The disastrous rendezvous hits its boiling point when a frustrated Phoebe informs Ryan, "I hope you get a weenie pox."Even though we're all bummed for Phoebe and her predicament in this episode, who doesn't love the way that Joey turns Chandler's office into his personal fantasy land? Watching Joseph the Processor Guy brown nose and kiss up to Chandler's bosses while also unapologetically causing unnecessary problems for Chandler is very pleasing to watch. Better still is when Chandler uses the fictional family that Joey created for Joseph the Processor Guy against him by creating his own fictional character named Chandy. Oh, how the tables have turned? Joey appears completely devastated when Chandler informs him that Chandy is having an affair with Joeseph's wife Karen. And why wouldn't he be? It's pretty easy to predict where Joseph the Processor Guy's life is headed once he uncovers Karen's affair with Chandy. Divorce followed by alcoholism followed by getting canned at work followed by homelessness. Meanwhile, Chandy is going to be sitting pretty hanging out with Jeannie (the head of East Coast operations) on his new boat with his new wife Karen. Yep, lucky Chandy will spend his weekends on the ocean watching his adorable step daughters (and getting a kick out of how Brittany copies everything that Ashley does). Then, one day, Chandy, Karen, and the kids will be pulled up to a stop light in Chandy's BMW when they notice that Joseph the Processor Guy is on the corner pedaling for spare change to buy booze. He appears to be wearing some sort of robe or coat made out of multicolored fabrics that he probably picked up at Good Will. Chandy winks as he holds a $5 bill out the window for Joseph and Joseph swallows his pride and accepts the money (after all, you can buy two forties with a five). Then his biological kids point and laugh at him as they drive off. And, as you have probably guessed, the moral of this story is don't be the office brown-nosing suck up. Nobody likes that guy. Also, never wear a technicolor dream coat. Unless you're a hipster in Portland. Then it's okay.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler offers to hook Joey up with a job at his company as an entry-level processor, Phoebe's plans to spend a magical two weeks with Ryan (her Navy guy) while he is on leave from his assignment on a submarine are ruined when she and Ryan contract the Chickenpox, Monica is worried that Richard will get freaked out when he discovers how neurotic she is, Rachel tells Ross that men in uniform turn her on so Ross borrows a sailor outfit, and Chandler attempts to fire Joey after discovering he can't stand that brown-nosing suck up, Joseph the Processor Guy.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey pops into Chandler's office on his first day of work at Chandler's company as an entry-level processor. Chandler asks, "Hey, how's the first day going?" Joey responds, "Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column." Satisfied with Joey's report, Chandler says, "Well there you go." Feeling the need to continue, Joey explains, "Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie." Caught off guard by this new information, Chandler asks, "Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?" Joey answers, "Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?" A perplexed Chandler responds, "Weird world. Your kids?" Joey continues, "I figure my character has kids." An even more perplexed Chandler informs Joey, "You know there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained." Joey elaborates, "Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the Processor Guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does." Chandler interjects, "Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes." Undeterred by Chandler's sarcasm, Joey continues the fantasy with, "Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did." [The Knockout] Accepting Joey's premise for his own sarcastic purposes, Chandler hits back with, "Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there."
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The Staging Area
Season 2, Episode 22
Friends S2:E22 - Hola, damas y caballeros. ¿Qué hay de nuevo? Well, I'm back in beautiful Colorado. Strike that. I'm back in Colorado. When it's May and we're still getting winter storms that include snow flurries, there's a few other adjectives I would use to describe my state of residence other than beautiful. But that's neither here nor there. I'm glad to be back and rested as you and I head into the last leg of our Season Two journey together. It's hard to believe, but we are now seven eights of the way through our second installment of Friends 20/20. Including today, we have three more posts and two more weeks before we part ways for the summer. If you all know me (and I think you do), you've probably guessed that I'm counting the days, hours, minutes until the moment on May 16th when I will press publish on the final post of the season and then vanish from theLeftAhead offices for eighteen weeks. Will I resurface somewhere tropical? Perhaps in Europe? Who knows? That's to be determined. The important detail for now is that it's only two weeks away. Hurray! But enough about my aversion to the American work ethic and the 40 hours a week, 48 weeks a year required to demonstrate one's commitment to it. Despite the tremendous strides I've made over these past eighteen months to try to be more professional and take the 236 post assignment that I volunteered for more seriously, you know that at heart, I'm a slacker. In fact, not only do you know I'm a slacker but I have no shame in admitting to being a slacker and reminding my editor on a regular basis that I'm a slacker as well. There's no secrets among Friends here.Did someone say, "there's no secrets among Friends? In today's episode the gang throws Rachel a surprise party for her birthday and despite their best efforts to keep it a secret, she admits after the fact to having prior knowledge of the festivities. What Rachel didn't know however, was that both of her parents were going to show up despite the fact that they had not been able to be in the same room as each other without arguing since filing for divorce. This creates a hilarious scene where, in order to keep Rachel's parents separated, the gang tells Rachel's father that Monica and Rachel's apartment is the staging area for the party and that Joey and Chandler's apartment is the real location of the party. They then proceed to throw two parties simultaneously in each apartment and do everything in their power to keep Rachel's mom in the girl's apartment and Rachel's dad in the guy's apartment. Taking the brunt of the embarrassment that was sure to result, Ross (aka Mr. Rachel) accidentally convinces Rachel's mom that he is just like Rachel's dad as he periodically jumps from apartment to apartment to fetch things for Rachel's dad. In one hilarious moment, Ross is actually confronted by Dr. Green in the hall as he walks out of the girl's apartment wearing Dr. Green's glasses and holding one of Dr. Green's cigarettes in his lips. This is one brick in the wall, so to speak, in building the series long unbearable awkwardness between Rachel's father and her on again, off again Paleontologist. Ah man, you've got to love the palpable tension between those two. Speaking of palpable tension, it's nearing 5:00 pm and my editor wanted this post by 4:00 pm. You may or may not know that there's a San Antonio Spurs playoff game later tonight. You may or may not further know that it is a bad idea to keep Ted James waiting on an afternoon preceding a Spurs playoff game. I can feel his glare burring into the back of my head from across the room as we speak. For my own safety, I better wrap this up. So if you remember anything from this post mis amigos, remember this. When spending time with the parents of your significant other, always bring your own reading spectacles and cigarettes. Also never submit a piece late to your editor on game day unless that piece ends in the immortal words, "Go Spurs Go!"
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel finds out her parents are getting divorced, Monica hosts a surprise party for Rachel's birthday, Joey and Chandler host a second surprise party for Rachel's birthday next door in order to keep Rachel's mom and dad in separate places, Phoebe sneaks guests out of Monica's traditional and stuffy party and over to Joey and Chandler's wild and crazy party, Ross accidentally makes Rachel's mom believe he is exactly like Rachel's dad while bouncing back and forth between parties, and the gang is able to keep Rachel's birthday from being ruined by her parent's fighting through the brilliant creation of the staging area.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang sans Rachel is hanging out having lunch at the diner that Monica works at. Monica is on the clock and wearing her 1950's themed blonde wig and huge fake boobs while she is standing behind the counter chatting with her friends about Rachel's birthday. She notices that Joey is leering at her fake boobs. She stares him down and insists, "Joey they're not real." Startled (as if from a trance) Joey mumbles, "Huh, what." Monica continues, "I start miles beneath the surface of these things, okay. They're fake." She grabs her own chest and starts squeezing the fake breasts, narrating, "See? Honk. Honk." [The Knockout] Interjecting himself into the conversation, Chandler observes, "Wow, it's like porno for clowns."
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Let's Take This Outside
Season 2, Episode 21
Friends S2:E21 - Howdy, cowgirls and cowboys! Since this column is my first chance to write on the matter, let me begin by saying, RIP sweet prince. Now that that's been said upfront (more on the subject later), greetings from Bluff City. That's right, I'm in Memphis, Tennessee killing time this lovely Monday afternoon before I have to catch my flight back to Denver, Colorado later this evening. I'm currently sitting in Central BBQ (a spectacular downtown barbecue joint) staring into my laptop, trying to write this blog post. It is proving to be extremely difficult considering the lively atmosphere and mouthwatering aroma in the air. I'm thinking that, instead of working on this blog post, I should grab a menu and let's go crazy! Why (you might ask) am I in Memphis in the first place? Great question. I'm actually out here on assignment covering the San Antonio vs. Memphis NBA Playoff series for Black & Silver (theLeftAhead's Spurs blog). Being that I am theLeftAhead's only full-time employee and since Ted James couldn't be here to cover it himself, he asked me to fill in for the weekend. I arrived Thursday to the shocking news of Prince's passing and, as a pop culture writer, I have been a bit preoccupied during my trip attempting to process the news and trying to make sense of it. Nevertheless, I've had a blast while I've been here seeing the sights as well as covering the two road victories in the Spurs sweep of the Grizzlies. I've even had the good fortune of getting to stay at the same hotel as the San Antonio Spurs and, as luck would have it, that fortuitous coincidence allowed me to land a major scoop for theLeftAhead. So, despite feeling blue during my trip trying to process the loss of one of the beautiful ones, I feel really good about what I've accomplished during my time in Memphis. Of course, even though I've provided a major assist to Ted James this weekend, he was sure to remind me that my regular duties didn't disappear. So here I am. Today is Monday, after all. That means that you and I have a little discussion amongst Friends to get to. So what do you say we order up some ribs and get down to business? Brisket and sausage too? You've got it.
In today's episode, Ross and Chandler find themselves in the predicament of having to deal with a couple of bullies at Central Perk. On a quick aside from the plot of the episode, if you remember earlier this season when Adam Goldberg made his first appearance on Friends as Chandler's psycho roommate Eddie, I noted that Adam was the first of a series of actors who had previously appeared in the movie Dazed and Confused to make a cameo on the show. Well, one of the bullies (Arthur, to be more specific) is played by the second actor to have previously appeared in Dazed, Nicky Katt. Nicky played Clint in the movie, a minor character who just so happened to utter one of the most famous lines in Dazed and Confused. "I only came here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're almost out of beer." Yeah, that guy. Once again, we will cover the phenomenon of Dazed and Confused actors making Friends cameos in greater detail later in the series, but I wanted to also get this one noted for the official record in real time (and when I say real time, I mean exactly 20 years after the fact). Okay, now back to the plot of today's episode. Not to say that there is any typecasting going on, but (on Friends) Nicky Katt's character, Arthur, is another tough guy bully just like Clint from Dazed and Confused. Arthur steals Chandler's hat and he and his buddy seem hell bent on tormenting Ross and Chandler for no particular reason other than for the fun of it. When Ross and Chandler finally get up the nerves to fight the bullies outside of Central Perk, it takes a couple of other guys stealing all of the watches and jewelry that the four of them had placed in Chandler's hat prior to their fight for the two bullies and Ross and Chandler to squash their beef and join forces to recover the stolen items. I've always really enjoyed this storyline because it is a hilarious examination of what happens when grown men have to deal with the problems of junior high school students. Oh man, I had more to say, but my piping hot plate of ribs, brisket, and sausage just arrived. I think Mr. James will forgive us if we wrap up a little early today considering all of the props he is receiving today based on that scoop I nabbed for him over the weekend. I wish I could share some food with you guys virtually through the internets. Maybe someday that will be possible. In the meantime, if you're ever in Memphis, be sure to stop in at Central BBQ. Alright, with that, DEARLY BELOVED, I'll leave you today with a reminder that I've drawn from reflecting on Prince's music for the past few days. The reminder is that life is a precious gift. Make the most of it. Prince was the best. May he rest in purple.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Chandler are harassed at Central Perk by two bullies, Monica begins playing the stock market with the final few dollars in her bank account in a last-ditch effort to try to avoid taking a humiliating job at a diner, Rachel and Joey provide moral support to Phoebe when she finally builds up the courage to drive back Upstate to her biological father's house and try to introduce herself, and Ross and Chandler befriend their bullies in the end after all four of them get robbed on the street in front of Central Perk after Ross and Chandler had finally agreed to the bullies' "let's take this outside" suggestion.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross and Chandler are drinking instant Kappucino (with a K) at Joey and Chandler's apartment because they are scared to risk being confronted at the coffee shop by their bullies. Joey walks in on the pathetic sight of the two of them stirring away at their instant drinks and says, "Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there." Chandler agrees, "Ok" but Ross protests, "No." Taken aback, Chandler asks Ross, "No?" Ross elaborates, "No. Man, I don't wanna have to have Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. You know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I go back down there and stand up to those guys." Pessimistic about the proposal, Chandler responds, "Alright, hang on a second there Custer." Agreeing with Chandler, Joey continues, "Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?" Ross answers, "Yeah, sure." Joey attempts to clarify, " By someone besides Monica?" Defiantly, Ross answers, "No. So what. So what if we get beaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in his life. You know, like a, like a right of passage or something. [The Knockout] Laying the self-deprecation on super thick, Chandler counters with, "Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? You know, because I think actually mine's growing back."
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It's the College Playoffs
Season 2, Episode 20
Friends S2:E20 - Hey there, Mercedes Friends. How's everyone doing this fine Monday afternoon? Let me say up front that I am having quite a hectic afternoon, myself, so today's post just might make it into the running for shortest Friends 20/20 blog posts to date. No, don't worry, everything is okay (you are so sweet for asking, though). I'm not in the middle of any kind of serious crisis. Rather, I'm just drowning under the weight of facing deadlines on several of the various projects that I'm juggling at the moment. You know, the usual stuff that makes for a hectic afternoon for a professional blogger. But enough about me. I know what you're really interested in today is the same thing that Chandler, Joey, and Richard were interested in during this week's episode. Duh, it's the college playoffs, right? More specifically, the NCAA Championship Game is being played tonight in Houston, Texas between the Villanova Wildcats and the North Carolina Tar Heels. How fired up are you for tonight's game? Exactly, me too. Besides the fact that I'm still in the running to win theLeftAhead's March Madness office pool, I'm hoping that the championship game offers much more excitement than the semi-finals because (let's be honest) the Final Four games this past Saturday night were not memorable (as North Carolina won easily over Syracuse and Villanova came out and put the biggest blowout in Final Four history on Oklahoma). Perhaps, because the Final Four games weren't memorable, the likelihood is increased that we will get an epic championship game tonight. Here's to hoping that we get the type of nail biting, drama-filled game that the NCAA tournament is famous for. After the way that they annihilated Oklahoma, my money is on Villanova being the team that hoists the trophy when everything is said and done tonight (in case anyone was wondering). On that note, I must bid you adieu early today so I can go back to attending to my various pressures and deadlines. I won't lie, part of the pressure is coming from making sure that I can get off work tonight in time to be home to watch the tip off for the big game. By the way, in case you were wondering, the midterm exam that we discussed last week was a joke. I really hope that everyone could sense the sarcasm in the previous post and didn't spend the last seven days studying. If you did, my bad, but hey...you're now better equipped to beat your friends at a Friends trivia game. Also, heads up because after this post we'll be on a mini-break for two weeks. After the mini-break, we'll return for the Final Four posts of Season Two. (Ha. See what I did there?) And if you feel that you got short changed a little this afternoon, I promise I will bring the fire when we reconvene to make sure that we finish this season strong. As always, I appreciate your A1 loyalty to the blog series. Have a great week and I'll catch you on the Hillary Clinton (in other words, all catch you on the flippity flop). Go Wildcats.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica becomes jealous of Chandler and Joey for hogging too much of Richard's time, Phoebe goes on a movie watching binge after discovering that her mother had shielded her from seeing the end of sad movies, Rachel and Ross say "I love you" to each other for the first time after fighting about Ross' plan for them to move to Scarsdale and complain about the taxes, and (even though Richard has a great time being one of the guys) he realizes that Chandler and Joey see him as a father figure which ruins his desire to be hanging out with them even when it's the college playoffs.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are at their apartment playing Richard in foosball. Chandler, as he tries to keep Richard from scoring, yells out, "Kick save and... denied." After reclaiming possession of the ball, Richard continues the commentary by announcing, "But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM!" Richard's shot goes in, so he continues, "Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?" After witnessing Richard's amazing skills, Joey interjects, "Man you are incredible." Richard responds, "Well, we had a table in college." [The Attempted Knockout] Chandler, visibly perturbed from the beating Richard just laid on him and Joey, fires back with, "Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's." [The Counter Punch] Not to be outdone, Richard absorbs the blow and retaliates with, "Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in." Ladies and Gentleman, let the record show that on this...the twentieth episode of Season Two, for the first time in the history of the Friends 20/20 blog series, the Chan Man Quip of the Week has officially been rebuked and successfully countered. Well done, Sir Richard of Burke.
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Oh Sweet Moses
Season 2, Episode 19
Friends S2:E19 - Howdy, ladies and gents. Greetings and salutations to all on this fine Monday morning. I hope everyone had a hopping Easter weekend. (You see what I did there? Hopping, as in Easter Bunny.) Isn't March Madness a great time of year? Besides college hoops, spring is in the air, flowers are blooming, and birds are chirping. On top of it all, amazingly enough, our time together is once again drawing to a close. It's hard to believe, but with this (our 19th post of Season Two) we're rounding third and heading for home on our second seasonal installment of Friends 20/20. I can't lie, I won't be mad when it's time for the season-ending walk off. But for now, we've still got plenty of unresolved drama to attend to. First, it appears that Chandler's relationship with Eddie (his new roommate) has gone from bad to worse this week considering that our episode begins with Chandler discovering that the freak show has been watching him every night while he's sleeping. This discovery is the final straw for Chandler who promptly asks Eddie to move out. Yet, despite Chandler's best effort to get rid of Eddie, he keeps showing up back at the apartment each day doing weirder and weirder stuff while pretending like Chandler's requests for him to move out never happened. Not only does Chandler get increasingly frustrated with Eddie's complete detachment from reality, but he also becomes increasingly worried for his own safety. Crazy is one thing, but you don't want to mess around with people who are certifiably bat shit like Eddie. Luckily for Chandler, financial problems that have arisen for Joey since losing his job on Day of Our Lives have made it difficult for him to continue to be able to afford his swanky apartment uptown. The timing couldn't be better for a reunion of the BFROOMMATES ™ (or Best Friend Roommates, if you will) [you best believe I'm trademarking this] so Chandler and Joey concoct a plan to trick Eddie into thinking that Joey never moved out. The plan works magnificently (since Eddie really is crazy enough to believe that he might have imagined his whole time living with Chandler) and the psycho roommate is finally gone for good.
Also, this week, the ladies get really into a women's empowerment book called Be Your Own Windkeeper. The book teaches them to read the signs when particularly men (but even other "goddesses") are "stealing their wind" or, in other words, infringing on their unique individual expression. This is a hilarious mini-story line that brings about more than one laugh-out-loud moment including Rachel asking Ross, "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?" and Ross predictably responding, "You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem with that." Eventually, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe end up fighting with each other after taking a "goddess" quiz and realizing that they've all stolen each other's wind at some point during the course of their friendships. In the end, however, they all make up because how could you stay mad at your BFROOMMATE ™ (or Phoebe, for that matter)? In the grand scheme of things, is being a leaf blower really that big of a deal? Be prepared to answer that and many other difficult questions when we return next week to take our midterm exam. Study hard, kiddos. This test will have essay questions and it will not be open book. Also, be sure to remember that the Netflix version of the series is the abridged version. Our test will cover all of the material from the DVD box set collection. Now that you've been given your instructions, farewell until next Monday. If you need me before then, my office hours are Tuesdays and Thursday from Never AM to When Hell Freezes Over PM. Just kidding. I'm always available for my students. But seriously, go already. You hear that? The bell is ringing.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler asks his psycho roommate to move out after he discovers that Eddie has been watching him while he sleeps every night, Joey gets mad at Ross after Ross suggests that he take a small part as a cab driver on Another World in order to pay his credit card debt, Monica, Pheobe, and Rachel bond and then fight over a women's empowerment book called Be Your Own Windkeeper, and oh sweet Moses is Chandler relieved to finally be able to get rid of Eddie when he and Joey trick him into believing that Joey never moved out.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are carrying the fake ceramic dog into the living room that Ross had paid to save from the repo man as a gift to Joey during his moment of need. Chandler happens to be carrying the rear of the dog in a somewhat awkward way. Chandler asks, "Hey look, are we gonna have to bring this out every time Ross comes over?" Joey responds, "He paid a lot of money for it." Noticing the embarrassing way he is carrying the dog from the rear, Chandler reports, "I'm gonna hold him a different way." He continues, "Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?" Joey reasons, "Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing going over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky." [The Knockout] Chandler, addressing Joey as if they were discussing a real dog, looks at it (after setting it down) and asks, "So is he house-trained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place?" Then addressing the dog directly, he commands, "Stay. Good, stay! Good fake dog."
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Rock-paper-scissors
Season 2, Episode 18
Friends S2:E18 - Jumpman, Jumpman, Jumpman, them boys up to something. They just spent like two or three weeks out the country. Them boys up to something, they just not just bluffing. We've been Spring Break chilling and hard to find, like woo. But now we've reemerged back on that Friends grind, like woo. And our squad just hit that Ginobilii on the Warriors hype, like woo. Ha, ha, yes! It feels so good to be back in the mix. How is everyone? You good, my Friendsters? If you all enjoyed our time apart one tenth as much as I did, then you're definitely good. I've just returned from an undisclosed tropical location, having just spent some much needed beach time with some fellow theLeftAhead contributors (who shall remain nameless) plotting top secret future plans for the site. It was a spectacular trip but now that I'm relaxed and refreshed, I'm glad to be getting back to the work at hand. So let's get back in the swing of things, shall we? When last we left our compadres, Joey was trying to come to terms with the fact that Chandler had moved on to a new roommate. This week we discover that maybe Chandler actually rushed into rebounding with Eddie a little too quickly. That's right, kiddos. Eddie, our new friend of a Friend, is grade a Looney Toon. When you have a roommate that thinks a Goldfish cracker is a pet and steals the soles of your shoes, it's safe to say that one flew over his cuckoo nest. By the end of today's episode, not only is Chandler "terrified to his very soul" of his new roommate, but I think that we can reasonably assume that he won't be looking to meet people in the ethnic food section of his local grocery store anymore.
While Chandler deals with his psychotic roommate, Monica and Rachel also find themselves in a pickle this week across the hall. After Phoebe "accidentally" reports to Richard at Central Perk that Monica has had a lot of sexual partners, not only do she and Richard need to have a discussion about her magic number, but it also prompts Ross and Rachel to have a discussion about Rachel's magic number. Both discussions momentarily turn heated but then get resolved with both couples getting all hot and bothered and ready for some action. Monica and Richard tell each other "I love you" for the first time leading them to want to be intimate while Ross is determined to demonstrate to Rachel that he is capable of satisfying her desire for "animal sex." Both Rachel and Monica rush out to the bathroom to get a condom before continuing their respective sexual encounters only to discover that there is only one condom left. While they ultimately settle on a game of Rock-paper-scissors as a way to decide who gets the last condom, I really think Rachel should have just bowed out and given the condom to Monica in this situation. Since Richard and Monica had just told each other "I love you" for the first time, Rachel should have had the thoughtfulness to realize that that was a big moment for them and allowed them to be the ones to have the condom. That was clearly a bigger deal than Ross proving to Rachel he could compete sexually with Paulo. Also, last time I checked, our Friends live in New York City. There are bodegas on every corner that are open 24 hours a day. Are you telling me that neither couple was capable of sending someone down the stairs to the street to buy a new box of condoms? I mean, really, Richard and Ross? Are the two of you so lazy? I'm tempted to flag this storyline with a Gandalf Gaffe because the idea of a red-blooded American male forgoing sex rather than walking the 500 feet down to a bodega outside the building is unrealistic, it's almost downright completely not believable. Anyway, that's my two cents on the matter. On that note, let's head on to the recap. It definitely feels good to be back in the swing of things. I'm looking forward to the Season Two stretch run. Catch you on the flip.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica and Rachel are forced to tell their boyfriends (Richard and Ross, respectively) how many sexual partners they've had after Phoebe tells Richard that he's her favorite of all of Monica's MANY boyfriends, Chandler discovers that his new roommate Eddie is a psychopath, Joey's character (Drake Ramoray) gets killed off of Days of Our Lives after Joey tells Soap Opera Digest that he writes his own lines for the show, and Monica and Rachel decide who gets to have a night of romance with their boyfriend (i.e. who gets the last condom in the box) through a game of Rock-paper-scissors.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang sans Joey is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is explaining to the group how much his new roommate is creeping him out. He reports, "So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes." Monica asks, "Why?" Chandler nervously responds, "Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish." Continuing the line of questioning, Phoebe asks, "Why would you kill his fish?" [The Knockout] With all of the glory of a Norman Bates or Patrick Bateman, Chandler answers, "Because sometimes, Phoebe, after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish."
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Mr. Johnny New Eggs
Season 2, Episode 17
Friends S2:E17 - What's good, Friendsters? Welcome, welcome to another edition of theLeftAhead's 236 part series Friends 20/20. We're honored to have you and glad you could spare a few moments on this beautiful Monday to reminisce upon all of the hilarious hijinks of yet another episode of the GOAT sitcom. I can't lie. As much progress as I've made this year at demonstrating my professionalism (as well as my commitment to this project) to the boss man, Ted James, I feel compelled to tell you that I'm really excited I'll be on Spring Break for a month after today's post. It's more than fair to say that I'm looking forward to leaving my laptop at home and hitting the beaches of an undisclosed tropical location to kick back for a few weeks and alleviate all of the stress that comes from working my hectic schedule of three hours a day, one day a week, 24 weeks a year. For those of you who have been following this series closely over the past 18 months, you probably already know that I have a tendency to get a little antsy right before a break. I won't say that I will be mailing this posts in, but rather...I'll just say that I will be leaning towards brevity with today's happenings.That beings said, one way to keep it short and sweet this week is to run back a gimmick that really seemed to work for us last week. But before we get to that, I just want to quickly reference an important cameo in today's episode. Adam Goldberg appears in The One Where Eddie Moves In as Eddie a.k.a. Mr. Johnny New Eggs (Chandler's new roommate). Why is this cameo important, you might ask? Goldberg is the first of a series of actors from the movie Dazed and Confused to make a cameo on Friends. I wanted to get this on the official record because we will be discussing this interesting little factoid in more detail later on in our blog series. Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, back to last week's successful gimmick. We received a lot of positive feedback on our inclusion of the video of Vanessa Bayer's SNL impression of Rachel. It seems that our audience responds positively to us including instances of our beloved Friends characters popping up in the contemporary pop culture landscape. Based on this positive feedback, we've decided to make a concerted effort to chronicle as many of these current pop culture Friends tributes in real time as possible. Unfortunately, when we reconvened this past fall for Season 2, we missed reporting on a pretty major one that happened while we were on our summer hiatus. It's fair to say that when one of the Friends actors appears on stage in character with the biggest pop star in the world, it is a big fucking deal. Well, that's exactly what happened when Lisa Kudrow appeared in character as Phoebe Buffay at the Staples Center in Los Angeles to perform Smelly Cat with Taylor Swift on Auguest 26, 2015. And since we failed to report on it promptly upon returning for Season 2, we thought what better time to circle back to it than the episode when Phoebe records a demo and shoots a video for Smelly Cat? Watching Phoebe perform at a Taylor Swift concert in front of 20,0000 screaming fans makes it fun to image what could have been if Phoebe's record deal had propelled her to superstardom. So without further ado, ladies and gentleman...Ms. Phoebe Buffay. Catch you when we begin again.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey is jealous of Eddie (Chandler's new roommate that he met in the ethnic food section of the supermarket), Phoebe is discovered by a record company that wants to record a demo and shoot a video for Smelly Cat, Rachel is forced to play referee between Ross and Monica (who've been bickering constantly since Ross started hanging out at the girls' apartment 24/7 after he started dating Rachel), and Joey has to learn to accept that Chandler has moved on now that Mr. Johnny New eggs is in the picture.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey has come back over to Chandler's apartment to tell him that he's having second thoughts about moving out. Before he can get to it, though, Chandler tells Joey that he has some news and Joey realizes that there is someone else in the apartment. The new guy asks Chandler, "Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out? Chandler responds, "Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie." Addressing Joey, Eddie tells him, "Nice to meet ya." Joey responds, "Likewise. Uh, I'll take that." He grabs the moose hat and continues, "It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?" Eddie answers, "At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo." Still processing the news, Joey responds, "Wow." Chandler interjects, "Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room." Seemingly offended, Joey questions, "Oh, now it's a spare room?" Chandler patiently answers, "Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I have it to spare." Putting the moose hat on his head, Joey hastily says, "Well I uh, got what I came for. I'll uh, I'll see you guys." [The Knockout] In an attempt to add some levity to a tense situation, Chandler asks Joey, "Hey Joe. When'd you start using mousse in your hair?"
Video Source: Shine On Media on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Cosmopolitan
Headline Image Source: Bloomberg Business
Can Open, Worms Everywhere
Season 2, Episode 16
Friends S2:E16 - Aye, y'all heard about the good news? Y'all sleeping on me, huh? Had a good snooze? Wake up, Friendsters, wake up. We 'bout to get this paper. Aren't you excited? Sure, it's another Munday. But hey, at least there is new Kanye in the world. Granted, new Kanye that, in order to listen to it, you have to sign up for a 30 day free trial with a service that you have no intention of ever paying for, but new Kanye nevertheless. I digress, so how've you been? Hope you're ready for another hot take on another 20 year old episode of situational comedy. On second thought, of course you are. Why else would you be here? So let’s jump right in. Today, Joey and Chandler's friendship finds itself at a crossroads when Joey's Days of Our Lives (or DOOL as the kids are calling it these days) costar offers him a great apartment to rent. Thinking it might be good for him to live on his own for the first time in his life, Joey confesses to Chandler that he's thinking about taking the apartment. This causes a huge fight that ultimately results in Joey moving out. I won't lie. When I first saw this episode 20 years ago, I was pretty upset about the prospect of Joey and Chandler being split apart. Their comedic chemistry as roommates was one of my favorite ingredients to the tasty new dish that was Friends and one of the primary reasons why the show had quickly become my favorite on television. Of course, unless you've been watching each episode of Friends for the first time in your life in synchronization with reading this blog series (and if so, God bless you and SPOILER ALERT), we all know that Joey and Chandler's estrangement will be short lived and that (even though they aren't eternally bound together like Bert and Ernie) these two legendary roommates will soon be reunited. Regardless, when watching it for the first time, seeing the pair broken up so that Joey could live the soap star lifestyle and "find himself" was quite a traumatic experience for me.
Today's episode also finds Rachel accompanying Phoebe on an adventure to both get their first tattoo. Rachel (a perennial pushover) relents to Phoebe's peer pressure and gets a small heart tattooed on her hip despite being unsure about getting it because she thinks Ross will disapprove. Indeed, she succumbs to Phoebe's full court press that Ross, in fact, does not equal boss only to come to find out later that Phoebe has wimped out of holding up her end of the bargain. Phoebe, who had acted like the tough one heading into the tattoo parlor, was unable to stomach the needles in order to get a lily tattooed on her shoulder. Speaking of Rachel the flighty pushover, in an amazing turn of events, she appeared this weekend, unexpectedly, back on the network that she called home for ten years. That's right boys and girls, if you were watching Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live this past Saturday, you were in for a big treat when Vanessa Bayer showed up at the Update Desk to do an amazing impression of Jennifer Aniston's iconic character. My words can't do justice to the utterly hilarious job that Bayer did impersonating Rachel. So, rather than waxing poetic about its brilliance for any extended amount of time, I thought the best thing to do is to embed the video in this post and wrap up my musings for today by allowing you to watch it (or rematch it) for yourself. Enjoy the week. See you next Monday when I'll be back looking for my real Friends. How many of us?
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey and Chandler attend a party at Joey's Days of Our Lives costar's apartment only to find out that the apartment is available to rent, Phoebe convinces Rachel to get a tattoo (even though Rachel is hesitant to do it because she thinks Ross will not approve), Monica tells her parents about dating Richard while attending her father's birthday party with Richard and Ross, Ross (in the end) decides that Rachel's tattoo is sexy, and a can is open (worms everywhere) when Joey tells Chandler that he is moving out to take his costar's great apartment.
Gandalf Gaffes - After a long drought without a Double G, it's tempting to consider the fact that we are going back-to-back with gaffes in consecutive episodes a mini-streak. In today's episode, our beloved Friends writers offer up an age continuity transgression for us to digest. Whose age are we calling into question? Forget about it, it's Joey Tribbiani. The dust up occurs when Joey admits to Chandler that he's considering moving out of the apartment and taking the place that his co-star is giving up. Joey informs Chandler that he's 28 years old and never lived alone and that is the reason he feels like he needs to at least try it to have had the experience. This is all well and good except for one small problem. Less than a year early in The One With the Birth (S1:E23), Joey first established his age in a way that makes this a contradiction. In that episode, Joey was at the hospital to support Ross during the birth of Ben when he meets a pregnant woman named Lydia who was at the hospital all alone. Joey quickly befriends her and decides to support her during her birth. At one point, Lydia puts Joey on the phone with her mom and Joey informs Lydia's mom that he's 25 years old. (By the way, this establishes that Joey is the youngest of our Friends, one year younger than Monica and Rachel whose ages have been established as 26 by this point.) Obviously, even though time is somewhat fluid in the Friends timeline, there is no way that Joey could have aged from 25 to 28 years old from an episode that aired in May 1995 to an episode that aired in February 1996. We have no choice but to "throw a flag on the play" and put Joey's age continuity issue into the official Gandalf Gaffe record. Knowing that Joey is the youngest of the gang versus thinking he is the same age as Chandler and Ross is important contextually to how we view Joey throughout the series run. For that reason, I'm ruling the haphazard changing of his age as a level three infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #8: Joey mentions to Chandler that he's 20 years old while informing him that he's never lived alone and that he'd like to try. In S1:E23, however, while at the hospital helping Lydia give birth, Joey is put on the phone with Lydia's mom and informs her that he's 25 years old. The One With the Birth (S1:E23) takes place less than a year before The One Where Joey Moves Out (S2:E16) so if would have been impossible for Joey to have had three birthdays during that short amount of time.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang sans Ross is at Monica and Rachel's apartment chatting when Rachel asks Phoebe if she's ready to leave. Knowing where they're headed, Monica confides, "I can't believe you guys are actually getting tattoos." Surprised to learn this information, Chandler questions, "Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?" Rachel answers, "Yes, but you can not tell Ross 'cause I want to surprise him." Interjecting, Joey asks, "Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?" Seizing the opportunity to respond first, Phoebe answers, "Um, I'm getting a lily for my Mom. 'Cause her name's Lily." [The Knockout] With a hefty heaping of the sarcasm that we've all come to know and love, Chandler observes "Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?"
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Web2Carz
Headline Image Source: NBC
Australopithecus
Season 2, Episode 15
Friends S2:E15 - And the Colorado Rocky Mountain high, I've seen it raining fire in the sky.You can talk to God and listen to the casual reply. Rocky Mountain high, Colorado. Rocky Mountain high? At this point, unfortunately, it's more like Rocky Mountain Hangover, right Colorado? Nevertheless, how bout them Broncos? Congratulations are in order to all of the football fanatics currently residing in Broncos Country. What an impressive and dominant defensive performance the latter day Orange Crush laid on the Carolina Panthers last night in Super Bowl 50. So if you're a Broncos fan, welcome and thank you for choosing Friends 20/20 as part of your hangover cure on this beautiful Monday. To everyone else, welcome as well and I hope your post-Super Bowl case of the Mundays isn't too severe. We've got another big episode to cover today, so let's get right into it. When we last left America's favorite television couple, Ross and Rachel were making out after having just watched a video the gang had discovered in Monica's old boxes that showed a Welcome Back, Kotter college version of Ross valiantly trying to save Rachel from being stood up by Chip Mathews for her high school prom. In today's episode, Ross and Rachel have established themselves as something of an item and are planning out their first official date. Of course, things veer off course when the couple finally gets to the end of said first date. Ross and Rachel arrive back at Rachel's apartment and start making out, however Rachel begins laughing at Ross when his hands veer down onto her derriere. After that, she cracks up uncontrollably every time he kisses her because she can't get the image of him grabbing her ass out of her head.While he is talking to Joey and Chandler about it the next morning, we find out that this unfortunate development has shaken Ross' confidence that he can be someone who Rachel finds sexy. But, unlike the Carolina Panthers last night, after Rachel apologizes and suggests that they try again, Ross is able to rally on the next date. He devises a brilliant plan at the museum to set an abundantly sexy mood in the planetarium and shows The One After the Super Bowl guest star Chris Isaak a thing or two about wicked games. In other words, Ross seals the deal on all of which he had been dreaming about "since like ninth grade typing." Rachel and Ross are hilariously woken from their night of passion the next morning by a group of children who are visiting the museum. Predictably, they are naked other than the blankets which they borrowed from Australopithecus. Speaking of our prehistoric ancestor, the magic of Google and Wikipedia tells me that Australopithecus lived in Africa from four million years ago to two millions years ago. They seem like a very interesting species. Ross Geller is lucky to have gotten the opportunity to research them. Also, I recently came across an eye witness account that suggests they were splendid beings. That's right, boys and girls, according to Larry King, "these guys were very easy to get along with." BOOM. Nothing like a random cheap shot out of nowhere to get the blood flowing and fight off a day-after-the-super-bowl hangover. So, with that Conan-esque joke about Larry King being old, enjoy your day Broncos Country! Like Cam Newton giving a post-Super Bowl press conference, I'm out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel can't stop laughing at Ross when they're making out at the end of their first date, Joey splurges on La-Z-Boy chairs and a new TV for him and Chandler after Days of Our Lives picks up his option, Phoebe accuses Monica of being "the smitten kitten" for Dr. Richard Burke (a friend of Monica's parents) while Phoebe and Monica are catering an event at this house, and Ross and Rachel borrow blankets from Australopithecus while having a magical night together in the museum's planetarium.
Gandalf Gaffes - Gandalf Gaffes have been few and far between so far in Season Two (trust me, they will begin coming at us fast and furiously as we get further into the series). Despite how much of a scarcity they have been thus far this season, we do have one to discuss in today's episode. Our gaffe today violates a precedent that, ironically, was established just in S2:E14 (the previous episode). During the prom video, Mr. and Mrs. Geller urge Ross to offer to take Rachel to the prom. After Mr. Geller tells Ross that he has a tuxedo Ross can borrow, Ross protests, "Dad, she won't want to go with me." Mr. Geller responds, "Of course she would, you're a college man." This interaction between Ross and his father establishing that Ross is in college while Rachel and Monica are attending their high school prom sets the precedent that Ross is ahead of the girls in school. However, in today's episode, Ross makes a remark to Joey and Chandler that he has had a crush on Rachel since they were in a ninth grade typing class together. In reference to him finally getting to be with Rachel, Ross tells the guys, "I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing." The insinuation is that Ross and Rachel were in a 9th grade typing class together when Ross first developed a crush on her. Since Ross was in college when Rachel was attending her high school prom, it is clearly a gaffe to suggest that they would have been in a ninth grade typing class together. I supposed one could argue that Ross was alone in the ninth grade typing class but dreaming about an eighth grade Rachel that he happened to have a crush on. To ask the audience to make this leap, however, is a bit of a stretch so we are recording this contradiction as an official gaffe, albeit a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #7: Ross tells Joey and Chandler that he's "been wanting this (to be with Rachel) since like ninth grade typing." The prom video in S2:E14, however, clearly established that Ross is a year ahead of Monica and Rachel in school and would not have been in the same typing class as Rachel.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Joey and Chandler's apartment. The girls are talking about how sexy Dr. Burke is and Rachel is telling the story of the time he kissed her while Ross is on the phone with someone from his work at the museum. Ross says into the phone, "Woah, woah, woah. Australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No. Homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.” [The Knockout] From his seat in the La_Z_Boy and without adjusting his glance (which is fixated on the television), Chandler hypothesizes, "Well, maybe he was nervous."
Featured Image Source: The Huffington Post United Kingdom
Headline Image Source: Wikia
You're My Lobster
Season 2, Episode 14
Friends S2:E14 - Howdy, cowgirls and cowboys. Long time, no see. (Considering that we last convened a short four days ago for the special Friends Super Bowl episode, let the record reflect that my previous statement was said in jest.) Regardless of proximity to our last encounter, it's great to see all of you on this lovely Monday afternoon and let me also say Happy Iowa Caucus Day! If you're a political junkie like me, you're probably way too consumed by nervous anticipation for tonight's proceedings to be too worried about dissecting an episode of television that first aired twenty years ago. The old me (and when I say old me, I mean the me that wrote Season One of this blog series) would have used something as massive as the Iowa Caucuses as an excuse to mail in today's assignment and write as little as I could possibly get away with in order to complete the post. However, considering that "The One with the Prom Video" (today's episode) is one of the most famous Friends episodes of all-time and further considering that I have grown this year into a model employee here at theLeftAhead, it would be hard to justify not doing our due diligence on this one. (Taking a moment to turn and yell over to me editor...You hear that, Mr. James? Growth.) But just because our minds are distracted by the monumental political history that stands to be made just a few short hours from now, doesn't mean we can't channel our fixation on Iowa into the work at hand. For example, both the Republican and Democrat caucuses tonight appear to be very close and will likely both end up having a runner-up that comes just short of winning. That runner-up in each party (if the results are as close as they appear that they might be) will be forced to play that miserable game we call What If. Yes, indeed. Whomever comes up just short tonight (whether it be Trump or Cruz on one side, Clinton or Sanders on the other) will be doing the torturous dance of going through every little detail of every single possible thing they could have done differently to win. What if I had done this campaign event instead of that campaign event? What if I had spent more money on grassroots GOTV instead spending more money on television ads? And so it will go for the candidates that come up just short tonight. Therefore, in honor of the pour souls who will soon be playing the What If game in Iowa, I present to you a gigantic Friends What If visa vie the following: What if Jack and Judy Geller hadn't decided to turn Monica's room into a gym?
Whenever you're ready, let's proceed down the rabbit hole. If Jack and Judy hadn't decided to turn Monica's room into a gym, then they would have never brought boxes of Monica's childhood stuff over while visiting Monica and Rachel's apartment. If Jack and Judy hadn't brought boxes of Monica's childhood stuff over while visiting Monica and Rachel's apartment, the gang would have never discovered the videotape with footage from Monica and Rachel's prom. (Do you see where I'm going here?) If the gang had never discovered the videotape with footage from Monica and Rachel's prom, Rachel would have never witnessed Ross' selfless act of getting dressed to take her to the prom. If Rachel never witnessed Ross' selfless act of getting dressed to take her to the prom, the audience would have been deprived of one of the greatest moments in (not only Friends but all of...) television history. Yes, thank you Jack and Judy Geller for putting the events in motion that led to THE KISS. What a spectacular moment. A moment so spectacular (and famous for that matter), it has already been talked about ad nauseam. So rather than blabbing on about it for any extended length of time, let me just state the obvious. This was a huge moment for the show. Sure, even if the Geller's hadn't decided to turn Monica's room into a gym, Ross and Rachel would have probably gotten together another way. After all, they are each other's lobster. But thank you Gellers that you did decide to turn Monica's room into a gym because it's hard to imagine a Friends universe that doesn't include THE KISS. So with today's important episode now thoroughly dissected through the lens of the What If game, in closing, let me just say that on a day like today (where the gravity of the Iowa Caucuses make writing a Friends blog post seem like the least important thing in the world) I want to once again thank you for staying loyal to me and this utterly crazy ten year journey that I signed us up for. I couldn't do it without your support and it's good to know that no matter how far away the finish line is or how ridiculous it sometimes seems to keep pushing forward in hopes of seeing my vision for this Friends 20/20 project through to the end, you're there continually supporting this dream. In other words, you're there serving as the Chandler financial support to my Joey acting career. "Is this friendship? I think so." On that note, good luck to all of the candidates tonight in Iowa. To those of you who end up being the unfortunate ones left playing the What If game, remember...don't pull a Howard Dean, you will live to fight another day. See you in New Hampshire.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel rejects Ross when he pleads with her that they are meant to be together, Joey gives Chandler $812.00 and a ridiculously gaudy bracelet as a thank you for all of the financial support he's received from Chandler over the years, Monica has to suck up her pride and tell her parents that she got fired from her job in order to try and borrow money from them, Phoebe uses a clever metaphor to encourage Ross in his attempt to rekindle the magic with Rachel, and it all pays off at the end when Rachel watches the prom video and then kisses Ross confirming that Ross was in fact right all along when he declared to Rachel, "You're my lobster."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Monica and Rachel's apartment going through the boxes of Monica's stuff that her parents had brought over. They discover a video in the box and decide to put it on. After the gang sees Rachel in a dress, Monica realizes what the video is of and reports, "You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom." Rachel responds, "Oh." Looking embarrassed, Ross immediately cuts in after that pleading, "You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this." The gang, in unison, rejects Ross' suggestion and continues to watch the video. A few seconds later, a heavier set Monica appears on the screen and Joey cries out, "Some girl ate Monica." Offended by the insult, Monica fires back, "Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds." [The Knockout] Chandler does not miss a beat in responding with one of his most famous sarcastic remarks of the entire series, questioning Monica with, "Awe, so how many cameras are actually on you?"
Get the Monkey Off Your Back
Season 2, Episode 12 & 13
Friends S2:E12 & Friends S2:E13 - Hi there, girls and boys. Welcome to a special Thursday edition of Friends 20/20. You're probably thinking that it's rather unusual to be hearing from me on a day of the week other than Monday. After all, Friends episodes originally aired on NBC on Thursdays which means that 20 years later (after a few leap years), the day of the week that coincides with the 20th anniversary of each episode's airing is Monday. However, the reason that we are currently convening on a Thursday is because today's double episode originally aired on Sunday, January 28th, 1996 immediately following Super Bowl XXX. Considering that 94.08 people watched Super Bowl XXX, it was a big deal that Friends got the nod from NBC and our juggernaut of a favorite sitcom did not disappoint, earning a 29.5 Nielsen rating while batting clean up. In fact (with 52.9 million viewers), "The One After the Super Bowl" would go on to outlast "The Last One" (52.5 million viewers) for the distinction of being the most-watched Friends broadcast of all-time. Speaking of the Super Bowl, let me begin today by congratulating the two teams that will be participating in Super Bowl 50 on February 7th. Big ups to both the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers for winning their respective conferences and earning a spot in the biggest sporting event and television spectacle in the history of civilization. Awe, the Super Bowl. An adrenaline rush of pure drama that allows players and coaches of America's favorite sport the opportunity at immortality. With the entire country watching, two teams battle for sixty minutes to earn the right to have their names added to the annals of history. Win and you're a legend. Lose and you're forced to crawl back into a sea of anonymity and obscurity. This is what makes the Super Bowl so great. It is the ultimate place to get the proverbial monkey off your back.
In fact, twenty years ago today (hours before the original airing of today's double Friends episode), a monkey was squarely on the back of Barry Switzer (head coach of the Dallas Cowboys). Coach Switzer had replaced Jimmy Johnson at the helm of the legendary football franchise after Johnson had won back-to-back Super Bowls in 1993 and 1994. When Switzer made some coaching blunders to come up short against the San Francisco 49ers in the 1995 NFC Championship game during his first year as head coach of the Cowboys, many fans believed that he was inferior to Jimmy Johnson and assumed that he couldn't win the big games like his predecessor had. However, the monkey of Jimmy Johnson's success was lifted off of Barry Switzer's back when the Cowboys defeated the Pittsburg Steelers 27-17 in Super Bowl XXX. America watched Barry Switzer lift a trophy before settling in to watch our favorite television sitcom take the main stage. Ironically, Steve Young (the quarterback of the aforementioned San Francisco 49ers) had lifted a monkey off his own back during the previous year's Super Bowl. Young had replaced the legendary Joe Montana as quarterback of the 49ers in 1991. Prior to Young assuming the role of starting quarterback, Montana had led the 49ers to four Super Bowl victories between 1982 and 1990. When Young failed to lead San Francisco to the promised land in his first three seasons quarterbacking the team, it was largely assumed that he was incapable of filling Montana's shoes. Therefore, when Young was able to lead his 49ers to the big game in his fourth season at the helm and defeat the San Diego Chargers 49-26 in Super Bowl XXIX, he demonstrated quite literally that he had gotten the monkey off his back.
How does all of this tie in to today's star-studded episode of Friends? Well, first, we have the connection of this episode originally airing after the Super Bowl. Secondly, one of the main story lines finds Ross attempting to reconnect with his former pet monkey, Marcel. Ross' journey to track down Marcel takes him to the San Diego Zoo where he discovers that, not only is Marcel now working in the entertainment industry, but ironically he is also the monkey from the Can't Get the Monkey Off Your Back commercial that he and the gang had been seeing on television. On top of that, Ross would come to learn that Marcel just happened to be filming a movie in New York while he was attempting to track him down in San Diego. After returning from California, Ross brings the gang with him to the movie set to see Marcel and we are introduced to Jean-Claude Van Damme (starring in the movie and playing himself) and Julia Roberts (playing a makeup artist on the movie set). We also get celebrity cameos in this episode from Chris Isaak (playing Phoebe's love interest of the week) and Brooke Shields (playing Joey's stalker). With a 44 minutes of air time canvas to paint upon, the Friends writers did a spectacular job of interweaving our regular cast and all of the celebrity guest actors into an exciting and fun plot while also ensuring that hilarity would ultimately win the day. If anyone was still doubting the staying power of Friends halfway into Season 2, Marta Kauffman, David Crane, and the rest of the show's producers and writers silenced those remaining critics with the success of this episode and got the monkey off their backs that Friends was a mega hit show that was here to stay. With that context for the enormity of this episode established, on to the recap. Remember, next Monday is only four short days away. See you soon.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - These are the ones where Ross attempts to reconnect with Marcel during a California business trip, Joey deals with issues that arise from dating an attractive woman who just so happens to also be a stalker, Chandler reconnects with a childhood classmate who seduces him in order to seek revenge for being teased by him as a child, Phoebe dates a guy who runs an after-school program for kids, Monica and Rachel fight over the affection of Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Ross finally gets the monkey off of his back by reconnecting with Marcel on a movie set in New York.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler and Joey are in the kitchen of their apartment trying to figure out what to do for dinner when their buzzer rings. Chandler answers, "Hello?" The voice on the intercom responds, "It's Erica." Realizing who it is, a shocked Joey reports to Chandler, "Ah, the stalker." Before Joey and Chandler can respond over the intercom, however, Erica tells them, "Never mind, it's open." Realizing that she is on her way up, Joey panics and grabs a frying pan for protection. [The Knockout] Observing how ridiculous Joey looks, Chandler tells him, "Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon."
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Headline Image Source: Dallas Cowboys