Jurassic Parka
Season 3, Episode 14
Friends S3:E14 - Welcome, students. Please take your seats. Okay, now that everyone is seated, pop quiz, hot shot. Actually, not a pop quiz (I just wanted to reference Dennis Hopper from Speed). Since we're keeping it one hundred, you're right...I did warn you about a test last week. So it should come as no surprise that I'm asking you to answer the following question: What is a Kiryot Moriah? If you answered... This is a trick question. Based on what you told us last week would be on this test, you were supposed to ask: What is a Kobayashi Maru? and the correct answer to the correct question is an unsolvable problem ...then you aced the test with flying colors and are under consideration for admittance in our Friends 20/20 honors society. Well done. If you were fooled by my trick question, better luck next time. Perhaps you should consider studying harder. Any who...let's get started with today's festivities, shall we? After all, I don't want to keep you long because I know we're all a little tired this fine Monday afternoon (and possibly a little hungover) after witnessing the most improbable Super Bowl comeback we will ever experience in our entire lives. So yeah, after all the excitement yesterday (by the way, this brings me no pleasure but congrats, Patriots), let's keep this thing short and sweet. In today's episode, Phoebe is faced with the opportunity to reunite with a former singing partner who had betrayed her in the past to become a jingle writer. Initially, Phoebe's instincts are on point in refusing Leslie's proposition. Eventually, though, Phoebe allows the soft spot in her heart to get the best of her and gives Leslie another chance. When Phoebe and the gang wind up hearing Smelly Cat as the jingle for a television commercial, there's no question that Phoebe should have stuck to her gut and told Leslie to take a long walk off of a short pier, so to speak.
Also in this episode, Ross pretends to be interested in attending a lecture with Rachel in an attempt to prevent her from spending time with Mark. During the lecture, Ross ends up making the mistake of falling asleep which obviously angers Rachel. She points out that she attends Ross' work functions without falling asleep even though she also finds what he does incredibly boring. Ross, despite being the guilty party in this fight, takes exception to her finding his work boring and points out that millions of people went to watch Jurassic Park, a movie about what he does for a living. He then makes a crack about how unlikely it would be that people would want to watch Jurassic Parka, a movie about what Rachel does for a living. Obviously, Ross makes the Jurassic Parka joke because Rachel is in the fashion industry, right? (Warning: unapologetic segue in three, two, one...). Thinking specifically about Rachel reminded me of an oversight I made last December during the understandable pandemonium resulting from the outcome of Election 2016. As you were reminded last week with our coverage of Conan's El Chapo sketch, we like to chronicle topical tributes to Friends in contemporary pop culture. Well, SNL had a quite notable such tribute on December 3rd that we neglected to cover in real time. Vanessa Bayer returned to Weekend Update to do her hilarious Rachel impression. Vanessa's impression is a bit I have certainly previously highlighted but, considering she was joined by a very special surprise guest this time around, I clearly dropped the ball by not covering it during the December 12th post. Given that I am a firm believer in the adage better late than never, we'll wrap up today by making up for the previous omission. Once again, the video of this sketch is embedded for your convenience. If, for some reason, you missed it last December...you'll be pleasantly surprised when you glance down and realize who the special surprise guest is. Enjoy and see you next week, mis amigos.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe gets approached by her former singing partner to get back together, Ross attends a fashion lecture with Rachel in order to prevent her from attending it with Mark, Chandler dates a woman that Joey once perpetrated a heinous transgression against, Monica cracks a joke about Rachel being easy in high school, and Phoebe is double crossed by Leslie (her former singing partner) when she sells out on Smelly Cat so hard that she may as well have been wearing a Jurassic Parka whilst stabbing Phoebe in the back.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is at home reading the newspaper when Monica comes over. After they exchange hellos, Monica points at Chandler's milk and asks, "Oh, can I borrow this? My milk’s gone bad." [The Knockout] With all of the intensity of a beaming ray of sunlight, Chandler delivered the following answer, in all its sarcastic glory, "Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Laughing Squid
Headline Image Source: B3TA
Kobayashi Maru
Season 3, Episode 13
Friends S3:E13 - Greetings, Friendinistas. I hope that day eleven of the resistance finds you well. Let's start with the good news. On the bright side, we're still here and, as of today, we're still free to congregate on these here interwebs to discuss the world's greatest sitcom. Somebody mark the tape. As soon as I finish writing this post and hit "publish" later this evening, Friends 20/20 will have made its official entrance into Trump's America. And we're not just punching the clock to collect a participation trophy. Hell naw. We're here to Make Making Fun of the President Through Thinly Veiled Pop Culture Blogging Great Again (#MMFOTPTTVPCBGA). Now the bad news. We're less than two weeks into the presidency of Steve Bannon (err...I mean Donald Trump) and the new administration has already violated the constitution somewhere between a half dozen and two dozen times depending on who's keeping score. Dear conservatives, first off...how've ya been? I haven't heard a peep from you on social media since Inauguration Day. I wonder why that is? Second, I wanted to personally invite you to Team Sanity. Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham just joined. In case you've been living under a rock and you haven't noticed, the people are sending the Trump Administration a loud and clear message through the power of collective action. President Trump's extreme right-wing agenda does not reflect the will of the people and he has no mandate. We, the electorally silenced majority, will not stand idle and watch this band of bush-league misfits shred the Constitution. With all do respect, we resist and will continue to do so until the madness stops. So, once again, my dear conservative friends. Don't continue to be accounted for on the wrong side of history. Won't you join us on Team Sanity? There's plenty of room and I promise we'll welcome you with open arms. Also, let's keep it 💯. You know you feel a little left out (no pun intended) because our side's hashtag game is so much stronger than your sides. Come on, give one of ours a try. You know you want to. It will feel so good. #NoBanNoWall
Phew. Now that that is off my chest, what do you say we talk some Friends? After all, I did promise recently to not allow this pop culture blog series to get completely derailed by politics just because we have a reality TV C-list celebrity running the free world. Moving right along, the title for today's episode comes Straight Outta Star Trek. Chandler and Ross make reference to the science fiction series in response to Phoebe's dilemma of how to deal with her new beau Robert's inability to keep his private parts private. For those keeping score, this reference occurs only in the DVD extended-version of the episode (it is omitted from the broadcast-version of the episode). So, if you're watching along on Netflix as we go and you're mad that you can't locate this reference (or numerous others from week to week, for that matter), don't hate the player...hate the game. Actually, the productive thing to do is to express your dissatisfaction to Friends Executive Producer Kevin S. Bright for making the ridiculous decision to deny devoted fans the extended-version episodes on a streaming platform and instead force us to continue to trot out our tired, grainy DVD copies in order to get the full Friends experience we know, love and deserve to have access to in full HD. Mark my word...at some point in the near future I will launch a campaign to rectify this atrocity but for now, if you don't have access to the DVD extended-version episodes, you'll have to play along here. But I digress. Before I went off on a tangent, we were talking about Ross and Chandler's Star Trek reference describing the no-win situation Phoebe found herself in when she didn't know whether or not to tell Robert that he's constantly "showing brain." This Star Trek term for an impossible situation, boys and girls, is called a Kobayashi Maru. Be sure to write that down because it will be on next week's test. Also...it makes for a killer blog post title, don't you think? In the end, Phoebe is relieved of her impossible situation when Gunther, being the hero warrior and sex god that he is, saves the day by demanding Robert "put the mouse back in the house." Speaking of a Kobayashi Maru, Phoebe's 1992 Lithuanian Basketball Team t-shirt, tho. Clearly, all of us want to be patriotic Americans (especially during urgent times like these) but how can we choose between love of country and love of the Grateful Dead inspired Lithuanian athletic attire Phoebe is rocking during this episode? Choosing between love of country and love of Lithuanian basketball gear is certainly a no-win scenario if I've ever seen one. I mean, I love America but seeing that shirt makes me want to stand up and start spontaneously singing the Lithuanian national anthem. I'm just saying. Finally today, I'll leave you (as I do from time time) with a juicy topical Friends reference. This one occurred on Conan last week. It involves El Chapo playing the drums and singing I'll Be There For You. Need I say more? Considering that I've probably already set a Friends 20/20 record for clickable links in this post, I'll do the decent think and embed the video below. Enjoy Coco and El Chapo. Until next week...stay agitated, my friends.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is dating an athletic guy named Robert, Chandler and Ross discover that Robert can't keep his mouse in the house, Monica and Richard run into each other at the video store and decide to become racquetball buddies, Rachel agrees to read The Shining in exchange for Joey agreeing to read Little Women, and (in the end) Monica and Richard break off their arrangement as racquetball buddies because she still wants kids and he doesn't which effectively makes their continued relationship a Kobayashi Maru.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross and Chandler are at Central Perk when Phoebe walks in with Robert (her date). Phoebe introduces Robert to the guys and then Chandler, noticing that Robert is wearing shorts in New York during winter, asks him, "So, uh, isn’t a bit cold out for shorts?" Robert responds, "Well, I’m from California." [The Knockout] Thoroughly unconvinced by Robert's logic, Chandler fires back, "Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames."
The Empty Vase
Season 3, Episode 12
Friends S3:E12 - Hiya. How are all of my incredible friends doing today on this our final convening of the Obama presidency? Happy MLK Day to all! In what is rapidly becoming an annual tradition for the Friends 20/20 blog series, I intend to keep today's festivities short and sweet out of respect for those things that are desperately more important than sitcoms and pop culture. I'm sure many of you were out at your local marches and rallies this morning out of respect for the "fierce urgency of now." Many of you have, likewise, spent some of the day reflecting on where you stand during this time of "challenge and controversy." Having both been moved to action this morning and having spent the early part of the afternoon in reflection, I'm sitting down now to fulfill my obligation to this blog series with only one thought in my mind about today's episode. The empty vase. The empty vase was the symbolism that Julio, the pretentious waiter in Monica's diner, used to insult American women. Today, during this important day of action and reflection, those words ring in my mind in association with our incoming President. Donald J. Trump has absolutely zero plans for putting in place policies that will help America's working families yet, somehow, he was able to fool just enough working Americans into believing that he does to earn the necessary votes to squeeze out an Electoral College victory in last November's election. There's no doubt in mind that, when it comes to making America great again for working families, Donald Trump and his presidency are and will be an empty vase. In fact, Trump is such an empty vase that he is ceding power to people who seek to do harm to America's working families. Already plans are in place to repeal the Affordable Care Act, for example, and take healthcare away from 20 million people. There is nothing Christian or conservative about repealing Obamacare. I believe the words we're looking for to describe this Republican priority are immoral and pernicious. Indeed, Donald Trump filled his campaign "vase" full of hot air and after enough Americans sucked it up, the vultures have swooped in to fill the vacuum that was left. These are troubled times in America. We the overruled majority, who knew a Trump presidency would be disastrous, must prepare (starting Friday) to be vigilant about doing the onerous work of resistance but we must also be ready to mobilize the working men and women who supported Trump's candidacy as soon as they come to the realization that they were duped into supporting an empty vase. Of course, some of them will never come to that realization, but many will. And we must be prepared to welcome them into the struggle rather than cast them aside for their role in creating this mess. If we can do this, my friends, there is no reason why we shouldn't have hope that this chapter of darkness we are about to enter can be short-lived. I leave you today to chew on that thought with the accompanying words of wisdom from the incomparable Dr. King:
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
Onward. To the recap and then the struggle that awaits.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica gets a crush on Julio (a waiter at the Moondance Diner), Chandler organizes a bachelor party for his anti-social cousin Albert, Ross obsessives over his concern for Rachel's co-worker Mark during her first week at her new job, Rachel later obsesses over Ross setting up a play date for Ben and the son of the stripper from Albert's bachelor party, Joey gets put in charge of dance choreography during an audition because he lied on his résumé about having extensive dance training, Phoebe discovers that a poem Julio wrote for Monica is derogatory and insulting, and in the end, a barber shop quartet roasts that butt munch Julio and proves that in fact, he is the empty vase.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross, Rachel and Chandler are at Central Perk. Ross is informing Rachel that he needs to leave for Ben's play date with the stripper from the bachelor party Chandler organized for his cousin. Upon receiving the news, Rachel is fidgeting and looking visibly upset. Ross asks her, "Are you jealous?" Rachel sheepishly responds, "No. I, ya'know...I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any, ya'know, other stripper mom friends of her own?" Coming right off of apologizing for his own ridiculous jealousy spat, an emboldened Ross declares, "You are totally jealous." Rachel defensively answers, "I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain things, ya'know, about strippers. And ya'know, and um, I..." Ross signals that he's leaving and cuts her off by saying, "Honey, I love you too." Rachel looking defeated moans, "Ugh." Suddenly a light bulb seems to go off in her head and she calls out, "wait, wait wait" after Ross before he gets out the front door. He turns around and asks, "What?" Rachel proceeds to give him an incredibly passionate kiss. Looking dazed, Ross exclaims, "huh" as he walks out the door. Rachel then turns to Chandler and brags, "Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, ya'know?" [The Knockout] Raining on Rachel's parade, Chandler observes, "Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper."
Featured Image Source: Bustle
Headline Image Source: Heavenly Creation Florist & Decor
Run and Hide
Season 3, Episode 11
Friends S3:E11 - Hey there, Friendsters! Happy New Year! I hope everybody out there had a magical holiday season and is off to a fantastic start with keeping your new year's resolutions in tact as we start the second week of 2017. Nine days in and I'm still pitching a perfect game with all of my personal resolutions. Thanks for asking. Professionally, we're off to a little bit of a bumpy start to the second week of 2017 here at theLeftAhead (and no I'm not talking about the fact that Donald Trump is getting inaugurated in eleven days). Clearly, for a progressive blog, the combination of the words Donald Trump and inauguration is the epitome of a bumpy start to the year but what I'm specifically referring to in this case is a minor technology crises that we've been dealing with all day here in the office. This technological breakdown has resulted in me writing this post with mad fury and gusto this afternoon as I attempt to try and finish before kickoff of the Alabama vs. Clemson college football championship game tonight. What is the nature of the technology crises we've been dealing with all day, you ask? Our wonderful web server hosts put a series of events into motion that eventually caused the crash of theLeftAhead around 9:00 am this morning. We've had all hands on deck since and have spent the rest of the morning and the better part of the afternoon resolving the issue. When you put as much hard work into a project as my comrades and I put month after month, year after year into theLeftAhead, it is a uniquely unsettling feeling when the site is down. You feel a horrendous sense of vulnerability dealing with the uncertainty of not knowing if or when order will be restored and your writing (not to mention the blood, sweat, and tears fueling the words on the page) will be back available for the masses to access. As a professional blogger, there are few worse things I can think of than a crashed website. That being said, I'm happy to report that the issue has been resolved and the site is back up and running. Disaster has been avoided once again and the only casualty to speak of is the loss of most of the time that I had thought I would have to write today's post. So without further ado, let's get into today's episode, shall we? After all, you're crazy if you think I'm still going to be here at the office writing after the kickoff of tonight's championship rematch.
Today, we get to watch Chandler violate one of the central tenants of "guy code." Not only does Chandler violate "guy code," he does so with the one guy whose code you probably least want to violate: his roommate Joey. Incidentally, Chandler will go on to violate the same tenant of "guy code" with Ross as well (shameless foreshadowing) later in the series which means that Chandler is a serial "guy code" offender. While Chandler is generally a wonderful friend and a joy of a person to be around, being a serial "guy code' offender is a major embarrassment and a shameful component of the Bing legacy. Sure everybody makes mistakes and one slip up is understandable. But to violate the same tenant of "guy code" twice? In the word of our President-elect, "Sad!" Based on the fact that Chandler's eventual marriage to Monica Geller is common pop culture knowledge, you can probably make an educated guess about the tenant of "guy code" that Chandler violated in today's episode. And if you guessed, that he violated the tenant that you don't fool around with your friend's sister without first securing said friend's blessing...you have guessed correctly. In today's episode, Chandler gets drunk at Joey's birthday party, fools around with one of Joey's sisters, and then wakes up the next day hung over and can't remember which sister he fooled around with. As you can imagine, hilarity ensues. My advice to Chandler is something he ironically told Joey to do during the pandemonium that occurs at Joey's parents house when everyone realizes that Chandler can't remember he fooled around with Mary Angela. Chandler tries to get rid of Joey by pretending to be playing a game of Hide and Seek. But despite his tomfoolery, and considering that this incident ends with the Chan Man being punched in the face by Joey's other sister Cookie, perhaps he should have channeled his inner-Andy Garcia and taken his own advice by being the one to run and hide. On that note, are you ready for some football? I hope it's those spoiled Alabama fans who want to run and hide at the end of the night. When the same team wins the championship like every single year, a sport ceases to be entertaining. So come on, Clemson. Shock the world by defeating the Empire. I'm all in. Go Tigers! Damn, it feels good to be back. Happy New Year, everybody. On to the recap and see you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler gets drunk at Joey's birthday party and ends up fooling around with one of Joey's sisters, Rachel meets a guy named Mark at Monica's diner who works at Bloomingdales and knows of a job opening in his department, Ross get extremely jealous that Mark wants to sleep with Rachel because he's helping her for no apparent reason, Phoebe has a fling with the noisy guy who lives above Monica and Rachel's apartment, Monica encourages Rachel to take initiative by calling Mark to ask about her Bloomingdales interview, and Joey lets Cookie (one of his sisters) punch Chandler after Chandler fails to remember Mary Angela (the other sister he fooled around with) and further fails to run and hide.
Gandalf Gaffes - It's 2017 and I'm predicting a record-breaking number of gaffes this year. I know, I know. That is not a very high bar to clear considering we've had a combined twelve gaffes from 2014 through 2016. Since there's no doubt in my mind that Friends will prove itself to be a series that's chalk full of them; moving forward, we should expect to see a steady increase of gaffes from year to year. Case in point, we have our first gaffe of 2017 to discuss in the first episode of the year. While very subtle, today's gaffe is an important catch because it betrays the very essence of who Phoebe is as a character. It occurs during Joey's birthday party. Phoebe is at the makeshift bar when Cookie (one of Joey's sisters) approaches. Phoebe says hey and Cookie responds by asking her what she's drinking. When Phoebe reports vodka and cranberry juice, Cookie informs her, "No kidding, that’s the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband." Phoebe reacts to this information by reporting to Cookie, "Wow. Okay, I don’t know how to talk to you." Bam. Gaffe. The Phoebe who has lived through her mother's suicide and lived on the streets is not going to be too intimidated to talk to a tough "biker chick" who just so happened to have shot her husband once upon a time. This tough streak in Phoebe's character is established in the pilot episode and continued consistently throughout the series. In the pilot, after first meeting Rachel, Phoebe sticks up for her by informing the rest of the gang, "it's hard being on your own for the first time." She elaborates by giving a glimpse into her own past, reflecting, "I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel." Clearly, the Phoebe we know and love would have had no qualms about having an extended conversation with Cookie about the time she shot her husband. We have no choice to ding the writers no matter how subtle of an error this may have been. But don't fret too much about this blemish on the record. It is about as minor as a GG can be so it will go on the books as a simple level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #13: At Joey's birthday party, the tough, street-smart aspect of Phoebe's character that was established during the pilot is contradicted when Phoebe confesses that she is too intimidated to carry on a conversation with Joey's sister, Cookie.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's apartment waiting for Phoebe (who is upstairs talking to the noisy guy that lives above them) and chatting about Chandler's unfortunate encounter with Janice (his ex). Phoebe was supposed to have gone up to tell the guy to quiet down but the gang quickly realized (because of the muffled tones coming through the ceiling) that she's having a pleasant conversation. Right after the gang convinces Chandler that attending Joey's birthday party will make him feel better about Janice, Monica shushes everyone upon hearing Phoebe's muffled voice coming through the ceiling. Shocked by the turn of events, Monica protests, "I cannot believe she is still up there." The gang continues listening through the ceiling as the noisy guy tells Phoebe a muffled joke. [The Knockout] Heartache be damned, Chandler seizes upon the opportunity in front of him by sarcastically observing, "Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it’s supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh."
Featured Image Source: Dailymotion
Headline Image Source: Jaguar Shoes Collective
The Tray Spot
Season 3, Episode 10
Friends S3:E10 - No, I don't want no scrud, a scrud is a Brown Bird that can't get no love from me, hanging out the passenger side of her older sister's ride trying to sell cookies to me. Yo! What is new, my Friendsetters? Hope everyone is having a splendid holiday season. We've been on hiatus since the Monday prior to Thanksgiving, so there is much to catch up on. For starters, we are unfortunately less than six weeks away from Inauguration Day. Needless to say, we here at theLeftAhead have much to do between now and then to properly prepare for launching into our resistance mode. Since this site went live in June of 2011 (the latter stages of President Obama's first term), we have had good fortune to operate in a political sphere far removed from the radicalism that fueled our lineage. For those of you who have been with us over the long haul and remember Seeds from the White Rose and The Stash Box, you are probably well aware that shit's about to get a lot more shall we say... REAL around here come January 20th. For the rest of you who discovered us after the launch of theLeftAhead, my best advice is that you buckle your seat belts once Donald Trump assumes the presidency. If you're only here to read our pop culture writing or Friends 20/20 in particular, don't fret. As theLeftAhead's pop culture writer, I can assure you that our site's political commentary won't spill over into this blog series or my pop culture writing anymore than it has in the past. I'm just delivering a more general announcement to our site's readership that protesting Republican presidential administrations is one of the things that we do best, so stay tuned.
Now that that's out of the way, what do you say we get right into this week's episode? I knew we'd be on the same page. This episode marks a turning point for Rachel Green as she finally is pushed (by a humiliating request from Gunther) to overcome her fear and quit her job at Central Perk. Unbeknownst to us (the audience) in real time, but Rachel's decision to jump off a cliff, so to speak, by quitting her job in pursuit of her career aspirations in the fashion industry will set into motion a series of events that will have serious repercussions in her personal life. Jot down a little reminder about this in your notes, class, because we will be returning to explore the subject matter that I just foreshadowed when we reconvene in the spring. Being that this is the last episode of 1996 (or in our case, 2016), this episode is also a Christmas episode. One of the Christmas themed plot lines that the writers lay out for us is Phoebe's aversion to the tradition of decorating Christmas trees. When she discovers that Joey landed a seasonal job selling Christmas trees, she informs him that she finds the practice of decorating Christmas tree "corpses" grotesque. Luckily, Joey is able to convince her that the trees are happy to be chopped down and decorated because they are fulfilling their life purpose by making people happy. However, when Phoebe comes to visit Joey at work, she discovers that the old trees are put in the chipper and destroyed which sends her off on a whole other tangent of protest. In the end, Monica and Joey decide to collect all of the old trees and put them in Monica and Rachel's apartment so that they are able to fulfill their Christmas destiny, so to speak. Phoebe is overwhelmed with joy to receive her Christmas surprise of knowing that all of the old trees have been saved. This story line is great because first, it really demonstrates the uniquely weird but caring person that is Phoebe. It, secondly, shows what good friends Monica and Joey are to go to such lengths to make Phoebe happy. Awe, just thinking about it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. On that high note, considering the tough year it has been, I think we have landed in good place to say, "Peace Out, 2016." I hope all of you, the readers out there, have a fabulous rest of your holiday season. Happy New Year and see you in 2017. Adams, out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Gunther asked Rachel to retake the Central Perk waitress training so Chandler convinces her to quit her job, Ross accidentally breaks a little girl's leg in his building and offers to sell Brown Bird cookies for her to make up for it, Joey gets a seasonal job selling Christmas trees but Phoebe objects to the practice of objectifying the new trees and destroying old ones, Monica gets hooked on Brown Bird cookies to the point that Ross has to cut her off, and Rachel lands a new job in the fashion industry which allows her to say goodbye to the tray spot forever.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk discussing the unfortunate incident that resulted in Ross breaking a little girl's leg. Monica, visibly flabbergasted, rhetorically asks, "You broke a little girl’s leg?" Ross sheepishly responds, "I know. I feel horrible. Okay?" [The Knockout] Pretending the read the paper, Chandler reports, "Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night." Turning to Ross, he continues, "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"
Featured Image Source: Shutterstock
Headline Image Source: Funkyjunk
The Geller Cup
Season 3, Episode 9
Friends S3:E9 - Well it's Monday night, a new week has begun. I turn my TV on for some pigskin fun. Click over to that one network with ESP, the lamest game each week is their specialty. You know I gotta get ready, make everything right. 'Cause all my rowdy friends are coming over tonight. So, are you ready? I mean, are you ready? Are you ready, ready? Are you ready for some football? A Monday night party. This is Kenny "The Jet" Adams, I'm bout to get this thang started. Yo. What it do, Friendinistas? How's every one doing now that we've had a fortnight to process that Donald Trump (a man who just paid $25 million to settle a lawsuit in which he is accused of defrauding 6,000 college students [many of whom were United States military veterans] through his undeniably predatory fake Trump University) will be our next President? I've obviously been better. Nonetheless, as much of a self-inflicted authoritarian calamity as America has brought upon ourselves, the sun is still shining each and every day when I wake up (partially because as a writer who works an average of three hours a week, I usually sleep until noon). The birds are still chirping each and every day when I wake up. And, for Pete's sake, Friends reruns are still streaming on Netflix each and every day when I wake up. Don't get me wrong. We must all be vigilant about peacefully but purposefully resisting Donald Trump's administration and every thing it represents each and every day from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep, but that being said...it is also important to remember that life goes on. On that note, we have one of my all-time favorite Friends episodes on the docket to break down during our time together today. What do you say we just jump right into it? Cool, I knew we would be on the same page.
Today's episode, The One With All the Football, is an indisputable classic. The Friends writing staff is notorious for bringing their A game each year for the Thanksgiving episodes. Season 3 was, of course, no exception as we have a great deal of infamous material to unpack. For starters, Chandler Bing was on fire during this episode with his one-liners or Chan Man Quips as they are endearingly referred to here. I counted at least seven different instances of Chandler delivering a one-liner that was worthy of the bottom section of our blog post. I can't remember ever writing about an episode thus far where there were so many different one-liners to choose from to select our Chan Man Quip of the Week. The exceptional bar of sarcasm that Chandler sets in this episode resulted from a spectacular collaboration between the writer's and Mathew Perry. Could the jokes have been more crisply written or sharply delivered? The answer is obviously no. Secondly, the sibling rivalry interplay between Monica and Ross was a hilarious new development for the series. It had already been established earlier in the series that Monica is competitive, but we now find out that Ross is just as competitive. Apparently being ridiculously competitive is a trait that runs in the Geller family. Watching the two reminisce about their childhood football games and then resort back to adolescent behavior in handling their compulsive need to beat one another now as adults was quite enjoyable. This interplay also sets the writing staff up nicely to explore this dynamic between the siblings in the future, as well.Next, we have another newly established dynamic to discuss in today's episode. For the first time in the series, Chandler and Joey compete directly for the affection of the same woman. Watching the two roommates and best friends attempt to insult and embarrass each other in an attempt to impress Margha (an onlooker in the park from the Nederlands who is watching our friends play football) is pure unadulterated comic gold. It's also pleasing to watch Chandler temporarily win the competition but then loose out on dating Margha in the end because he couldn't resist the compulsion to gloat to Joey about how "the dutch girl chose me." This dynamic of Chandler and Joey competing for the affection of the same women is also foreshadowing for future story lines to come, particularly an interesting story line next season.
Finally, I think it's important that we point out how spectacular the park set was that the gang played football on. Apparently, according to the commentary for this episode on the DVD box set, this was an indoor set created on a vacant sound stage adjacent to the regular Friends set at Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank, CA. The autumn colors on the leaves are stunning and the set designer did an incredible job of making the stage appear to be an authentic outdoor park. The extras who are enjoying time in the park (particularly the women in apartment window who watches the entire football game) are a nice touch that works in adding to the ambiance. So yeah, game recognize game. I just wanted to shout out the spectacular job that was done by the Friends crew in putting together this set for the today's episode. Well kids, I think that's about all I have for today. I just want to take a brief moment to wish everyone out there a particularly happy Thanksgiving. I know, after all we've already been through this month, we can use it. Also, if you're spending time with extended family on Thursday (and that family includes members who supported Donald Trump) don't be afraid to speak out against hate and on behalf of decency in the United States of America. The election of Donald Trump and everything that it represents is one of the saddest moments in our nation's history and nobody should be allowed to be comfortable with it (much less celebrate it) for even one moment this Thanksgiving in the presence of decent Americans. That being said, to you and yours, sincerely, Happy Thanksgiving! Catch you in December.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey decides to organize a three-on-three football game in the park, Monica and Ross aren't sure if they should join in because their mom had once forbid them from playing football, Phoebe starts gossiping about Chandler during her first ever huddle, Rachel is upset that she's the last one picked for the game and is never thrown the ball, Chandler and Joey compete for the affection of an onlooker named Margha from the Nederlands, and Monica and Ross both try to claim victory and secure the Geller Cup even after they had agreed to call the game a tie.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Throughout the football game, Chandler and Joey have been competing for the affections of Margha (an attractive woman from the Nederlands who has been watching them play from a park bench). It began when, after Joey agreed to let Chandler go after Margha unimpeded in order to help him get over Janice, Joey infuriated Chandler by suggesting he wouldn't stand a chance at winning Margha's affection if they competed for her because he (Joey) is better with the ladies and he (Chandler) is better with "numbers and stuff." Chandler was so offended that he insisted that they compete head to head for her affection. From then on, throughout the football game, both Chandler and Joey kept upping the ante on trying to embarrass the other one in front of Margha. All of this leads to a play where Ross pitches the ball to Chandler. Chandler then starts running up field when Joey knocks the ball loose and yells, "Fumble!" Joey picks the ball up and starts to return the fumble. Chandler reacts by chasing him and then grabbing his jersey from behind and ripping it into two pieces. Joey stops, turns, and angrily asks Chandler, "What the hell’s the matter with you?! This is my favorite jersey." [The Knockout] Returning the anger in kind and adding in some snark for good measure, Chandler responds, "Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math."
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Thread the Needle
Season 3, Episode 8
Friends S3:E8 - God, it was awful. Like many Americans, it was one of the most disturbing nights of my life. It just felt so violating. Not because conservatism was upsetting progressivism. As unfortunate as the political ramifications are, I've lived through tough election beats before. They hurt, for sure, but nothing like this. This was violating on a much deeper level. Because this election, at his core, had become a referendum on decency, there was a feeling of utter disgust upon realizing that maleficence could win out. And that was the worst part. When the outcome was still unknown. The uncertainty early in the night on Tuesday was unbearable. It was beyond gut wrenching during those hours after racism had stormed to an early lead. You know, when we knew but at the same time, we didn't yet know. Those hours were horrible, watching and praying as it become more and more improbable, but holding out hope against all logic that somehow Hillary Clinton was going to thread the needle and stage a massive comeback in Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan on behalf decency in America. It didn't happen and like every other decent American, I was crushed that a sexual predator became our President-elect. Look, I'm not going to lie. We are on day six of Trump'sAmerica. I'm still grieving and heartbroken. Before it became clear on Tuesday night that we were experiencing one of the biggest political upsets in American history, I assumed that I would do a full post-election analyses today and be able to put a nice little bow on politics for the foreseeable future. I was looking forward to returning to the people's work of deconstructing 20 year old episodes of Friends. Given the circumstances, I'm not emotionally or intellectually able to do that yet, so forgive me...but we may need to return to politics one more time before we take our winter break. Ted James, theLeftAhead Editor-in-chief asked me to also relay to readers that he intends to write his own postmortem piece on the election of Donald Trump before the end of 2016. We should all be looking forward to that (no sarcasm intended, despite all of our lampooning of one another...in all seriousness, Ted is an excellent political thinker and writer). Finally, for those of you who were wondering if I would even return to write the column this week because of the joke I made last Monday indicating that if Trump won the election, the Friends 20/20 blog series would be cancelled because there would be much more urgency in theLeftAhead offices to write about things of far greater importance than dissecting 20 year old sitcom episodes, let me assuage your fears. I've given it a lot of thought this week and the conclusion that I've reached is that hate won the battle on Tuesday but if we give in out of fear and start reorganizing our affairs in response, then we are allowing hate to win the war. It boggles my mind that I'm about to evoke George W. Bush, but I'm about to evoke George W. Bush. To paraphrase, he argued that if Americans stopped living our lives after 9/11, the terrorists win. Similarly, if we stop living our lives now that somebody as deplorable (pun intended) and dangerous as Donald J. Trump has been elected President of the United States of America, hate wins. Therefore, the Friends 20/20 blog series continues! Plus, given the flexibility that I have to speak on current events in this column, I can continue to use this platform as a bully pulpit to voice my opposition to everything that a Trump presidency represents. The resistance is already underway. Hallelujah. On that note, ladies and gentlemen...Kate McKinnon. See you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is scared to go to the dentist because every time she goes someone she knows dies, Joey informs Chandler that he saw Janice making out with her soon-to-be ex-husband, Ross trusts Rachel to babysit Ben because he knows Monica will also be home but Monica ends up banging Ben's head on a wooden ceiling beam, Rachel and Monica try to hide Ben's injury by dressing him up in a Rainy Day Bear's rain suit, Chandler decides to break up with Janice to give her a chance to make her family work, and Joey, Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe use a giant poking device to thread the needle through an open window across the street and poke Ugly Naked Guy as he lay dormant to make sure Phoebe didn't kill him by going to the dentist.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Towards the end of the episode, Phoebe concludes that the curse of someone dying when she goes to the dentist has been broken after she calls everyone she knows. Joey immediately looks out the window across the street and notices that Ugly Naked Guy is laying dormant with the window open. Phoebe becomes worried that he is dead because of her curse so Joey organizes the group to fashion a giant poking device to see if he's alive. Joey, Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, and Monica proceed to thread the needle of getting their giant poking device across the street and through Ugly Naked Guys window. Once they start poking him, he starts stirring which gives the gang the relief of knowing that he wasn't dead but rather in deep hibernation.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe are over at Monica and Rachel's apartment hanging out with Rachel. Rachel hands Phoebe a brownie and offers one to Chandler and Ross. Chandler and Ross both accept and take a brownie but then see Phoebe groan and spit hers out. Chandler responds to this by saying, "Okay, I'm not going to have one." In turn, Ross chimes in, "Neither will I" and they both put their brownies back on the plate. Seeing this, Phoebe reports, "No, no. It's just my tooth." Hearing this, Chandler changes his mind and says, "Alright, I'll have one." Both Ross and he re-grab a brownie from the plate. Ross then asks Phoebe, "So what’s a matter, you need a dentist? I’ve got a good one." Phoebe responds, "No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can’t see him." [The Knockout] Laying the snark on so thick, he could have used it to butter toast, Chandler observes, "See that is the problem with invisible dentists."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
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Mr. Big Shot
Season 3, Episode 7
Friends S3:E7 - Okay, boys and girls. Here we are less than 24 hours away from Election Day in the United States of America. Today we will either be writing post number 53 in our 236 part Friends 20/20 blog series, or, if Donald Trump gets elected tomorrow, we will be writing post number 53 in our 53 part Oh Shit, Writing About a 20 Year Old Sitcom Doesn't Matter Anymore Because the World Might Come To An End At Any Moment blog series. Clearly, anyone who has been following along with this column already knows how I feel. I'm no fan of Secretary Clinton but her opponent is the most unqualified and dangerous major party nominee in the history of the United States of America. That's right, boys and girls. We have a real Mr. Big Shot running for president. And not the good 'Chauncey Billups draining a clutch jumper to win a playoff game' kind of Mr. Big Shot but the bad 'Donald Trump crass, self-centered, narcissistic sociopath' kind of Mr. Big Shot. Unfortunately for us, the type of Mr. Big Shot and the actual person running for president are one and the same. Even if we set aside the fact that he is too temperamental to be trusted with the nuclear codes and that suffering through even four more years with a climate denier in charge of our government could have catastrophic consequences, how can we conform Donald Trump's behavior during the campaign to the dignity that the office of the presidency requires for America's children? We all know the laundry list of vulnerable populations in our society as well as individuals that this man has insulted over the past 18 months. Therefore, there is no need for me to rehash this very long and painful laundry list. My question remains, though, how can we possible tell our children that it's not okay to be a bully after they've witnessed a bully getting rewarded by being elected President of the United States? Forget liberal vs. conservative, establishment vs. populism, and everything else that the media has told us this decision was supposed to be about. Our election tomorrow has now become a referendum on decency in the United States of American. I can only pray that indecency does not win the day. And that's all I really want to say about the election. I'll admit, though, it's really hard to focus on writing a pop culture column today. For whatever reason, I'm really nervous about this election and I just want if finally to all be over (assuming that Secretary Clinton wins). I'm sure that reading my in depth analyses about all of tomfoolery that Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey got themselves into 20 years ago today is probably very low on your list of priorities as well. That being the case, I'll close my opening remarks by sharing the behind the scenes footage from an Access Hollywood tape of Donald Trump that we all know but should also all watch one more time before we vote. If there is any decency left in our country, this should be an automatic disqualification for the presidency. Do not elect this man as your president, America.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross can't get along with Rachel's dad, Joey starts teaching soap opera acting at a local community college, Chandler call Janice's soon-to-be ex-husband a wank when they see he is using the divorce to sell mattresses on his television commercials, (after seeing the sales offers in the commercial) Monica shops for a new mattress at the Mattress King and ends up with a race car bed when Phoebe signs her name to approve delivery, and Ross goes from Mr. Big Shot to bonding with Rachel's dad over making fun of Bobby Bobby (her chiropractor).
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is alone in Monica's room sitting on her race car bed and fantasizing about driving a real car out in traffic. Perfectly content to be lost in his own little daydream, Chandler mimics the noises that his car would make and then yells out to an imaginary fellow commuter, "Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom!" He goes on to mimic the sound of his tires screeching as he comes to a stop and looks over to apparently see an attractive women. He yells out, "Hey-hey good lookin’!" and proceeds to honk the bed's horn in approval. As he puts his imaginary car back in gear, yelling, "Varrrrrrrrroom" some more, he notices that Rachel has walked into Monica's room and his observing his behavior with a stone-faced look. He acknowledges her presence and says, "Alright, I'll leave." [The Knockout] As he gets up from the bed and begins to leave the room, Chandler informs Rachel, "My bed’s so boring."
Don't Say Anything
Season 3, Episode 6
Friends S3:E6 - When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween. Hey there, boys and girls. Happy Halloween to you and yours! How cool is it that the wickedest of wicked holidays is on a Monday this year? I'm super stoked that we get to spend a few minutes together on the scariest day of the year. If you guessed that your boy Kenny Adams would be dressing up for Halloween, you guessed correctly. Wanna know what I dressed up as today? (Drum roll please...) I'm Casper the FRIENDly Ghost! Ha ha, I know you're feeling that, right? The fact that today is, indeed, the scariest day of the year seems apropos to today's festivities considering we have two terrifying Gandalf Gaffes to dissect from the infamous flashback episode that we will be covering during our time together. I won't get too much into the plot of today's episode during my opening remarks because we will dissect the episode in excruciating detail during the Gandalf Gaffe section of today's post. For now...I just want to say, Happy Halloween! I hope everyone has a blast tonight but stays safe. Also, for any of you out there who enjoy when I deviate away from pop culture (and Friends specifically) to dip my toes in the ice cold water of political commentary, rest assured that I will once again fishing those waters next week in our final post before Election Day 2016. After that, I promise to do my best to avoid discussing politics again during this blog series until the 2018 cycle is in full swing. Any who, that's what I got on this sugar-driven holiday. Don't get sick eating too much candy this week. I want you all to be feeling rested and healthy when we reconvene next week. Until then...one last thing. Go Cubs Go!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where we flashback to Ross finding out that Carol is a lesbian, Monica finding out that Phoebe is moving out of the apartment, Joey finding out that Chandler isn't gay while interview to be his roommate, Rachel finding out that she has wild oats to sew before settling down with Barry, Chandler finding out about the glory that is Baywatch, Phoebe finding out what it's like to make out with Ross, and Rachel finding out that you don't say anything when you start fantasizing about having a one-night stand in a bar with Chandler.
Gandalf Gaffes - Trick or treat. If you can believe it, we have two gaffes to dissect in today's infamous flashback episode. In fact, not only do we have two gaffes to dissect, but, as it turns out, these are two very serious infractions. So, enough with the formalities, let's begin shall we? Today's episode starts with the gang sitting around at Central Perk. Janice, Chandler's girlfriend, is there with them and she poses a question to the group asking who of the six of them has slept with who of the six of them. After they all deny having had any flings (aside from Rachel and Ross, or course), Janice asks if any of them had any close calls when it comes to hook ups. Everyone reacts as if to suggest that there have indeed been some close calls and the scene cuts away to opening credits. We return to discover that we are in a flashback and it says, "three years earlier" on the screen. Because we are currently in October of 1996, three years earlier implies that the flashback is taking place in October of 1993 (which is 11 months before the pilot episode). The story line that plays out during today's flashback turns out to be extremely problematic with two previously established precedents. First, it is indisputable that the Friends pilot episode makes it clear that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time in her life when she bursts into Central Perk soaking wet and wearing a wedding dress after running out on Barry (her fiancé). However, in today's flashback (that according to the timeline, remember, takes place 11 months prior to the pilot) Chandler makes a move on Rachel at a bar (which eventually is renovated into a coffee shop and becomes Central Perk) after overhearing her confide in her girlfriends that she would love to have a fling with "the next guy she sees" in an effort to sew her wild oats (so to speak) before settling down with Barry. The flashback makes it clear that Chandler and Rachel's interaction during the flashback was memorable enough that neither would have forgotten it 11 months later and reasonably think that they were meeting for the first time during the pilot. There is no other way to spin it, this story line in the flashback is a gaffe. Second, it is also indisputable that the Friends pilot and S1:E2 contain a story line where Ross's wife Carol moves out in the pilot and then tells Ross that she's pregnant in S1:E2. However, in today's flashback, Ross reveals to Phoebe and then the gang that he has just discovered that Carol is a lesbian and that he thinks his marriage is over. Thus, if we are to believe the timeline that this flashback is offering, Carol reveals to Ross that she's a lesbian and that they should no longer be married in October of 1993, however they continue to live together and have sex until September of 1994? Carol reveals to Ross that she's pregnant in S1:E2 but it is not until S1:E23 that she gives birth (May of 1995). Therefore, in order to make the birth timeline work, it is indisputable that Ross and Carol were still having sex until around the time of the pilot. It is simply too implausible that Carol would reveal to Ross in October of 1993 that she's a lesbian (with her lover Susan already in the picture, by the way) but Ross and Carol would still continue to live together and have sex for another 11 months. Once again, I have no choice but to rule that this story line in the flashback is another serious gaffe. It gives me no pleasure, but because of the extreme inconsistency of both of these infractions, I decree that they are both severe enough to go on the permanent record as level three infractions.
Gandalf Gaffe #11: As part of the flashback that takes place 11 months prior to the pilot episode, Chandler attempts to start a fling with Rachel at a bar that later becomes Central Perk. It was clearly established in the pilot, however, that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time at Central Perk after running out on her wedding to Barry.
Gandalf Gaffe #12: As part of the flashback that takes place 11 months prior to the pilot episode, Ross informs the gang that he has discovered that his wife Carol is a lesbian. This is inconsistent with the timeline established in the pilot and S1:E2. In the pilot Carol moves out and in S1:E2 she tells Ross that she's pregnant. Since Ben isn't born until almost nine months after S1:E2, the implication is that Ross and Carol were living together and continuing to have sex until the pilot episode. It is not realistic that Ross and Carol would continue living together and having sex for 11 months after she revealed to him that she is a lesbian.
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - At the beginning of the flashback (which takes place about 11 months prior to the pilot episode) Phoebe is at her and Monica's apartment (she was Monica's roommate back then) looking out the window across the street. Ross is also there hanging out so she informs him that Cute Naked Guy is "really starting to put on weight."
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is at his apartment during the flashback interviewing a roommate applicant named Eric. He starts the interview by asking, "So, uh, Eric, what kind of photography do you do?" Eric responds, "Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time. I hope that’s cool?" Quite pleased with Eric's answer, Chandler continues, "Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here, you know......never." Even though Chandler is already clearly pleased with how the interview is going, Eric decides it wise to go ahead and continue running up the score by informing Chandler, "Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister’s beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she’s a porn star." [The Knockout] Unable to contain himself, Chandler breaks the pencil he is holding to conduct the interview in half and says, "Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you’re chances are pretty good." He then hugs Eric.
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Ninja Stars
Season 3, Episode 5
Friends S3:E5 - Happy Monday morning, Friends Crafters. Glad to be back together with you for the fifth consecutive week. I'm taking some initiative today by trying to get this post written and delivered to you before embarking on my four-hour outing to Top Golf (I think the technical term is lunch break). Indeed, today is one of those rare occasions where I woke up early with an extra skip in my step. And considering that I've already had my half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte this morning, I'm alert and ready to power right through today's proceedings. Let's begin this morning, girls and boys, by turning our text books to Chapter 53. Could someone read the chapter heading? "Chapter 53: The List of Five Celebrities You're Allowed to Sleep With Without Your Significant Other Getting Mad." Yes, well done. Thank you for reading, Johnny. So today, class, our Friends are creating lists of late 90's celebrities that they're allowed to sleep with without getting in trouble. Can anyone name one of today's celebrities that you would like to have on your list? Becky? "Channing Tatum." Okay, great Becky. Hey and with a name similar to Chandler, very FRIENDly of you. Anyone else? Timmy? "Jennifer Lawrence." Great, thanks Timmy. I see you're hungry to play the game. (Damn right...I just did that.) Okay, how about one more? I see a hand raised in the back. Yes, go ahead. "Ken Bone." Damnit, Kenny is that you? I didn't even see you sneak in. I figured you would still be out in LA trying to supplant Guillermo as the most lovable weirdo on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Stand up, son and let me explain a few things to you. First, you are not a celebrity. You're having your 15 minutes of fame because you asked the two major party nominees for the presidency of the United States (with the entire world watching) to talk about energy policy and didn't say the words climate change? What kind of ridiculous lack of understanding of the monumental challenge we face waste must you have to ask an energy question without pinning the candidates down on the most important issue? Here's a thought, Ken. How about just straight up asking the candidates about climate change since the media seems hellbent to allow one of them to get elected President without ever having to go on the record in any detail about what they plan to do to deal with it. People see you as having brought a bit of positivity into the campaign? Not me. I see you as a feckless, tone-deaf harlequin who abdicated your responsibility to impact our political discourse in a meaningful way. Second, let's set aside for a moment the fact that you're not a celebrity and examine what you just did here in my class room. I asked the class to raise your hands to give an example of a celebrity you would like to have on your list and you named yourself? Really, Ken? Is your list laminated? What kind of strange weirdo names himself as a celebrity he would be allowed to sleep with and not get in trouble with his significant other? Come on, K-Dawg. That's just strange. And, I'm scared to ask, but who's your significant other? Never mind, don't answer that. I have to say, you're doing some serious damage to the name Ken (our family name, right Joey Tribbiani?) and by the way...Krayzie, Bizzie, Layzie, Wish, and Flesh aren't very happy with you either. Lastly, what kind of engaged voter could have sat through these past 15 months of constant bombardment by this presidential campaign and still truly not know which candidate is the better choice? My suspicion is that they shouldn't call you an undecided voter but rather they should call you a "wants to get on TV" voter. Because I got to tell you, Kenny...if you've been watching everything that has unfolded over these past 15 months and still legitimately not been able to tell who is a better choice between Secretary Hillary Clinton and Sexual Assault Posterboy Donald Trump, I don't think I'm really interested in any question you could have possibly asked the candidates to make up your mind. You know what, Ken? I've had enough of you. That's it. Go to the Principle's Office. Don't talk back. I could care less if you're permanently kicking me out of The Bone Zone. Bye, Kenny. See the clock on the class room door? It reads 14:49. Don't let the 15:00 hit you on the way out. Sorry you had to see that, class. I'll tell you what. Because we all just had to endure the disruptive behavior of Ken Bone, I'm going to let you out a little early today. I'll leave you with one final thought. At the end of today's episode, Chandler bets Joey that he won't fit inside a cabinet in the homemade entertainment center. Joey gets in the cabinet to win the bet. Chandler then proceeds to take a piece of wood and lock Joey inside the cabinet before leaving the apartment all together. Could this just be another meaningless interaction between a couple of roommates or could this be foreshadowing for a future episode? YOU DECIDE...how bringing this back fits into the days of our livez.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe has a hard time bonding with her younger brother (Frank, Jr.) when he comes to visit, Joey wants to create a mail slot for him and Chandler so he decides to build a new entertainment center, Monica diverts Joey from the entertainment center project to redo her floor after Joey shows her how grungy her old tile is, Ross laminates a list of five celebrities he's allowed to sleep with, Rachel allows Ross to hit on Isabella Rossalini when she shows up at Central Perk, and Phoebe ends up having an a fantastic weekend with Frank, Jr. that even included going to Time Square and finding ninja stars.
Gandalf Gaffes - It has been clearly established at this point in the series that Monica Geller is a neat freak. Therefore, when Joey demonstrates to Monica in today's episode that a corner of the tile floor in her bathroom is less grungy than the rest because it has had less wear and tear from years of being covered, our spider senses started going off that something was amiss. We already know Monica to be the type of person who regularly cleans her apartment down to the very last nook and cranny. Therefore, it not only seems improbable but it seems down right implausible that Monica would not have already known that the covered tile was less grungy than the uncovered tile in her bathroom before Joey pointed it out to her. The Monica Geller that has been clearly established as one of our beloved primary characters would not only have already been aware of the issue, but would have taken steps to rectify it after the first time that she noticed the tile was fading. While this is yet another minor Gandalf Gaffe in a series of minor Gandalf Gaffes, it cannot be overstated how important it is for us to document every single last one (no matter how understated some may seem). Because if we can't document every single last Gandalf Gaffe, then really...what are we doing here people? But yeah, this was kinda of subtle...therefore, a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #10: Monica discovering a corner of her bathroom that is less grungy than the rest is a gaffe. We have clearly established as precedent in prior episodes that Monica is a neat freak who would never allow even one nook or cranny in her apartment to go uncleaned for more than a week, much less years on end and therefore would have already known that the covered tile was less grungy than the rest.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is in his room minding his own business reading when he realizes that a very sharp, long drill bit is entering the room through the wall disturbingly close to his head. He runs out into the living room to discover Joey there working on the homemade entertainment unit. When Joey sees Chandler has hastily come out of his room, he asks, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get ya?" [The Knockout] Clearly frustrated by the stupidity of the question, Chandler fires back, "No, you didn’t get me!! It’s an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!"
Video Source: silence714 on YouTube
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Amazing Discoveries
Season 3, Episode 4
Friends S3:E4 - "There's got to be a better way!" Turning to my Amazing Discoveries co-host, "Wow. That's really profound and topical, Kevin. After watching that debate last night, I think you're flingin'-flangin' right." Hey there, everybody. Have you caught your breath from witnessing Donald Trump's attempt to drag the entire country through the mud last night? Speaking of amazing discoveries, Trump's Access Hollywood video, tho. Now that's what I call an October surprise. On second thought, strike that. Is Trump bragging about he can get away with sexually assaulting women because he's a celebrity really an amazing discovery? Isn't that really par for the course at this point? I mean wouldn't the real October surprise have been if a tape like this hadn't been leaked less than 30 days before the election? Are you really going to watch the way this bumbling bully lurked over Secretary Clinton's shoulder as she was addressing voters last night during the debate and still try to convince me that America's most famous racist narcissist doesn't also have a penchant for chauvinism? Regardless of whether Trump's offensive tape was an amazing discovery or simply par for the course for the least qualified presidential candidate in American history, I'm glad it's out there and working to diminish his chances of winning the election. Of course Trump's reaction to the latest scandal was predictably to try and pull Bill and Hillary Clinton down in the gutter with him in by deploying a scorched earth strategy. He may have effectively rallied his base with that strategy, but I think for most reasonable Americans...the damage is done. It should be crystal clear by now that this is not a hard choice. Bottom line: voting for Donald Trump is flat out irresponsible. Anybody who thinks about this election rationally and soberly understands that Hillary Clinton is the only choice.
That being said, I think Democrats are on shaking ground trying to present Hillary Clinton as the moral authority in this race. There is no question that she and Former President Clinton have also had moral shortcomings in their careers and it is because of those moral shortcoming that the "vast right-wing conspiracy" is able to generate the fuel it needs to allow Donald Trump to hang around and still have an outside shot at becoming President of the United States. If the Democratic Party wanted to be the moral authority in this election in order to obliterate Trump's candidacy (and take back the Senate, the House, and a few state houses in the process) there was a candidate in the race we could have nominated. That candidate was Bernie Sanders. Can you imagine how differently the second debate would have gone if Trump was going up against Bernie Sanders' moral leadership instead of being able to grab on to the Clinton's shortcomings and drag them down in the gutter with him? The Republican establishment has a lot of soul searching to do for allowing someone as utterly unacceptable as Donald Trump to become their party's nominee but the Democratic establishment has a lot of soul searching to do as well for insisting on running a flawed candidate against him and subsequently tipping the scales in the primary to ensure their desired outcome. The sky would have been the limit on the amount of progressive change we could have ushered in in the first 100 days of a Bernie Sanders presidency if his political revolution had been given the opportunity to clean Trump's clock and wipe out Republican majorities up and down the ballot. Bernie's new age New Deal governing could have made a real difference in the lives of working families and perhaps given us one last crack at doing something meaningful to address climate change before it's too late. Sadly, this vision for a new era of progressivism is just conjecture. Sure, I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because she is the only responsible choice. At the same time, I will never forgive the Democratic establishment for tipping the scales in the 2016 primaries and squandering a once in a generation opportunity (putting us at risk of a Trump presidency in the process). And I will never forget.On that note, let's talk Friends for a hot second, shall we? In today's episode, Chandler dives head first into powering through the metaphorical commitment tunnel and comes out the other side taking a smothering approach to dating Janice while Ross struggles with a dangerous gender stereotype in his approach to parenting when he decides that he's uncomfortable with Barbie being Ben's favorite toy. Phoebe pretends to be Joey's agent and Janice surprises Monica and Rachel by not getting scared away by Chandler's clinging behavior. All of that pales in comparison, however, to when Monica brilliantly steals the show by outing Ross's cross-dressing childhood. Not only do we discover that Ross dressed in his mother's clothes as a child to throw tea parties in the backyard, but on top of that...he asked his family to call him Bea. Finally, the cherry on top was Monica revealing that there was even a song that went a little something like...
I am Bea.I drink tea.Won't you dance around with me?
Oh man, my Friends heart is filled with joy after reliving that classic Ross moment. If this election has got you worried, stressed, or angry just remember to pull out your metaphorical Milk Master 2000, think about Ross hosting tea parties as his alter ego, Bea and then tell yourself, "Now I can have milk every day!" Until next week...stay thirsty, my fans of Friends.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler goes all Chandler and gives in to his fear of commitment but then allows Monica and Rachel to convince him to overcompensate and scare Janice away, Ross has trouble adjusting to the news that Barbie is Ben's favorite toy, Phoebe forgets to give Joey a message about an audition and then pretends to be his agent to make up for it, and (despite his obsessive behavior) Janice still calls Chandler back which is an amazing discovery for Monica and Rachel because in their experience...a man would never call back if they had acted in a relationship the way Chandler had with Janice.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Rachel is at her place with Ross and notices (while walking by with a laundry basket) that Ugly Naked Guy is still naked but that his dog is wearing a sweater.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel and Monica are across the hall consoling Chandler for freaking out Janice and ruining his relationship with her. They had just determined that the situation was critical enough to go and grab the good ice cream for Chandler when the phone rings. Chandler answers and realizes that it is Janice. He asks her, "Can you hold on a second?" He then turns to Monica and Rachel and asks, "What do I do?" Rachel quickly answers, "I don't know what to do. This is totally unprecedented." Monica follows, "If we ever did what you did, a man would never call." Monica lights up and continues, "Oh wait, I've got it. I've got it. Pretend like you just woke up. Okay? That'll throw her off. Be sleepy." Rachel chimes in, "Yes! And grumpy." [The Knockout] Visibly annoyed, Chandler looks back and forth at Monica and Rachel and barks, "What are you--? Stop naming dwarfs."
Hug and Roll
Season 3, Episode 3
Friends S3:E3 - Howdy, gals and guys. How's everyone doing today? Well, I'm a bit perplexed (thanks for asking). The reason? Here we are sharing in only our third post of the season but somehow we've already made it to October. Can you believe it? I know you're thinking, "Surely this is some sort of mistake." Maybe, let me double check. (Looking up at my calendar.) Nope, it's definitely October (and don't call me Shirley). Apparently time flies when you're busy working four hours a day, one day a week. So October has arrived, huh? I guess so because the leaves are changing color, football is in full swing, and since it's Monday...I'm throwing you another perfect spiral all the way down the field and into the Friend Zone. (See what I did there?) All you have to do is sprint 100 yards and make sure you catch it. In fact, for those of you keeping score...I am actually coming up rapidly on my deadline for today's submission at this late hour on Monday afternoon so you might call this particular pass a Hail Mary. I know, I know. It's pretty lame that (as mentioned above) this is only our third post of the season and I'm already prefacing one of my infamous "mailed in" submissions. On the bright side, you must admit that I brought the goods these past two weeks so it all evens out in the wash. Agreed? I knew you would understand.
So in the brief time that we have together today to discuss this episode, I thought I would use it to say that I always thought that David Arquette was a bit unusual. Not necessarily in a bad way but that the dude definitely marches to the beat of his own drum. I mean, after staring in the wrestling movie Ready to Rumble, my man actually starting appearing at WCF and WWE events as a wrestler. Given that his physical stature is less than imposing, that's a little strange. Once again, weird in a channeling your inner Andy Kaufman redeeming kind of way...but weird, nevertheless. All of this is to say that (given that David Arquette already gives off the vibe that he is an unusual fellow) he was perfectly cast in this episode of Friends as Ursala's creepy stalker ex-boyfriend. The role seems to suit him. It is interesting that Arquette is involved in a storyline where he doesn't work directly with his real life girlfriend at the time (and future wife) Courtney Cox, but rather her co-star, Lisa Kudrow. (Hint: This sets a precedent that repeats itself later in the series. Considering the giant elephant in the room when discussing the romantic relationships of the Friends cast, I bet you can guess at least one of the cameos of which I speak). Cox and Arquette infamously met in 1996 on the set of Scream. He makes a perfectly cast hilarious cameo in today's episode of Friends and the rest is history (including Arquette and Cox's marriage as of May 2013). In closing, I just want to make a quick acknowledgement of the recent loss of David Arquette's sister Alexis. A brilliant actress in her own right, Alexis was also a prominent figure in the transgender community. Rest in peace, Alexis.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler seeks advice from Ross and Rachel to avoid the types of relationship pitfalls that have accidentally been getting Janice mad at him, Monica needs a new plan to get over her man (Richard) and that plan is jam, Phoebe develops a crush on her sister Ursala's stalker, Joey is shocked when he discovers that a sperm bank he once donated to hasn't given away any units of Tribbiani, and Ross winds up on the receiving end of Rachel's wrath when Janice informs her that Chandler has been using Ross's hug and roll technique.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey, who has been eating jam constantly since Monica began her "plan to get over her man," is sitting at the kitchen table with Chandler while Monica shops for sperm donors in the living room as Ross and Rachel look on in horror. Joey motions to Chandler to offer him a taste of the jam he is eating straight out of the jar. [The Knockout] With as much contempt as he can muster (pun intended), Chandler responds, "Nah, it's all right. I just had a jar of mustard."
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Drink the Fat
Season 3, Episode 2
Friends S3:E2 - Howdy? How goes it out there for all of you on this beautiful autumn Monday, my fantastic Mercedes Friends? Personally, I have a lot of balls in the air today. For starters, today is a travel day for me as I will be catching the red-eye out to the West Coast (Portlandia to be exact). Secondly, tonight is the first Presidential Debate between Secretary Hillary Clinton and Career Con Man Donald Trump. While this means that our offices here at theLeftAhead will be a zoo all day (making it harder for me to focus on banging out this post), I will actually miss watching the debate live because of my aforementioned trip. Since I'll be on a plane, I'll be observing #BannedBooksWeek during the debate and, given the toxic state of our political discourse, I'll be all the better for it. But that's neither here nor there. My next ball in the air is that I'm facing yet another disciplinary meeting which is scheduled for later today with my editor, Ted James (don't worry, I've requested representation from my union rep). As you have probably guessed, this meeting is a result of the unfortunate allegation that I called Mr. James "a dick" in last week's post (good luck coming up with concrete proof, Ted). I'm actually looking forward to this meeting to see how Frank "Fish Scale" Gambini (my Union Rep) smacks this allegation down to save me from yet another suspension. Lastly, and to top it all off, there's this damned Friends post to write. If you know me, you know that I would gladly mail in my work assignment today, if possible. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be fair to you (the reader) because today we are covering one of the great Friends episodes of all time (and must therefore provide the type of solid analyses worthy of a classic episode). So, since I won't be mailing in today's post and given everything else that I'm dealing with, when I woke up this morning and came to the realization of what's in front of me on this mad-busy Monday...I channeled my inner-Monica and screamed out, "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"
Okay, I feel a little better after getting out that Monica scream. Whew. I'm now in the right frame of mind to do this thang so let's dive right into today's episode, shall we? There is so much classic material to comb through with this one. Set in Monica and Rachel's living room (for the duration of the episode except for the scene during the final credits), we find our trusty Friends writer's room channeling the single set narrative construction popularized by sister show Seinfeld with their infamous The Chinese Restaurant episode. Friends writers were clearly doing their homework studying Larry David and company because The One Where No One is Ready creates brilliant rhythm by moving our beloved six mainstays in and out of the scene with the camera fixated on Monica and Rachel's living space. Oh my, oh my...what an episode. Where to begin? Let's start with Monica "going over to the bad place" after hearing a voicemail from Richard that she can't determine whether is old or new. She dips her toe "into the bad place" by dialing into Richard's answering machine (of course she knows the code) to hear the message she left him responding to his old or new message. After hearing another message from a mysterious woman after dialing in, she starts wading "in the bad place" by calling Richard's daughter Michelle and hanging up after determining that Michelle was in fact the mysterious voice on the other message. Finally, she throw caution to the wind, vacates the pool, walks to the top of the high dive, and proceeds to belly flop her way into immersing herself in "the bad place" when she attempts to erase her message to re-record but accidentally erases Richard's outgoing message instead. Accidentally erasing your ex-boyfriend's outgoing voicemail message and replacing it with a message where you speculate about having your period? I think that qualifies as immersing yourself in "the bad place" and "pulling a Monica" with platinum status. Plus, my favorite part? Monica's scream when she realizes she has changed Richard's outgoing message. There is something about Monica screwing up and screaming out "Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!" that makes me crack up every time.
One of the most endearing storylines in an episode chock-full of endearing storylines is the fight that Chandler and Joey get in over who should get to sit in the chair. When Chandler gets up from the chair he was sitting in order to use the bathroom, Joey seizes an opportunity to sit down in the spot that Chandler vacated. When Chandler returns, he informs Joey that he was sitting there and demands that Joey give him his seat back. Joey refuses and we're off to the races. The squabble keeps escalating and escalating to rarefied levels of hilarity. Perhaps the altercation is so funny because Joey and Chandler attempt to resolve this conflict with the maturity of two prepubescent siblings. First, after Chandler returns to Monica and Rachel's after getting dressed for the museum benefit, he expects when Joey gets up he will be able to reclaim the chair. However, unbeknownst to Chandler, when Joey gets up...he takes the chair cushions with him. Chandler protest that the cushions are "the essence" of the chair. Joey retorts, "That's right! I"m taking the essence!" Of course, Chandler must then retaliate. To get Joey back for stealing the essence, Chandler hides all of Joey's underwear prior to Joey changing into his tuxedo for the museum benefit. After discovering the prank, Joey comes back over to Monica and Rachel's apartment and informs Ross that he can't change into his tux without his underwear. When Ross asks why, Joey informs him that he's currently going commando. Sure enough, Ross takes the bait and asks why he can't continue going commando at the museum benefit. This sets up one of the greatest Friends lines of all-time. Joey informs Ross, "It's a rented tux, okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues." After dropping the walk off shot of the night, one would think that Joey might be satisfied but, rest assured, he still needs to get even with Chandler for stealing his underwear. He leaves vowing to do the opposite of stealing his underwear and returns moments later wearing all of Chandler's clothes. Joey hilariously struts around, does some lunges, and delivers yet another memorable line. Mimicking his roommate, Joey declares, "Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes?" In case you haven't caught on yet, this was one massive episode for Joey Tribbiani in the funny department. I hate to say it, but the performance we just documented from a middling soap opera actor totally upstages our Chan Man Quip of the Week at the end of this post. This rarely happens, so mad props to Joey for out maneuvering the king of the one-liners this week.One last thing...that dress, tho. The other storyline involves Rachel flirting with the idea of skipping the museum benefit after Ross yells at her and embarrasses her in front of their friends. At one point she even changes into pajama pants and a New York Knicks sweatshirt. In the end, she decides to go when Ross agrees to drink the fat to demonstrate how much he wants and needs her there by his side. When Rachel ultimately walks out of her bedroom ready for the museum benefit, she is wearing a stunning green dress and informs Ross that (much like Joey) she's "going commando too." Considering that this image has been burned into my permanent memory since I was of the impressionable age of 17, I will close by saying that this image would make a smash hit of a Throwback Thursday #TBT post on Rachel Green's Instagram. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Nexties.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where (despite a strong effort) Ross is unable to stop from unleashing Red Ross (his alter ego) when the gang risks making him late for a museum benefit, Joey and Chandler get in a massive fight after Joey takes Chandler's chair, Monica goes to the bad place after she can't tell whether a message from Richard is old or new, Phoebe falls victim to Chandler and Joey's fight when she is on the receiving end of a glop of projectile hummus, Rachel flirts with not attending the museum benefit after baring the brunt of Red Ross' wrath, and in the end every one is ready with 5 seconds to spare after Rachel changes her mind because Ross was willing to drink the fat.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] After realizing that Monica is not in her bedroom getting dressed but rather is in there trying to call Richard on her bedroom's phone, Phoebe and Chandler follow her in there to stop her. With the camera still in the living room, Phoebe's voice can be heard inside Monica's bedroom screaming, "Get away from the phone!" Phoebe then casually walks out of Monica's bedroom holding the receiver and cord to Monica's bedroom phone and informs Ross and Rachel, "She's just getting dressed now." [The Knockout] Having just witnessed a spat between Monica and Phoebe, Chandler follows Phoebe out of Monica's bedroom with a mischievous smirk on his face and asks, "Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?"
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Hold Me Close Young Tony Danza
Season 3, Episode 1
Friends S3:E1 - But oh how it feels so real lying here with no one near. Only you and you can hear me when I say softly...(pause)...slowly...(wait for it)...hold me close young Tony Danza. Count the headlights on the highway. YO! YO! YO! How the heck are you, my BFGFF's (Big Freindly Giant Friends Fans)? Can you believe it? After a long and relaxing summer break, we're finally back for the third installment of Friends 20/20. I can honestly say that I've really missed you guys. Sure, full disclosure, I had an incredible summer drifting from beach to beach; relaxing and soaking in rays for weeks on end with umbrella drinks never more than an arm's length away. It may be hard to believe, but alas...like all good things in life, my good people, eventually all of that relaxation played its course. I know, I know, poor pampered me. But it's true. Eventually I grew tired of endless pina coladas and bonfires, so I returned stateside a few weeks early (right before Labor Day weekend). I quickly realized, however, that foregoing a couple of extra weeks of moon parties was a mistake because over the past couple of weeks, I've been bored out of my gourd waiting for my beloved Mission: Impossible assignment to resume today. In fact, there are rumors swirling around the theLeftAhead office that I was so bored these past couple of weeks, I even resorted to binge watching episodes of Saved By the Bell on Netflix to pass the time. (Oh the humanity!) Those rumors will neither be confirmed or denied. Of course, soon after my return, Ted James (my editor) quickly pointed out that one way for me to pass the time would be for me to contribute some political commentary to our Election 2016 coverage (he's constantly reminding me that I was a Poli Sci major, afterall) or to finally follow through on my promise to write some non-Friends related pop culture content for the site. But sadly, I could not be convinced that 1,500 words on the second season of Mr. Robot was a better use of my time than reliving (for the dozenth time) the teen angst torture Zack Morris experienced while trying to outduel A.C. Slater for the affection of one Kelly Kapowski. Sure, things like keeping my word and being a team player at work are important to me but let's be reasonable...time reserved for binge watching SBTB is an important part of any healthy work-life balance. I mean, it's not as if I was blowing off an opportunity to add some much needed content to theLeftAhead in order to binge watch Good Morning, Miss Bliss or Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Let's keep it 💯. I was mainlining the hardest of the hardcore pique SBTB episodes directly into my bloodstream. You know, episodes like the one where Jessie Spano develops a pill popping addiction, or the one where Zack deals with the pitfalls of fame as the lead singer of Zack Attack, or the one where Screech stabs someone (perhaps I'm misremembering that last one). Anyway, as I was saying...reliving the quintessential years of SBTB is an important part of a healthy work-life balance. Of course, when Mr. James caught wind of the rumor that I was allegedly blowing off his suggestion to write a post about Mr. Robot in order to binge watch Saved by the Bell, he proposed that I write a post about Saved by the Bell instead since I'm watching it anyway. As he put it, "if you're hellbent on pissing away your last two Friendless weeks binging old Saved by the Bell episodes, the least you can do is let the site get some mileage out of your sloth." He's such a dick.
But enough about me. We've got a brand spanking new 20 year old episode of Friends to lightly touch upon (I mean, diligently dissect). When last we left our pals, Chandler had just gotten back together with Janice Litman [née Hosenstein] (his married ex-girlfriend) and Monica had just broken up with Magnum, P.I. (I mean Dr. Richard Burke). The story resumes seemingly just a few weeks later as we find that Chandler and Janice are still happily together and we also find that Monica is still in mourning over her and Richard's break up. These story lines continue playing out for the duration of the Season Three premiere but the most noteworthy anecdote from this week's episode comes when Ross has quite a revelation (when Rachel informs him of that women share with each other very intimate details about their romantic relationships) and decides to try sharing with Chandler. At first, it seems to be a good idea as Chandler quickly relates when Ross shares with him his Princess Leia fantasy. Things go south rather quickly, however, when Chandler subsequently shares that he pictures his own mother in his head sometimes while having sex (my man's got issues, yo). Hilarity ensues when the uncovering of this disturbing information later causes Ross to accidentally picture his own mom while trying to play out his Princess Leia fantasy with Rachel. Joey steals the show, however, after returning home from Joey and Janices Day of Fun when he tells Chandler that he and Janice had run into Ross at Central Perk and Ross had subsequently relayed what Chandler had shared with him. Joey consoles Chandler by telling him it happens to him too. When Chandler, feeling reassured, seeks confirmation by asking, "Really?" Joey responds, "Oh yeah. I always picture your mom while I'm having sex." Burn. 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Speaking of burn, I've got burnt orange on my mind. No, not burnt orange like the Texas Longhorns (who blew a game to Cal that they should have won on Saturday). Yes, burnt orange like Donald Trump's hair and skin. You see where I'm going with this, right? I'd be remiss if I didn't follow up on commentary from our Season Two finale by giving my two cents regarding the current state of Election 2016 during our Season Three premiere. If you are a loyal reader of the blog series, you already to know that I was all in on feeling the bern last spring. Therefore, as you can probably guess, I'm sad to report that there are not chicks and ducks in the world again because Bernie Sanders is unfortunately not well on his way to the White House. Instead we have a General Election match up of Secretary Hillary Clinton vs. Megalomaniac Donald Trump. Damn, this sucks. Considering that this not only sucks but really, really sucks...I don't have a great deal to say at this point. (I'll save my next extended political rant for closer to the election.) Having said that I don't have a great deal to say, I will say this visa vie the following...as the race stands today, I'm planning to vote for Hillary Clinton (I am not, however, planning to endorse her candidacy). I will not attempt to persuade you to vote for or against Mrs. Clinton during our time together over the coming weeks. You won't get the, you must vote for Secretary Clinton because she is the lesser of two evils argument here. I personally have mixed feelings about whether a vote for Jill Stein is productive or counter-productive (we can explore this more in the forthcoming rant that I teased earlier). So no, I do not know if the you must vote for Secretary Clinton because she is the lesser of two evils argument boasts a sound moral foundation, but I do know one thing. No matter what you choose to do in this Saved by the Bell: The College Years crap-fest dumpster fire that is the 2016 General Election, please think very carefully about making sure that whatever you choose to do does not contribute to the election of Donald John Trump. If you need a reminder of why that would be such a future-jeopardizing disaster, just watch this. Finally (if you will indulge me), hey Ted James. Do you like apples? I just gave you exactly what you've been bugging me for these past two weeks (some Saved by the Bell pop culture content as well as some Election 2016 content) and I did it all without having to lift one extra finger or write one extra word outside of my contractual obligation. How you like dem apples? (Mic drop.) Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica is still mourning her and Richard's break up, Ross shares his Star Wars fantasy with Rachel, Joey tries to get over his dislike of Janice so he can spend more time with Chandler, Phoebe attempts to guide Monica in medication to help her get over Richard, Chandler shares with Ross a disturbing glimpse into his sex life, and Ross may as well have been singing "Hold Me Close Young Tony Danza" in bed with Rachel because he can't stop picturing Rachel as his mother when she dresses up as Princess Leia to fulfill his fantasy.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are hanging out at Central Perk talking about how Joey hates Janice when Rachel notices that Monica is outside visibly distraught and holding a package from the Post Office. Monica seems to be simultaneously crying and speaking rapidly at her friends through the coffee shop's window. Indicating to everyone else to look outside, Rachel exclaims, "Oh my god." [The Knockout] Relishing the opportunity to crush a pitch that's hanging over the plate out of the park, Chandler observes, "Well look everybody, it's Weepy. The mime who cares too much."
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Oh My God
Season 2, Episode 24
Friends S2:E24 - Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there. She would merengue and do the cha-cha and while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar. Yo! What is the damn dee-lee-o, Friends Crafters? OH. MY. GOD. It's hard to believe but the end is nigh for the second installment of Friends 20/20. After you finish reading today's Chan Man Quip of the Week, we will have completed exactly 20 percent of this seemingly endless project. Take that doubters and haters. Many of them believed we wouldn't survive Fall 2014. Yet, here we are still standing one fifth of the way through the impossible journey. It's been one hell of a ride so far. While I'm excited about getting a much needed break from my strenuous schedule of working one day a week, 24 weeks a year, I've also never been more determined to not only continue writing this improbable blog series, but also...I've never been more determined to continue improving the quality of the content to make it worthy of the time that you (the devoted readers) so generously give to me week after week. I'm humbled every Tuesday morning when I check the blog traffic and see that you guys are continuing to show up and allow me to do what I do best. Therefore, I solemnly pledge to you that after I get my hard earned four month summer vacation, I will come back in September ready to take this blog series to yet another level for Season 3. The doubters and the haters can suck it. They thought that our FRIENDship would never last. But you know and I know better. We know that every time the rain starts to pour...I'll be there for you. And you'll be there for me too. Until the end of time. Or at least until May 6. 2024.
I thought that today, if you'll kindly indulge me, since we began this season talking politics (more specifically talking Donald Trump) in This Is Huge (our opening post for Season 2), it might be appropriate to bring this thing full circle and make a few comments on this year's primaries (rather than doing a play by play break down of Monica and Richard's season finale break up). After all, we will be in full-blown general election mode when we reconvene on September 19, 2016 for Season 3. Speaking of OH MY GOD...could the Republican party be any more bat shit crazy? When I wrote on September 21, 2015 (in the aforementioned This Is Huge), "We, as a country, should be collectively ashamed that Trump’s poisonous rhetoric and utter lack of substantive policy proposals has not only not been repudiated, but instead has rewarded him with a sizable lead for the nomination of one of our two major political parties a mere five months before the first primaries" never in my wildest imagination would I have contemplated that Donald Trump would actually win the freaking nomination. I thought for sure when Americans actually cast ballots that Donald Trump's mixture of dangerous rhetoric and complete lack of qualifications would be forcefully repudiated in the voting booths. I clearly thought wrong. And even though Donald Trump is the nominee of a party that I have never voted for in my life, it is indeed a failing of our entire country that this man is a general election candidate for the presidency of the United States of America. We all bare some responsibility. While the Republican party should be especially ashamed, all Americans should be ashamed of the predicament we've put ourselves in. Besides our part in allowing the Trump phenomenon to take root, my team (The Democrats) should also be ashamed by what has happened in our primary elections. We have the opportunity right now to nominate a modern-day Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) type figure named Bernie Sanders who is positioned to lead a political revolution to reclaim democracy and yet because of things like Super Delegates, closed primaries, and voter suppression...we are dangerously close to putting forward another moderate named Clinton instead. On top of being a corporatist and a foreign policy hawk, Hillary Clinton (fair or unfair) has multiple scandals plaguing her campaign and has such unfavorables within the American electorate that (despite what her surrogates within the Democratic establishment will tell you) she is extremely vulnerable to actually (as implausible as it might seem) losing the general election to Trump. Don't believe the propaganda of the political establishment and corporate media. There is still time for the Democratic electorate to come to our senses and nominate Bernie Sanders. The California primary on June 7th could be a game changer. And since I will be "feeling the bern" on a beach somewhere tropical by the time June rolls around, let me ask you now...if you care about things like a living wage, universal health care, affordable college, and leaving a habitable planet for our grandchildren as much as you care about Friends, consider donating some time or money to Bernie 2016. Okay, I've said my peace. Don't blame me if Trump is leading Clinton in general election polls when we reconvene on September 19th. Hopefully, on the contrary, come September there will be chickens and ducks in the world again and Bernie Sanders will be well on his way to the White House. Also, thanks for letting me go on an election rant. It feels good to get that off of my chest before we wrap for the season. Sorry if you happen to disagree with me on politics. Hey, at least we agree that Friends is the greatest sitcom of all time. Have an amazing summer. I'll see you in the fall.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler has a mysterious online girlfriend, Monica and Richard break up when Monica realizes that Richard doesn't want to have any more children, Rachel attends Mindy and Barry's wedding despite the embarrassment of facing all the same people from her wedding when she ran out on Barry, Ross accompanies Rachel to the wedding and gives an awkward speech on her behalf, Joey tries to practice kissing guys in order to get a role in a Warren Beatty movie, Phoebe hypothesizes that Chandler's mystery online girlfriend might be a big giant guy, and when Chandler meets his mystery online girlfriend at Central Perk and realizes it is Janice...Oh My God.
Gandalf Gaffes - Just when you were starting to believe that including the Gandalf Gaffes section of each blog post was an exercise in futility (after all, we've had a overwhelmingly gaffe-free Season 2), we will be ending the season with a score. If you remember from the Carol Willick incident in Season 1, the recasting of a character is a huge pet peeve of mine. We've already set a precedent that (no matter how legitimate the reason for the switch) we are holding the writer's room accountable for the sins of the casting department when it comes to identifying gaffes. Today, we find our second such incident with the recasting of Mindy Hunter (Rachel's former best friend). In Season 1, Episode 20, Mindy was originally played by Jennifer Grey. I'm assuming (since Jennifer Grey was a relatively big name actress at the time) that she was unavailable to reprise her role the next season for The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding. Jennifer is replaced by Jana Marie Hupp. A quick glance at Jana's IMDb indicates that she been a career working actor but has never broken through to leading roles. Her notable appearances include Ed, Independence Day, and Barton Fink. Keeping with precedent, I will adjudicate the recasting of Mindy Hunter as a level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #9: The actress portraying the character of Mindy Hunter (later Mindy Hunter-Farber) changes from Jennifer Grey to Jana Marie Hupp from S1:E20 to S2:E24.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk and Joey is trying to figure out why Warren Beatty said he is a bad kisser. Phoebe volunteers to kiss him in order to help him figure out if he's doing something wrong. She stands up and meets Joey in front of the couch. They kiss and Phoebe reacts by saying, "Good. Very good. Firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend." Joey celebrates momentarily and then, visibly frustrated, says, "Then I don't know what it is." He continues by asking, "What's the problem?" Monica interjects, "Joey, you know, maybe you're just not used to kissing men? You know, maybe you just tensed up a little bit? Maybe that's what you need to work on?" Joey responds, "Yeah, that makes sense." He then looks over whimsically to Ross giving a clear indication that he would like to kiss him. Ross reacts by informing Joey, "Over my dead body." Joey then looks down at Chandler and gestures to try and illicit his permission. [The Knockout] A wigged out Chandler looks up at Joey and reports, "And I'll be using his dead body as a shield."
Featured Image Source: Chuck Helstein.com
Headline Image Source: Bustle
Joseph the Processor Guy
Season 2, Episode 23
Friends S2:E23 - What it do, Friendsinistas? Hope you're doing well. We have been keeping mad busy here in the TLA bunker these past few weeks. As loyal readers, you've probably noticed that late Spring into early Fall is theLeftAhead's busy season, so to speak. The reason for that is two of our Feature blog series (Black & Silver and Friends 20/20) start to overlap in late April when the NBA playoffs get going. At least the hard work is paying off. In honor of Charlie Sheen making a cameo in today's episode of Friends, I'm happy to report that theLeftAhead is WINNING. We've been killing it lately with some of the best traffic our little ragtag website has ever seen. It feels good to know the hard work is paying off. Our increase in traffic is thanks in large part to all of you the loyal Friends readers. Also having a bunch of diehard Spurs fans frequenting the site this time of year never hurts. Anyway, just wanted to share the good news. I thought you guys could use a Monday afternoon pick me up (especially if you did your homework in preparation for today's class). If you watched today's episode, you might be feeling a little bummed that Phoebe didn't get to do all the fun stuff she had planned for her and Ryan (the Navy guy played by Charlie Sheen who she apparently hooks up with whenever he's on leave but who we never ever see again after this episode). When Ross informs everyone (in the Eeyorish way that only Ross can) that Ben has the Chickenpox, Phoebe realizes that she's also been infected (having never had it) and proceeds to infect Ryan (having also never had it). This ruins all of the plans that Phoebe had for the two weeks Ryan is in town on leave and the two end up spending the whole time hilariously trying to figure out ways to scratch each other's itches. Even though they are coconspirators in relieving the torture, the discomfort also makes Phoebe and Ryan get on each other's last nerves. The disastrous rendezvous hits its boiling point when a frustrated Phoebe informs Ryan, "I hope you get a weenie pox."Even though we're all bummed for Phoebe and her predicament in this episode, who doesn't love the way that Joey turns Chandler's office into his personal fantasy land? Watching Joseph the Processor Guy brown nose and kiss up to Chandler's bosses while also unapologetically causing unnecessary problems for Chandler is very pleasing to watch. Better still is when Chandler uses the fictional family that Joey created for Joseph the Processor Guy against him by creating his own fictional character named Chandy. Oh, how the tables have turned? Joey appears completely devastated when Chandler informs him that Chandy is having an affair with Joeseph's wife Karen. And why wouldn't he be? It's pretty easy to predict where Joseph the Processor Guy's life is headed once he uncovers Karen's affair with Chandy. Divorce followed by alcoholism followed by getting canned at work followed by homelessness. Meanwhile, Chandy is going to be sitting pretty hanging out with Jeannie (the head of East Coast operations) on his new boat with his new wife Karen. Yep, lucky Chandy will spend his weekends on the ocean watching his adorable step daughters (and getting a kick out of how Brittany copies everything that Ashley does). Then, one day, Chandy, Karen, and the kids will be pulled up to a stop light in Chandy's BMW when they notice that Joseph the Processor Guy is on the corner pedaling for spare change to buy booze. He appears to be wearing some sort of robe or coat made out of multicolored fabrics that he probably picked up at Good Will. Chandy winks as he holds a $5 bill out the window for Joseph and Joseph swallows his pride and accepts the money (after all, you can buy two forties with a five). Then his biological kids point and laugh at him as they drive off. And, as you have probably guessed, the moral of this story is don't be the office brown-nosing suck up. Nobody likes that guy. Also, never wear a technicolor dream coat. Unless you're a hipster in Portland. Then it's okay.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler offers to hook Joey up with a job at his company as an entry-level processor, Phoebe's plans to spend a magical two weeks with Ryan (her Navy guy) while he is on leave from his assignment on a submarine are ruined when she and Ryan contract the Chickenpox, Monica is worried that Richard will get freaked out when he discovers how neurotic she is, Rachel tells Ross that men in uniform turn her on so Ross borrows a sailor outfit, and Chandler attempts to fire Joey after discovering he can't stand that brown-nosing suck up, Joseph the Processor Guy.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey pops into Chandler's office on his first day of work at Chandler's company as an entry-level processor. Chandler asks, "Hey, how's the first day going?" Joey responds, "Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column." Satisfied with Joey's report, Chandler says, "Well there you go." Feeling the need to continue, Joey explains, "Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie." Caught off guard by this new information, Chandler asks, "Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?" Joey answers, "Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?" A perplexed Chandler responds, "Weird world. Your kids?" Joey continues, "I figure my character has kids." An even more perplexed Chandler informs Joey, "You know there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained." Joey elaborates, "Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the Processor Guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does." Chandler interjects, "Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes." Undeterred by Chandler's sarcasm, Joey continues the fantasy with, "Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did." [The Knockout] Accepting Joey's premise for his own sarcastic purposes, Chandler hits back with, "Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there."
Featured Image Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Headline Image Source: Recap Guide
The Staging Area
Season 2, Episode 22
Friends S2:E22 - Hola, damas y caballeros. ¿Qué hay de nuevo? Well, I'm back in beautiful Colorado. Strike that. I'm back in Colorado. When it's May and we're still getting winter storms that include snow flurries, there's a few other adjectives I would use to describe my state of residence other than beautiful. But that's neither here nor there. I'm glad to be back and rested as you and I head into the last leg of our Season Two journey together. It's hard to believe, but we are now seven eights of the way through our second installment of Friends 20/20. Including today, we have three more posts and two more weeks before we part ways for the summer. If you all know me (and I think you do), you've probably guessed that I'm counting the days, hours, minutes until the moment on May 16th when I will press publish on the final post of the season and then vanish from theLeftAhead offices for eighteen weeks. Will I resurface somewhere tropical? Perhaps in Europe? Who knows? That's to be determined. The important detail for now is that it's only two weeks away. Hurray! But enough about my aversion to the American work ethic and the 40 hours a week, 48 weeks a year required to demonstrate one's commitment to it. Despite the tremendous strides I've made over these past eighteen months to try to be more professional and take the 236 post assignment that I volunteered for more seriously, you know that at heart, I'm a slacker. In fact, not only do you know I'm a slacker but I have no shame in admitting to being a slacker and reminding my editor on a regular basis that I'm a slacker as well. There's no secrets among Friends here.Did someone say, "there's no secrets among Friends? In today's episode the gang throws Rachel a surprise party for her birthday and despite their best efforts to keep it a secret, she admits after the fact to having prior knowledge of the festivities. What Rachel didn't know however, was that both of her parents were going to show up despite the fact that they had not been able to be in the same room as each other without arguing since filing for divorce. This creates a hilarious scene where, in order to keep Rachel's parents separated, the gang tells Rachel's father that Monica and Rachel's apartment is the staging area for the party and that Joey and Chandler's apartment is the real location of the party. They then proceed to throw two parties simultaneously in each apartment and do everything in their power to keep Rachel's mom in the girl's apartment and Rachel's dad in the guy's apartment. Taking the brunt of the embarrassment that was sure to result, Ross (aka Mr. Rachel) accidentally convinces Rachel's mom that he is just like Rachel's dad as he periodically jumps from apartment to apartment to fetch things for Rachel's dad. In one hilarious moment, Ross is actually confronted by Dr. Green in the hall as he walks out of the girl's apartment wearing Dr. Green's glasses and holding one of Dr. Green's cigarettes in his lips. This is one brick in the wall, so to speak, in building the series long unbearable awkwardness between Rachel's father and her on again, off again Paleontologist. Ah man, you've got to love the palpable tension between those two. Speaking of palpable tension, it's nearing 5:00 pm and my editor wanted this post by 4:00 pm. You may or may not know that there's a San Antonio Spurs playoff game later tonight. You may or may not further know that it is a bad idea to keep Ted James waiting on an afternoon preceding a Spurs playoff game. I can feel his glare burring into the back of my head from across the room as we speak. For my own safety, I better wrap this up. So if you remember anything from this post mis amigos, remember this. When spending time with the parents of your significant other, always bring your own reading spectacles and cigarettes. Also never submit a piece late to your editor on game day unless that piece ends in the immortal words, "Go Spurs Go!"
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel finds out her parents are getting divorced, Monica hosts a surprise party for Rachel's birthday, Joey and Chandler host a second surprise party for Rachel's birthday next door in order to keep Rachel's mom and dad in separate places, Phoebe sneaks guests out of Monica's traditional and stuffy party and over to Joey and Chandler's wild and crazy party, Ross accidentally makes Rachel's mom believe he is exactly like Rachel's dad while bouncing back and forth between parties, and the gang is able to keep Rachel's birthday from being ruined by her parent's fighting through the brilliant creation of the staging area.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang sans Rachel is hanging out having lunch at the diner that Monica works at. Monica is on the clock and wearing her 1950's themed blonde wig and huge fake boobs while she is standing behind the counter chatting with her friends about Rachel's birthday. She notices that Joey is leering at her fake boobs. She stares him down and insists, "Joey they're not real." Startled (as if from a trance) Joey mumbles, "Huh, what." Monica continues, "I start miles beneath the surface of these things, okay. They're fake." She grabs her own chest and starts squeezing the fake breasts, narrating, "See? Honk. Honk." [The Knockout] Interjecting himself into the conversation, Chandler observes, "Wow, it's like porno for clowns."
Featured Image Source: Project Photon
Headline Image Source: Etsy
Let's Take This Outside
Season 2, Episode 21
Friends S2:E21 - Howdy, cowgirls and cowboys! Since this column is my first chance to write on the matter, let me begin by saying, RIP sweet prince. Now that that's been said upfront (more on the subject later), greetings from Bluff City. That's right, I'm in Memphis, Tennessee killing time this lovely Monday afternoon before I have to catch my flight back to Denver, Colorado later this evening. I'm currently sitting in Central BBQ (a spectacular downtown barbecue joint) staring into my laptop, trying to write this blog post. It is proving to be extremely difficult considering the lively atmosphere and mouthwatering aroma in the air. I'm thinking that, instead of working on this blog post, I should grab a menu and let's go crazy! Why (you might ask) am I in Memphis in the first place? Great question. I'm actually out here on assignment covering the San Antonio vs. Memphis NBA Playoff series for Black & Silver (theLeftAhead's Spurs blog). Being that I am theLeftAhead's only full-time employee and since Ted James couldn't be here to cover it himself, he asked me to fill in for the weekend. I arrived Thursday to the shocking news of Prince's passing and, as a pop culture writer, I have been a bit preoccupied during my trip attempting to process the news and trying to make sense of it. Nevertheless, I've had a blast while I've been here seeing the sights as well as covering the two road victories in the Spurs sweep of the Grizzlies. I've even had the good fortune of getting to stay at the same hotel as the San Antonio Spurs and, as luck would have it, that fortuitous coincidence allowed me to land a major scoop for theLeftAhead. So, despite feeling blue during my trip trying to process the loss of one of the beautiful ones, I feel really good about what I've accomplished during my time in Memphis. Of course, even though I've provided a major assist to Ted James this weekend, he was sure to remind me that my regular duties didn't disappear. So here I am. Today is Monday, after all. That means that you and I have a little discussion amongst Friends to get to. So what do you say we order up some ribs and get down to business? Brisket and sausage too? You've got it.
In today's episode, Ross and Chandler find themselves in the predicament of having to deal with a couple of bullies at Central Perk. On a quick aside from the plot of the episode, if you remember earlier this season when Adam Goldberg made his first appearance on Friends as Chandler's psycho roommate Eddie, I noted that Adam was the first of a series of actors who had previously appeared in the movie Dazed and Confused to make a cameo on the show. Well, one of the bullies (Arthur, to be more specific) is played by the second actor to have previously appeared in Dazed, Nicky Katt. Nicky played Clint in the movie, a minor character who just so happened to utter one of the most famous lines in Dazed and Confused. "I only came here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're almost out of beer." Yeah, that guy. Once again, we will cover the phenomenon of Dazed and Confused actors making Friends cameos in greater detail later in the series, but I wanted to also get this one noted for the official record in real time (and when I say real time, I mean exactly 20 years after the fact). Okay, now back to the plot of today's episode. Not to say that there is any typecasting going on, but (on Friends) Nicky Katt's character, Arthur, is another tough guy bully just like Clint from Dazed and Confused. Arthur steals Chandler's hat and he and his buddy seem hell bent on tormenting Ross and Chandler for no particular reason other than for the fun of it. When Ross and Chandler finally get up the nerves to fight the bullies outside of Central Perk, it takes a couple of other guys stealing all of the watches and jewelry that the four of them had placed in Chandler's hat prior to their fight for the two bullies and Ross and Chandler to squash their beef and join forces to recover the stolen items. I've always really enjoyed this storyline because it is a hilarious examination of what happens when grown men have to deal with the problems of junior high school students. Oh man, I had more to say, but my piping hot plate of ribs, brisket, and sausage just arrived. I think Mr. James will forgive us if we wrap up a little early today considering all of the props he is receiving today based on that scoop I nabbed for him over the weekend. I wish I could share some food with you guys virtually through the internets. Maybe someday that will be possible. In the meantime, if you're ever in Memphis, be sure to stop in at Central BBQ. Alright, with that, DEARLY BELOVED, I'll leave you today with a reminder that I've drawn from reflecting on Prince's music for the past few days. The reminder is that life is a precious gift. Make the most of it. Prince was the best. May he rest in purple.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Chandler are harassed at Central Perk by two bullies, Monica begins playing the stock market with the final few dollars in her bank account in a last-ditch effort to try to avoid taking a humiliating job at a diner, Rachel and Joey provide moral support to Phoebe when she finally builds up the courage to drive back Upstate to her biological father's house and try to introduce herself, and Ross and Chandler befriend their bullies in the end after all four of them get robbed on the street in front of Central Perk after Ross and Chandler had finally agreed to the bullies' "let's take this outside" suggestion.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross and Chandler are drinking instant Kappucino (with a K) at Joey and Chandler's apartment because they are scared to risk being confronted at the coffee shop by their bullies. Joey walks in on the pathetic sight of the two of them stirring away at their instant drinks and says, "Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there." Chandler agrees, "Ok" but Ross protests, "No." Taken aback, Chandler asks Ross, "No?" Ross elaborates, "No. Man, I don't wanna have to have Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. You know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I go back down there and stand up to those guys." Pessimistic about the proposal, Chandler responds, "Alright, hang on a second there Custer." Agreeing with Chandler, Joey continues, "Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?" Ross answers, "Yeah, sure." Joey attempts to clarify, " By someone besides Monica?" Defiantly, Ross answers, "No. So what. So what if we get beaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in his life. You know, like a, like a right of passage or something. [The Knockout] Laying the self-deprecation on super thick, Chandler counters with, "Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? You know, because I think actually mine's growing back."
Featured Image Source: The Telegraph
Headline Image Source: Processed Media
It's the College Playoffs
Season 2, Episode 20
Friends S2:E20 - Hey there, Mercedes Friends. How's everyone doing this fine Monday afternoon? Let me say up front that I am having quite a hectic afternoon, myself, so today's post just might make it into the running for shortest Friends 20/20 blog posts to date. No, don't worry, everything is okay (you are so sweet for asking, though). I'm not in the middle of any kind of serious crisis. Rather, I'm just drowning under the weight of facing deadlines on several of the various projects that I'm juggling at the moment. You know, the usual stuff that makes for a hectic afternoon for a professional blogger. But enough about me. I know what you're really interested in today is the same thing that Chandler, Joey, and Richard were interested in during this week's episode. Duh, it's the college playoffs, right? More specifically, the NCAA Championship Game is being played tonight in Houston, Texas between the Villanova Wildcats and the North Carolina Tar Heels. How fired up are you for tonight's game? Exactly, me too. Besides the fact that I'm still in the running to win theLeftAhead's March Madness office pool, I'm hoping that the championship game offers much more excitement than the semi-finals because (let's be honest) the Final Four games this past Saturday night were not memorable (as North Carolina won easily over Syracuse and Villanova came out and put the biggest blowout in Final Four history on Oklahoma). Perhaps, because the Final Four games weren't memorable, the likelihood is increased that we will get an epic championship game tonight. Here's to hoping that we get the type of nail biting, drama-filled game that the NCAA tournament is famous for. After the way that they annihilated Oklahoma, my money is on Villanova being the team that hoists the trophy when everything is said and done tonight (in case anyone was wondering). On that note, I must bid you adieu early today so I can go back to attending to my various pressures and deadlines. I won't lie, part of the pressure is coming from making sure that I can get off work tonight in time to be home to watch the tip off for the big game. By the way, in case you were wondering, the midterm exam that we discussed last week was a joke. I really hope that everyone could sense the sarcasm in the previous post and didn't spend the last seven days studying. If you did, my bad, but hey...you're now better equipped to beat your friends at a Friends trivia game. Also, heads up because after this post we'll be on a mini-break for two weeks. After the mini-break, we'll return for the Final Four posts of Season Two. (Ha. See what I did there?) And if you feel that you got short changed a little this afternoon, I promise I will bring the fire when we reconvene to make sure that we finish this season strong. As always, I appreciate your A1 loyalty to the blog series. Have a great week and I'll catch you on the Hillary Clinton (in other words, all catch you on the flippity flop). Go Wildcats.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica becomes jealous of Chandler and Joey for hogging too much of Richard's time, Phoebe goes on a movie watching binge after discovering that her mother had shielded her from seeing the end of sad movies, Rachel and Ross say "I love you" to each other for the first time after fighting about Ross' plan for them to move to Scarsdale and complain about the taxes, and (even though Richard has a great time being one of the guys) he realizes that Chandler and Joey see him as a father figure which ruins his desire to be hanging out with them even when it's the college playoffs.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are at their apartment playing Richard in foosball. Chandler, as he tries to keep Richard from scoring, yells out, "Kick save and... denied." After reclaiming possession of the ball, Richard continues the commentary by announcing, "But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM!" Richard's shot goes in, so he continues, "Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?" After witnessing Richard's amazing skills, Joey interjects, "Man you are incredible." Richard responds, "Well, we had a table in college." [The Attempted Knockout] Chandler, visibly perturbed from the beating Richard just laid on him and Joey, fires back with, "Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's." [The Counter Punch] Not to be outdone, Richard absorbs the blow and retaliates with, "Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in." Ladies and Gentleman, let the record show that on this...the twentieth episode of Season Two, for the first time in the history of the Friends 20/20 blog series, the Chan Man Quip of the Week has officially been rebuked and successfully countered. Well done, Sir Richard of Burke.
Featured Image Source: Sporting News
Headline Image Source: cleveland.com
Oh Sweet Moses
Season 2, Episode 19
Friends S2:E19 - Howdy, ladies and gents. Greetings and salutations to all on this fine Monday morning. I hope everyone had a hopping Easter weekend. (You see what I did there? Hopping, as in Easter Bunny.) Isn't March Madness a great time of year? Besides college hoops, spring is in the air, flowers are blooming, and birds are chirping. On top of it all, amazingly enough, our time together is once again drawing to a close. It's hard to believe, but with this (our 19th post of Season Two) we're rounding third and heading for home on our second seasonal installment of Friends 20/20. I can't lie, I won't be mad when it's time for the season-ending walk off. But for now, we've still got plenty of unresolved drama to attend to. First, it appears that Chandler's relationship with Eddie (his new roommate) has gone from bad to worse this week considering that our episode begins with Chandler discovering that the freak show has been watching him every night while he's sleeping. This discovery is the final straw for Chandler who promptly asks Eddie to move out. Yet, despite Chandler's best effort to get rid of Eddie, he keeps showing up back at the apartment each day doing weirder and weirder stuff while pretending like Chandler's requests for him to move out never happened. Not only does Chandler get increasingly frustrated with Eddie's complete detachment from reality, but he also becomes increasingly worried for his own safety. Crazy is one thing, but you don't want to mess around with people who are certifiably bat shit like Eddie. Luckily for Chandler, financial problems that have arisen for Joey since losing his job on Day of Our Lives have made it difficult for him to continue to be able to afford his swanky apartment uptown. The timing couldn't be better for a reunion of the BFROOMMATES ™ (or Best Friend Roommates, if you will) [you best believe I'm trademarking this] so Chandler and Joey concoct a plan to trick Eddie into thinking that Joey never moved out. The plan works magnificently (since Eddie really is crazy enough to believe that he might have imagined his whole time living with Chandler) and the psycho roommate is finally gone for good.
Also, this week, the ladies get really into a women's empowerment book called Be Your Own Windkeeper. The book teaches them to read the signs when particularly men (but even other "goddesses") are "stealing their wind" or, in other words, infringing on their unique individual expression. This is a hilarious mini-story line that brings about more than one laugh-out-loud moment including Rachel asking Ross, "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?" and Ross predictably responding, "You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem with that." Eventually, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe end up fighting with each other after taking a "goddess" quiz and realizing that they've all stolen each other's wind at some point during the course of their friendships. In the end, however, they all make up because how could you stay mad at your BFROOMMATE ™ (or Phoebe, for that matter)? In the grand scheme of things, is being a leaf blower really that big of a deal? Be prepared to answer that and many other difficult questions when we return next week to take our midterm exam. Study hard, kiddos. This test will have essay questions and it will not be open book. Also, be sure to remember that the Netflix version of the series is the abridged version. Our test will cover all of the material from the DVD box set collection. Now that you've been given your instructions, farewell until next Monday. If you need me before then, my office hours are Tuesdays and Thursday from Never AM to When Hell Freezes Over PM. Just kidding. I'm always available for my students. But seriously, go already. You hear that? The bell is ringing.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler asks his psycho roommate to move out after he discovers that Eddie has been watching him while he sleeps every night, Joey gets mad at Ross after Ross suggests that he take a small part as a cab driver on Another World in order to pay his credit card debt, Monica, Pheobe, and Rachel bond and then fight over a women's empowerment book called Be Your Own Windkeeper, and oh sweet Moses is Chandler relieved to finally be able to get rid of Eddie when he and Joey trick him into believing that Joey never moved out.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are carrying the fake ceramic dog into the living room that Ross had paid to save from the repo man as a gift to Joey during his moment of need. Chandler happens to be carrying the rear of the dog in a somewhat awkward way. Chandler asks, "Hey look, are we gonna have to bring this out every time Ross comes over?" Joey responds, "He paid a lot of money for it." Noticing the embarrassing way he is carrying the dog from the rear, Chandler reports, "I'm gonna hold him a different way." He continues, "Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?" Joey reasons, "Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing going over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky." [The Knockout] Chandler, addressing Joey as if they were discussing a real dog, looks at it (after setting it down) and asks, "So is he house-trained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place?" Then addressing the dog directly, he commands, "Stay. Good, stay! Good fake dog."
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