Best Friends Forever
Season 3, Episode 25
Friends S3:E25 - I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. Yo... what is good, Mercedes-Friends. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Season 3 Finale of Friends 20/20. Considering that these posts are generally three to seven minute reads, you are mere minutes away from our summer vacation. As I mentioned last week, I'm going off the grid somewhere tropical as soon as I hand this column off to my editor. It feels amazing to know that I'm only a few short hours away from being on a beach with an umbrella in my drink. That being the case, I'm ready to get right to it. I thought we'd start today's festivities by doing something fun. Since I'm writing a season finale titled Best Friends Forever, it got me to thinking about the individual relationships among the main characters on Friends. We know they are a close-knit group but thinking about BFFs begs the question: who is the BFF for each of the six main characters on the show? Let's break it down, shall we? Ladies first. Phoebe's BFF has got to be Monica. Prior to Rachel entering the group in the pilot, Phoebe and Monica were roommates. Therefore, the fact that Phoebe has known Monica longer gives Monica the edge over Rachel in earning the title Phoebe's BFF. Of course, once we use that logic to anoint Monica as Phoebe's BFF, we have to use it to anoint her as Rachel's as well. Rachel and Monica have been friends since childhood and we just established that Phoebe and Rachel only met for the first time during the Friends pilot. The fact that Rachel has known Monica significantly longer than she's known Phoebe makes it a safe assumption that Monica is also Rachel's BFF. Having already earned the title of being both of her best friends' best friend, the real question here is, Who is Monica's BFF? Now that's a real humdinger. While Phoebe and Monica were roommates for a couple of years before the pilot, the fact that Monica has such a history with Rachel dating back to childhood gives Rachel the slight edge. Now for the guys. Joey is pretty easy...Chandler wins this in a landslide over Ross. Don't get me wrong, Joey and Ross are really good friends but how can that compete with Joey and Chandler being roommates? These two have been close to inseparable during these first few seasons of the show. I mean, come on...they are even raising chicks and ducks together. Moving on to Ross' BFF, this one is also relatively easy to score based on the logic used to determine the girls' BFFs. Ross and Chandler were college roommates and have known each other much longer than Ross has known Joey. Based on that, it's safe to assume that Chandler is Ross' BFF as well. The fact that Chandler has now joined Monica with having secured the BFF title from both his two best friends means that either Ross or Joey is going to have the dubious distinction of joining Phoebe as the only Friends who are no one's BFF. While the longevity logic has guided us most of the way through this process, here is where is gets usurped. The roommate bond that Chandler shares with Joey is just too powerful for Ross to overcome with the ammunition that he's known Chandler longer and was his college roommate. Joey and Chandler are each other's BFF. It's not really debatable. You just have to use the eye test to know that, as much as they love their buddy Ross, Chandler and Joey share a next level type of best friendship. For real, this is about more than just jewelry. It's about the fact that they are best buds. Sorry Ross, maybe you and Phoebe should consider scrapping your previous BFF and becoming each other's? So to recap...
Friends BFF List
Phoebe's BFF - Monica
Rachel's BFF - Monica
Monica's BFF - Rachel
Joey's BFF - Chandler
Ross' BFF - Chandler
Chandler's BFF - Joey
Wasn't that a fun game? I knew you'd enjoy it. Much like how you'll have no idea what tropical island I'm flying off to this afternoon until I reveal it to you when we reconvene in September, Friends: Season 3 ends in a cliff hanger. At the end of our beach episode, Ross needs to choose between staying with Bonnie or pursuing the spark he has going to rekindle his relationship with Rachel. After consulting with Joey and Chandler and making his decision, Ross walks into one of the bedrooms in the beach house to inform the recipient of his heart's desire that he wants to spend the remainder of the beach trip with her. The only problem is that we, the audience, are not shown who he walks in to be with. We are cruelly left for the summer to wonder if Ross and Rachel are getting back together or not. And this, ladies and gentleman, is how the Friends writers choose to end the most tumultuous season arc of one of the most famous couples in television history. While, obviously frustrating to have to wait, I must admit that these season-ending cliff hangers (that the Friends writers start deploying regularly after successfully pulling off this one) are one of the characteristics of the show that helps set it apart. Having to wait all summer to find out what happens next does wonders for increasing the audiences' attachment to the characters. There's a lot for us to learn from Friends' brilliant cliff-hanger writing and being that I'm a firm believer in putting knowledge to practice as quickly as possible, it's time to bid you a fond farewell. I'm on the first thing smoking out to an island that (peering into my crystal ball) may involve a keynote speech delivered by Ross down the road. The name of the island I'm heading to is...[CUT TO CLOSING CREDITS]
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe invites the gang to go to the beach in Montauk because she is trying to track down a high school friend of her parent's also named Phoebe, Chandler gets obsessed with convincing Monica that he's datable, Rachel and Ross start flirting at the beach even though Ross is currently involved with Bonnie, Joey wants everyone to play strip poker and (when Chandler finally gets everyone to play) they all gang up against Joey until he's stripped of all his clothes, Monica tries to advise Rachel to be careful with Ross, Ross realizes he needs to choose between Bonnie and Rachel after Bonnie shows up at the beach, and Phoebe discovers that her parent's friend Phoebe is actually her birth mom making them her more than her parent's BFF.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is gathering outside of Central Perk when Phoebe arrives in her grandmother's cab to drive everyone to the beach. After exchanging pleasantries, Phoebe informs Monica, Ross, Joey, and Chandler, "Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house." Suspecting that Phoebe is omitting information, Ross asks, "Yeah? What about uh...that bike messenger you hit?" Phoebe responds matter-of-factly, "Oh, I wasn’t talking about his karma." Immediately after this, Rachel walks up wearing a ridiculously oversized hat. As she is saying hello to everyone, Joey notices the spectacle and says, "Hey-hey, check out the hat!" [The Knockout] Getting in on the fun, Chandler lampoons Rachel by saying, "What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can’t have children!!"
Featured Image Source: Buvau Kine
Headline Image Source: Spreadshirt
You're In Sample
Season 3, Episode 24
Friends S3:E24 - What's good, Friendlies? Happy Monday to you. Welcome to the penultimate post of Friends 20/20, Season 3. Typing those words is music to my fingers. I won't lie, I am readier than ready for summer vacation. In about one week and four hours from now I will be touching down somewhere tropical and dropping off of the grid faster than AT&T cellular service in a building with a steel roof. In other words, I will be unreachable. While I'm very much looking forward to the extended break, I'm still tripping on the fact that (after next week) we'll still only be 30 percent of the way through this Frankenstein monstrosity of a project that I somehow concocted on a whim during a long drive between Denver and Albuquerque way back in September 2014. Prior to that, while in preliminary discussions with Ted James about coming on board at theLeftAhead as a pop culture writer, I knew I wanted to do something with Friends and it's congruency issues because I had already been living in the Friends vortex for many years and my wife and I already enjoyed identifying inconsistencies while we were binge watching reruns. Mr. James and I agreed that I should do something for the 20th anniversary of the series premiere (September 22, 2014) as my debut submission to the blog and he liked the idea around congruency issues (what ultimately became the Gandalf Gaffe section of Friends 20/20). However, the marathon idea I came up with on that drive from Denver to Albuquerque has proven to be both a gift and a curse. The idea to do a blog post on the 20th anniversary of every episode of the series has been a gift because Mr. James loved it and, as a result of Friends having a ten-year run, it has secured me ten years of job security at theLeftAhead. On the other hand, it has been a curse because (I won't lie) it sometimes can be excruciatingly monotonous to blog about the same show week after week after week. Don't get me wrong, it's been much more of a gift than a curse and I feel that we've deployed creativity in some really exciting ways to interrupt the monotony. I'm far from bitter, I was just wigging out thinking about the fact that we're still less than a third of the way down this Mad Hatter rabbit hole. So thanks for allowing me to vent but let's keep it moving...shall we?
This episodes offers a very special (and vary random) cameo by two comedy legends. Robin Williams and Billy Crystal appear in the cold open playing two neurotic friends who impose themselves on the gang while having a conversation at Central Perk. Williams, of course, is using one of his famous accents to play his character. Crytal's character informs Williams' character that he's having an affair with his wife and then, as expected, hilarity ensues with the way Williams responds. This randomly placed cameo, while hysterical, has no bearing on the larger plot of the episode and seems to be some sort of "right place at the right time" moment to seize on an opportunity to have these two comedic geniuses add some valuable street cred to Friends as it was still building it's following. I'm not mad at it. More importantly...RIP, Robin Williams. There is a noticeable void in the world since we lost the joy that emanated from your singular talent. In other cameo news, a few weeks ago I teased another cameo later this season related to Ben Stiller's cameo in Idiot! Low and behold, loyal readers, that moment has arrived as none other than Christine Taylor (Ben Stiller's wife of 17 years) makes a cameo in this episode, playing Phoebe's "bald" friend Bonnie. Granted, Stiller and Taylor were not married in 1997 when they both appeared on Friends but my sources tell me they were already friends (see what I did there). Back to Bonnie, Phoebe asks Rachel permission to set her up with Ross...which Rachel agrees to under the assumption that Bonnie is a weird, bald chick. When Rachel discovers that Bonnie has grown her hair back out and is no longer weird or bald, it's fair to say she's more than a little perturbed with Phoebe. While Bonnie appears briefly in this episode, she will reappear in next week's season finale to play an important part in advancing our season-long Ross & Rachel story arc. How's that for good blogging? I just completed the explanation for one teaser while simultaneously offering up another one. Click back next week to participate in our discussion of Christine Taylor's ongoing cameo and the role it plays in moving along the Ross & Rachel saga. To borrow from Black & Silver (theLeftAhead's other currently active blog series)...one left.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler's boss won't stop slapping him on the butt to communicate praise, Monica supports Pete as he trains to become the Ultimate Fighting Champion, Joey demonstrates fish hooking to show how violent Ultimate Fighting is, Phoebe asks Rachel's permission to introduce Ross to her friend Bonnie, Rachel grants said permission because she's under the impression that Bonnie is bald, Ross hits it off with Bonnie, and Chandler finally gets up the guts to ask his boss to stop slapping his butt without having to tell him his idea for a sign that reads, "you're in sample."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Monica and Rachel's apartment discussing Chandler's predicament of trying to figure out how to get his boss to stop slapping him on the butt. Ross advises, "All right so, Chandler, from now on, don’t give your boss a chance to get you. Ya know just, uh, don’t turn your back to him." Joey counters, "Yeah, or you can teach him a lesson.Ya know? What you could do is you could rub something that really smells on your butt, all right? Then, when he goes to smack ya, his hand will smell. Now what could you rub on your butt that would smell bad?" [The Knockout] Bewildered by Joey's logic coupled with his inability to come up with the obvious answer to his own question, Chandler wonders, "What if Joey were president?"
What's a Koondis With You?
Season 3, Episode 23
Friends S3:E23 - Hey there, Friendinistas. What's a koondis with you? Welcome to Week 15 of the resistance. I hope this message finds you well. Our feckless would-be Supreme Leader just celebrated the completion of his first 100 days in office by holding a 2016 campaign rally in Harrisburg, VA at the exact same time he should have been in the audience at the White House Correspondents' Dinner listening to Hasan Minhaj channel a Michelin Star chef by expertly roasting him like the chicken Ala orange he is, was, and always will be. But enough about our Complainer-In-Chief. We'll have plenty of time (here at theLeftAhead) to devote to him over the summer after we wrap up the third installment of Friends 20/20 and the fifth installment of Black & Silver. Speaking of Black & Silver and the San Antonio Spurs, our offices have been awfully quiet around here these last couple of weeks as Ted James (your Editor-In-Chief and my boss) has been dutifully blogging away about the 2017 NBA Playoffs from the recesses of his underground bunker rather than writing his Spurs column from here. More power to him but, unfortunately for you, this provides me with a rare opportunity to mail in my assignment this morning, hightail it out of here by noon, and be on a hiking trail somewhere in the foothills of the Rockies by 2:00 pm. Considering that I put a lot of time and effort into the last three posts in the series (or what I'm now dubbing The Chick and The Duck Trilogy), I think I've earned the right to half-ass this one. I mean, they can't all be masterpieces, people. Plus, if you know me (and I think you do) you know that at this time of year I start jonesing hard for my summer vacation. Since this is the third to last post of the third seasons of Friends, I promise I will bring my A game again for the last two and finish up strong. For now, though, I'm off to get in touch with my inner-Guru Saj. In other words, I'm going to go find some weird plants in the mountains, rub them on myself, and see if they give me a rash. And that's what's a koondis with me. Also, Go Spurs Go! Catch you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross has a run-of-the mill "third nipple," Phoebe plays the field dating two guys at once, Joey discovers Pete's checkbook and tells Monica he wrote a huge check to a ring designer, Monica also finds out Pete has big news to tell her which (coupled with the ring designer discovery) makes her suspect he's going to ask her to marry him, Rachel thinks Monica should have a money-themed wedding, Chandler gets scolded by Phoebe's firefighting boyfriend about fire safety, and Guru Saj accidentally slices off Ross' "third nipple" with his watch and thereby answers the question, "What's a koondis with you?"
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are at home playing with the Chick and the Duck. Ross walks in and asked them to do him a favor by checking out something weird on his body. When Joey and Chandler express hesitation, Ross pleads, "Come on you guys, it's no big deal!" He starts pulling down his pants and shows something to Joey and Chandler that's near his derrière. After glancing at it, Chandler makes a "whoa-eeeeeyyy" noise before confusingly muttering, "huh." Concerned, Ross asks, "Well what is it? Is it a mole?" Joey answers, "No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole." Even more freaked out, Ross asks again, "Well, eww. What? Is it a pimple?" This time, Chandler answers, informing him, " No, it's... fancier than a pimple. Look Ross, why don't you just go see a..." At this point Rachel walks in the apartment which startles Chandler and makes him stop mid-sentence. Rachel starts to ask a question but then stops after looking in on the peculiar scene of Ross standing with his pants pulled down while Joey and Chandler are peering over him. She looks perplexed which causes an awkward silence. [The Knockout] Finally, to break the palpable tension in the air, Chandler jokes, "Okay, well, it's definite, two more weeks of winter."
Featured Image Source: @FriendsReruns on Twitter
Headline Image Source: Daily Echol
Idiot!
Season 3, Episode 22
Friends S3:E22 - Okay, okay, everyone settle down and take your seats. Look, I know you're all all very anxious to get your grades back on the homework assignment but we're going to do that at the end of class. Come on...I wasn't born yesterday. First, we'll do today's lesson. Then, you get your papers back. If we do it the other way around, many of you will be so preoccupied with your grades that you won't absorb any of the information that I'm going to be presenting. What's that, Susie? Where's little Johnny? Well, I regret to inform everyone but I just spoke to his parents this morning and they informed me that Johnny don't wanna go to school no mo' (no mo'). It's a shame too. Why? that now, you'll find out at the end of class. Okay, I know you're all ready for grades so just bear with me while we power through the lesson first. In today's episode, we're gifted a pretty significant celebrity cameo. That's right, boys and girls. When Rachel needs a date for Joey's play in order to save face with Ross, she invites out a seemingly casual acquaintance named Tommy. And who, you might ask, plays Rachel's new squeeze Tommy? Well, none other than Ben Stiller, of course. Stiller leaves quite a mark on the GOAT sitcom by playing a character whose bizarre behavior is more than memorable. We, the audience, quickly discover that Tommy has a huge anger management problem. He reveals himself in front of Ross by screaming at a couple who is sitting in their seats before Joey's play. Among other things, Tommy calls the gentleman an "Idiot!" (Shout out to another classic sitcom, The Office because it's hard to think about the word Idiot in pop culture terms without thinking about Dwight Schrute. God bless you, Dwight Schrute.) Unfortunately for Ross, he's the only person there to witness the tirade and when he tells the gang about it...no one believes him. Tommy later turns his venom on Ross and again no one believes Ross that Tommy is crazy. Finally, the gang discovers Tommy's crazy when they walk into Chandler and Joey's apartment and find him tearing into the Chick and the Duck. Everybody knows that messing with the Chick and the Duck is a no-no (I mean, they are practically modern day folk heroes, after all) so, unsurprisingly, that was the end of Tommy on Friends. Okay, once again I know you're all anxious to get your grades back, but a couple of housekeeping items to tie up regarding Ben Stiller's cameo before we move on from today's episode. First, there is another cameo coming up later this season that relates very intimately to Ben's appearance on the show. I wanted to mention it so that you can keep your eyes and ears open over the next few weeks while finishing up the semester. Secondly, I wanted to mention another interesting connection between Stiller and David Schwimmer since Tommy spent most of his time on Friends interacting with Ross. Funnily enough, on the fourth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David is cast to play Max Bialystock in The Producers on Broadway. During the season-long story arc, Ben Stiller is originally cast to play Leo Bloom alongside Larry David and is later replaced by David Schwimmer after Stiller quits to production because he can't work with the Seinfeld co-creator anymore. So there you go. It's funny how world's collide in the sitcom universe, sometimes. Okay, class. Now for the moment you've all been waiting for. The reason Johnny's parents said he doesn't want to go to school no mo' is because he's afraid he's going to get suspended for his drawing of me. It's too bad. I think he would have been pleasantly surprised if he had showed up today. Will somebody volunteer to take Johnny's paper and drawing home to him? Great, thanks Susie. I really hope seeing his results on this assignment might inspire him to get back in school. With that out of the way, are you ready, class? (Drum roll please.) Here are your grades...
Susie: You have a vivid imagination and an adventurous spirit. I really appreciated your stab at writing Friends fan fiction. The twist of bringing Mr. Heckles back from the dead was quite a pleasant surprise. Grade: A+
Timmy: When I suggested that you were free to write about the NCAA Championship game if you would like, you really took that to heart. Much like theLeftAhead Editor-In-Chief Ted James, you're clearly passionate about basketball. In pop culture writing, however, while it's perfectly reasonable to reference topical stories form the world of sports, we must be mindful that not everyone in our audience (readers who care about the classic sitcom Friends) also care about sports. That being the case, it was quite risky of you to devote the entirety of your piece to an analytic breakdown of the game. Nevertheless, I'm glad your favorite team, the North Carolina Tar Heels, took home the trophy. Grade: C
Sally: You did a solid job of giving a matter of fact report on the who, what, when, and where of Friends S3:E20. However, there were quite a few grammatical and spelling errors. You would be well served to go back and proof read your work next time. Grade: B-
Charlie: When, at first glance, I saw that you were writing a poem called The House of No Imagination, I was skeptical that such a deviation had much hope to pass muster. After reading your work, however, I'm quite impressed. Your meter is lovely and your metaphors have quite the Whitman-esque flare to them. Grade: A
Bonnie: I find it quite a stretch to believe that the 2017 version of Monica and Chandler would be supporters of Donald Trump and really believe that he's going to Make America Great Again. Maybe Joey. Grade: D
Johnny: Last week, when I first saw your drawing of me, I was heartbroken. I thought, for sure, this was an indication that your work would not be up to snuff and would put you at risk of failing for the third year in a row. However, I decided (despite the vulgar drawing) to grade your writing with an open mind. In so doing, I was pleasantly surprised. I was quite impressed that you studied ahead from Friends S3:E20 to S3:E21 to incorporate the Chick and the Duck into your piece. And, I must say, despite the fact that you used me as a character that is viciously murdered and eaten, your work was quite creative and well written. It just goes to show that you have a great deal of potential, Johhnny. If you stay in school and decide to start working hard, I see big things in your future. Also, please take your drawing home with you. I never want to see or think about it ever again. Grade: B+
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel asks a casual acquaintance named Tommy to be her date for Joey's play in order to save face with Ross, Ross witnesses Tommy losing his temper at the play but can't get any of his friends to believe him, Monica is over the moon that she has a boyfriend - not so much that it's Pete - but really over the moon about having a boyfriend, Chandler convinces the Chick and the Duck that they're not allowed to go to the theater, Phoebe misses Joey's play because she's on hold trying to use her warranty on a broken phone, Joey takes care of a drunken Kate after the play and finally has "the night" with her, and Ross is finally vindicated when the gang walks in on Tommy making a scene yelling at the Duck after the Chick pooped in his hand and he called Yasmine an Idiot!
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Ross are at Central Perk when Rachel informs everyone that Tommy is on the way to pick her up. This trigger Ross to get up the nerve to inform Rachel about Tommy's crazy. Ross tells her, "Look. Look, I wasn’t going to say anything to you, but..(he pauses to thing). All right, I don’t think you should be seeing Tommy anymore." Rachel sarcastically responds, "You don’t?" Ross continues, "No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him." Unconvinced, Rachel continues with the sarcasm, "Umm, or, maybe, I should stay away from all men." Undeterred, Ross keeps making his case, arguing, "No, it’s not just ‘cause I’m jealous. I mean I’m not, I’m not, I’m not jealous, okay? It’s… Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats." [The Knockout] Throwing Ross under the bus, Chandler interjects, "Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up ya know, and he just started like, (Chandler starts mimicking clapping) banging his hands together!"
Featured Image Source: Meh.
Headline Image Source: The Today Show
The Chick and The Duck
Season 3, Episode 21
Friends S3:E21 - Welcome back, girls and boys. I hope everyone enjoyed our week off and more importantly, I hope everyone took that extra time to really apply yourselves to putting forward your best effort on the homework assignment. Go ahead and pass your papers to the front, class. Let's see what we have here. That means you too, Johnny. No more monkey business. Just because you're sitting in the very back doesn't mean I can't see what you're up to. Keep passing those papers to the front, kiddos. Okay, great. Remember, these will count for 20 percent of your final grade. Damniit, Johnny...Susie's beret is not a toy, give it back to her. In fact, go to the principle's office. I've had enough of your shenanigans today. Attention, everyone. Now that Johnny is gone, I need everyone's eyes on me. I'll have these papers graded by next Monday and will return them to you then. I'm looking forward to seeing what everyone came up with. Let's open our books up to the third chapter, page 21. Moving right into our lesson, in today's episode we are finally introduced for the first time to the characters who have the honor of representing the official Friends 20/20 hashtag. They are our blog series' torch bearers, if you will. The first of these two iconic characters to make her debut into the Friends universe is the Chick. On an impulse Joey decides to go to the pet store and adopt her. Later in the episode, when Chandler tries to return her because the guys decide they're not up for the responsibilities of pet ownership, he finds out not only that she will likely be put to sleep if he returns her but also that other animals at the pet store face a similar fate when nobody chooses to adopt them. Cue the Duck. Chandler adopts him with the implication being that he was on death's doorstep facing the prospect of being put to sleep had Chandler not intervened. After returning from the pet store, Chandler is watching Baywatch when Joey returns home and discovers that Chandler not only failed to return the Chick but also adopted the Duck. In explaining to Joey what fate lay before the Chick had they followed through with returning her, Chandler also reveals that they've named her Yasmine after Yasmine Bleeth, who just so happens to be one of the stars of the aforementioned Baywatch (Joey and Chandler's favorite TV show). Funnily, the name of the Duck is not revealed in this episode but we do learn that he is a bad duck when Chandler puts him in timeout in the hallway later in the episode, telling him to think about what he did. Even though the Duck remains nameless, we do learn that he likes to take baths in the bathtub during the closing scene of the episode. We also learn during the closing scene that the Chick can't swim.And there you have it, class. You now know the inspiration for the hashtag #TheChickAndTheDuck. I'm guessing you've noticed that we've been using it to brand the blog series since it's inception. So in case you've been wondering about it, congratulations...the mystery is now solved. While somewhat minor characters in the series, they're unquestionably among the more memorable. More importantly, the fact that Joey and Chandler keep them as pets really gets at the heart of the show's comedic spirit. It really speaks to the goofiness of their friendship. TEASER ALERT: We will be discussing an encounter in a later episode between Joey and Mr. Treeger (the building superintendent) that will add another layer of comedy gold to the saying, "The Chick and the Duck." Having already delivered some enlightenment to one of the major themes of Friends 20/20, I feel very comfortable wrapping up a little bit early for the day. After all, I know many of you were up very late last night finishing your homework assignment because you procrastinated for almost two weeks. But hey, everyone turned in something so at least there won't be any automatic zeros. Even rotten little Johnny turned his in, although at first glance I don't think the vulgar drawing he did of me is likely to help his chances of finally advancing past this grade. They say third time's a charm. Maybe not in Johnny's case (heh heh). Anyway, good luck to everyone else. I know for many of you, this paper could make the difference between passing and failing (given that it's worth 20 percent of the final grade). May the odds be forever in your favor. See you next week to hand out the results.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica quits her job at the Moondance Diner to work as head chef in Pete's restaurant, Phoebe gets her idea accepted by the diner to have the employees wear roller skates, Rachel asks Ross to help her get ready for a work event after getting injured by Monica on said roller skates, Ross misses a chance to be on the Discovery channel by helping Rachel get ready, Joey buys a buys a pet chick after seeing a news story about them, Chandler buys a pet duck to keep the pet chick company, and Monica finally feels a romantic spark for Pete in the same week that we first meet the chick and the duck.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler and Phoebe are hanging out at Chandler and Joey's apartment when Joey walks in. After exchanging hellos, Joey says to Chandler, "I got you something! Open it! Open it!" He hands the box to Chandler and the latter responds, "okay" and opens the box. He continues, "It's a chicken." Gleaming, Joey confirms, "It's cute, huh?" Sensing the implication that Joey brought it home as a pet, Phoebe interjects, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks?" Chandler responds, "Fowl? No." [The Knockout] He continues, "Women? Nooo."
Featured Image Source: New Episodes
Headline Image Source: WHI
The House of No Imagination
Season 3, Episode 20
Friends S3:E20 - Good day, gals and guys. How's everyone living out there on this beautiful afternoon? Holy moly, I hope the weather is as nice where you are as it is here (in my undisclosed location). Don't you just love Spring? Where is my undisclosed location? Let's just say I'm on the road again and on assignment for a super secret surprise project. Therefore, (you know what's coming next) it is with my deepest regret I must inform you that I will be mailing in today's submission to Friends 20/20 aka The Greatest Blog Series About the Greatest Show on Earth (Not the Circus...RIP, the Circus). Sorry, I would love to spend the next several hours waxing poetic about Ross's naiveté when it comes to the domestic affairs of our federal government. (Yes. I'm still mad at you for cheating on Rachel, Ross.) Could he have been any more aloof when he proclaimed to Phoebe, "Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen." In response, Phoebe shrewdly pointed out to Ross, "Obviously you don’t know much about the U.S. government." (Or being faithful to your girlfriend, for that matter.) Man, I could write 500 words on this interaction alone...but, luckily for the Rossatron, I lack both the time and the extensibility to elaborate. So hey, that being the case, here's an idea. Not wanting to deny you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the thorough, in-depth Friends analyses you're accustomed to just because my day is too hectic to provide it, I've thought up a little experiment we should try. How about if you take the reins this week? That's right. Be the blogger you want to see in the world. Below, I'm providing you with a blank sheet of yellow loose leaf paper. I want you to grab a pen and start thinking about the most witty and incisive things that you can think of to say about today's episode and start jotting those thoughts down on the provided paper. When you're done, put your part of the blog entry together with my part of the blog entry, shake well, and voilà...we will have today's completed blog post! Oh man, this is going to be so much fun. It's like the blogging equivalent of Choose Your Own Adventure.
Hey, if you want to talk about tonight's NCAA National Championship Game between Gonzaga and North Carolina and which team you think is most deserving of the title...it's your call. If you want to talk about Joey's crush on Kate and how frustrating it is that she would rather be with that pretentious tool of a director, Marshall than with Joey...more power to you. Whatever you decide you want to talk about is completely up to you. Everything is fair game (just as long as you don't choose to spend your page writing a Letter to the Editor complaining about how Ken Adams isn't giving you your Friends 20/20 money's worth). So write to your heart's content. Write to make this the greatest post in the history of this historic blog series. I want you to channel your inner-Phoebe and find the creativity in you to write like the lives of a giant dog and a ghost depend on it. Use your imagination. In fact, write like you're using your words to build your very own personal response to the House of No Imagination. And for those of you who were wondering, yes. This will be graded and it will count for twenty percent of your final grade. Good luck and godspeed. Your time begins now...
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica finds out she's inherited a dollhouse when she learns about the death of Ross and her Aunt Silvia, Rachel convinces Chandler to date her boss after Joanna becomes smitten with Chandler during a chance encounter, Joey finally sleeps with his co-star Kate only to discover that the hook up meant more to him than it did to her, Phoebe designs and builds her own dollhouse because Monica didn't like or allow Phoebe's creative additions to Aunt Silvia's dollhouse, and Ross puts out a fire that destroys Phoebe's dollhouse after the Aroma Room proved to be a dangerous part of Phoebe's plan to upstage Monica and The House of No Imagination.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel and Chandler are at Rachel's office after having gone out to lunch together. Chandler is flipping through a lingerie catalog when Rachel's boss Joanna walks into the office. Joanna calls out, "Rachel, I need the Versachi invoice..." before realizing that Rachel has company. Directing her attention to Chandler, Joanna continues, "Hello. You don’t work for me." Rachel jumps in to provide a proper introduction by interjecting, "Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing." Then turning to Chandler, "Joanna." Instantly smitten, Joanna compliments Chandler, "Bing. That’s a great name." [The Knockout] Chandler accepts her praise by sarcastically replying, "Thanks, it’s ah, Gaelic, for ‘Thy turkey’s done.’"
Featured Image Source: Basic House on Bandcamp
Headline Image Source: English-substitles.club
Relax
Season 3, Episode 19
Friends S3:E19 - Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie! Nation of Friends: What. Is. Up? Happy Monday! And what a Monday it is. The Affordable Care Act aka Obamacare is still the law of the land, I finally got to watch Rogue One (excellent) over the weekend after having had the misfortune of squandering multiple chances to see it in theaters, and we have not one, not two...but pretty much three schools who've earned their first Final Four birth (Oregon, Gonzaga, and South Carolina) and will get a crack at immortality next weekend alongside perennial contender and last year's tortured runner up, North Carolina. I was ecstatic to see such a bracket-busting weekend (especially since my own bracket went bust in the Round of 32 when Villanova (my pick to repeat as champs) dropped a nail-biter to Wisconsin. Now that everybody's bracket is busted (kind of like the GOP's #Trumpcare bill), we're all free to sit back, RELAX (title plug), and choose our favorite Cinderella story to root for next weekend. Even if you're rooting for North Carolina, (it isn't exactly Cinderella) but it certainly would be a feel-good story to see them secure redemption for last year's heartbreaking, buzzer-beating defeat in the title game. But I digress. Suffice it to say, I'm in a pretty good mood today coming off of a spectacular weekend. In fact, I'm in one of those I don't really want to start the work week, I just want to watch old YouTube videos kind of Monday morning moods. My suspicion is that your are too. Am I right? Or am I right? Or am I right? I mean, I know Mr. James (the Big Boss) gets mad when I mail in this column, but...come on. It's spring so chances are the weather is nice wherever you are, we all had a fabulous weekend, and (to top it all off) the name of today's post is RELAX. Me mailing in a post called "Relax" so I can spend my Monday relaxing is just art imitating life imitating art. (🤯 Whoa, I know I blew your minds in the last post two weeks ago but I might have just accidentally done it to myself.) So, trust me. By mailing in this post, I'm doing Mr. James a favor, I'm doing me a favor, and most importantly...I'm doing you (the reader) a favor. By setting a relaxing tone for the week by half-assing this submission, Mr. James will have more time to edit other content for the blog, I'll have more time to watch old YouTube videos (like the aprapos Frankie Goes to Hollywood video that I'm embedding for your enjoyment below), and you will have more free time to do with what you please. Perhaps it will free you up go to a movie this week? As Gunther's lover… Or maybe you could use the extra time to just go get something to eat. As Gunther's lover… Hey, whatever you choose to do (as Gunther's lover) is cool with me as long as you remember, "Kenny says relax." Enjoy the week and stay thirsty, my friends. Also, keep an eye out for the rhythm. Be sure not to let it get you. Chickity-check you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross goes mental when Rachel gives him s box of his stuff back, Monica dates Pete (her millionaire customer) even though she's not physically attracted to him, Joey develops a love-hate relationship with Kate (his co-star in the play he landed), Rachel begrudgingly agrees to go on a date with Mark, Chandler talks Ross down off a ledge after Ross unfortunately finds out about Rachel dating Mark, Phoebe lobbies on behalf of creating a new superhero named Gold Man, and Ross (in the end) takes his t-shirt's advice by returning it to Rachel and in so doing...finding it within himself to relax.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica, Phoebe, Ross and Chandler are at Monica and Rachel's apartment discussing Monica's date with Pete. All of a sudden, Joey bursts into the apartment dancing around and singing, "Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie! Oh mommy, oh daddy, I am a big old baddie!" Just as quickly as he burst in and without saying another word other than his song and dance, Joey dashes back out of the apartment. Everyone looks at each other bewildered before Ross speculates, "I guess he musta gotten the part in that play." Monica and Phoebe nod and say "oh" to indicate that Ross has provided a reasonable explanation for Joey's erratic behavior. [The Knockout] Unconvinced that there isn't a funnier explanation for Joey's song and dance, Chandler counters, "Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right. Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you."
Video Source: tearingawaytheevil on YouTube
Featured Image Source: The Guardian
Headline Image Source: weheartit.com on Pintrest
It's a Real Mustard-tastrophe
Season 3, Episode 18
Friends S3:E18 - What's good, Friendsters? Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend. My weekend? It was up and down, thanks for asking. What caused the up and down? Wow, you all are inquisitive today. Well, since you ask, I'll bite. So, first the down. I woke up Saturday morning in debilitating pain from a pinched nerve in my lower back. It was awful. Shortly after waking up, I realized that I couldn't move at all. The slightest occurrences of movement were excruciating, causing acute stabs of pain to pierce my lower back. It quickly became clear that I was in need of assistance from my wife to attempt the walk from the bedroom to the bathroom to take a shower and try to get some heat on it. Luckily the hot water helped, my back gradually started to loosen up. By the time t got out of the shower, I could walk on my own but (at the same time) it was also quite clear that a full recovery was going to take days not hours. Now, the up. Because I was essentially out of commission all day Saturday and Sunday recovering from this, I spent the weekend binge-watching Love and Broad City and it was everything I thought it could be. As it turns out, the pain (while horrendous) was worth it for the following reason: it made my binge-watching guilt-free. You see, I've been known to binge-watch a show or two for an entire weekend before but the enjoyment I get from it is usually accompanied by a tremendous amount of guilt associated with thinking about all of the more productive things I should be doing rather than vegging out in front of the television. As I would come to find out this weekend, that guilt magically disappears when you're binge-watching a show while recovering from injury. Binging while you're sidelined recovering from something like a pinched nerve is tremendous because you get to enjoy the binging sans the guilt. Because of the injury, there was no question that I was unable to do most of the more productive things that I could have been doing all weekend (like exercising or organizing my study closet or laundry, to name a few) and therefore, I was able to enjoy the binge-fest guilt-free. Considering that the debilitating pain was temporary and has nearly subsided (other than some residual soreness) as of writing this on Monday afternoon, I consider the temporary discomfort a more than fair trade off for a weekend of guilt-free binge-watching. So there. "If you don't know, now you know..." how my weekend was up and down.
Speaking of Love, I discovered a tremendous Friends reference in Friends Night Out (the second episode of Season Two) while I was show binging over the weekend. In fact, this particular Friends reference is noteworthy not only for the purpose of cataloging as many contemporary pop culture Friends references in this blog series as possible but also because this particular reference hits very close to home with one of our overarching purposes. Believe it or not, Gus (one of the main characters on Love) more or less points out a Gandalf Gaffe while talking about Friends with his buddies at a bar during this episode of Love. While holding court in front of his inebriated pals and some onlookers from another table, Gus points out that Bruce Willis made a cameo for three episodes during Season 6 of Friends. (Since Friends 20/20 isn't going to be covering Season 6 of Friends until 2019 and 2020, I guess those of you who are watching the show for the first time while following along to the blog series are just going to have to take my word for it. My apologies for the spoiler.) Gus then keenly reminds his audience that in an earlier episode (The One With the Invitation, S4:E21, to be exact) Friends had already established that the movie Die Hard exists (Joey and Chandler propose renting it instead of climbing Mount Rushmore). Gus goes on to to reason that if Die Hard exists in the Friends-verse (or Friends universe), then by extension the actor Bruce Willis exists which would make it impossible for Bruce Willis to also exist in the Friends-verse as a character named Paul. This is what pop culture blogger nerds like me call a celebrity paradox. Continuity issues such as a celebrity paradox (aka Gandalf Gaffes) are the whole reason we started the Friends 20/20 blog series in the first place. Identifying and cataloging every continuity issue throughout the Friends series was and remains the primary objective of the project. I must admit it was surreal watching a fictional character on another television series point out a Gandalf Gaffe. It was quite validating. (Tearing up.) It made me feel like we're making a real impact here, week to week. Could it be possible that Judd Apatow (or another Love show runner) is reading Friends 20/20? I won't hold my breath, but hey...if you are reading this Judd, holler at your boy.
As satisfying as it was to watch Gus expose the Friends Bruce Willis celebrity paradox Gandalf Gaffe within Love's fictional universe, there's actually another layer to peel from this onion (if you can believe it). Before we proceed, a little housekeeping. For any of you out there who are starting to wonder when we're going to get to today's episode of Friends, keep in mind that you're the ones who wanted me to explain how my weekend was up and down. Never forget that it was you who started us down this rabbit hole, not me. That being said, I don't think you'll be disappointed that I chose to spend our time together pursuing this aside. I think you'll be quite pleased when you figure out where we're heading with this Love tangent. So, with the formalities now out of the way, are you ready to have your minds blown? Exactly the answer I was hoping for. Okay, here we go. Gus, a fictional character on Love, believed that it caused a continuity issue for Bruce Willis to play a fictional character on Friends after one of his real movies, Die Hard, had previously been introduced as existing in the Friends-verse, right? Well, in the very same episode that Gus references the FriendsGandalf Gaffe (Love S2:E2), Mickey and Gus have a conversation about Osama Bin Laden in which they also talk about Home Alone. In and of itself this is insignificant. However, in Marty Dobbs (Love S2:E8), Daniel Stern plays Mickey's father. Last time I checked, Daniel Stern played something of significant role in Home Alone. So if Home Alone exists as a real movie in the Love-verse and Daniel Stern was an actor in said movie, how can Daniel Stern also be Mickey's dad? 🤷♂️ Tick, tick, boom. Can you believe it? Did Love actually have the audacity to cast in such a reckless fashion as to violate the very same continuity rule that it criticizes Friends for violating? Perhaps. Or perhaps it was intentional and some sort of twisted homage to the GOAT sitcom. Either way, it's a real mustard-tastrophe. (You know I had to bring it back around.) Whether the continuity error was accidental or intentional is unclear and, as far as I know, the question has yet to be presented to the show runners. In fact, considering that Love: Season Two was just made available for streaming within the last 72 hours, it is also unclear whether the show runners are even aware of the irony here. I haven't done a deep dive or anything yet but as far as I can tell, Ted James (our editor-in-chief) was the first person to point out Love's Daniel Stern dilemma on Twitter. If, indeed, it holds true that theLeftAhead was first on the scene in uncovering an all-time television continuity irony / hypocrisy, we will proudly wear it as a badge of honor. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. So, yeah. You're welcome. Your minds are all officially blown, right? I told you this Love tangent would be worth it. For the record, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross also did stuff this week (one of them might have even dated a millionaire). Late.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Frank tells Phoebe he's engaged to Alice (his 44 year old high school Home Economics teacher), Rachel convinces Monica to go on a date with Pete (a millionaire who frequents the Moondance diner), Chandler uses an effeminate hypnosis tape to help him quit smoking, Ross and Joey try to convince Frank not to settle down before realizing that he's the lucky one and they want what he's got, and Phoebe eventually gets on board with Frank and Alice's engagement even though she's worried that it's a real mustard-tastrophe.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk and Chandler is lighting a cigarette. Rachel pulls it away from him. When he attempts to light another one, she pulls that one away from him too. Chandler stops and glares at her before observing, "Okay, that’s like the least fun game ever." Rachel responds, "Well, I’m really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit." She proceeds to hand him a cassette tape which he promptly presses against his arm sarcastically as if it were a nicotine patch. He informs her, "Nope, that patch is no good." Undeterred, Rachel continues, "Come on, it’s a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn’t smoked since." Across the table, Ross butts in by making a "pffhah" sound. Turning to address Ross, Rachel asks, "What’s your problem?" Ross answers, "Nothing, it’s just that hypnosis is beyond crap." Rachel counters, "Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City." Ross protests, "Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay." Fed up, Rachel continues, "Oh right, ‘cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play "Wipe-out" on your butt cheeks." Interrupting Ross and Rachel's argument, Phoebe chimes in, "All right, ya know, forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men. [The Knockout] Loathing in agreement, Chandler adds, "Or what my Father called Thursday night."
Featured Image Source: Monday Morning Matinee
Headline Image Source: Evelyn Porter on Fine Art America
Beam Me Up, Jesus
Season 3, Episode 17
Friends S3:E17 - Howdy, Mercedes-Friends! How's everyone doing this lovely Monday afternoon? I'm feeling nice and rested after our one-week hiatus. It was greatly needed too considering the brutal two-week Ross and Rachel break up sequence we were forced to endure prior to the break. In fact, I'm feeling so rested that (surprise, surprise) I have every intention to completely mail in this week's installment. Before you complain, let me remind you of where we left off. In case you forgot, or have been living under a rock, or were (as of two weeks ago) part of the tiny fraction of humanity that doesn't read Friends 20/20, we left off with me diving deep into my soul to find the inner fortitude to lay into our former pal Ross with all of the detestation he deserved for his disgustingly selfish decision to cheat on the girl of his dreams aka Rachel Green. Yeah, you 'member. I know that was as emotionally draining for you as it was for me so don't tell me (regardless of the break in between now and then) you still can't use a light hearted, romantic musical of a post to read right about now. The Academy gets it. That's why they awarded La La Land the Oscar for Best Picture while we were away. Oh....so close. Sike. The Oscar for Best Picture at the 89th annual Academy Awards actually does not go to La La Land at all. No soup for you. Hand that trophy back, bro. Congratulations, Moonlight. Also, congratulations Steve Harvey. We're taking back your Oscar for most embarrassing award announcement mix up and now giving it to ourselves, the Academy. Wow, just wow. Talk about a beam me up, Jesus moment. I will say, it is a really good thing that Warren Beatty came back to the mic live on air to explain what happened. By explaining that the Academy had given them an Emma Stone, Best Actress envelope, there's no question that he saved Faye Dunaway from becoming the fall person and consequently saved her from 24 hours of being the biggest source of joke memes in the history of the internet. That was quick thinking and a classy save. Way to go, Dick Tracey. So there you go, Friends Crafters. That's what we bloggers in the business call the rope-a-dope. I teased that this would be a light hearted, mail in post and then segued into a light hearted, mail in rant about the Oscars and before you even knew what hit you, I'm wrapping up a light hearted, mail in post. Awe, don't be mad. I wasn't trying to trick you (okay, maybe a little). Buck up, kiddos. Just remember... when they let you down, you'll get up off the ground, 'cause morning rolls around and it's another day of sun.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Rachel can't be in the same room as each other, Chandler starts smoking again because the break up reminds him of his parents' divorce, Phoebe drives her grandmother's cab to take the gang skiing, Monica stocks up on one penny tampons while stranded at a rest station, Joey believes looking at the ground from the sky is the same as looking in a mirror, and Ross saves the day by bringing gas to help his stranded friends so they don't have to follow the bumper sticker in Phoebe's cab and request, "beam me up, Jesus."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are returning to the rest area where the gang is stranded after going out to look for help. Chandler seems to be struggling so Joey is helping him walk back. Phoebe is the first to notice them approaching and informs Monica and Rachel, "Oh good, oh Joey and Chandler are back." Hoping for good news, Monica asks, "So the going for help went well?" Joey responds, "Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed." Chandler interjects, "I have the lung capacity of a two year old." He then immediately starts to light a cigarette. Monica lays claim to the obvious follow up question, "Then why are you smoking?" [The Knockout] Chandler sheepishly dismisses her inquiry by cleverly admitting, "Well it’s very unsettling."
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Headline Image Source: Melt Monsters and Other Tight Shit...
We Were on a Break
Season 3, Episode 16
Friends S3:E16 - Okay, here we go. Yes, boys and girls, the second part of our torturous journey through Friends emotional hell is somehow already upon us. Has it really already been a week? Time flies, I guess, when you're dreading having to write a gut wrenching blog post. Since we have no choice but to dive right back into the belly of the beast, I will spare you any lollygagging around with these opening comments. Let's go ahead and forget about the exchanging of pleasantries this week. My objective is to clock in, get the job done as efficiently as possible, and then clock out. I think we can all agree that getting to the other side of Ross and Rachel's break up is the only thing that is important at the moment. We can save the pomp and circumstance for another time. Are there any objections to this course of action? Hearing none, let’s keep it moving. When last we left our buddies, Ross was on the brink. He was making out with Chloe at the club. Thinking back to the when this sequence first aired 20 years ago, I remember hoping against hope during the intervening week that we would return to find Ross had come to his senses, pushed Chloe away after just the one kiss, and then run home to patch things up with Rachel. (Can you imagine how different the remaining years of the series would have been if he had just done that?) But, of course, we all know that in fact Ross doesn't come to his senses. Unfortunately, we return to find Ross waking up at home with Chloe hopping out of the shower in his bathroom. SPLAT (the emotional equivalent of getting hit by a Mack Truck). Just thinking about it gives me the creeps. You too? Okay, well, considering the pain we're all experiencing as we relive the death of Ross and Rachel's relationship, I think the most appropriate thing we can do is simply dive right back into a conversation which I promised we would return to today: the undressing I was frustratingly delivering to Ross last week. While, much like Monica and Phoebe ripping off Waxine strips, revisiting this conversation is surely going to be painful but the one silver lining is that we're off next week and, therefore, we'll all get an extended amount of time to recover from this emotional tornado. So, knowing that we've been generously gifted a fortnight to heal, let's rip the Waxine strips right off, shall we? Godspeed, Friendsters. Brace for impact in three, two, one...
Okay, Ross...let's resume. I told you I wasn't finished with you. Whelp, you did it, didn't you, you disgusting, weak pathetic excuse for a Geller. If anyone in the history of Chicken Pox ever deserved to get a weenie pock, you better believe that it's you, Ross. I can't believe you slept with Chloe, bro. How could you do this to Rachel? I know, I know. You're going to say, "I only did it because I thought at the same exact moment she was sleeping with Mark." Grow up, man. I know that experiencing Carol cheat on you was a traumatic, paranoia-inducing ordeal but take a moment and try to regain your grip on reality. Rachel is the type of girlfriend that goes out of her way to dress up as Princess Leia in the Gold Bikini because it is important to her to help you enjoy your sexual fantasies. Does that sound like the type of gesture that's made by a girlfriend who's going to cheat on you first chance she gets? Of course not. There is not even a remote possibility. (Sorry to channel Smokey from Friday but...) "And you know this...man!" You know Rachel is considerate, and kind, and decent-hearted. Deep down, you knew she would never do that to you. But you, my friend, did do it to her...didn't you, you helmet-headed "there's no way you could have really earned your Ph.D by age 26" sorry excuse for a paleontologist. You're so freaking pathetic. And then, what is the first thing you do after you realize you've made such a God awful mistake? You take Chandler and Joey's advice and try to cover it up? Haven't you learned by now that Channie and the J-Man are about the last people you want to take relationship advice from? But, sure enough, there you were running all over New York trying to convince casual acquaintances (and Gunther) to keep a secret from the one person you're supposed to be the most honest with. Issac was right when he said, "We're the same, you and me." You insist that you aren't the same but deep down you know the cold, hard truth, don't you Ross? "Search your feelings, you know it to be true." You and Isaac are the same, you feeble-minded, self-serving scrud. You and Issac are two peas in a pod. The fact that you would even attempt to go to such lengths to cover up the affair confirms that you're about as dirty a dog as they come, Ross Geller. Don't you know anything about history, scholar? The cover up never works and always makes the crime worse. Wow, you must really lack respect for Rachel to be willing to degrade her with such a Nixonian stunt. And to top things off, after your cover up attempt (of course) fails and Rachel finds out from Gunther, you have the audacity to think that you can just plead your way out of it? You're like a Trump apologists nonchalantly downplaying his Russia scandal. I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS. Rachel is right, too. If the shoe had been on the other foot and it had been her who had slept with Mark, you (in all your petty glory) would have been shouting from the rooftops how unforgivable it is. Don't try to deny it, Ross. Stop insulting our intelligence, you Republican-level hypocrite. If Rachel had cheated on you with Mark, you would have made yourself out to be the biggest victim of highway robbery since the Atlanta Falcons had the Super Bowl stolen from them by the New England Patriots. (Too soon?) That's right, Ross. If the situation had been reveresed, you would have deemed Rachel's transgression unforgivable. Yet, because it's you who's the cheater and she the victim, you find it reasonable that you should be able to talk your way out of it in one conversation? Unbelievable. God, Ross, I just can't understand this. You cheated on Rachel? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY BLODDY SENSE. That's it. I'm done. (Throwing up my hands.) I'm not even mad anymore. I'm just sad. You were supposed to be one of the good guys but you've showed us your true colors, homie. Sadly, you're not one of the good guys. Not even close. Unfortunately, the sad reality is that you're one of the worst, Ross Geller. Enjoy the avalanche of failed marriages and divorces you've got coming your way, bro. You better hope that Rachel has the capacity to be the bigger person and forgive you someday even though you don't deserve it. Redemption through her grace. That's your best hope. As disgusted as I am by you, if and when Rachel does find the grace to forgive you, I'll try to as well. Until then, you've got to go. Don't give me that look. You're not getting any sympathy from me today. Not even one drop. Ken Adams doesn't roll with your type of indecency. See you later, traitor. By the way, one last thing. And I think I speak for the entire Friends 20/20 community when I say...(sound of me shutting the door in Ross' face).
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross sleeps with Chloe and then tries to cover it up so Rachel doesn't find out after Chandler and Joey convince him not to tell her, Monica and Phoebe get super excited to become Waxine girls, and Rachel ends her relationship with Ross after The Rossatron is unable to track "the trail" all the way down before Gunther tells Rachel about what Ross did while (as she so heartbreakingly puts it) "we were on a break."
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are holed up in Monica's bedroom because Ross and Rachel are out in the living room breaking up. While the guys originally came in Monica's room because Monica and Phoebe were screaming in pain from using Waxine, the group nevertheless has been listening in on Ross and Rachel ever since they first stormed into the apartment. Eventually, Joey and Chandler get anxious to get back to their own apartment. Joey informs the girls, "You know what, I don’t think we should listen to this anymore." As Joey goes to open the door, Monica protests, "What, what are you doing? You can’t go out there." Joey complains, "Why not? I’m hungry." Giving the obvious answer, Monica responds, "Because they’ll know we’ve been listening." The cameras cut to the living room where Rachel is excoriating Ross, "God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!" Ross pleads in response, "Come on! Like I wanted him to tell you. I ran all over the place trying to make sure that didn’t happen!" Rachel sarcastically counters with, "Oh, that is so sweet. I think I’m falling in love with you all over again." The cameras then cut back to Monica's bedroom where Chandler is backing up Joey by suggesting, "You know what, I think we can go out there. I mean they have more important things to worry about." Agreeing Joey adds, "Yeah, we’ll be fine." The cameras quickly cut back to the living room where Ross is revealing, "Look Rachel, I wanted to tell you, I thought I should, I did, and then Chandler and Joey convinced me not to." [The Knockout] The cameras cut back to Monica's bedroom where Chandler is handing Monica the can of wax and instructing, "Wax the door shut, we’re never leaving, ever."
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Headline Image Source: Odyssey
Let's Take a Break
Season 3, Episode 15
Friends S3:E15 - This really sucks. I won't lie, I've been dreading the moment that is now upon us since the beginning of the year. I mean, situational comedy is meant to be a lighthearted escape from the grind of daily life. It is not supposed to be this heavy, this heartbreaking. Or maybe the fact that it is, in this case, is part of the genius of Friends? I'm hard pressed to think of another sitcom where I have ever been this emotionally invested in the love lives of the main characters. Don't get me wrong, I love Seinfeld too but I couldn't be less emotionally invested in who Jerry is dating or breaking up with in any given episode. I never had a visceral reaction to Sam and Dianne's roller coaster relationship on Cheers or the weekly hijinks governing Lucy and Ricky's marriage on I Love Lucy. The only example I can give of a comedy that invoked a similar emotional reaction was my investment in Jim and Pam's relationship on The Office. I consider comparing Friends and The Office, however, as the television equivalent of comparing apples and oranges. The Office, as a single-camera mockumentary is not, in my opinion, a situational comedy in the traditional mold. With multi-camera sitcoms such as Friends, lighthearted escapism is baked into the technical design and, by extension, the way these shows are filmed. A single-camera mockumentary such as The Office, on the other hand, naturally captures a greater sense of realism and therefore has a distinct filmmaking advantage in generating a visceral response. So while my emotional investment in The Office is the closest example I can provide of another sitcom replicating my emotional investment in Friends, I don't consider the two comparable. Therefore, working under the premise that single-camera mockumentary style sitcoms such as The Office belong in a separate category, perhaps my unrivaled emotional investment in the love lives of Phoebe, Joey, Monica, Chandler and particularly Ross & Rachel contributes to why, in my opinion, Friends is the GOAT sitcom. While it's all well and good to be mindful that the pain Friends is capable of inflicting is an ingredient in the show's greatness, it certainly doesn't make me feel any better about the here and now. Regardless of the fact my emotional investment in the show is unrivaled, watching these episode still really sucks. In fact, sometimes when my wife and I are in the Friends binge-watching vortex we skip ahead over this episode and the next one to "The One Without the Ski Trip" just to avoid reliving the pain and heartbreak. So, if watching these episodes sucks so bad that skipping over them is regular occurrence, imagine how bad writing about these episodes is going to be. This, my friendsters, is why I've been dreading this moment since the beginning of the year. And Phase One of this two week torture experiment is occurring on the day before Valentine's Day? What kind of sick irony is that? Nevertheless, I must suck it up and power through. After all, I suppose it's challenges like the one in front of me that help justify the lucrative salary that theLeftAhead pays me to work a measly four hours a week. So, without further delay, I believe it wise that we trudge bravely ahead into the emotional abyss that awaits.
First of all...goddamnit, Ross. Really? Chloe, the Xerox girl? Five seconds after you and Rachel just broke up? Excuse me, let me correct the record. Five seconds after you and Rachel decided to take a break? W.T.F. The fact that you, in a moment of vulnerability, made a choice that put your dream come true, magical, fairy tale relationship with Rachel in jeopardy is, of course, heartbreaking. But can we begin by pointing out how infuriatingly out of character it was for you to have done something so reckless and irresponsible to a woman you adored and have proven repeatedly you would break your back trying to make happy? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY BLOODY SENSE. Why, Ross, why? What were you thinking? And by the way, I'm sure it sucks to have your significant other prioritize work ahead of the relationship on your anniversary but come on, man. You came to her office uninvited with a picnic basket, refused to listen to her tell you she couldn't take a break, proceeded to ignore her by setting up the picnic anyway, started a fire on her desk, and then you're the one who's butt hurt when she doesn't apologize to you when she gets home? Sorry, bro. That one was on you. This fight was your fault, homie. Not only was the fight your fault, but a complete departure from the Ross that Rachel first fell in love with. That guy would have done anything to support her. Not you. You saw her struggle with her self esteem for two and a half years because she was embarrassed that she was "just a waitress." Then, she gets the chance of a lifetime to start a career doing something she is proud of and that makes her happy and you can't just be patient with her for a few months while she is learning how to do the job? Again, completely out of character for a guy who once rushed to put on his dad's old tux in order to make sure that the girl he adores wouldn't have to go to the prom alone. To channel my inner-Chandler...could your behavior during this episode be more out of character? So yeah...I don't know what happened to you, bro. Sorry to be repetitive, but you are not the Ross that Rachel fell in love with. Okay. Taking into consideration the way your marriage to Carol ended, I get the whole Mark-jeaolosy thing. I grant you that shortcoming. It's understandable that you were a little paranoid that someone else was going to steal the woman you love away again. But this fight? This fight had nothing to do with that (until after the "break"). Nope, this fight began with you operating under the assumption that the Mark-jealosy problem was solved when Mark left Bloomingdales for a better job. So let's bottom line this thing, shall we, Ross? This fight occurred because you, the guy who once made a mental note to remember to buy Rachel a pin from an antique store (that reminded her of one that her grandmother had had when she was a little girl) and then give it to her on her birthday before she even knew that he had a crush on her, decided that it was more important to put your own needs on your anniversary ahead of hers. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY BLOODY SENSE. And how do you solve a fight that you started and was your fault? Goddammit, Ross. Really? Chloe, the Xerox girl? And that kiss? That awful, painful, horrible, relationship destroying kiss. Hell, that kiss was so gut-wrenchingly horrifying that it's practically destroyed U2's With or Without You for me as well. Oh, I know. You tried to call Rachel and work things out but you heard Mark's voice in the background. Boo hoo. Woe is me, let me stick my tongue down another woman's throat five seconds after Rachel and I break up because she's clearly back at her place having sex with Mark. W.T.F. Really? Do you really not have any trust that Rachel wouldn't do that to you? I'm disgusted by you, Ross. I don't think I can even speak to you anymore tonight. My hope is that after we call it for the night (to take a break, so to speak), you will go home and take some time to think about how that selfish, spiteful, reckless kiss has put you on the precipice of destroying the best thing that ever happened to you. But you're not going to do that, are you Ross? You're going to continue your self-righteous pity party all the way through the night. You're going to go home and have sex with Chloe, aren't you, you son of a bitch? Damn, Ross. You're pathetic. Rachel deserves so much better. Go have your revenge sex, loser. Hope it's worth it. By the way, I'm not finished with you yet. I'm just too disgusted to continue this right now. We'll pick this back up next week. Peace, bro.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross and Rachel have a huge fight after Ross shows up univited at Rachel's office with a picnic and starts a fire on their anniversary, Phoebe dates a foreign diplomat who doesn't speak any English, Monica gets a rapport going with Phoebe's diplomat's translator, Joey and Chandler scheme to have a threesome with Chloe (the "hot girl with the belly button ring" from the Xerox place), and Ross ends up being the one to hook up with Chloe after he and Rachel agree that the best resolution to their fight is to take a break.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler and Joey are at Central Perk killing time before the party that Chloe invited them to meet her at. They are both preoccupied by the fact that Chloe had floated the idea of a threesome while inviting them to hang out and decide to cautiously broach the subject in order to figure out what they would do. Joey offers, "God, that would be weird if that situation presented itself tonight, huh?" Chandler responds, "Yeah. Yeah, I mean what, what would we do?" Perplexed, Joey admits, "Dude, I don’t know." Hoping to avoid further awkwardness, Chandler offers the reassurance that "She was kidding." Joey agrees, "Yeah." Unable to convince himself, Chandler continues, "She was. But ya know what? Just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules." Playing along, Joey says, "Yeah, for sure. Okay. Probably want the first thing to be, never open your eyes. Ya know, because you don’t want to be doing something and then look up and see something you don’t want to be seeing." At first, Chandler sees the sense in Joey's logic and agrees, "Yeah. Good call, nice one." Almost immediately, however, a lightbulb goes off in his head and he continues, "Hold it!! Hold it! What if me eyes are closed, and, and my hand is out there..." Seeing the way Chandler is motioning with his hand, Joey quickly changes his mind, "Ah!! Okay! Eyes open at all times!" He then continues by asking, "Oh, hey, how do we decide where we...ya know...each would...ya know...be?" Following along, Chandler replies, "Right. Right. Well ah...ya know...we could flip for it." Playing along, Joey responds, "Yeah, I guess, but what’s like heads and what’s tails? [The Knockout] Looking visibly horrified, Chandler fires back, "Well it you don’t know that, then I don’t want to do this with you."
Featured Image Source: Slism
Headline Image Source: SubtitlesFree
Jurassic Parka
Season 3, Episode 14
Friends S3:E14 - Welcome, students. Please take your seats. Okay, now that everyone is seated, pop quiz, hot shot. Actually, not a pop quiz (I just wanted to reference Dennis Hopper from Speed). Since we're keeping it one hundred, you're right...I did warn you about a test last week. So it should come as no surprise that I'm asking you to answer the following question: What is a Kiryot Moriah? If you answered... This is a trick question. Based on what you told us last week would be on this test, you were supposed to ask: What is a Kobayashi Maru? and the correct answer to the correct question is an unsolvable problem ...then you aced the test with flying colors and are under consideration for admittance in our Friends 20/20 honors society. Well done. If you were fooled by my trick question, better luck next time. Perhaps you should consider studying harder. Any who...let's get started with today's festivities, shall we? After all, I don't want to keep you long because I know we're all a little tired this fine Monday afternoon (and possibly a little hungover) after witnessing the most improbable Super Bowl comeback we will ever experience in our entire lives. So yeah, after all the excitement yesterday (by the way, this brings me no pleasure but congrats, Patriots), let's keep this thing short and sweet. In today's episode, Phoebe is faced with the opportunity to reunite with a former singing partner who had betrayed her in the past to become a jingle writer. Initially, Phoebe's instincts are on point in refusing Leslie's proposition. Eventually, though, Phoebe allows the soft spot in her heart to get the best of her and gives Leslie another chance. When Phoebe and the gang wind up hearing Smelly Cat as the jingle for a television commercial, there's no question that Phoebe should have stuck to her gut and told Leslie to take a long walk off of a short pier, so to speak.
Also in this episode, Ross pretends to be interested in attending a lecture with Rachel in an attempt to prevent her from spending time with Mark. During the lecture, Ross ends up making the mistake of falling asleep which obviously angers Rachel. She points out that she attends Ross' work functions without falling asleep even though she also finds what he does incredibly boring. Ross, despite being the guilty party in this fight, takes exception to her finding his work boring and points out that millions of people went to watch Jurassic Park, a movie about what he does for a living. He then makes a crack about how unlikely it would be that people would want to watch Jurassic Parka, a movie about what Rachel does for a living. Obviously, Ross makes the Jurassic Parka joke because Rachel is in the fashion industry, right? (Warning: unapologetic segue in three, two, one...). Thinking specifically about Rachel reminded me of an oversight I made last December during the understandable pandemonium resulting from the outcome of Election 2016. As you were reminded last week with our coverage of Conan's El Chapo sketch, we like to chronicle topical tributes to Friends in contemporary pop culture. Well, SNL had a quite notable such tribute on December 3rd that we neglected to cover in real time. Vanessa Bayer returned to Weekend Update to do her hilarious Rachel impression. Vanessa's impression is a bit I have certainly previously highlighted but, considering she was joined by a very special surprise guest this time around, I clearly dropped the ball by not covering it during the December 12th post. Given that I am a firm believer in the adage better late than never, we'll wrap up today by making up for the previous omission. Once again, the video of this sketch is embedded for your convenience. If, for some reason, you missed it last December...you'll be pleasantly surprised when you glance down and realize who the special surprise guest is. Enjoy and see you next week, mis amigos.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe gets approached by her former singing partner to get back together, Ross attends a fashion lecture with Rachel in order to prevent her from attending it with Mark, Chandler dates a woman that Joey once perpetrated a heinous transgression against, Monica cracks a joke about Rachel being easy in high school, and Phoebe is double crossed by Leslie (her former singing partner) when she sells out on Smelly Cat so hard that she may as well have been wearing a Jurassic Parka whilst stabbing Phoebe in the back.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is at home reading the newspaper when Monica comes over. After they exchange hellos, Monica points at Chandler's milk and asks, "Oh, can I borrow this? My milk’s gone bad." [The Knockout] With all of the intensity of a beaming ray of sunlight, Chandler delivered the following answer, in all its sarcastic glory, "Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Laughing Squid
Headline Image Source: B3TA
Kobayashi Maru
Season 3, Episode 13
Friends S3:E13 - Greetings, Friendinistas. I hope that day eleven of the resistance finds you well. Let's start with the good news. On the bright side, we're still here and, as of today, we're still free to congregate on these here interwebs to discuss the world's greatest sitcom. Somebody mark the tape. As soon as I finish writing this post and hit "publish" later this evening, Friends 20/20 will have made its official entrance into Trump's America. And we're not just punching the clock to collect a participation trophy. Hell naw. We're here to Make Making Fun of the President Through Thinly Veiled Pop Culture Blogging Great Again (#MMFOTPTTVPCBGA). Now the bad news. We're less than two weeks into the presidency of Steve Bannon (err...I mean Donald Trump) and the new administration has already violated the constitution somewhere between a half dozen and two dozen times depending on who's keeping score. Dear conservatives, first off...how've ya been? I haven't heard a peep from you on social media since Inauguration Day. I wonder why that is? Second, I wanted to personally invite you to Team Sanity. Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham just joined. In case you've been living under a rock and you haven't noticed, the people are sending the Trump Administration a loud and clear message through the power of collective action. President Trump's extreme right-wing agenda does not reflect the will of the people and he has no mandate. We, the electorally silenced majority, will not stand idle and watch this band of bush-league misfits shred the Constitution. With all do respect, we resist and will continue to do so until the madness stops. So, once again, my dear conservative friends. Don't continue to be accounted for on the wrong side of history. Won't you join us on Team Sanity? There's plenty of room and I promise we'll welcome you with open arms. Also, let's keep it 💯. You know you feel a little left out (no pun intended) because our side's hashtag game is so much stronger than your sides. Come on, give one of ours a try. You know you want to. It will feel so good. #NoBanNoWall
Phew. Now that that is off my chest, what do you say we talk some Friends? After all, I did promise recently to not allow this pop culture blog series to get completely derailed by politics just because we have a reality TV C-list celebrity running the free world. Moving right along, the title for today's episode comes Straight Outta Star Trek. Chandler and Ross make reference to the science fiction series in response to Phoebe's dilemma of how to deal with her new beau Robert's inability to keep his private parts private. For those keeping score, this reference occurs only in the DVD extended-version of the episode (it is omitted from the broadcast-version of the episode). So, if you're watching along on Netflix as we go and you're mad that you can't locate this reference (or numerous others from week to week, for that matter), don't hate the player...hate the game. Actually, the productive thing to do is to express your dissatisfaction to Friends Executive Producer Kevin S. Bright for making the ridiculous decision to deny devoted fans the extended-version episodes on a streaming platform and instead force us to continue to trot out our tired, grainy DVD copies in order to get the full Friends experience we know, love and deserve to have access to in full HD. Mark my word...at some point in the near future I will launch a campaign to rectify this atrocity but for now, if you don't have access to the DVD extended-version episodes, you'll have to play along here. But I digress. Before I went off on a tangent, we were talking about Ross and Chandler's Star Trek reference describing the no-win situation Phoebe found herself in when she didn't know whether or not to tell Robert that he's constantly "showing brain." This Star Trek term for an impossible situation, boys and girls, is called a Kobayashi Maru. Be sure to write that down because it will be on next week's test. Also...it makes for a killer blog post title, don't you think? In the end, Phoebe is relieved of her impossible situation when Gunther, being the hero warrior and sex god that he is, saves the day by demanding Robert "put the mouse back in the house." Speaking of a Kobayashi Maru, Phoebe's 1992 Lithuanian Basketball Team t-shirt, tho. Clearly, all of us want to be patriotic Americans (especially during urgent times like these) but how can we choose between love of country and love of the Grateful Dead inspired Lithuanian athletic attire Phoebe is rocking during this episode? Choosing between love of country and love of Lithuanian basketball gear is certainly a no-win scenario if I've ever seen one. I mean, I love America but seeing that shirt makes me want to stand up and start spontaneously singing the Lithuanian national anthem. I'm just saying. Finally today, I'll leave you (as I do from time time) with a juicy topical Friends reference. This one occurred on Conan last week. It involves El Chapo playing the drums and singing I'll Be There For You. Need I say more? Considering that I've probably already set a Friends 20/20 record for clickable links in this post, I'll do the decent think and embed the video below. Enjoy Coco and El Chapo. Until next week...stay agitated, my friends.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is dating an athletic guy named Robert, Chandler and Ross discover that Robert can't keep his mouse in the house, Monica and Richard run into each other at the video store and decide to become racquetball buddies, Rachel agrees to read The Shining in exchange for Joey agreeing to read Little Women, and (in the end) Monica and Richard break off their arrangement as racquetball buddies because she still wants kids and he doesn't which effectively makes their continued relationship a Kobayashi Maru.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross and Chandler are at Central Perk when Phoebe walks in with Robert (her date). Phoebe introduces Robert to the guys and then Chandler, noticing that Robert is wearing shorts in New York during winter, asks him, "So, uh, isn’t a bit cold out for shorts?" Robert responds, "Well, I’m from California." [The Knockout] Thoroughly unconvinced by Robert's logic, Chandler fires back, "Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames."
The Empty Vase
Season 3, Episode 12
Friends S3:E12 - Hiya. How are all of my incredible friends doing today on this our final convening of the Obama presidency? Happy MLK Day to all! In what is rapidly becoming an annual tradition for the Friends 20/20 blog series, I intend to keep today's festivities short and sweet out of respect for those things that are desperately more important than sitcoms and pop culture. I'm sure many of you were out at your local marches and rallies this morning out of respect for the "fierce urgency of now." Many of you have, likewise, spent some of the day reflecting on where you stand during this time of "challenge and controversy." Having both been moved to action this morning and having spent the early part of the afternoon in reflection, I'm sitting down now to fulfill my obligation to this blog series with only one thought in my mind about today's episode. The empty vase. The empty vase was the symbolism that Julio, the pretentious waiter in Monica's diner, used to insult American women. Today, during this important day of action and reflection, those words ring in my mind in association with our incoming President. Donald J. Trump has absolutely zero plans for putting in place policies that will help America's working families yet, somehow, he was able to fool just enough working Americans into believing that he does to earn the necessary votes to squeeze out an Electoral College victory in last November's election. There's no doubt in mind that, when it comes to making America great again for working families, Donald Trump and his presidency are and will be an empty vase. In fact, Trump is such an empty vase that he is ceding power to people who seek to do harm to America's working families. Already plans are in place to repeal the Affordable Care Act, for example, and take healthcare away from 20 million people. There is nothing Christian or conservative about repealing Obamacare. I believe the words we're looking for to describe this Republican priority are immoral and pernicious. Indeed, Donald Trump filled his campaign "vase" full of hot air and after enough Americans sucked it up, the vultures have swooped in to fill the vacuum that was left. These are troubled times in America. We the overruled majority, who knew a Trump presidency would be disastrous, must prepare (starting Friday) to be vigilant about doing the onerous work of resistance but we must also be ready to mobilize the working men and women who supported Trump's candidacy as soon as they come to the realization that they were duped into supporting an empty vase. Of course, some of them will never come to that realization, but many will. And we must be prepared to welcome them into the struggle rather than cast them aside for their role in creating this mess. If we can do this, my friends, there is no reason why we shouldn't have hope that this chapter of darkness we are about to enter can be short-lived. I leave you today to chew on that thought with the accompanying words of wisdom from the incomparable Dr. King:
“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”
Onward. To the recap and then the struggle that awaits.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica gets a crush on Julio (a waiter at the Moondance Diner), Chandler organizes a bachelor party for his anti-social cousin Albert, Ross obsessives over his concern for Rachel's co-worker Mark during her first week at her new job, Rachel later obsesses over Ross setting up a play date for Ben and the son of the stripper from Albert's bachelor party, Joey gets put in charge of dance choreography during an audition because he lied on his résumé about having extensive dance training, Phoebe discovers that a poem Julio wrote for Monica is derogatory and insulting, and in the end, a barber shop quartet roasts that butt munch Julio and proves that in fact, he is the empty vase.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross, Rachel and Chandler are at Central Perk. Ross is informing Rachel that he needs to leave for Ben's play date with the stripper from the bachelor party Chandler organized for his cousin. Upon receiving the news, Rachel is fidgeting and looking visibly upset. Ross asks her, "Are you jealous?" Rachel sheepishly responds, "No. I, ya'know...I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any, ya'know, other stripper mom friends of her own?" Coming right off of apologizing for his own ridiculous jealousy spat, an emboldened Ross declares, "You are totally jealous." Rachel defensively answers, "I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain things, ya'know, about strippers. And ya'know, and um, I..." Ross signals that he's leaving and cuts her off by saying, "Honey, I love you too." Rachel looking defeated moans, "Ugh." Suddenly a light bulb seems to go off in her head and she calls out, "wait, wait wait" after Ross before he gets out the front door. He turns around and asks, "What?" Rachel proceeds to give him an incredibly passionate kiss. Looking dazed, Ross exclaims, "huh" as he walks out the door. Rachel then turns to Chandler and brags, "Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours, ya'know?" [The Knockout] Raining on Rachel's parade, Chandler observes, "Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper."
Featured Image Source: Bustle
Headline Image Source: Heavenly Creation Florist & Decor
Run and Hide
Season 3, Episode 11
Friends S3:E11 - Hey there, Friendsters! Happy New Year! I hope everybody out there had a magical holiday season and is off to a fantastic start with keeping your new year's resolutions in tact as we start the second week of 2017. Nine days in and I'm still pitching a perfect game with all of my personal resolutions. Thanks for asking. Professionally, we're off to a little bit of a bumpy start to the second week of 2017 here at theLeftAhead (and no I'm not talking about the fact that Donald Trump is getting inaugurated in eleven days). Clearly, for a progressive blog, the combination of the words Donald Trump and inauguration is the epitome of a bumpy start to the year but what I'm specifically referring to in this case is a minor technology crises that we've been dealing with all day here in the office. This technological breakdown has resulted in me writing this post with mad fury and gusto this afternoon as I attempt to try and finish before kickoff of the Alabama vs. Clemson college football championship game tonight. What is the nature of the technology crises we've been dealing with all day, you ask? Our wonderful web server hosts put a series of events into motion that eventually caused the crash of theLeftAhead around 9:00 am this morning. We've had all hands on deck since and have spent the rest of the morning and the better part of the afternoon resolving the issue. When you put as much hard work into a project as my comrades and I put month after month, year after year into theLeftAhead, it is a uniquely unsettling feeling when the site is down. You feel a horrendous sense of vulnerability dealing with the uncertainty of not knowing if or when order will be restored and your writing (not to mention the blood, sweat, and tears fueling the words on the page) will be back available for the masses to access. As a professional blogger, there are few worse things I can think of than a crashed website. That being said, I'm happy to report that the issue has been resolved and the site is back up and running. Disaster has been avoided once again and the only casualty to speak of is the loss of most of the time that I had thought I would have to write today's post. So without further ado, let's get into today's episode, shall we? After all, you're crazy if you think I'm still going to be here at the office writing after the kickoff of tonight's championship rematch.
Today, we get to watch Chandler violate one of the central tenants of "guy code." Not only does Chandler violate "guy code," he does so with the one guy whose code you probably least want to violate: his roommate Joey. Incidentally, Chandler will go on to violate the same tenant of "guy code" with Ross as well (shameless foreshadowing) later in the series which means that Chandler is a serial "guy code" offender. While Chandler is generally a wonderful friend and a joy of a person to be around, being a serial "guy code' offender is a major embarrassment and a shameful component of the Bing legacy. Sure everybody makes mistakes and one slip up is understandable. But to violate the same tenant of "guy code" twice? In the word of our President-elect, "Sad!" Based on the fact that Chandler's eventual marriage to Monica Geller is common pop culture knowledge, you can probably make an educated guess about the tenant of "guy code" that Chandler violated in today's episode. And if you guessed, that he violated the tenant that you don't fool around with your friend's sister without first securing said friend's blessing...you have guessed correctly. In today's episode, Chandler gets drunk at Joey's birthday party, fools around with one of Joey's sisters, and then wakes up the next day hung over and can't remember which sister he fooled around with. As you can imagine, hilarity ensues. My advice to Chandler is something he ironically told Joey to do during the pandemonium that occurs at Joey's parents house when everyone realizes that Chandler can't remember he fooled around with Mary Angela. Chandler tries to get rid of Joey by pretending to be playing a game of Hide and Seek. But despite his tomfoolery, and considering that this incident ends with the Chan Man being punched in the face by Joey's other sister Cookie, perhaps he should have channeled his inner-Andy Garcia and taken his own advice by being the one to run and hide. On that note, are you ready for some football? I hope it's those spoiled Alabama fans who want to run and hide at the end of the night. When the same team wins the championship like every single year, a sport ceases to be entertaining. So come on, Clemson. Shock the world by defeating the Empire. I'm all in. Go Tigers! Damn, it feels good to be back. Happy New Year, everybody. On to the recap and see you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Chandler gets drunk at Joey's birthday party and ends up fooling around with one of Joey's sisters, Rachel meets a guy named Mark at Monica's diner who works at Bloomingdales and knows of a job opening in his department, Ross get extremely jealous that Mark wants to sleep with Rachel because he's helping her for no apparent reason, Phoebe has a fling with the noisy guy who lives above Monica and Rachel's apartment, Monica encourages Rachel to take initiative by calling Mark to ask about her Bloomingdales interview, and Joey lets Cookie (one of his sisters) punch Chandler after Chandler fails to remember Mary Angela (the other sister he fooled around with) and further fails to run and hide.
Gandalf Gaffes - It's 2017 and I'm predicting a record-breaking number of gaffes this year. I know, I know. That is not a very high bar to clear considering we've had a combined twelve gaffes from 2014 through 2016. Since there's no doubt in my mind that Friends will prove itself to be a series that's chalk full of them; moving forward, we should expect to see a steady increase of gaffes from year to year. Case in point, we have our first gaffe of 2017 to discuss in the first episode of the year. While very subtle, today's gaffe is an important catch because it betrays the very essence of who Phoebe is as a character. It occurs during Joey's birthday party. Phoebe is at the makeshift bar when Cookie (one of Joey's sisters) approaches. Phoebe says hey and Cookie responds by asking her what she's drinking. When Phoebe reports vodka and cranberry juice, Cookie informs her, "No kidding, that’s the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband." Phoebe reacts to this information by reporting to Cookie, "Wow. Okay, I don’t know how to talk to you." Bam. Gaffe. The Phoebe who has lived through her mother's suicide and lived on the streets is not going to be too intimidated to talk to a tough "biker chick" who just so happened to have shot her husband once upon a time. This tough streak in Phoebe's character is established in the pilot episode and continued consistently throughout the series. In the pilot, after first meeting Rachel, Phoebe sticks up for her by informing the rest of the gang, "it's hard being on your own for the first time." She elaborates by giving a glimpse into her own past, reflecting, "I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel." Clearly, the Phoebe we know and love would have had no qualms about having an extended conversation with Cookie about the time she shot her husband. We have no choice to ding the writers no matter how subtle of an error this may have been. But don't fret too much about this blemish on the record. It is about as minor as a GG can be so it will go on the books as a simple level one infraction.
Gandalf Gaffe #13: At Joey's birthday party, the tough, street-smart aspect of Phoebe's character that was established during the pilot is contradicted when Phoebe confesses that she is too intimidated to carry on a conversation with Joey's sister, Cookie.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's apartment waiting for Phoebe (who is upstairs talking to the noisy guy that lives above them) and chatting about Chandler's unfortunate encounter with Janice (his ex). Phoebe was supposed to have gone up to tell the guy to quiet down but the gang quickly realized (because of the muffled tones coming through the ceiling) that she's having a pleasant conversation. Right after the gang convinces Chandler that attending Joey's birthday party will make him feel better about Janice, Monica shushes everyone upon hearing Phoebe's muffled voice coming through the ceiling. Shocked by the turn of events, Monica protests, "I cannot believe she is still up there." The gang continues listening through the ceiling as the noisy guy tells Phoebe a muffled joke. [The Knockout] Heartache be damned, Chandler seizes upon the opportunity in front of him by sarcastically observing, "Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it’s supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh."
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Headline Image Source: Jaguar Shoes Collective
The Tray Spot
Season 3, Episode 10
Friends S3:E10 - No, I don't want no scrud, a scrud is a Brown Bird that can't get no love from me, hanging out the passenger side of her older sister's ride trying to sell cookies to me. Yo! What is new, my Friendsetters? Hope everyone is having a splendid holiday season. We've been on hiatus since the Monday prior to Thanksgiving, so there is much to catch up on. For starters, we are unfortunately less than six weeks away from Inauguration Day. Needless to say, we here at theLeftAhead have much to do between now and then to properly prepare for launching into our resistance mode. Since this site went live in June of 2011 (the latter stages of President Obama's first term), we have had good fortune to operate in a political sphere far removed from the radicalism that fueled our lineage. For those of you who have been with us over the long haul and remember Seeds from the White Rose and The Stash Box, you are probably well aware that shit's about to get a lot more shall we say... REAL around here come January 20th. For the rest of you who discovered us after the launch of theLeftAhead, my best advice is that you buckle your seat belts once Donald Trump assumes the presidency. If you're only here to read our pop culture writing or Friends 20/20 in particular, don't fret. As theLeftAhead's pop culture writer, I can assure you that our site's political commentary won't spill over into this blog series or my pop culture writing anymore than it has in the past. I'm just delivering a more general announcement to our site's readership that protesting Republican presidential administrations is one of the things that we do best, so stay tuned.
Now that that's out of the way, what do you say we get right into this week's episode? I knew we'd be on the same page. This episode marks a turning point for Rachel Green as she finally is pushed (by a humiliating request from Gunther) to overcome her fear and quit her job at Central Perk. Unbeknownst to us (the audience) in real time, but Rachel's decision to jump off a cliff, so to speak, by quitting her job in pursuit of her career aspirations in the fashion industry will set into motion a series of events that will have serious repercussions in her personal life. Jot down a little reminder about this in your notes, class, because we will be returning to explore the subject matter that I just foreshadowed when we reconvene in the spring. Being that this is the last episode of 1996 (or in our case, 2016), this episode is also a Christmas episode. One of the Christmas themed plot lines that the writers lay out for us is Phoebe's aversion to the tradition of decorating Christmas trees. When she discovers that Joey landed a seasonal job selling Christmas trees, she informs him that she finds the practice of decorating Christmas tree "corpses" grotesque. Luckily, Joey is able to convince her that the trees are happy to be chopped down and decorated because they are fulfilling their life purpose by making people happy. However, when Phoebe comes to visit Joey at work, she discovers that the old trees are put in the chipper and destroyed which sends her off on a whole other tangent of protest. In the end, Monica and Joey decide to collect all of the old trees and put them in Monica and Rachel's apartment so that they are able to fulfill their Christmas destiny, so to speak. Phoebe is overwhelmed with joy to receive her Christmas surprise of knowing that all of the old trees have been saved. This story line is great because first, it really demonstrates the uniquely weird but caring person that is Phoebe. It, secondly, shows what good friends Monica and Joey are to go to such lengths to make Phoebe happy. Awe, just thinking about it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. On that high note, considering the tough year it has been, I think we have landed in good place to say, "Peace Out, 2016." I hope all of you, the readers out there, have a fabulous rest of your holiday season. Happy New Year and see you in 2017. Adams, out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Gunther asked Rachel to retake the Central Perk waitress training so Chandler convinces her to quit her job, Ross accidentally breaks a little girl's leg in his building and offers to sell Brown Bird cookies for her to make up for it, Joey gets a seasonal job selling Christmas trees but Phoebe objects to the practice of objectifying the new trees and destroying old ones, Monica gets hooked on Brown Bird cookies to the point that Ross has to cut her off, and Rachel lands a new job in the fashion industry which allows her to say goodbye to the tray spot forever.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk discussing the unfortunate incident that resulted in Ross breaking a little girl's leg. Monica, visibly flabbergasted, rhetorically asks, "You broke a little girl’s leg?" Ross sheepishly responds, "I know. I feel horrible. Okay?" [The Knockout] Pretending the read the paper, Chandler reports, "Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night." Turning to Ross, he continues, "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"
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Headline Image Source: Funkyjunk
The Geller Cup
Season 3, Episode 9
Friends S3:E9 - Well it's Monday night, a new week has begun. I turn my TV on for some pigskin fun. Click over to that one network with ESP, the lamest game each week is their specialty. You know I gotta get ready, make everything right. 'Cause all my rowdy friends are coming over tonight. So, are you ready? I mean, are you ready? Are you ready, ready? Are you ready for some football? A Monday night party. This is Kenny "The Jet" Adams, I'm bout to get this thang started. Yo. What it do, Friendinistas? How's every one doing now that we've had a fortnight to process that Donald Trump (a man who just paid $25 million to settle a lawsuit in which he is accused of defrauding 6,000 college students [many of whom were United States military veterans] through his undeniably predatory fake Trump University) will be our next President? I've obviously been better. Nonetheless, as much of a self-inflicted authoritarian calamity as America has brought upon ourselves, the sun is still shining each and every day when I wake up (partially because as a writer who works an average of three hours a week, I usually sleep until noon). The birds are still chirping each and every day when I wake up. And, for Pete's sake, Friends reruns are still streaming on Netflix each and every day when I wake up. Don't get me wrong. We must all be vigilant about peacefully but purposefully resisting Donald Trump's administration and every thing it represents each and every day from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep, but that being said...it is also important to remember that life goes on. On that note, we have one of my all-time favorite Friends episodes on the docket to break down during our time together today. What do you say we just jump right into it? Cool, I knew we would be on the same page.
Today's episode, The One With All the Football, is an indisputable classic. The Friends writing staff is notorious for bringing their A game each year for the Thanksgiving episodes. Season 3 was, of course, no exception as we have a great deal of infamous material to unpack. For starters, Chandler Bing was on fire during this episode with his one-liners or Chan Man Quips as they are endearingly referred to here. I counted at least seven different instances of Chandler delivering a one-liner that was worthy of the bottom section of our blog post. I can't remember ever writing about an episode thus far where there were so many different one-liners to choose from to select our Chan Man Quip of the Week. The exceptional bar of sarcasm that Chandler sets in this episode resulted from a spectacular collaboration between the writer's and Mathew Perry. Could the jokes have been more crisply written or sharply delivered? The answer is obviously no. Secondly, the sibling rivalry interplay between Monica and Ross was a hilarious new development for the series. It had already been established earlier in the series that Monica is competitive, but we now find out that Ross is just as competitive. Apparently being ridiculously competitive is a trait that runs in the Geller family. Watching the two reminisce about their childhood football games and then resort back to adolescent behavior in handling their compulsive need to beat one another now as adults was quite enjoyable. This interplay also sets the writing staff up nicely to explore this dynamic between the siblings in the future, as well.Next, we have another newly established dynamic to discuss in today's episode. For the first time in the series, Chandler and Joey compete directly for the affection of the same woman. Watching the two roommates and best friends attempt to insult and embarrass each other in an attempt to impress Margha (an onlooker in the park from the Nederlands who is watching our friends play football) is pure unadulterated comic gold. It's also pleasing to watch Chandler temporarily win the competition but then loose out on dating Margha in the end because he couldn't resist the compulsion to gloat to Joey about how "the dutch girl chose me." This dynamic of Chandler and Joey competing for the affection of the same women is also foreshadowing for future story lines to come, particularly an interesting story line next season.
Finally, I think it's important that we point out how spectacular the park set was that the gang played football on. Apparently, according to the commentary for this episode on the DVD box set, this was an indoor set created on a vacant sound stage adjacent to the regular Friends set at Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank, CA. The autumn colors on the leaves are stunning and the set designer did an incredible job of making the stage appear to be an authentic outdoor park. The extras who are enjoying time in the park (particularly the women in apartment window who watches the entire football game) are a nice touch that works in adding to the ambiance. So yeah, game recognize game. I just wanted to shout out the spectacular job that was done by the Friends crew in putting together this set for the today's episode. Well kids, I think that's about all I have for today. I just want to take a brief moment to wish everyone out there a particularly happy Thanksgiving. I know, after all we've already been through this month, we can use it. Also, if you're spending time with extended family on Thursday (and that family includes members who supported Donald Trump) don't be afraid to speak out against hate and on behalf of decency in the United States of America. The election of Donald Trump and everything that it represents is one of the saddest moments in our nation's history and nobody should be allowed to be comfortable with it (much less celebrate it) for even one moment this Thanksgiving in the presence of decent Americans. That being said, to you and yours, sincerely, Happy Thanksgiving! Catch you in December.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Joey decides to organize a three-on-three football game in the park, Monica and Ross aren't sure if they should join in because their mom had once forbid them from playing football, Phoebe starts gossiping about Chandler during her first ever huddle, Rachel is upset that she's the last one picked for the game and is never thrown the ball, Chandler and Joey compete for the affection of an onlooker named Margha from the Nederlands, and Monica and Ross both try to claim victory and secure the Geller Cup even after they had agreed to call the game a tie.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Throughout the football game, Chandler and Joey have been competing for the affections of Margha (an attractive woman from the Nederlands who has been watching them play from a park bench). It began when, after Joey agreed to let Chandler go after Margha unimpeded in order to help him get over Janice, Joey infuriated Chandler by suggesting he wouldn't stand a chance at winning Margha's affection if they competed for her because he (Joey) is better with the ladies and he (Chandler) is better with "numbers and stuff." Chandler was so offended that he insisted that they compete head to head for her affection. From then on, throughout the football game, both Chandler and Joey kept upping the ante on trying to embarrass the other one in front of Margha. All of this leads to a play where Ross pitches the ball to Chandler. Chandler then starts running up field when Joey knocks the ball loose and yells, "Fumble!" Joey picks the ball up and starts to return the fumble. Chandler reacts by chasing him and then grabbing his jersey from behind and ripping it into two pieces. Joey stops, turns, and angrily asks Chandler, "What the hell’s the matter with you?! This is my favorite jersey." [The Knockout] Returning the anger in kind and adding in some snark for good measure, Chandler responds, "Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math."
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Headline Image Source: Previously.TV
Thread the Needle
Season 3, Episode 8
Friends S3:E8 - God, it was awful. Like many Americans, it was one of the most disturbing nights of my life. It just felt so violating. Not because conservatism was upsetting progressivism. As unfortunate as the political ramifications are, I've lived through tough election beats before. They hurt, for sure, but nothing like this. This was violating on a much deeper level. Because this election, at his core, had become a referendum on decency, there was a feeling of utter disgust upon realizing that maleficence could win out. And that was the worst part. When the outcome was still unknown. The uncertainty early in the night on Tuesday was unbearable. It was beyond gut wrenching during those hours after racism had stormed to an early lead. You know, when we knew but at the same time, we didn't yet know. Those hours were horrible, watching and praying as it become more and more improbable, but holding out hope against all logic that somehow Hillary Clinton was going to thread the needle and stage a massive comeback in Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan on behalf decency in America. It didn't happen and like every other decent American, I was crushed that a sexual predator became our President-elect. Look, I'm not going to lie. We are on day six of Trump'sAmerica. I'm still grieving and heartbroken. Before it became clear on Tuesday night that we were experiencing one of the biggest political upsets in American history, I assumed that I would do a full post-election analyses today and be able to put a nice little bow on politics for the foreseeable future. I was looking forward to returning to the people's work of deconstructing 20 year old episodes of Friends. Given the circumstances, I'm not emotionally or intellectually able to do that yet, so forgive me...but we may need to return to politics one more time before we take our winter break. Ted James, theLeftAhead Editor-in-chief asked me to also relay to readers that he intends to write his own postmortem piece on the election of Donald Trump before the end of 2016. We should all be looking forward to that (no sarcasm intended, despite all of our lampooning of one another...in all seriousness, Ted is an excellent political thinker and writer). Finally, for those of you who were wondering if I would even return to write the column this week because of the joke I made last Monday indicating that if Trump won the election, the Friends 20/20 blog series would be cancelled because there would be much more urgency in theLeftAhead offices to write about things of far greater importance than dissecting 20 year old sitcom episodes, let me assuage your fears. I've given it a lot of thought this week and the conclusion that I've reached is that hate won the battle on Tuesday but if we give in out of fear and start reorganizing our affairs in response, then we are allowing hate to win the war. It boggles my mind that I'm about to evoke George W. Bush, but I'm about to evoke George W. Bush. To paraphrase, he argued that if Americans stopped living our lives after 9/11, the terrorists win. Similarly, if we stop living our lives now that somebody as deplorable (pun intended) and dangerous as Donald J. Trump has been elected President of the United States of America, hate wins. Therefore, the Friends 20/20 blog series continues! Plus, given the flexibility that I have to speak on current events in this column, I can continue to use this platform as a bully pulpit to voice my opposition to everything that a Trump presidency represents. The resistance is already underway. Hallelujah. On that note, ladies and gentlemen...Kate McKinnon. See you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe is scared to go to the dentist because every time she goes someone she knows dies, Joey informs Chandler that he saw Janice making out with her soon-to-be ex-husband, Ross trusts Rachel to babysit Ben because he knows Monica will also be home but Monica ends up banging Ben's head on a wooden ceiling beam, Rachel and Monica try to hide Ben's injury by dressing him up in a Rainy Day Bear's rain suit, Chandler decides to break up with Janice to give her a chance to make her family work, and Joey, Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe use a giant poking device to thread the needle through an open window across the street and poke Ugly Naked Guy as he lay dormant to make sure Phoebe didn't kill him by going to the dentist.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Towards the end of the episode, Phoebe concludes that the curse of someone dying when she goes to the dentist has been broken after she calls everyone she knows. Joey immediately looks out the window across the street and notices that Ugly Naked Guy is laying dormant with the window open. Phoebe becomes worried that he is dead because of her curse so Joey organizes the group to fashion a giant poking device to see if he's alive. Joey, Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, and Monica proceed to thread the needle of getting their giant poking device across the street and through Ugly Naked Guys window. Once they start poking him, he starts stirring which gives the gang the relief of knowing that he wasn't dead but rather in deep hibernation.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler, Ross, and Phoebe are over at Monica and Rachel's apartment hanging out with Rachel. Rachel hands Phoebe a brownie and offers one to Chandler and Ross. Chandler and Ross both accept and take a brownie but then see Phoebe groan and spit hers out. Chandler responds to this by saying, "Okay, I'm not going to have one." In turn, Ross chimes in, "Neither will I" and they both put their brownies back on the plate. Seeing this, Phoebe reports, "No, no. It's just my tooth." Hearing this, Chandler changes his mind and says, "Alright, I'll have one." Both Ross and he re-grab a brownie from the plate. Ross then asks Phoebe, "So what’s a matter, you need a dentist? I’ve got a good one." Phoebe responds, "No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can’t see him." [The Knockout] Laying the snark on so thick, he could have used it to butter toast, Chandler observes, "See that is the problem with invisible dentists."
Video Source: Saturday Night Live on YouTube
Featured Image Source: Quartz
Headline Image Source: Heavy.com
Mr. Big Shot
Season 3, Episode 7
Friends S3:E7 - Okay, boys and girls. Here we are less than 24 hours away from Election Day in the United States of America. Today we will either be writing post number 53 in our 236 part Friends 20/20 blog series, or, if Donald Trump gets elected tomorrow, we will be writing post number 53 in our 53 part Oh Shit, Writing About a 20 Year Old Sitcom Doesn't Matter Anymore Because the World Might Come To An End At Any Moment blog series. Clearly, anyone who has been following along with this column already knows how I feel. I'm no fan of Secretary Clinton but her opponent is the most unqualified and dangerous major party nominee in the history of the United States of America. That's right, boys and girls. We have a real Mr. Big Shot running for president. And not the good 'Chauncey Billups draining a clutch jumper to win a playoff game' kind of Mr. Big Shot but the bad 'Donald Trump crass, self-centered, narcissistic sociopath' kind of Mr. Big Shot. Unfortunately for us, the type of Mr. Big Shot and the actual person running for president are one and the same. Even if we set aside the fact that he is too temperamental to be trusted with the nuclear codes and that suffering through even four more years with a climate denier in charge of our government could have catastrophic consequences, how can we conform Donald Trump's behavior during the campaign to the dignity that the office of the presidency requires for America's children? We all know the laundry list of vulnerable populations in our society as well as individuals that this man has insulted over the past 18 months. Therefore, there is no need for me to rehash this very long and painful laundry list. My question remains, though, how can we possible tell our children that it's not okay to be a bully after they've witnessed a bully getting rewarded by being elected President of the United States? Forget liberal vs. conservative, establishment vs. populism, and everything else that the media has told us this decision was supposed to be about. Our election tomorrow has now become a referendum on decency in the United States of American. I can only pray that indecency does not win the day. And that's all I really want to say about the election. I'll admit, though, it's really hard to focus on writing a pop culture column today. For whatever reason, I'm really nervous about this election and I just want if finally to all be over (assuming that Secretary Clinton wins). I'm sure that reading my in depth analyses about all of tomfoolery that Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey got themselves into 20 years ago today is probably very low on your list of priorities as well. That being the case, I'll close my opening remarks by sharing the behind the scenes footage from an Access Hollywood tape of Donald Trump that we all know but should also all watch one more time before we vote. If there is any decency left in our country, this should be an automatic disqualification for the presidency. Do not elect this man as your president, America.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross can't get along with Rachel's dad, Joey starts teaching soap opera acting at a local community college, Chandler call Janice's soon-to-be ex-husband a wank when they see he is using the divorce to sell mattresses on his television commercials, (after seeing the sales offers in the commercial) Monica shops for a new mattress at the Mattress King and ends up with a race car bed when Phoebe signs her name to approve delivery, and Ross goes from Mr. Big Shot to bonding with Rachel's dad over making fun of Bobby Bobby (her chiropractor).
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is alone in Monica's room sitting on her race car bed and fantasizing about driving a real car out in traffic. Perfectly content to be lost in his own little daydream, Chandler mimics the noises that his car would make and then yells out to an imaginary fellow commuter, "Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom!" He goes on to mimic the sound of his tires screeching as he comes to a stop and looks over to apparently see an attractive women. He yells out, "Hey-hey good lookin’!" and proceeds to honk the bed's horn in approval. As he puts his imaginary car back in gear, yelling, "Varrrrrrrrroom" some more, he notices that Rachel has walked into Monica's room and his observing his behavior with a stone-faced look. He acknowledges her presence and says, "Alright, I'll leave." [The Knockout] As he gets up from the bed and begins to leave the room, Chandler informs Rachel, "My bed’s so boring."
Don't Say Anything
Season 3, Episode 6
Friends S3:E6 - When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween. Hey there, boys and girls. Happy Halloween to you and yours! How cool is it that the wickedest of wicked holidays is on a Monday this year? I'm super stoked that we get to spend a few minutes together on the scariest day of the year. If you guessed that your boy Kenny Adams would be dressing up for Halloween, you guessed correctly. Wanna know what I dressed up as today? (Drum roll please...) I'm Casper the FRIENDly Ghost! Ha ha, I know you're feeling that, right? The fact that today is, indeed, the scariest day of the year seems apropos to today's festivities considering we have two terrifying Gandalf Gaffes to dissect from the infamous flashback episode that we will be covering during our time together. I won't get too much into the plot of today's episode during my opening remarks because we will dissect the episode in excruciating detail during the Gandalf Gaffe section of today's post. For now...I just want to say, Happy Halloween! I hope everyone has a blast tonight but stays safe. Also, for any of you out there who enjoy when I deviate away from pop culture (and Friends specifically) to dip my toes in the ice cold water of political commentary, rest assured that I will once again fishing those waters next week in our final post before Election Day 2016. After that, I promise to do my best to avoid discussing politics again during this blog series until the 2018 cycle is in full swing. Any who, that's what I got on this sugar-driven holiday. Don't get sick eating too much candy this week. I want you all to be feeling rested and healthy when we reconvene next week. Until then...one last thing. Go Cubs Go!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where we flashback to Ross finding out that Carol is a lesbian, Monica finding out that Phoebe is moving out of the apartment, Joey finding out that Chandler isn't gay while interview to be his roommate, Rachel finding out that she has wild oats to sew before settling down with Barry, Chandler finding out about the glory that is Baywatch, Phoebe finding out what it's like to make out with Ross, and Rachel finding out that you don't say anything when you start fantasizing about having a one-night stand in a bar with Chandler.
Gandalf Gaffes - Trick or treat. If you can believe it, we have two gaffes to dissect in today's infamous flashback episode. In fact, not only do we have two gaffes to dissect, but, as it turns out, these are two very serious infractions. So, enough with the formalities, let's begin shall we? Today's episode starts with the gang sitting around at Central Perk. Janice, Chandler's girlfriend, is there with them and she poses a question to the group asking who of the six of them has slept with who of the six of them. After they all deny having had any flings (aside from Rachel and Ross, or course), Janice asks if any of them had any close calls when it comes to hook ups. Everyone reacts as if to suggest that there have indeed been some close calls and the scene cuts away to opening credits. We return to discover that we are in a flashback and it says, "three years earlier" on the screen. Because we are currently in October of 1996, three years earlier implies that the flashback is taking place in October of 1993 (which is 11 months before the pilot episode). The story line that plays out during today's flashback turns out to be extremely problematic with two previously established precedents. First, it is indisputable that the Friends pilot episode makes it clear that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time in her life when she bursts into Central Perk soaking wet and wearing a wedding dress after running out on Barry (her fiancé). However, in today's flashback (that according to the timeline, remember, takes place 11 months prior to the pilot) Chandler makes a move on Rachel at a bar (which eventually is renovated into a coffee shop and becomes Central Perk) after overhearing her confide in her girlfriends that she would love to have a fling with "the next guy she sees" in an effort to sew her wild oats (so to speak) before settling down with Barry. The flashback makes it clear that Chandler and Rachel's interaction during the flashback was memorable enough that neither would have forgotten it 11 months later and reasonably think that they were meeting for the first time during the pilot. There is no other way to spin it, this story line in the flashback is a gaffe. Second, it is also indisputable that the Friends pilot and S1:E2 contain a story line where Ross's wife Carol moves out in the pilot and then tells Ross that she's pregnant in S1:E2. However, in today's flashback, Ross reveals to Phoebe and then the gang that he has just discovered that Carol is a lesbian and that he thinks his marriage is over. Thus, if we are to believe the timeline that this flashback is offering, Carol reveals to Ross that she's a lesbian and that they should no longer be married in October of 1993, however they continue to live together and have sex until September of 1994? Carol reveals to Ross that she's pregnant in S1:E2 but it is not until S1:E23 that she gives birth (May of 1995). Therefore, in order to make the birth timeline work, it is indisputable that Ross and Carol were still having sex until around the time of the pilot. It is simply too implausible that Carol would reveal to Ross in October of 1993 that she's a lesbian (with her lover Susan already in the picture, by the way) but Ross and Carol would still continue to live together and have sex for another 11 months. Once again, I have no choice but to rule that this story line in the flashback is another serious gaffe. It gives me no pleasure, but because of the extreme inconsistency of both of these infractions, I decree that they are both severe enough to go on the permanent record as level three infractions.
Gandalf Gaffe #11: As part of the flashback that takes place 11 months prior to the pilot episode, Chandler attempts to start a fling with Rachel at a bar that later becomes Central Perk. It was clearly established in the pilot, however, that Rachel meets Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe for the first time at Central Perk after running out on her wedding to Barry.
Gandalf Gaffe #12: As part of the flashback that takes place 11 months prior to the pilot episode, Ross informs the gang that he has discovered that his wife Carol is a lesbian. This is inconsistent with the timeline established in the pilot and S1:E2. In the pilot Carol moves out and in S1:E2 she tells Ross that she's pregnant. Since Ben isn't born until almost nine months after S1:E2, the implication is that Ross and Carol were living together and continuing to have sex until the pilot episode. It is not realistic that Ross and Carol would continue living together and having sex for 11 months after she revealed to him that she is a lesbian.
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - At the beginning of the flashback (which takes place about 11 months prior to the pilot episode) Phoebe is at her and Monica's apartment (she was Monica's roommate back then) looking out the window across the street. Ross is also there hanging out so she informs him that Cute Naked Guy is "really starting to put on weight."
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Chandler is at his apartment during the flashback interviewing a roommate applicant named Eric. He starts the interview by asking, "So, uh, Eric, what kind of photography do you do?" Eric responds, "Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time. I hope that’s cool?" Quite pleased with Eric's answer, Chandler continues, "Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here, you know......never." Even though Chandler is already clearly pleased with how the interview is going, Eric decides it wise to go ahead and continue running up the score by informing Chandler, "Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister’s beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she’s a porn star." [The Knockout] Unable to contain himself, Chandler breaks the pencil he is holding to conduct the interview in half and says, "Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you’re chances are pretty good." He then hugs Eric.
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