Ball the Melon
Season 2, Episode 11
Friends S2:E11 - Greetings, Friends Nation. Happy MLK Day! I hope everyone is enjoying an incredible three-day weekend. After mine started horribly (when I caught a bad case of food poisoning on Friday night), I've slowly been able to rally. I was out of commission for most of the past two days, but I had a tremendous time at my local MLK Day parade this morning and my afternoon is proving to be quite lovely as well (especially because I'm getting to spend some of it with you fine people). Some being the operative word. I must admit, our time together this week is shaping up to be quite brief because I'm laser focused on completing this blog post as quickly as possible to clear the way for a much-needed vomit-free relaxing evening. My sincerest apologies, but being that this is my first day back on my feet after being holed up in bed for two days...I'm a little exhausted, not to mention a little loopy. So, now that I've served you up a big, steaming bowl of TMI, what do you say we rap about today's episode of Friends, shall we? Great! We begin with our sad clown Ross who, just when you thought he couldn't get any sadder, adds some more red lipstick to extend down his frown when he finds out his ex-wife is getting married and is forced to pile that juicy nugget on top of the Jenga puzzle of pain he's already suffering from because a series of reckless decisions that resulted in him dumping Julie for Rachel but then also losing Rachel. While Ross spends the majority of the episode moping around feeling sorry for himself, he eventually is able to save the day by being there for Carol when her bigoted parents wouldn't be. He saves the wedding by graciously standing in to give Carol away to Susan, and he saves the reception by balling the roundest and most delicious melons you'd ever want to eat. (On the off chance that you're reading this without having previously watched the episode, ball the melon is not a euphemism. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
Moving right along...the other significant milestone in this episode occurs when Joey makes his first appearance on Days of Our Lives. As we come to find out later in the series, landing the role of Dr. Drake Ramoray on DOOL will prove to be one of the most pivotal moments of Joey's acting career. In fact, this gig becomes the gig by which all other gigs are compared. Days of Our Livez (typo intended) becomes the mean that all of Joey's acting roles regress to, so to speak. From here on out (in Joey's mind), if he's acting in anything more prestigious than than a soap opera, his career is on the up-swing and if he's acting in anything less glamorous than being on day-time television, his career is in the toilet. In other words, this DOOL-ometer (if you will) becomes the mechanism Joey uses to evaluate his career. Now that I think about it, adding the DOOL-ometer as a regular part of this blog series would be a great way to keep tabs on our favorite fictional actor. (Note to Self: Begin measuring Joey's acting career on the DOOL-ometer for the remaining 201 posts left in the series). And on that note to self, I better wrap this up so I can get on to my much needed holiday weekend relaxation time. Speaking of holiday weekend, I'd be remiss if I didn't take the opportunity (in observance of Dr. King) to elevate the rhetoric and leave you today with a quote from the great reverend to chew on during the week. Dr. King once said, "It is not possible to be in favor of justice for some people and not be in favor of justice for all people." With that, have a great rest of your holiday. Talk to you on that next.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross finds out that Carol and Susan are getting married, Rachel's mom comes to visit and informs Rachel that she's thinking about leaving her dad, Phoebe is haunted by the spirit of a massage client who died on her table, Joey makes his first appearance on Days of Our Lives, Carol and Susan hire Monica to cater their wedding, Chandler half-heartedly hits on women at the lesbian wedding, and Ross realizes that if he can attend his ex-wife's wedding and be the one to give her away, he certainly can help to ball the melon.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - Rachel's mom notices Ugly Naked Guy playing the cello. In pointing this out to Rachel, she describes him as "an unattractive nude man."
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang and Rachel's mom are at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is ordering everyone to help her prepare food for her gig catering Carol and Susan's wedding. Feeling the pressure of not having enough time to get everything done, Monica bossily barks out, "All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left. Move, move, move!" [The Knockout] Chandler grumpily fires back, "Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles."
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Headline Image Source: PlayBuzz
Mendelevium
Season 2, Episode 10
Friends S2:E10 - Good Monday, Friendsters and happy new year to each and every one of you. I hope everyone has shaken off the "returning to work" depression that probably set in last night after football ended (J-E-T-S...GO JETS!! Too soon?) and is having a productive first Monday of 2016. Personally, I'm happy to be back to work and I'm fired up to embark on another amazing year of writing witty and insightful pop culture content for theLeftAhead. Who knows? This year I might even venture out and take on some extra assignments on top of my Friends column. Rumor is Disney has some new space movie that is getting good word of mouth. Perhaps I should try to beat everyone else to the punch and write a post about this war in the stars thing before it catches on? At any rate, enough of my tongue in cheek posturing. Despite how much I know that you've come to enjoy my sarcasm, given that it is the first workday of the year and everyone has a thousand things on our to-do lists as well as New Year's resolutions to break before the end of business today (I mean uphold all year), I plan on keeping our first 2016 foray into the Friends universe short and sweet.When last we left our buddies, Ross was coming to terms with the fact that he'd almost had Rachel as his girlfriend, but somehow "pulled a Monica" and let her slip through his fingers during the unfortunate "pros and cons" computer incident of 1995. While he has had a few weeks to come to terms with the reality that he is not dating Rachel, Ross now has to come to terms with the idea of her dating someone else. To make matters worse, the someone else Rachel is dating is Russ, someone who is eerily similar in looks and personality to Ross. So much so that, in the words of Chandler Bing, "if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare." Luckily, Rachel's attraction to Russ is short lived. It finally dawns on her that she is dating a Ross clone because of an altercation that arises between the two doctors after Ross demonstrates a superior knowledge of the periodic table. While competing over a crossword puzzle, Ross correctly answers mendelevium to a question that Russ had incorrectly guessed dysprosium. The ensuing quarrel between the two doctors finally allows Rachel to realize how alike they are and as a consequence makes mendelevium the hero of today's episode. Thank you, mendelevium for allowing Ross to show up Russ and demonstrate to Rachel that she is going for the rebound harder than Dennis Rodman. On top of that, as it turns out, Rachel's trash is our old friend Julie's treasure. I think it's safe to say that mendelevium is Cupid's favorite element because as a result of Rachel dumping Russ...Julie and Russ have a chance encounter at Central Perk that sparks a love connection. And we here at theLeftAhead could not be happier for Julie to have found her Russ. After the way Ross Geller did her dirty to be with Rachel, we're overjoyed that Julie storyline has a happy ending. Going back to our hero (MENDELEVIUM aka THE MIGHTY MIGHTY MD) it's a new year and apparently the major issue concerning the periodic table is population control. That's right, mendelevium. While you're saving twenty-something waitresses from disastrous relationships, you better also guard your corner because Elements 113, 115, 117, and 128 have officially been relocated to the neighborhood. Will the new elements on the periodic table prove to be as heroic as our good friend mendelevium? Only time will tell. One thing is for sure. Whether it's 1996 or 2016...mendelevium is there for you.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel rebounds from the Ross debacle by dating a doctor who reminds people of Bob Saget, Joey is forced to decide if he is willing to use sex as a means for advancing his career, Monica convinces Fun Bobby to stop drinking which results in her dating Ridiculously Dull Bobby, Chandler gets pleasure out of meddling in the interaction between Ross and Russ, Phoebe tries to wake Rachel up to the fact that Russ is spookily similar to Ross, and Ross aka Weenie Number One gets Russ out of the picture by winning a debate about mendelevium.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey is at home making boatloads of marinara sauce and filling up every container with it that he can get his hands on. Chandler comes home and notices the ridiculous amount of sauce that Joey is making and inquires about what's going on. He says, "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part, or... uh, Italy called and said it was hungry." Joey responds, "Well, the part's mine if I want it." Excited, Chandler exclaims, "Oh my God!" However, Joey continues, "Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady." Chandler repeats himself (this time in an exacerbated tone), "Oh my God!" Visibly distraught over his dilemma, Joey elaborates, "Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television." Chandler follows with the obvious question, "So, what're you gonna do?" Joey, seemingly torn on which direction he is leaning, responds, "Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?" [The Knockout] Chandler (unable to allow Joey to lob a softball right over the plate) smashes it with, "Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know."
Featured Image Source: NTUU "KPI"
Headline Image Source: Chemical Elements.com
Hardball
Season 2, Episode 9
Friends S2:E9 - Deck the blog because I'm a pop culture svengali, Fa la la la la la la la la, Tis the Season Two Christmas to be jolly, Fa la la la la la la la la. My goodness, it feels good to be back on the job this week. Welcome, welcome. I hope you're as transfixed with the holiday spirit as I am this glorious Monday morning that, if I'm not mistaken, constitutes the twelfth day before Christmas. But before you go running out to purchase your true love a partridge in a pear tree, I did a little research and it turns out that The Twelve Days of Christmas is most often observed as the twelve day period beginning on Christmas Day and ending on the eve of the Epiphany rather than the twelve day period beginning today and ending on Christmas Day. Dating back to childhood, I always assumed the latter (that Christmas Day was the last of the twelve days). In other words, I assumed that my true love was giving me twelve drummers drumming on Christmas Day, not in early January during the apex of the college football bowl season (wait, then again...twelve drummers drumming during the college football bowl season? Coincidence?). I guess you learn something new every day. In my case, (as I've stated numerous times before) I've learned plenty of those new things while doing research for this blog series. For instance, did you know that Albert Einstein (a.k.a Phoebe's grandfather) was a self-taught violinist? "If you don't know, now you know." I was very pleased to uncover that juicy nugget while doing my research this past weekend. But I digress. I know that time is a precious commodity during the holiday season and you've visited the blog today to get some world class Friends analysis, not to figure out the exact day that ten lords will be leaping into your living room nor to discuss Albert Einstein's proclivity for the violin. So without further ado and in the words of Chris Matthews, "Let's play hardball."
In today's episode, we are asked to put the will they, won't they drama of the Ross and Rachel saga on the back burner and allow Phoebe to take center stage as she begins a long quest to meet her biological father and learn more about who he is as a person. Considering that she knew so little about him to begin with that she believed her grandmother's preposterous scheme to convince her that the "guy that comes in the frame" photos were in fact pictures of her father, Phoebe was quite literally starting this quest from square one. One of Phoebe's most endearing qualities throughout the series run is her desperate pursuit to establish the types of loving and supportive family relationships that were absent during her childhood. She has an endearing spirit when it comes to her handling of family members and she seems to have a remarkable reservoir of hope from which she draws the grace necessary to overlook her family members flaws and forgive those involved in dooming her to a miserable childhood. Phoebe's ongoing mission to belong to a loving family is a series long journey that is fascinating to watch as it unfolds and her attempt to visit her biological father in this episode with Joey and Chandler along for support is a big step down a path that will eventually lead her on some riveting adventures. If you want to read more about The Adventures of Phoebe Buffay - Family Explorer, you're going to have to browse back to Friends 20/20 in 2016. I've had a great year writing this blog series. I hope you've enjoyed reading it. As I've stated before, this is an organically developing project so my goal is to come back even sharper in the New Year to bring you an even better version of the provocative analysis that you've come to rely on. For now, I'm off to vacation to teach myself how to play the violin. Or not? You never know. Happy holidays to you and yours! Kenny Adams...out. Fa la la la la la la la la.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe sees a picture of her father for the first time and gets his address from her Grandmother, Monica and Rachel throw a party at their apartment even though it is unbearably hot because their radiator is broken, Ross is self-conscious about the amount of gel he uses in his hair, Joey and Chandler buy Christmas presents for their friends at a gas station while supporting Phoebe on her quest to meet her father, and Mr. Treeger's scheme to kiss Rachel under the mistletoe at the party is foiled but he makes some extra money when the gang thinks he is playing hardball.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler begins reminiscing about his childhood, "You know, I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneaking around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up." Empathizing with him, Rachel offers, "Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas." [The Knockout] Chandler, a hint of self-loathing in his voice, responds right back, "Who said anything about Christmas?"
Featured Image Source: American News X
Headline Image Source: QuotesGram
Twelve Megabytes of Ram
Season 2, Episode 8
Friends S2:E8 - Yo, what's good my fellow Friendsologists? Happy Monday before the Monday before Thanksgiving! I'm tremendously excited that we are rapidly approaching the holiday season. After submitting the column today, I'll be happily leaving the cozy confines of theLeftAhead offices to embark on a much needed cross-country vacation. After all, I have worked a whopping eight days so far this fall. With that type of workload, a month long vacation is just what the doctor ordered. But you didn't visit the blog today to get up to speed on my incredibly demanding work schedule. You're here to pontificate with me on what can only be described as the precursor to The Decision. That's right. Prior to native son LeBron James incredibly misguided idea to break the hearts of Ohio sports fans on live national television by choosing to take his talents to South Beach, the most notorious example in American history of a mid-twenty something male screwing the pooch so profoundly while making a tough decision was Ross Geller making his decision between being with Julie or Rachel. In the same way that is wasn't wrong for LeBron to choose the Miami Heat over the Cleveland Cavaliers but rather it was the manner in which he made the decision that amounted to a severe lack of judgement, so too was it not wrong for Ross to choose Rachel over Julie but rather it was the manner in which he made the decision that also amounted to a severe lack of judgement. Ross' first mistake was listening to Chandler's idea to make a pros and cons list of reasons to be with both Rachel and Julie. Ross' second mistake was allowing Chandler to create physical evidence of his first mistake on his brand new computer. We all knew that Ross was going to choose Rachel. Hell, even Ross (as clueless as he can sometimes be) must have known within half a second of kissing Rachel that his relationship with Julie had effectively ended. I understand that Ross cared for Julie and was probably wavering over the choice as a strategy for delaying the pain that he knew he was about to inflict upon her. But come on, writing out a pros and cons list on both women was a completely unnecessary exercise in futility (one that would come back to cost Ross quite severely). Of course Rachel found the list and of course she was deeply hurt by reading the cons that Ross came up for her. So yes, within a matter of hours Ross went from having two beautiful women madly in love with him to being heart broken and alone. That is one incredibly poorly executed decision. Way to go, Rossatron.
Speaking of Chandler's brand new computer, for whatever reason, I get a tremendous kick out of watching him brag about that technological dinosaur. In this episode, Chandler is sporting a brand new Compaq Contura and he famously brags about it having, "twelve megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s." Wow, could computers in 1995 have been any more sucky? Contemporary computers are commonly equipped with 16 gigabytes of RAM. This is 1365 times the amount of RAM that Chander's laptop was equipped with in 1995. Our laptops today are routinely equipped with a 256 Gigabyte hard drive. This is 524 times the amount of storage that Chandler's laptop was equipped with in 1995. Today, even your phone and probably your watch has built-in spreadsheet capabilities and don't even get me started on how far we've come from a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s. to having LTE and Wi-fi networks that can stream digital content at lighting speeds. Nevertheless, as much as I'm clowning on mid-ninties computer technology, (as we discussed in the preceding paragraph) Chandler's Compaq Contura still had enough capability to bring down Ross Geller's love life. Thanks, Bill Gates. If it wasn't for you and your computer code that allowed for "one button" printing, Ross and Rachel might have gotten together immediately after Ross broke up with Julie and if that had happened...they might have lived happily ever after. So remember boys and girls, the next time you are re-watching Friends and start getting frustrated with having to endure through ten years of Ross and Rachel's on again, off again shenanigans...there is one man and one man alone to blame. Always remember that that man is Bill Gates. This concludes our proceeding until mid-December. I hope that all of you out there have a gluttonously fantastic Thanksgiving! Finally, on behalf of theLeftAhead...I want to extend our deepest sympathies to the people of France. Our thoughts are with Friday's victims and their families. Having said that, I'll catch up with you next month.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross breaks up with Julie to be with Rachel, Monica gets a job creating recipes for the synthetic chocolate product called Mockolate, Joey and Chandler try to help Ross cover up the fact that Ross made a pros and cons list of dating both Julie and Rachel before ultimately choosing Rachel, Phoebe sings a song about a fictional love triangle, and Rachel is heartbroken and decides not to be with Ross after reading Ross' pros and cons list when it accidentally printed from Chandler's new computer that just happened to come equipped with twelve megabytes of RAM.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross, Chandler, and Joey are hanging out at Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is anguishing over his impending decision to choose between dating Julie or breaking up with her to be with Rachel. He is visibly moping as he complains, "I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare." [The Knockout] Exasperated by the fact that Ross is whining about the dilemma of having to choose between two beautiful women, Chandler mockingly fires back, "Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me.They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight."
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#SoidarityWithParis ✊️🇫🇷
Two Cats
Season 2, Episode 7
Friends S2:E7 - Hey there, fellow humans. I hope this fine Monday evening finds you well. We have quite the Friends milestone to discuss this week. That's right, you guessed it. Our long national nightmare is finally over. You can go ahead and mark it on the official score card. Ross and Rachel have finally kissed! Can you believe it? It only took 31 episodes (including one painfully long summer break) for our trusted show runners and writing staff to give the people what they want. Sure, we got the tease of a Ross and Rachel kiss as part of Rachel's day dream sequence in the Season One finale...but we already established that that doesn't really count. In today's episode, however, we've finally been treated to the real thing. I can still remember the buzz that this moment created at my school's cafeteria 20 years ago tomorrow (the day after the episode originally aired). It was all anyone wanted to talk about. Can you imagine the reaction had social media existed when this episode originally aired? I'm pretty sure that Ross and Rachel's first kiss would have broken the internet. Since instead, it occurred during the time that I was coming of age...let's just say that it most certainly broke the water cooler. And that, boys and girls, is what us Gen Xers call an iconic moment in Pop Culture history.
It's hard to believe that we have now been living in a world for 20 years in which Ross and Rachel have kissed. This was certainly an amazing moment for the show. I must say, however, as exciting and satisfying as The Kiss was, technically speaking...it does not help Ross Geller's street cred for being a nice guy. Keep in mind that when Ross and Rachel first kiss at Central Perk, he is 100 percent, unequivocally in a committed relationship with Julie. So I would be remiss to not point out that kissing Rachel while he's dating Julie is kind of a douche move on Ross's part. Especially since based on everything we know about Julie, she is a very nice person who certainly does not deserve this type of treatment. I'm sure if there were a sitcom based on the interaction of Julie and her friends, Ross would come across a lot differently than he does on our beloved show. I can see it now...Julie and her friends sitting around their favorite coffee shop talking about the jerk she's dating who didn't think twice about making out with some girl he had a crush on since high school. We will come to learn later in the series that this will not stand to be the only time that Ross exercises poor judgement in this department. But for now (every time that I watch this scene), sure part of me is overjoyed to see Ross and Rachel finally kissing but another part of me always feels bad for poor Saint Julie, the sweet paleontologist who allows herself to get chewed up and spit out by a fellow paleontologist and alumnus of her graduate school. Indeed, Ross would play the role of a short-lived villain on a sitcom made about Julie and her friends.
Before we go, we have one housekeeping matter to discuss regarding today's blog post. "Two Cats" (the title of today's post) is taken from a scene that does not appear in the syndicated version of the episode (the version you can watch on Netflix, for example), but rather from a scene that appears only in the DVD Box Set extended version of the episode. If you recall, we established early last season that our bible for establishing the sandbox that Friends 20/20 gets to play in is the DVD Box Set extended episodes. These extra scenes that were included in the DVDs often harbor important information that can help with cataloguing our Gandalf Gaffes as well as often expanding and enriching the storylines of the episodes. In today's episode, the DVD extended version includes a scene that shows Ross and Julie at an animal shelter trying to pick out the cat that they are going to own together. When Ross is having a hard time deciding which cat to choose (this is brilliantly juxtaposed with the inner turmoil he is feeling about choosing who he wants to date between Julie and Rachel), Julie proposes that they should get two cats. Ross responds to the possibility of having two cats (continuing the analogy of choosing between the two women) by saying, "I can't have two cats. Joey is the type of guy who can have two cats." Not only is this scene include a hilarious dig at Joey, but to me it seems very valuable in establishing the struggle Ross is going through in trying to figure out who he wants to be with. It's a shame that this scene was cut from the syndicated version, but luckily for us...it is fair game to cover it for our purposes. I just wanted to mention where the reference in the title of today's post comes from to clarify for anyone who may have been confused because they are following along with the syndicated version of the show. With that said, it's on to another recap. Have an excellent week and finally...I want to wish and early Happy Veterans Day on Wednesday to all of the veterans out there. Thank you for your service.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where (after finding out that Ross and Julie are planning to get a cat together) Rachel seeks closure on her Ross crush during a date that Monica setup for her, Monica starts working out with Chandler to help him loose weight, Ross discovers that Rachel likes him after receiving a drunken message from her, Phoebe seeks advice from Joey when a guy she is dating won't put out, and Ross and Rachel FINALLY kiss after Ross informs her that him and Julie (after narrowing it down) landed on not getting either of the two cats.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Chandler are working out in Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica is spotting Chandler as he does sit-ups. Noticing that Chandler is looking extremely exhausted, Monica pleads, "C'mon give me five more. Five more." Looking spent, Chandler responds in utter disdain, "No." Monica, deciding to inspire a little extra motivation, counters with, "Five more and I'll flash you." Chandler, with renewed vigor, starts counting them out as he attempts to meet the request, "One, two." Noticing that he is not going to make it all the way up on the third one, he counts out, "Two and a half." [The Knockout] After falling back to the floor completely spent, Chandler makes a very logical request, "Okay, just show me one of them."
Headline Image Source: The New York Times
From the Top
Season 2, Episode 6
Friends S2:E6 - "There'll be no strings to bind your hands, not if my love can't bind your heart. And there's no need to take a stand, for it was I who chose to start." Is it just me, or have you also noticed that Angel of the Morning has been forever tattooed in your brain because of Friends. I find the song just randomly popping into my head, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, at the most random times. I could be in the middle of giving a presentation on the difference between pre-click and post-click email monetization to an auditorium full of digital media consultants and then...BAM. Out of no where, my brain is bellowing, "Just call me angel of the morning, angel. Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby." It can be quite distracting. No matter. We must fight through it and persevere. After all, there's a blog post to write. So how you doing? It's been two weeks since we last convened and I'm feeling super refreshed and recharged. Not only did we have the much needed week off last week but on top of that we were granted an extra hour of sleep yesterday morning. It was magnificent! I love Fall Back Day. And this year it even fell on Halloween night? It doesn't get any more perfect than that. So, yes. I'm rested and ready to do this thing. We've got special guest musical performances in today's episode. We've got mishaps with kiwi fruit in today's episode. And, to top it all off, we've got the strongest Chan Man Quip of the Week that we've had to date. Let get started, shall we?
Today marks a major diversion from the standard Friends episode formula as Chrissie Hynde not only guest stars, but also performs a rendition of the aforementioned Angel of the Morning during the show. In 236 episodes of Friends, this is the only time that the writers decided to enlist a famous musician to perform a musical number as part of the script. Sure, we get plenty of musical performances from Phoebe, her collaborators, and even Ross throughout the series run, but devoting almost three minutes of airtime to allow a real musician to perform? Quite a usual change of pace. Perhaps the writers and show runners contemplated making this a recurring feature on the show and then abandoned the gimmick after trying it once and realizing it hadn't worked the way they planned. Who knows? But there is no question that it threw off the rhythm of the episode. Please don't misconstrue this as a dig against Chrissie Hynde or the song she performed. She is an excellent singer-songwriter and the fact that Angel of the Morning pops into my head out of nowhere quite regularly is a testament to the quality of the song. It's just that inserting her performing that song into the middle of an episode of Friends is simply weird and clearly out of place. I give the Friends show runners credit, though. Between this and The Rembrandts I'll Be There for You, they sure had a knack for picking music that has remained stuck in the collective heads of avid television viewers for twenty years and will probably remain there for generations to come.
I also need to give the writers a little bit of credit as well. Considering that they burned almost three minutes of today's episode (14 percent of the episode runtime) on a guest musical performance, they sure did pack a great deal of hilarity into the other 19 minutes. This episode also features The Great Kiwi Allergy Outbreak of 1995. When Ross needs Monica to take him to the hospital after accidentally eating a kiwi lime pie, David Schwimmer is delivers a brilliant piece of acting with his performance of the way that Ross speaks with the malady. More importantly, this storyline (of Monica needing to take Ross to the hospital and Ross deciding to leave Ben in the care of Joey and Chandler) sets up (in my opinion) one of the funniest laugh out loud sequences of the entire series run. The exchange between Joey and Chandler in the New York City Department of Health Services office is simply next level brilliant. We will proudly feature it below as what is by a mile our best Chan Man Quip of the Week to date. After having seen it 100 times or more, the punchline that Mathew Perry delivers continues to have me rolling on the floor laughing every single glorious time that I watch it. For me, this is a top ten funniest moment on the show. I can already imagine myself chuckling from the mere act of transcribing it when I get to the conclusion of this post. I see no reason to further delay such a delightful moment of comical ecstasy. So my good friends, it was good to see you again. Happy November and onward (christian soldiers) to the recap we march.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel helps Phoebe get her gig back singing at Central Perk after she is temporarily replaced by a "professional" singer, Monica takes Ross to the hospital when he has an allergic reaction to her kiwi lime pie, Joey and Chandler leave Ben on a bus while watching him for Ross during the kiwi emergency, and Phoebe give Stephanie (the "professional" singer) the what for when she tries to take "Smelly Cat" from the top.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey and Chandler are at the New York City Department of Health Services to pick up Ben after leaving him on a city bus. They realize that they have a serious dilemma when they discover that there are two babies in custody and they can't tell which one is Ben. One of the babies is wearing a clown outfit and the other is wearing a duck outfit. Panicking, Chandler asks Joey, "What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?" Joey (spitballing a solution) offers, "Uh, uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns." Unimpressed with Joey's solution, Chandler questions, "Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?" Equally perturbed, Joey questions back, "You got a better idea?" Chandler relents and agrees to the half-baked solution, "All right, call it in the air." As the coin is flipped, Joey blurts out, "Heads." Chandler checks the results and reports, "Heads it is." Relieved and believing the problem has been solved, Joey exclaims, "Yes! Whew!" However, Chandler quickly realizes that their efforts had been in vain and informs Joey, "We have to assign heads to something." Joey takes a moment to think about it and after also realizing the error, he suggests, "Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads." [The Knockout] Chandler responds (summoning every ounce of sarcasm he can muster), "What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?"
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Headline Image Source: The Flounce
Killing Me Softly
Season 2, Episode 5
Friends S2:E5 - Strumming my pain with his fingers (one time), singing my life with his words (two times). [I know what you're thinking. You're thinking you want to complete that melody, aren't you? It's okay, you can keep going...] Ken Adams is killing me softly with his blog. Killing me softly with his blog. Telling my Friends life with his words, killing me softly with his blog. Thanks, valued reader. Those were some great substitute lyrics you came up with on the fly in order to use a Fugees song to celebrate your favorite blog writer. I'm humbled by your warmth and creativity. Welcome, welcome. I hope this splendid Monday evening finds you well. I'm doing okay, myself, however (if I may be honest) I'm a little bummed out today because the Chicago Cubbies fell into an 0-2 hole last night against the New York Mets in the NLCS (National League Championship Series). In case you're wondering, no...I'm not bummed out because I'm a huge fan of the Chicago Cubs (although I did like them a lot when I was a kid during the Ryan Sandberg era). The reason I'm bummed out that the Cubs are behind in the series is because (as we discussed a few weeks back) I'm a huge fan of the Back to the Future trilogy. Indeed, Back to the Future fans have a lot riding on this series. As we all know, Marty discovers in Back to the Future Part II that the Chicago Cubs have won the 2015 World Series. Can you imagine how insane it would be if the prognostications made by Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale way back in 1989 actually came true? It would be bananas (b-a-n-a-n-a-s) if the Chicago Cubs ended their 106 year championship drought in the same year that is was foretold in Back to the Future. So, yes (and sorry Mets fans)...I'm rooting for the Cubbies to go all the way. What an unbelievable feather it would be in the cap of one of the greatest movie trilogies of all-time to have correctly predicted the year that the Cubs' championship drought would end. This has got to happen. So while I'm a little bummed that Chicago came up empty in Games 1 & 2 in New York, they are returning to Wrigley Field for Game 3 tomorrow in Chicago and I have a sneaking suspicion that their bats are going to wake up and propel the team of destiny back into the series. I might be totally off base here (shameless double entendre) but these "life imitating art" situations seem to have a funny way of working themselves out. Whether or not we can rely on the universe to intervene on behalf of Chicago, it's better to be safe than sorry. So, I'm getting behind the Cubs 100 percent and (on behalf of Back to the Future fans everywhere) let me say on the record, "Go Cubs, Go!"
Speaking of Back to the Future, the countdown is in full swing. We are less than two days away from Back to the Future Day. (I told you I would circle back to this when we discussed it a few weeks ago.) Thinking back to my childhood, it is pretty remarkable to know that October 21st, 2015, a day that I remember seemed so far into the future back in 1989 when I first saw BTTFII, is finally arriving. I remember as a child imagining what my life would be like on Wednesday. Of course I was envisioning the flying cars that the movie predicts, but another thing that I remember imagining is that I would have kids of my own by now. Well, the 36 hour window that is left for something crazy to happen notwithstanding, the jokes on you...childhood me. I'm 36 years old and yet to travel down that road. My wife and I discuss the topic regularly and to date the consensus has been, "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." I'm sure we'll need a road eventually, but probably not in time to coincide with 2015 of my childhood imagination. But I digress, the larger point is that Wednesday is coming, and coming fast. It will be a day to celebrate an historic timestamp in American cinematic history and reflect on the similarities to and differences from Back to the Future's interpretation of October 21st, 2015. Flying cars? Nope. Rehydrating pizzas? Not a chance. Hover boards? Umm, sort of...I guess. USA Today News Drones? Pretty close. Power-lacing Nikes? Life imitating art. Official trailer for Star Wars: Episode VII? Okay, so this wasn't in Back to the Future but the trailer was just released as I've been writing this post and as a pop culture writer, I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't find a way to include the link so ✔. 2015 World Series Champion Chicago Cubs? Right there for the taking. On behalf of Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey (who have graciously yielded their time to Marty McFly and Doc Brown in this portion of their weekly post), I would like to say "GO CUBS, GO" once more. And once more, I apologize to all the New York Mets fans out there. It's nothing personal...you're just going up against the weight of 26 years of cinematic history and 106 years of baseball misery. But hey, I always say...don't get mad, get even. If fate is indeed against you over the next several days and the Cubs do storm back to win the series, theres nothing stopping a Mets fan from writing a movie, setting the movie in 2045, and inserting a scene where the main character (lets call him Party McSwim) discovers that the Mets have won the 2045 World Series. Remember that kids. Don't get mad, get even. Happy Back to the Future Day on Wednesday and on to the recap. Killing 'em softly? ✔
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica gets a promotion at work to head lunch chef, Chandler manipulates a model in order to sleep with her, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey communicate concerns about not having enough money to do things like Ross' birthday hoopla, Ross goes to see the Hootie and the Blowfish concert with Chandler and Monica (after Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey decide not to accept the tickets that were purchased for them) and Monica winds up receiving a hicky from a blowfish afterward, and as cold as a verse of "Killing Me Softly," Monica receives the news over the phone that she's been fired for accepting the kickback of 5 steaks and an egg plant.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is just finishing dinner at a fancy restaurant while celebrating Monica's promotion. Completely oblivious to the fact that Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey had scrimped on ordering so as to spend as little money as possible, Ross is working on dividing the check six ways. While finishing his calculation, he announces, "Plus tip, divided by six. Ok, everyone owes 28 bucks." Also oblivious to the cost-cutting efforts of some of his friends, Chandler agrees, "Okay." Rejecting the notion that check should be split evenly six ways, Rachel chimes in, "Um, everyone?" Appearing to recognize the dilemma, Ross responds, "Oh, you're right, I'm sorry." Relieved by Ross' willingness to recalibrate, Joey responds, "Thank you." However, Ross continues, "It's Monica's big night, she shouldn't pay." Monica expresses her gratitude by telling Ross, "Oh, thank you!" Ross continues his calculation, figuring "So five of us is, $33.50 apiece." Fed up, Phoebe lashes out, "No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen." [The Knockout] Chandler, reacting to Phoebe's adamant refusal to divide the check five ways, remarks, "Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback."
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Nubbin
Season 2, Episode 4
Friends S2:E4 - Howdy, ladies and gents. It's that time again. That's right. It's the time in your week where I methodically give you a refresher on the inner workings of an episode of situational comedy that you first experienced twenty years ago. Every week I ask myself, "is this a necessary exercise?" I know the answer is most certainly no, yet you still flock here in droves week after week to experience Friends in this fresh and exciting way. Your dedication is amazing and gives me the motivation I need to keep trying to spin this ridiculously unnecessary exercise into something meaningful and magical week after week. I've been told that you come for the world class analysis of your favorite show but stay for the witty banter. So, thanks. I'm glad that, one way or another, I'm able to entertain you for five to ten minutes each week. Also, in case I don't say it enough, I appreciate every single one of you (the devoted readers of this blog series). I don't take your loyalty for granted, so if I'm able to put a smile on your face while we take a few moments to celebrate our favorite television series, then I know I'm doing my job. As long as you keep sending that click count through the roof, I'll keep breaking my back trying not to let you down by bringing you something new and exciting to chew on each and every week. Deal? Cool.
When we last left our heroes, the Ross-Rachel-Julie love triangle had been momentarily set to the side so the gang could mourn the loss of their beloved neighbor, Mr. Heckles. This week, the Friends writers have returned to their bread and butter, serving up Ross and Rachel drama...buffet style. When Ross confides in Rachel his struggles to get out of his own head and take his relationship with Julie to the next level, Rachel (smelling blood in the water) seizes the opportunity to give Ross some bad advice that could work to her benefit. After discovering that Ross has yet to have sex with Julie, Rachel tries to convince Ross that Julie will find him sexier if he continues to hold out, thus buying herself more time for Ross to rediscover his feelings for her and perhaps end things with Julie before ever taking that plunge. The plan seems a little far fetched but appeared to be working until Ross also sought advice on the situation from Joey. Rachel's plan is ultimately foiled after she gets Ross all hot and bothered and then watches him jump head first into the deep end of the pool, so to speak. Twice. This development further entrenches Julie into the picture and leaves the audience seemingly further away from finally getting the moment that the show has been building towards for thirteen months: a Ross and Rachel kiss (and no, a daydream sequence kiss doesn't count).
We are also treated in this episode to another layer of the "why is Chandler Bing such a neurotic wiseass with commitment issues" onion being peeled away when we discover (along with all of his friends except Monica) that Chandler has a nubbin. For those keeping score at home, you guessed correctly. A nubbin is a third nipple. This is quite a hilarious development that will continue to pay dividends for episodes to come. Along those lines, we also discover that Phoebe has a gay, ice dancing husband that no one except Monica knew about. What is this with Monica apparently being the person that all of the friends confide their deepest darkest secrets in? Well, I guess not all of the friends since Chandler was the only one that seemed to know that Joey was in a porno movie. And having broached the topic of Joey's porno, I don't have nubbin (I mean nothing) left to say except, "You know that's bad for the paper tray." On that note, brothers and sisters...may your trays always be good and may your paper always be stacked. I'll catch you next week.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross seeks Rachel's advice about his inability to go all the way with Julie, Phoebe finds out her gay husband has recently realized he's straight and needs a divorce because he is getting remarried, Monica discloses to the gang that Chandler has a third nipple after everyone finds out that her underwear is on the telephone pole from when she was having sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace, Chandler in turn discloses that Joey was in a porno movie to deflect attention away from the embarrassment of talking to the group about his nubbin, and Ross finally seals the deal with Julie...twice.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Ross and Julie are at Ross's apartment preparing to have the gang over for dinner. Ross, holds out a bowl to Julie and asks, "Julie, can you hold this for a second, thanks." When Julie takes the bowl from him, Ross uses his free hands to lean in a give Julie a deep, romantic kiss. In the middle of the kiss, Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter Ross' apartment. Noticing the kiss and sensing the awkwardness of walking into a public display of affection, Chandler decides to confront it directly by saying, "Uh, Julie." She pulls away from Ross' kiss and responds, "Yeah?" [The Knockout] Chandler quickly fires back by informing her, "Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright."
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Crazy Snake Man
Season 2, Episode 3
Friends S2:E3 - Hey there, Friendsters. Hope everyone's week (and month, for that matter) is off to a fantastic start. As excited as I am to keep my streak of approaching this column with a positive attitude in tact, I must admit that I caught a case of The Mundays this morning. I rolled out of bed like, "Could today be any more Monday? Nevertheless, I fought through it and I'm here at my computer charged up and ready to serve you (the reader) another piping hot batch of fresh Friends takes. So lets get right into it, shall we? Throughout the series run and after Friends first went off of the air and into the rerun vortex, I always had it in my head that Mr. Heckles was a very frequent supporting character on the show.It just seemed as if he were a mainstay that was around for a good portion of the series run. However, in researching this blog post, he actually only appears in five episodes of the show according to the character's IMDb page. Sure enough, here we are for only the third episode of Season Two and Mr. Heckles is already being killed off by the writers in only his fourth appearance (the character returns in October 1996 [S3:E6] for his fifth appearance during a flashback sequence). I don't know why I always thought that Mr. Heckles had a much bigger presence the show. I guess it is a testament to Larry Hanklin's acting for giving such a memorable performance during his limited appearances. If Mr. Heckles were sill with us today, he might say, "I could have a prominent recurring role on Friends."
Today's episode is also noteworthy because of the unusual vulnerability that we see out of Chandler as he struggles with the prospect of ending up like Mr. Heckles; alone and jaded. The Chan Man, who usually uses humor as a defense mechanism to keep people at a distance and avoid soul crushing introspection, is genuinely affected by the similarities between him and Heckles and solicits advice from several of his friends to help talk himself out of the fixation that he will end up turning into a crazy old hermit that keeps pet snakes and scares neighborhood children. He even does the unthinkable and calls Janice in an attempt to start something back up with a women that he has already broken up with multiple times. This vulnerability is an interesting side to Chandler, one that we hadn't often seen from him during the sarcastic, quip-filled performance Mathew Perry gave in Season One. It seems the Friends writers are making a conscious effort here to add some depth to the Chandler Muriel Bing character. I remember hearing the showrunners say during a DVD commentary that in original conception for the show, the Phoebe and Chandler characters were intended to be supporting characters whose main role was to provide comic relief to the story lines involving Rachel, Ross, Monica, and Joey. Obviously, that original conception for the show was quickly abandoned with the realization that Mathew Perry and Lisa Kudrow's characters required equal footing in the ensemble cast. The vulnerable, introspective side of Chandler that the writers show the audience in The One Where Heckles Dies appears to be a purposeful attempt to add some depth to everybody's favorite sarcastic funny man. All that being said, Chandler's rant about turning into Crazy Snake Man is one of the funniest moments that we've seen on the show through these first 27 episodes.So run, run on to the recap and I'll holler at you kids next week. Don't forget to stay off my lawn.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Mr. Heckles dies and Chandler fears he will end up alone after going through Mr. Heckles stuff and discovering how much they have in common, Monica and Rachel fight over Rachel's desire to put Mr. Heckles' lamp in their shared living space, Ross and Phoebe debate the merits of of evolutionary science, Joey commits to let future hermit Chandler come over and watch the Super Bowl every year, and Chandler attempts to get past the fact that Allison has a big head and date her anyway so that he doesn't end up becoming Crazy Snake Man.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is eating dinner at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Phoebe are continuing their ongoing debate about the merits of evolutionary science. After Ross gives an impassioned case to convince Phoebe to believe in evolution, Phoebe exclaims, "Yeah, I just don't buy it." A visibly frustrated Ross continues, "Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity." Continuing to needle him, Phoebe remarks, "Ok, don't get me started on gravity." Flabbergasted, Ross asks, "You uh, you don't believe in gravity?" In a matter of fact tone, Phoebe answers, "Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed." Immediately after Phoebe's response, there is a knock at the door. [The Knockout] Chandler interjects, "Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed."
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Just Do It
Season 2, Episode 2
Friends S2:E2 - Greetings, Pheobes and Pheobos. How is everyone doing this fine Monday evening? I'm having a splendid day if I do say so myself. (Thanks for asking.) As I reported last week, I'm no longer experiencing the dread of writing this column that had been an overwhelming burden for me last season. My new philosophy this year (for when there is a post to be written) is to put my game face on, sit down at my computer, and (like James Harden deciding what sneakers to wear out of the house in order to go to the bank and cash a $200 million check from Adidas) just do it. Speaking of the Nike slogan, here's a random observation. As hard as it may be to imagine, we have now entered the fall of 2015, which is the very same time period that Marty McFly, Doc Brown, Jennifer Parker, and Einstein traveled to from 1985 in Back to the Future Part II. In regards to today's episode of Friends, this is neither here nor there but I find it fascinating when considering how far into the future 2015 seemed to me in 1989 when I first watched the movie as a kid. While Robert Zemeckis' prediction of flying cars clearly didn't come to fruition, the 2015 that he imagined did get a few things right. For one, hover boards exist now...sort of. Also, the sweet Nikes with power laces that Marty wears after arriving in 2015 Hill Valley are becoming quite a remarkable example of life imitating art. In case that isn't enough, I've got another potentially juicy prediction from the movie about 2015 that could still come true. While walking around future Hill Valley, Marty discovers that the Chicago Cubs have won the 2015 World Series. Coincidentally, the Cubbies (who haven't been in the postseason since 2008) have already miraculously clinched a playoff spot for the upcoming postseason. How cool will it be if they get hot in October and win their first World Series since 1908 in the same year that Back to the Future Part II suggests that they will? I guess we'll know soon enough. On that note, I should probably move on from Back to the Future. After all, even though it's quickly approaching...we're still a few weeks away from Marty and company's 2015 appearance. The exact date that they travel into the future is October 21, 2015. Perhaps we can explore my fascination with the Back to the Future interpretation of 2015 more when that magical day finally arrives, but for now...it would probably be wise for me to get back to the matter at hand.
Coming off of last week's episode, the Friends character most in need of a time machine is Rachel. (You better believe it...I found the perfect segue back to today's episode of Friends.) After suffering through the pain of seeing Ross and Julie together, I'm sure Rachel would have jumped at the opportunity to borrow Doc's DeLorean so she could travel back to the week before Ross' China trip and begin a relationship with Ross that would preempt him starting one with Julie. However, unfortunately for Rachel, Christopher Lloyd was not a guess star on today's episode and it doesn't appear that The West Wing's Ainsley Hayes is going to be much help in the time travel department. Therefore, Rachel is left to suffer with the agony of having front row seats to Ross' blossoming romance with Julie. And to add insult to injury, this week she has to deal with adjusting to the idea of Monica spending time with Julie as well. When Rachel discovers a lunch receipt for over $50 after Monica claimed to have gone to lunch alone, the two have it out in a hilarious scene in which Monica's plutonic relationship with Julie is comedically framed to illicit a reaction from Rachel that one would expect to be the result of the type of jealousy that is created in relationships of the romantic variety. Will Monica and Rachel be able to make up after their fantastic Julie fight? Find out in the recap below. And for more exemplary Friends analysis...tune in next week a.k.a THE FUTURE (he says in a slightly deranged Doc Brown voice). Great Scott.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica tries to keep her friendship with Julie a secret from Rachel, Ross struggles with the challenge of tasting Carol's breast milk, Joey battles Hombre Man for the affection of a woman and also for respect in the workplace, Chandler counsels Joey on how to handle his duel with Hombre Man, Phoebe covers for Monica by lying to Rachel about Monica's shopping trip with Julie, Monica assures Rachel that hanging out with Julie could never replace her friendship with Rachel, and Ross finally overcomes his fear of breast milk by grabbing the bottle and deciding to just do it.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang (minus Rachel) is hanging out at Monica and Rachel's apartment when Carol and Susan arrive to pick up Ben. Phoebe informs Carol and Susan that Ross freaked out when she tasted Carol's breast milk. When Ross defends himself by asserting that breast milk is gross, Carol responds by asking, "My breast milk is gross?" Noticing the looming awkwardness, Susan interjects, "This should be fun." Ross (hoping to recover from issuing the perceived slight) responds, "No, no, Carol.There's nothing wrong with it. I just, I just don't think breast milk is for adults." [The Knockout] Chandler, never one to hold back from sticking his nose in, observes "Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike."
This Is Huge
Season 2, Episode 1
Friends S2:E1 - Oh. My. God. It is such a thrill to be back for my second season blogging Friends for theLeftAhead. I'm back with renewed energy and a new attitude about the task at hand. Yep, gone are the negative disposition and lukewarm commitment of last season and here in their place are swimming pools full of Red Bull on the ready for serving an endless supply of energy to my inner-Rudy Ruettiger. That's right...this year I'm getting my Kevin Garnett on by staring down the remaining nine years of this project and screaming "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE." How, you ask, was I able to accomplish such a dramatic reversal from my negative approach to last season? (An approach that quite honestly should have gotten me fired during a "when keeping it real goes terribly wrong" moment with my editor-n-chief.) Well, you inquisitive reader you, I'd be happy to answer your question. Let me tell you a little secret. Four months away from a word processor can be extremely therapeutic for a disillusioned writer. I've been on a beach (with an umbrella drink in my hand) for 120 straight days. Until this morning, I hadn't as much as looked at a computer or thought about a deadline for 2880 straight hours. Essentially, I've been living Peter Gibbons fantasy since May 19th and let me tell you, Bob...it's been everything I thought it could be. Indeed, four months of doing nothing has a way of putting you in a perpetual state of zen. But since all good things must come to an end, I was fearful that coming back to work would seriously harsh my chi. So when I fired up my trusty Macbook this morning to begin working on the second leg of my psychotic half-baked ten leg marathon of a blog series, I suspected I'd feel dread the second I heard that annoying tone the computer makes during the Apple logo screen. To my surprise, it was not dread I felt but rather excitement. I discovered that I'm actually fired up to tackle the challenge at hand. (Thanks, inherited wealth and seasonal employment.) Batteries? Recharged.
As theLeftAhead's pop culture writer, many of you might have been hoping that I would do a few pieces over the course of the summer on some happenings in pop culture other than this, my regular column. After all, there was a lot going on during the summer from the explosion of Mr. Robot upon the television landscape, to Kanye West proclaiming "I've got next" by announcing his 2020 presidential run, to the biggest pop culture phenomenon of recent memory: Donald Trump bamboozling a portion of the American public into believing that he is a legitimate threat to win the White House in our current election cycle. More on Trump in a moment, but for those of you who were hoping to see me serving theLeftAhead a supply of non-Friends pop culture content these past few months...I apologize for taking the summer off and I hope to make it up to you in coming weeks and months by taking this Friends 20/20 project to another level. And since so many of you have been requesting it, I'll also do my best to start tackling some non-Friends topics here and there. I mean, how hard could it be to write two blog posts in a week from time to time? Well, loyal readers, I wouldn't know but you have my commitment that I will try my best to find out in the very near future. Okay, back to Trump. The Donald's campaign is making a mockery of our political system. It is disconcerting that this man's racist and misogynistic vitriol was not immediately and emphatically renounced by the American media, electorate, and most importantly by his fellow candidates for the Republican nomination. We, as a country, should be collectively ashamed that Trump's poisonous rhetoric and utter lack of substantive policy proposals has not only not been repudiated, but instead has rewarded him with a sizable lead for the nomination of one of our two major political parties a mere five months before the first primaries. If you're a Trump supporter (and I suspect that you're not considering that enjoyment of the witty prose that I serve up in this column requires the possession of critical thinking skills that have been scientifically proven to cure Trump fever), please reconsider that support before February. If I can leave you with one little nugget of wisdom on this our first day back to school, I would tell you that elections matter. We are electing our next Commander-In-Chief, not our next favorite reality television personality. This is huge. (Like Rachel showing up to meet Ross at the airport with flowers huge.) As a still possible candidate in the 2016 race would say, "this is a big fucking deal." We, as Americans, should start acting like it. On that note, on to the recap. It's good to be back.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel discovers that Ross has met someone in China after she goes to the airport to welcome him home and reveal her feelings, Joey's tailor takes advantage of Chandler when he goes in for a fitting, Phoebe mistakenly gives Monica a haircut to look like Dudley Moore when Monica asked for a haircut to look like Demi Moore, and Phoebe's observation that "this is huge" in reference to the idea of Rachel and Ross becoming a couple is completely destroyed when Rachel makes to terrible decision of hooking back up with Paulo in the aftermath of everyone realizing that Ross is head over heals smitten with his new girlfriend Julie.
Gandalf Gaffes - Boys and girls, we're starting Season Two off on the right foot by recording a Gandalf Gaffe in the official scorer's book. Our gaffe today is unusual because both the established precedent and the contradiction take place within today's episode. The precedent in question is the establishment of Ross's preexisting relationship with Julie. Early on in the episode, when Ross and Julie first show up at Monica and Rachel's apartment so that Julie can meet everyone, they reference having known each other prior to the China trip. After absorbing the shock of discovering that Ross has met someone in China, Monica asks, "This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?" Julie responds, "Well, Ross and I were in grad school together." Ross continues, "But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig?" The precedent has clearly been established that Ross knew Julie during his time in grad school. However, later in the episode when Chandler (with Rachel's urging) is grilling Ross for more information about the fact that he left on his China trip madly in love with Rachel and came back with a new girlfriend, Ross contradicts the established timeline of knowing Julie in grad school. When Chandler asks, "So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know." Ross responds, "Look, you were right. She looks at me and sees a friend, that's all. But then I met Julie, and I don't know, we're havin' a great time. And I have to say, I never would've gone for it with her if it hadn't been for you." Here in lies our gaffe. Ross infers that he 'met Julie' in China which contradicts the fact that he already knew her from grad school. This is admittedly nit-picky, but our mission is to uncover every Gandalf Gaffe no matter how large or small. Even though this is the tiniest of a level one infraction, it is a level one infraction nonetheless.Gandalf Gaffe #6: Early in the Season 2 premiere, Ross talks about having known Julie in grad school. Later in the episode he contradicts himself by suggesting that he met Julie for the first time during his dig in China.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Frankie (Joey's tailor) is taking Chandler's measurements. While down on the ground getting ready to measure Chandler's pants, Frankie asks, "How long do you want the cuffs?" [The Knockout] Chandler, with unbridled sarcasm answers, "At least as long as I have the pants."
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Start Looking
Season 1, Episode 24
Friends S1:E24 - Buenas noches mis amigos y amigas. I hope everyone has had a spectacular Monday. I know it is somewhat bitter sweet for you to read this knowing that it is our final blog post of the season and our last opportunity to spend time together discussing Friends. But don't fret. This is, after all, just a season finale and not a series finale. We will be back together again on September 21st. Plus, I have some good stuff planned for us today. Don't worry. I have no intention to pull a Mad Men and bid you adieu by [Spoiler Alert] showing you a Coke commercial that just leaves you wanting more. When we're all finished with our business here today, I promise you will leave satisfied. So lets get right into it, shall we? The moment we have all been waiting for has finally arrived. It is the Season One finale and every thing thus far has been leading up to the writers giving us (the audience) what we want. We've been waiting all year to see Ross and Rachel finally get together and now (in the season finale) we get to see them kiss and live happily ever after. Wait, hold up...they don't live happily ever after? Well, at least they finally kiss. One out of two ain't bad. Wait, hold up again...they only kiss in Rachel's imagination? Son of a...Yep, these Friends writers sure do have some nerve. They knew that the audience was expecting to have all of our Ross and Rachel dreams finally come true in the season finale, but (instead of giving us a warm and fuzzy feeling to float through the summer on) they decided to kick us in the teeth by teasing us with Ross and Rachel kissing in day dream sequence and then hitting us with the heartbreaking cliffhanger of Ross deboarding the plane with Julie while Rachel waits to surprise Ross at the gate. I remember watching this cliff hanger twenty years ago when it originally aired and I remember being pissed. I watched it again this morning (for like the 50th time since) and guess what? I'm still pissed. Sure, the cliff hanger served its purpose of making me spend the whole summer of 1995 itching to find out what happens next. But at the same time, the frustration was palpable to know all summer that there was another obstacle keeping Ross and Rachel apart. Damn you, strange women kissing Ross as he's leaving the airplane! Twenty years ago today, millions of people screamed that in unison at their television screens and just like that, in less than ten seconds of screen time, Julie (played by Lauren Tom) became one of the most-hated character in American sitcom history. We'll come to learn this fall that Julie is actually a very sweet person, but for now and also for the summer of 1995 (and all the emotional scarring that this cliffhanger caused a pimple-faced teenaged Friends fan)...damn you, Julie!
On that note, it is time for us to start preparing to part ways for the summer. Over the course of this first season, we've had a good run. You got to know a little about me (and all my eccentricities), we had some laughs, but most importantly...we got to revisit our favorite TV show in a new and exciting way. I hope you've enjoyed the first edition of this Friends 20/20 blog series and I hope you will keep coming back for future installments. We are now 24 posts into our 236 post series, so we still have plenty of room and time to grow this thing into something spectacular together. Sure, other people have blogged Friends on the interwebs already and sure, there are plenty of other places to go in order to celebrate your love of the show. But thanks for giving theLeftAhead a chance to scratch at that insatiable itch for Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Chandler for a few minutes each week. I'm looking forward to coming back bigger and stronger for Season Two and I'll hope you'll be back to continue to be a part of this wacky journey. We may not be the most technically proficient Friends blog series in existence, but I guarantee you we're the most creatively unique. So, if you looking to continue to make history together, I'll see you again, dear friend, on September 21st. I'll be there for you. I'm hoping you'll be there for me too. Together, the sky's the limit. But if (for some reason) you're only here looking to see a half-baked idea for a blog series crash and burn, stop looking [all I do is win].
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where the gang throws Rachel a birthday party and she discovers that Ross is in love with her when Chandler accidentally spills the beans, Joey is dating Melanie and decides to "be there for her" while under strict orders from a fertility clinic not to conduct any "personal experiments," Ross misses Rachel's party because he has to go to China on a dig, Phoebe gets ahold of a photo of Ross that is meant for Ben and repeatedly uses it to impersonate Ross, and Monica takes over Rachel's date with Karl when Rachel decides to go to the airport to start looking for Ross as he lands back home after his trip to China.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Monica and Rachel's apartment and Rachel is opening up her birthday gifts. Ross has already left for China so he is not there but Joey has brought Melanie (the women he is seeing). Rachel grabs a gift and looks at it and informs everyone, "This one's from Joey." She looks the present over and continues, "Feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(as she opens it)...it's a book!" Phoebe chimes in, "Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!" Joey, feeling the need to explain, tells Rachel, "That book got me through some tough times." Melanie, clearly smitten over Joey and their new romance, declares, "There is a little child inside this man!" [The Knockout] Chandler, eager to take Melanie down a peg or two, responds, "Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die."
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Headline Image Source: TV Fanatic
You Forgot Your Legs
Season 1, Episode 23
Friends S1:E23 - What's golden, my friends of Friends? Can you guess why I am excited on this beautiful Monday afternoon? That's right. You guessed it. Today we are reviewing the penultimate episode of Season One. And you know what that means, right? Exactly. Only one more week until I get a three month break from the cumbersome weekly grind of this project! Yes, yes, y'all. Summer is coming. Now, I don't want to get the reputation as a slacker or someone who despises his job, but considering that when I proposed the idea for this project to my editor, I did so fully expecting him to reject it. I never intended to have to write for deadlines at theLeftAhead. I was just trying to demonstrate an ability to think outside of the box during the pitch meeting with my editor. Well, the joke was on me when he approved the project and I found myself committed to 24 Friends deadlines a year for 10 years. Nevertheless, I will be one-tenth of the way through my commitment after two more posts so let's get right down to business, shall we? When we last left our heroes, they were rushing to the hospital to bear witness to the birth of Ross' son. In this episode, we meet the gang back at the hospital and watch hilarity ensue as Ross and Susan almost miss the birth of their child by accidentally getting themselves locked in a supply closet with Phoebe. Phoebe also puts on hospital worker Ben's uniform in the supply closet which later gives Ross, Susan, and Carol the inspiration to name their child Ben.
Another important layer to this episode happens as Monica and Chandler are killing time in the waiting room. They joke about being in a relationship. This is the first time in the series that we see these two interact romantically. While the interaction takes place in jest as they are clearly joking about being involved, it raises the question of whether or not this was foreshadowing on the part of the Friends writers or just a coincidence. Put a pin in that for now (they will find themselves interacting in this way again during the beach episodes and before their eventual hook up) but it was definitely worth making a note in this blog series of the first time that these characters flirted with the idea of a relationship. Moving right along, I'm also excited to report that we actually have two Gandalf Gaffes to dissect this week later in the post. So considering that we have some red meat to chew on later and in the spirit of brevity (in other words, getting me one step closer to summer vacation), I'll close by wishing a happy belated Mother's Day to all of the moms out there in our readership. Happy Mother's Day to you too, Carol Willick. Ben is a precious baby boy. Oh, and Happy Lesbian Lover's Day to you, Susan Bunch. On to the recap...
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Ross gets locked in a closet with Susan and Phoebe while Carol is in labor, Joey befriends a pregnant women whose boyfriend isn't around to help with the birth, Rachel flirts with Carol's doctor, Chandler and Monica joke about being in a relationship (hmm...foreshadowing?), Phoebe helps Ross and Susan see the bigger picture while they are fighting and inadvertently puts the idea out there to name the baby Ben, and Ross gets to the delivery room just in time to see the birth of his son right after a janitor informs him, "you forgot your legs."
Gandalf Gaffes - Today we have a double play! There are two gaffes for the price of one in this episode. Our first gaffe takes place in a conversation between Rachel and Chandler at the hospital. Rachel has just returned from changing into a dress to impress Carol's doctor (who she was previously flirting with). Chandler asks, "Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?" Rachel responds, "yeah" confirming that her father is indeed a doctor (we come to find out later in the series that Rachel's father is a heart surgeon). Discovering that Rachel's father is a doctor in S1:E23 contradicts a phone conversation that she had with him in S1:E17. After Monica (pretending to be Rachel on a double date) informs Rachel's dad over the phone that she had sex on his bed with Billy Dreskin (presumably an old boyfriend) during freshman year, Rachel calls her father back and attempts to undo the damage. Rachel tells her dad on the phone, "Daddy, why why would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business." This conversation insinuates that Rachel's father is some sort of business owner and not a doctor. It is possible that she could have been suggesting that Billy Dreskin's father tried to put him out of business as a doctor, but it would not have likely been phrased that way. She might have said something to the effect of, "his father tried to sue you for malpractice." Therefore, the most likely conclusion is that Rachel's father was originally conceived to be a business owner in S1:E17 which makes it a Gandalf Gaffe to reference him as a doctor in S1:E23. Since there is a tiny bit of wiggle room to make the argument that Billy Dreskin's father could have been trying to put a doctor out of business, we will rule this as a level one infraction.
For our second Gandalf Gaffe, it appears that the Friends casting department has tried to slip a fast one by us. In this episode, they use June Gable (the actress who plays Joey's agent Estelle Leonard) as the delivery room nurse during Carol's pregnancy with Ben. June had previously appeared in S1:E6 as Estelle Leonard. Here's where it gets a little tricky. Estelle's scene was actually cut from the broadcast version of S1:E6 (she doesn't reappear as Estelle Leonard to make the broadcast cut until S2:E10) but remember, our bible for the Friends universe is the extended versions of the episodes that appear on the DVD release. Estelle's scene is included in this version of the episode, therefore June Gable has already been established as Estelle Leonard by the time S1:E23 rolls around where casting contradicts an established role by having her play a delivery room nurse. This Gandalf Gaffe is also a level one infraction since it does not directly create a plot contradiction.
Gandalf Gaffe #4: Rachel's father is referenced as a business man in S1:E17 but that reference is contradicted in S1:E23 when Rachel confirms that he is a doctor.
Gandalf Gaffe #5: June Gable, the actress portraying the character of Joey's agent Estelle Leonard in S1:E6 (and recurring 9 more times throughout the series run), also plays the delivery room nurse in S1:E23.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The entire gang is in the delivery room with Carol, Ross, and Susan. A nurse, sensing the ridiculousness of having the father's entire group of friends in the room, announces, "All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!" Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey wish Carol good luck and start exiting the room. Chandler appears to be following them out and then turns around to address the nurse. [The Knockout] He mischievously propositions her, "Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?"
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Dream Score
Season 1, Episode 22
Friends S1:E22 - Greetings to all of you fine ladies and gents out there throughout the Friendsosphere on this gloomy Monday afternoon. As you might have already imagined, the offices here at theLeftAhead are rather quiet today after the San Antonio Spurs lost a heartbreaking Game 7 111-109 to the Los Angeles Clippers on Saturday night to bow out in the first playoff series of their title defense. In fact, I'm the only person here at work today. Ted James, our editor-in-chief and resident Spurs blogger, has not been heard from since Saturday night. This, in and of itself, is not highly unusual. He regularly disappears from the offices for days at a time without checking in and no one around here ever seems to mind (since every first and fifteenth our pay checks are always on time) but I imagine that this Spurs defeat is especially difficult for him since he is the biggest fan of the team that I have ever met in my entire life. I'm checking the site as we speak and he still hasn't posted Four Back (which invariably will be his last post in the Black & Silver series for the season) but I'm sure he will get around to posting that in the next few days. As a Spurs fan myself, I can say that watching Chris Paul hit the shot with one second left on the clock to win Game 7 on Saturday night was a hard pill to swallow but I'll also say that the Spurs played valiantly on the road in a hostile environment and should be extremely proud of what they've accomplished over the past two seasons. I have no doubt that they'll be right back in the thick of things next year. But I digress, you didn't click on this post to read about the San Antonio Spurs...you're here for some good old recapping of an episode of television that originally aired 20 years ago. My apologies for the off-topic opening paragraph, I just figured some of you may be interested in the goings on (or lack there of) here in theLeftAhead offices today.
So this episode was a little weird, huh? The writers certainly decided to pick this as the time to start testing the boundaries a little bit of what was acceptable sexual subject matter for mid-nineties primetime American television. You've got Monica inadvertently committing statutory rape with an "awe shucks" all-american man child and you've also got multiple dialogues about Rachel's dream orgies. Throw in Ross' telephone conversations returning pages to strangers who had intended to reach 55-JUMBO, and you've got quite a risqué half an hour of television for a pre-Lewinsky scandal Clinton Administration audience. By today's standards (of course) this episode doesn't move the proverbial "controversy needle" even one iota but back in those days...quite a bold script. Of course, it was easier for Friends writers to take risks while they were sharing a network and a Thursday night lineup with Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld (who were taking bolder risks on a weekly basis). Nevertheless, this episode displayed a noticeable shift outwards towards the boundaries of acceptable subject matter for our beloved sitcom. This episode also (by way of Chandler's subordinates doing impersonations of him) kicks off a ten year run of other characters on the show making jokes of impersonating Chandler's conversation style and mannerisms, which is one of the better reoccurring gags of the series. Could that bit be any funnier? Finally, Ross receives a page near the end of the episode that will change his life forever. Our week concludes with the gang getting ready to leave for the hospital after Ross finds out that Carol is in labor and he is about to become a father. Of course, this happens right after Ross has stumbled upon Rachel napping and discovered that he has dream scored with her. Once again, a reoccurring theme for Season One rears its ugly head...every time Ross is on the verge of making things happen with Rachel, something always comes up. So that's that. When we return next week (same friendly time, same friendly channel) we'll finally be meeting Ross' son. Until then, if you see Ted James wandering around near the edge of a cliff somewhere, tell him that this too shall pass and to remember that despite this year's painful exit...the fact remains that the San Antonio Spurs have still won five out of the last sixteen NBA championships and no one can ever take that away from us. Go sports.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel starts has a dream that she hooks up with Chandler and then later has a dream where she hooks up with both Chandler and Joey, Monica dates Ethan (who she believes to be a college senior but later finds out is a high school senior), Chandler allows Phoebe to fill in as his secretary for a couple of weeks and learns from her that is subordinates at work no longer like him since he was promoted to be their boss, and Ross is disillusioned by the idea of Rachel having sex dreams about Chandler and Joey but later discovers that he also has had a dream score with Rachel while she is napping on the couch right before he finds out that Carol is going into labor with his son.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is at Central Perk discussing the dream Rachel had in which she and Chandler hooked up. Ross, noticeably disturbed by the thought of the girl that he has a crush on dreaming about sex with his best friends, asks Rachel, "Why, why, why would you dream that?" Before she can respond, Chandler interjects, "More importantly, was I any good?" Responding to Chandler instead of Ross, Rachel informs, "Well, you were pretty damn good." In typical self-deprecating fashion, Chandler remarks, "Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm always surprisingly inadequate." Reassuringly, Rachel continues, "Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table." Visibly flabbergasted, Ross interjects, " I love it, when we share." He thens gets up from the couches and walks over to the coffee shop counter. Chandler follows him over and asks, "You okay there?" Ross answers, "I can't believe you two had sex in her dream." [The Knockout] Chandler responds sarcastically, " I'm sorry, it was a one-time thing. I was very drunk and it was somebody else's subconscious."
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Headline Image Source: Xellix on Deviant Art
Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof
Season 1, Episode 21
Friends S1:E21 - Hey there, all you friendly connoisseurs of Friends. How's everyone doing this lovely Monday afternoon? I'm resplendent myself, thanks for asking. It is an exciting time here at theLeftAhead. Not only am I embarking on the stretch run of blog posts for Friends: Season One, but if you've been checking in on the site over the past week, you will have noticed that Ted James, our fearless Editor-n-chief, is back writing with a vengeance as part of his annual Black & Silver blog series covering the San Antonio Spurs' playoff run. Being a Spurs fan is a prerequisite for landing a job at theLeftAhead, so I'd be remiss if (before moving on) I didn't add, Go Spurs Go! Now that that is out of the way, I'm really excited because there are only four episodes left of Season One to write about over the next four weeks and then I'll probably be leaving on an extended summer vacation. (Isn't being a television blogger cool?) Mr. James would prefer me to stick around the offices over the summer and blog about something else other than Friends during the off-season. In his words, "I hired you as a pop culture writer not just to blog about a show that went off the air over 10 years ago." But (as I was sure to remind him) contractually, he can't force me to work over the summer so long as I am still fulfilling my obligations to the Friends 20/20 project. So we'll see. It could be four more Friends blog posts and then peace out until September. Or maybe you'll see me periodically during the summer blogging about hip hop album releases and summer blockbuster movies. (I mean, did you see the trailer for Jurassic World? I could easily put together 1000 words of sarcasm about that hot mess.) Only time will tell.
Research for today's episode provided a magnificent opportunity for one of my infamous internet deep dives. Yep, researching Joseph Stalin in preparation for this piece proved to be fertile territory. For example, did you know that Joseph Stalin was born Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili and was an ethnic Georgian? Did you further know that Joseph Stalin was fond of American cowboy movies? Born into different circumstances, who knows. I can see it now. John Wayne and Joseph Stalin are The Night Riders. See, that's why I'm here. To make jokes about tyrannical Russian leaders while adding to the depth of your historical knowledge. But as hilarious as the subplot of Chandler tricking Joey into taking Joseph Stalin as his stage name was, unfortunately this is also the episode that Ross is forced to say goodbye to Marcel. We talked extensively about Marcel (played by Katie the Monkey who is still thriving in Hollywood to this very day) in a previous blog post but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out once again that in limited appearances, Marcel is one of the most memorable Friends characters of the entire series run. Unlike Justin Bieber, Ross loves his furry friend enough to try to find him the best possible home when he is no longer able to keep Marcel. He somehow wins the "zoo lottery" and gets Marcel accepted into the San Diego Zoo. The writers create a clever comedic premise of likening Ross placing Marcel in a zoo to a parent getting a child into college. As you will see later in the CMQOTW, the analogy provides Chandler Bing with ample ammunition to deliver razor sharp wit and humor. The other storyline finds Monica becoming friends with a woman who stole her identity in an effort to learn how to live free and in the moment. Aside from Fake Monica trashing on Dead Poets Society (one of my favorite all-time movies), this storyline also proves to be quite entertaining. It is fun to watch Monica operate outside of her comfort zone. And that, ladies and gentleman, is what I've got. So (if you're playing along at home), we are now officially seven eighths of the way through Season One. We're so close to summer, I can already feel the sand between my toes. Enjoy the recap, etc. and I'll see all of you history buffs next week. Alas (as close as we are to Summertime), there is still work to be done. Study hard because you never know...they don't call it a pop quiz for nothing. Carpe diem!
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Monica befriends a woman who has stolen her credit card and her identity, Ross is forced to come to grips with the fact that he can no longer keep Marcel, Joey tries to come up with a new stage name, Rachel and Phoebe help Monica track down the fake Monica, Chandler fills Joey's head full of embarrassing stage names, the gang says goodbye to Marcel after he is accepted into the San Diego Zoo, and Joey changes his stage name to Holden McGroin after he discover that Joseph Stalin is NOT the Fiddler on the Roof.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The guys are sitting at Central Perk trying to figure out what to do with Marcel after Ross has received the bad news that he can't keep him. Joey asks, "Isn't there any way you can keep him?" Ross replies, "No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin' he's just going to get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo." Joey, continuing his inquisition, asks "How do you get a monkey into a zoo?" Chandler bursts in, "I know that one! No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen." Ignoring Chandler, Ross continues, "Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. My vet knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility." [The Knockout] Chandler interjects, "Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo."
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Headline Image Source: The Public Reviews
How a Bill Becomes a Law
Season 1, Episode 20
Friends S1:E20 - From the depths of the sea, back to the block, your boy Kenny Adams is back on the clock, went solo on vacation but it's still the same, theLeftAhead is the spot where I run blog game. Yes, indeedy. I'm back once again for the stretch run of Friends: Season One. How was everyone's Spring Break? Mine was perfectly splendid, thanks for asking. So here's the scuttlebutt...today's episode takes us on a wonderful journey of discovery. We discover both how Rachel can very easily slip back into old bad habits with Barry (her ex-fiancé) and we also discover (thanks to some excellent diversionary tactics by Chandler) how a bill becomes a law. Consequently, as America has witnessed through recent happenings in Indiana, observing how a bill becomes a law can also double as an exercise in witnessing how the people's elected representatives can lose their collective minds to appease a fringe minority in the base of the majority party. But that's neither here nor there. What's important to remember from today's lesson is that, no matter what you're told by Chandler M. Bing, a leaf blower can't answer a telephone. Well kids, your teacher is in quite the rush to get out of class. Yes, yes, I know it is my first day back to work, but what can I tell you? Just because Spring Break has ended doesn't mean that the beautiful weather we're experiencing in my neck of the woods has to as well. Gotta run. For your homework assignment, watch Mr. Walt Disney and Schoolhouse Rock teach you all about how a bill becomes a law, write a report, and be prepared to give a presentation in next week's class. Until then.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel has an affair with Barry (her ex-fiance) who is currently engaged to Mindy (her ex-best friend), Chandler conspires to arrange a second date with Danielle without coming across to her as desperate, Joey repeatedly walks in on Rachel during intimate embraces with female friends, Monica and Ross try to counsel Rachel during her reckless fling with Barry, Phoebe worries about he well-being of birds, and Rachel and Mindy make a pact to dump Barry together but Mindy does not have the strength to follow through despite the betrayal that was on display in Barry's behavior during the time he was seeing Rachel and Chandler was explaining how a bill becomes a law.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - While the gang is looking back at someone in a neighboring building after noticing that person has been snooping on them with a telescope, Phoebe also discovers that Ugly Naked Guy has brought home gravity boots.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang sans Rachel is at Central Perk talking about Chandler's first date with Danielle. Monica asks, "So have you called her yet?" Chandler responds, "Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem?" He then turns to Joey and Ross and asks, " I'm right, right?" Ross responds, "oh yeah" and Joey adds, "yeah, let her dangle." Flabbergasted at the guys' responses, Monica decries, "I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people." Equally perturbed, Phoebe grabs the phone and instructs Chandler, "Oh, God, just do it! Call her! Stop being so testosterone!" Chandler, getting his well oiled sarcasm machine warmed up, responds, "Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat." He then dials the number and abruptly hangs up informing the others, "I got her machine." Joey asks, "Her answering machine?" [The Knockout] Chandler rolls his eyes at Joey and responds, "No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up."
Video Source: Dr. Gerard Jabbow on YouTube
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Headline Image Source: Disney Video
The Heating and Cooling Milieu
Season 1, Episode 19
Friends S1:E19 - Hey there, everyone. How are you this fine Monday afternoon? I'm a little more chipper than usual today because once I finish this Friends post, I'll be heading off on vacation for the better part of the next month. Where am I going? Well, that's classified. But I can tell you where I'm not going and that is South by Southwest in Austin, TX. And since that festival (which was once a grassroots diamond in the rough) has now turned into a corporate monstrosity that lures everybody even remotely connected with the entertainment industry to the Lone Star State every March to shill their souls, as a native Texan (who hates watching my beloved Austin reach new depths every year in its willingness to sell-out) and as writer (who remembers that true artists forge their own path and never follow the herd), I'll be staying as far away from that freak show as possible. So yes, while the entire entertainment industry is in Texas, I'm looking forward to having my run of the other forty nine states during my vacation. But I digress. We still have unfinished business to take care of today before I can pack my bags and disappear. I'm excited to report, however, that our unfinished business just so happens to be monkey business. Now, usually I get in a tremendous amount of trouble with my editor when I start dabbling around in so-called "monkey business," but luckily I'll be getting a free pass today since malfeasance and tomfoolery is relevant to the content of the Friends episode we happen to be discussing.Indeed, today we are examining the episode where Marcel gets away. My research for this episode took me on an interesting internet deep dive looking into the monkey who played Marcel. Did you know that Marcel is actually a female white-throated capuchin named Katie? Did you further know that capuchins can live up to 45 years in captivity? Well, "if you don't know, now you know."
Katie was born in 1993 which made her a child star during her tenure on Friends. I was pleased to discover through my research that twenty years after Mr. Heckles put Marcel in a dress and called him Patti, Katie is still putting in work in Hollywood. She recently appeared in a photo shoot for Allure Magazine alongside Kendall Jenner. Good for you, Katie. Keep getting dem checks. Please, just do me a favor and don't show up in Austin next week at South By to sell Hennessy with Nas. Also, please don't call it South By...that is so pretentious. Returning to Katie's early classic work playing Marcel, we find her character in this episode playing an important role in the development of the Ross and Rachel storyline. Marcel's disappearance rolls perfectly into the dominant recurring theme of Season One. Marcel splitting (like and for a banana) from Monica and Rachel's apartment stands as the latest in a long line of incidents that get in the way of Ross' desire to ask Rachel out on a date. As per usual, Ross has concocted an elaborate plan to "woo" Rachel (as the kids are saying these days) which is foiled by circumstances outside of his control. While Marcel is returned safely to Ross in the end, dealing with all of that monkey business delays Ross from putting his "wooing" plan into motion so that by the time he gets around to asking Rachel out, he is preempted by Barry who bursts in to tell Rachel that marrying Mindy is a mistake because he is still in love with her. Whether it's cats, Italian guys, or ex-fiancés, Ross just hasn't been able to catch a break yet this season. Speaking of a break, sorry gang but I'm itching to embark on mine. I've sincerely enjoyed our time together so far in 2015, but your boy, Kenny Adams is ready to disappear for the rest of March and forge my own path...not in Texas. So if you also get one, have a transformational Spring Break. If you don't, "I'll be there for you" in spirit. See you pals in April.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel (who is distracted dealing with the news that Barry [her ex-fiancé] is engaged to Mindy [her former maid-of-honor] accidentally lets Marcel run away while looking after him for Ross, Joey and Chandler blow a chance to pick up "hot girls" while they are searching for Marcel, Monica is forced to reflect on her difficult high school years after standing behind Mr. Heckles' carnival mirror, Phoebe is shot with a tranquiler dart by Animal Control, and Barry shows up to tell Rachel he is still in love with her right before Ross is about to ask her out throwing Ross and Rachel back into the heating and cooling milieu.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The guys are eating lunch at a pizzeria and discussing Ross' latest plans to work up the courage to ask out Rachel. Ross is explaining his plan to meet up with Rachel at her apartment to pick up Marcel. He suggests, "Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey..." Chandler interjects "I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey." Undeterred, Ross continues, "Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her." [The Knockout] Chandler, laying on the condescension as thick as he can, suggests, "Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used."
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The Big Green Poker Machine
Season 1, Episode 18
Friends S1:E18 - How's it going, ladies and gents? Happy Monday. I hope everyone out there is ready for another exciting installment of the most unorthodox blog series about a major American television series in the history of the internet. While we don't have a great deal of time today, I thought I would use what little time we have to speculate about whether or not love is in the cards for Ross and Rachel. In order to do that, let us first open up our textbooks to quote from one of the greatest poker movies of all-time: "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker." Mike McDermott, who narrated this famous quote from Rounders, may have played against his fair share of "suckers" but, as we come to find out in the legendary Friends poker episode, he would have been hard-pressed to find one at a table with the likes of Ross Geller and Rachel Green. These two are a pair (no pun intended) of gambling titans who nobody would mistake for "suckers" when they square off mono y mono and go all in on a hand that, not only has a significant sum of money riding on it, but also, seemingly, moves their entire relationship to the center of the table. Rachel, having just lost a shot at her dream job and determined to put an end to Ross's chauvinistic behavior, goes all in with nothing to lose. Ross (on the other hand), still desperately in love with Rachel and lacking the courage to do anything about it, goes all in with everything to lose. In the end, Rachel is victorious which in the larger sense is also a victory for Ross. He seems genuinely pleased to take part in Rachel's happiness. We will never know for sure if Ross threw the hand to allow Rachel a moment of triumph during a difficult time (but, yes we kind of know he threw the hand). So I guess, actually, even though Mike McDermott would not have been able to spot a gambling "sucker" within his first half hour at a table with our beloved Friends, he would have been able to spot a "sucker" in another sense of the word. Yep, he would have spotted that Ross Geller is a "sucker" for love (Awe...you see what I did there?) and based on his selfless gesture at the end of the poker game, I have a sneaking suspicion that love might be in the cards for Ross and Rachel after all. (Double awe...you're welcome, dear readers. Feel free to bask in the warmth of my sentimentality as you continue on down into the recap.) See you again next time. I hope your week is aces (over kings).
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Rachel gets an interview for an Assistant Buyer position at Sak's Fifth avenue, Joey weeps when he loses at Poker Night which prompts the girls to ask the guys to teach them how to play poker, Monica enlists her Aunt Iris to give the girls Poker lessons after they lose their first game with the guys, and Ross borrows money from Chandler and Joey to call a bet in which Rachel borrowed money from Monica and Phoebe but (feeling sorry for Rachel after she didn't get her dream job) "loses" the hand to the Big Green Poker Machine.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] The gang is playing poker at Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe (being Phoebe) observes, "You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.'“ She then asks, "Coincidence?" [The Knockout] Chandler sarcastically points out, "Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'!"
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Headline Image Source: Poker Sites 101
Under the Bridge
Season 1, Episode 16 & 17
Friends S1:E16 & Friends S1:E17 - "Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner. Sometimes I feel like my only [Friends]" are the my friends from TV, the Rosses and Rachels. Lonely as I am, they stay by my side. Yo, yo, what it do, ladies and gents? Hope you enjoyed my nice little jingle, just now. For the record, I'm not currently lonely...I'm happily married but I do remember times back from my single days when staying home on a Saturday night would make me feel lonely but binge watching Friends on DVD truly would make me feel better. So, during those times when I couldn't get a date, I could always rely on being able to hang out with Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Joey. They were always there for me. For that matter, listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers made me feel better too (back in those days). The Chili Peppers were always there for me too, so mashing the two together seemed oddly appropriate. But enough about the ties that bind and my depressingly pathetic past, this week we are tasked with dissecting (count 'em) two episodes of the show (if you want to be technical about it). In actuality, "The One with Two Parts" is a one hour-long episode for all intensive purposes. So, while it is listed as two episodes on IMDB, "The One with Two Parts" has one continuous plot and since it is presented on the DVD edition as one episode, that is how we will treat it. Plus, if you think that I'm going to put in twice the work (for no extra money) and write two Friends blog posts on the same day, I'd say you've probably been hanging out under the bridge with Anthony Kiedis.
Now that we've established that we're dealing with a one hour-long continuous episode and not two independent half-hour episodes, let’s dive right into the meat of today's subject matter. This episode, while one of the more entertaining and well-written from Season One, was also clearly one where the writer's room was heavily influenced by NBC executives. Probably in an effort to persuade fans of the network's other hit shows to start watching Friends, the NBC brass turned this episode into a cross-promotion extravaganza of biblical proportions. Stars of both Mad About You and ER make cameos in this episode. Helen Hunt and Leila Kenzle appear at Central Perk (presumably playing their Mad About You characters) and mistake Phoebe for Ursula (Lisa Kudrow's character on that show). George Clooney and Noah Wyle appear in a hospital scene and later at Monica and Rachel's apartment (presumably playing their ER characters). What Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander couldn't get any run? Come on, NBC. If you're going to sell out…sell out all the way. While the cameos were a little over the top (a Seinfeld cameo withstanding), I give the writers credit for not allowing them to steal too much focus away from a cleverly written episode that involved major story lines for all six of our main characters (see the Recap in the Key of Phoebe below). One Mad About You cameo that paid off in spades, however, was the one made by Lisa Kudrow, herself. This is the first episode of Friends in which Phoebe's aforementioned twin sister Ursula Buffay makes an appearance. Lisa Kudrow's quirky waitress character first appeared on Mad About You in an episode titled, "Married to the Job" in 1993. Brilliantly, NBC decided to create a continuous universe between the two show's by making Ursula a part of Friends as well. What better time to introduce her to the show than the episode in which NBC has already chosen for cross-promoting Mad About You? While Ursula dates Joey on her first Friends appearance, she goes on to play an important role as a reoccurring character throughout the series run. Ursula is played on Friends as an entirely self-centered character which often works well to contrast against Phoebe's generosity of spirit. We learn a great deal about Phoebe because of Ursula's presence on the show and it delightful that what seemingly started as a gimmick, ended up working brilliantly to add a depth of character to Phoebe because Lisa Kudrow was given the creative freedom to repeatedly explore both characters. So there you have it: two Friends episodes for the price of one blog post. And Ted James (my editor) thought I should be worried about an audience backlash to recapping two episodes in one post. Well, in case you are feeling a little short changed…perhaps I can win you back over with the little added bonus of Red Hot Chili Pepper's Under the Bridge video? I embedded it below. Besides, I told my boss, "I never worry." Now that is a lie. Peace.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - These are the ones where Joey asks Phoebe's permission to date Ursula (her twin sister), Ross begins doubting his ability to be a good father while having difficulties getting Marcel to behave, Chandler gets a crush on Nina (one of his employees) right before his boss asks him to fire her, Rachel sprains her ankle and conspires to commit insurance fraud with Monica to pay for it while also deciding to go on a double date with a couple of cute doctors who work at the "scene of the crime," and Joey kisses Phoebe while she is pretending to Ursula in order to give her friend a proper break up so he can begin to heal from the heartbreak of losing the magic he had found under the bridge.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Ugly Naked Guy Watch - The gang watches Ugly Naked Guy use a hula hoop. This is part of a conversation that takes place in Spanish during the closing credits.
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Joey is at Central Perk talking to Ross and Chandler about taking Ursula out for her birthday. After they remind him that is is also Phoebe's birthday, Joey (sounding exacerbated) asks, "Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?" Ross responds, "You take your time" as Joey stares off deep in contemplation. After a few seconds, when Joey shows in his face that he has connected the dots that Pheobe and Ursula have the same birthday because they are twins, Chandler remarks, "There it is" and then asks, "So what're you gonna do?" Joey answers, "What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula." Chandler continues his questioning of Joey, "And your friend Phoebe?" Joey defiantly responds, "Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand" and then asks, "I mean, wouldn't you guys?' [The Knockout] Chandler stares down Joey and informs him, "Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit."
Video Source: Red Hot Chili Peppers on YouTube
Featured Image Source: The Express Tribune
Headline Image Source: Friends Central
Amuse-Bouche
Season 1, Episode 15
Friends S1:E15 - President George Washington once said, "Happiness and moral duty are in separably connected." With that in mind, I want to wish you a dutifully moral Presidents Day. How's it going, gang? I hope you had a stellar week and a spectacular Valentine's Day weekend. Mine were quite lovely (thanks for asking) but I cannot tell a lie: with the massive amount of snow dropping from the sky here in Denver, I've had a hard time getting into high gear this Monday morning. It didn't help that I was up way too late last night because (after watching the NBA All-Star Game) it was well after midnight when I finished getting through my recording of the three and a half hour SNL 40th Anniversary Special. (Speaking of the SNL special, I'd be remiss if I didn't say #RIPJonLovitz who, coincidentally, played Steve the Stoner Guy in this week's episode.) Nevertheless, (despite my sluggish start to the day) I've now had my coffee and I'm ready to get down to business. In this week's episode, we find Chandler Bing at a crossroads. When his boss offers him a promotion to Processing Supervisor, he decides to quit his job because he knows he does not want to make his career in a field that he doesn't particularly enjoy. His boss, however, continues to up the ante on the financial incentives tied to the new position in an effort to keep him. Chandler finally relents and (against his better judgement) accepts the promotion. Little does Chandler know at the time, but this decision seals his fate to continue at his "temp" job for the next nine years.
While conducting my research for this episode, I thought that I had finally spotted our long overdue fourth Gandalf Gaffe. I know it seems that Gandalf Gaffes are a rarity since we haven't had one in several weeks but this trend will prove to be an anomaly and not the norm. Season One is inherently a Gandalf Gaffe desert because there are so few established truths to contradict this early in the series. Trust me, the "gaffeage" rate will increase dramatically once we get passed the first season. The potential Gandalf Gaffe in question this week was triggered when Monica (in reference to Chandler's job) states, "You've been there for five years." While re-watching this scene over the weekend, I thought to myself "ah-ha" because it seemed as if Chandler was too young in Season One to have been at the same job for five years. This prompted me to do some digging and attempt to establish the character's ages at the beginning of the series. The earliest reference I could pinpoint (on short notice and admittedly without due diligence) was in S1:E22 (or May 4, 1995 in chronological time). Monica states in this episode that she is 26 years old. We know that Chandler is the same age as Ross and that Ross is a year older than Monica therefore, Chandler is either 26 or 27 during this week's episode. Thus, it is plausible that he could have been at his job for five years if he started there at age 21 or 22 (presumably immediately after graduating college). So, despite my initial excitement, I could not rule Monica's statement as a Gandalf Gaffe. On a related note, the establishment of the character's ages does have me questioning the plausibility of Ross Geller earning his Ph.D. before the beginning of the series when he was presumably 26 or 27 years old. But, I suppose we can explore that another time. Until next week, kiddos. Stay safe and keep warm.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe - This is the one where Phoebe sets up a cooking demonstration for Monica to give to one of her massage clients who is opening up a restaurant and needs a head chef, Rachel's feelings are hurt when Monica doesn't ask her to waitress during the cooking demonstration so Rachel blackmails her into paying a hefty hourly rate when Monica ends up needing her help after all, Chandler repeatedly tries to quit his job when he is offered a promotion to Processing Supervisor, Joey teaches Ross how to step up his "dirty talk" skills, and Monica ends her interview when Steve (Phoebe's massage client) gets the munchies after eating his amuse-bouche.
Gandalf Gaffes - None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week - [The Setup] Monica and Rachel are at their apartment with Phoebe and are trying to cheer Chandler up after his career aptitude test revealed that he was ideally suited for a career in data processing. Monica brings him a plate of food she is preparing for her cooking demonstration and offers him a small sampling, "Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up." Noticing how tiny the portion is, Chandler responds, "Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you." Monica points out, "It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amuse-bouche." [The Knockout] Chandler, tastes it and declares sarcastically, "Well, it is amuse-ing."
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Headline Image Source: Savory Experiments