Glow Pop Jiggly Jam

Written on:February 5, 2018
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Friends S4:E14 – What is good, Friendsters? Philly friends, how you living today? What’s that? Oh snap. E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles! Fly Eagles fly! Woot woot! Yas, yas, YAS. Congratulations are in order to all of my Philly peeps out there in Friends 20/20 land. It’s been a long time coming. You really, really deserve this…so enjoy it. I’d say do it big just don’t tear down your own city but checking out media reports this morning, it’s way past too late for me to be giving that advise. Philly got turnt up to eleven last night and by the looks of it, the party is still going strong this fine Monday afternoon. Whatever you do though…please, please, please don’t damage the Liberty Bell. It would be an awful shame if somehow one of the Crown Jewels of American history got damaged with God forbid a crack. See, Illadelphia…your boy’s got jokes. Granted, corny ones but you don’t care because you’re on Cloud Nine and everything seems awesome when you’ve just won a championship. Unfortunately, even eating horse manure. So, once again, congratulations, Philly. Now take those horse turds out of your mouths and quit distracting us. The rest of us have work to do.

On that note, we have a major cameo alert in today’s episode. That’s right, legendary actor (and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention…also controversial NRA spokesperson) Charlton Heston was in the house to do a scene with our own beloved resident actor, Joey Tribianni. The late star of such classic movies as Ben Hur and The Ten Commandments made his Friends cameo roughly ten years before his death at age 84 in 2008 (and therefore roughly 20 years ago). In creating a list of greatest actors to ever make a cameo on Friends, Heston has probably got to be pretty high on the list (if not the top). Others that come to mind right off of the top of my head are Julia Roberts, Robin Williams, Brad Pitt, Susan Sarandon, George Clooney, and Michael Rapaport. (Don’t sleep on my boy, Mikey Rap… HE’S A BEAST!) All jokes aside, this would be an interesting homework assignment: Rank the Top Ten Greatest Actors to Ever Make a Cameo on FRIENDS. In fact, (no I shouldn’t) (yes, yes I should!) how’s about we blow off the rest of class today and take advantage of the fact that we have a two-week break coming and in exchange for getting out of here early, you come back ready to submit and discuss your Top Ten cameo list on February 26th? If we adjourn early…no excuses. I expect that with the extra time to think it through, everyone will show up in two weeks ready to present and defend their choices. So there you have it class. How do you like that for a rope-a-dope mail-in special? We are officially adjourned. Have a fantastic break and for God’s sake someone give our Philly friends some napkins. ? ? ? ? ?

Recap in the Key of Phoebe – This is the one where Joey shows up on set for a movie with Charlton Heston reeking because he didn’t shower after going on a three day fishing trip, Chandler achieves Phase Two (getting drunk and going to a strip club) of getting over his and Kathy’s break up when Joey and Ross aren’t available so the gals convince him to let them take him to a strip club, Rachel pawns a night at the opera with her bosses’ niece off on Ross in order to go to Joshua’s club opening instead, Ross hits it off with Emily (Rachel’s bosses’ niece) and ends of galavanting off to a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont with her, Monica puts dollar bills in strippers’ g-strings, Phoebe gets her morning sickness at night, and Joey gets a stern pep talk / lecture from Charlton Heston about how every actor thinks they stink at one time or another but that’s never, ever an excuse to bust into his dressing room and take a shower no matter how many days that actor has been out on the water fishing with a glow pop jiggly jam.

Gandalf Gaffes – None. Flawless episode!

Chan Man Quip of the Week – [The Setup] Phoebe, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler have just returned to Chandler and Joey’s apartment from the strip club and Chandler is feeling defeated about achieving Phase Three in getting over his and Kathy’s break up. He informs the others, “All right, well I’m gonna put my sweats back on.” Phoebe responds by pleading with him, “Oh no! Wait! Wait! Okay, ya know what? You were right, you were right. We really weren’t great at being guys, but you know why? Because we’re girls.” Hearing her out, Chandler responds, “Yeah.” Phoebe continues, “And do you know what girls are really good at?” Chandler guesses, “Stripping!” Phoebe patiently corrects him, “No, listening! Sit. Ya know, maybe it would just really, really help if you would just talk.” Rachel takes the opportunity to interject by questioning, “Yeah, come on! What’s going in on in there?” as she pats his chest. Monica also weighs in with, “Yeah. And you know, if you wanna cry, that’s okay too.” Hearing enough, Chandler sarcastically informs his friends, “Okay, look, I’m gonna have to ask you all to leave.” Monica responds by pleading, “Come on! Chandler!” Holding firm, he responds, “Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldn’t picture myself with any of them.” Somehow getting sidetracked by Chandler’s point, Monica agrees, “They really were pretty, weren’t they?” Rachel and Phoebe nod their approval and then Phoebe offers up, “Yeah, I really liked that fighter pilot one.” Monica responds, “Oh, Candy? She was so spunky!” Phoebe agrees, “Yeah.” Monica continues, “Y’know, I think if I were going to be with a woman it’d, it’d be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.” This causes Chandler to perk up before Rachel counters, “See, I don’t know, for me it would have to Chantal.” Pleased by the reminder, Monica acknowledges, “Oh, Chantal!” This conversations now has Chandler’s undivided attention. Rachel continues, “Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh…” Chandler jumps up and interrupts Rachel mid-sentence exclaiming, “Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!” Perplexed, Monica asks, “Really?” Chandler affirms, “I am totally picturing you with all those women!” Monica counters, “That’s-that’s not Phase Three.” Chandler explains, “Well, I’m there too!” Rachel asks, “Well, are we all together? Like in a group?” Uncontrollably excited, Chandler exclaims, “Stop it! You’re killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!” Visibly amused by Chandler’s behavior, Phoebe asks, “Oh! What is that? What is that?” [The Knockout] Like a the human personification of an orgasm waiting to happen, Chandler answers, “Where I don’t want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!”


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Headline GIF Source: Odyssey

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