Friends S5:E7 – Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry. In five days from now he’s going to marry. He’s hoping you can make it there if you can ’cause in the ceremony you’ll be the best man. What it do, Friendsters? Let me start out by congratulating the American people for voting to bust a move on putting checks and balances in place for an administration run amok. With the democrats retaking the House, the people have spoken with a resounding, “Donald J. Trump: we see your corruption, authoritarianism, and treason and we raise you subpoena power.” Even though these elections were a huge step in the direction of preserving democracy, I’m not going to spend a ton of time talking about the democratic blue wave that took place six nights ago because we have spent a fair amount of our time together over the past few posts discussing Election 2018. I’ll just say, thank the lord that some order has been restored and some constraint has been placed on the most dangerous menace to occupy the White House in American history and leave it at that.
I mean, now that some semblance of normalcy has been restored, it allows us to feel less guilty about discussing important rhetorical matters like asking this question: Are you the best man in your best friend Harry’s wedding? Or are you the best man in your best friend Harry’s brother Larry’s wedding? (Go ahead, go back to the top of the post and re-read the bars we opened with from the immortal Young MC song. I’ll wait.) Because either way, this is just strange. If it’s your best friend Harry’s wedding, then it totally makes sense that you’re the best man however it is really weird then that Young MC felt it necessary to mention that your best friend has a brother Larry at all. You know, I wouldn’t say Ted James, who has a brother Chris, hired me as a pop culture writer for theLeftAhead. I would just say Ted James hired me as a pop culture writer for theLeftAhead. The point being that, if indeed it’s your best friend Harry’s wedding, Young MC included irrelevant information into his rap. In this scenario, the only explanations for the inclusion are a) Young MC was (much like a basketball player missing a shot on purpose just to grab an offensive rebound before ultimately putting the ball in the bucket) just trying to pad his rhyming stats in the verse by squeezing in the line for the singular purpose of rhyming Harry and Larry or b) he included Larry’s name in the rhyme to stick it to him that Harry chose you as his best man over his own brother (in which case, Young MC is kind of being a dick here). In any event, under the scenario that you are the best man at your best friend Harry’s wedding, the mention of Larry in the rhyme, in the end, was probably not worth it because it creates confusion and opens up the possibility for the second scenario. The second scenario, once again, is that you are the best man in your best friend Harry’s brother Larry’s wedding. And that, girls and boys, would just be flat out weird. Under no circumstance would a groom-to-be ask his brother’s best friend to be his best man. If in fact Young MC is asking us, the listeners, to suspend disbelief and believe that Larry asked you, his brother Harry’s best friend, to be his best man then Young MC must forfeit his license as a master story teller and street poet. That, sir, is a stretch too far and we most definitely do not consider it stone cold rhymin’. So there you go. Hip hop’s infamous chicken or the egg style Harry-Larry debate has been thoroughly analyzed and put through the Bill Simmons-esque ringer (pun most certainly intended).
Okay, this post has officially gone off the rails. I know, I know. Probably just a little bit of a post-election sigh-of-relief mixed with exuberant delirium. Quick episode-related FRIENDS side note: for the past several years, every time my wife and I watch this episode, I claim to her that the actor playing Larry the Health Inspector is Will Forte. This drives her bonkers because she doesn’t see the resemblance. Upon the second trip through the Friends vortex where I made this claim, she looked up the episode on IMDB and informed me that the actor playing Larry the Health inspector is in fact named Gregory Sporleder. Nonetheless, because it made her so angry that I had claimed it was Will Forte, I’ve continued doing it time and time again when this episode circles back around for us in the Friends vortex. Does any one else see the resemblance? Let me know next week. Until then, see you ladle.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe – This is the one where Phoebe starts dating Health Inspector Larry, Ross temporarily moves in with Chandler and Joey after Emily’s cousin reneges on a sublet agreement, Rachel makes up a fake regatta gala as an excuse not to go to Danny’s party so she can win the upper hand in their relationship, Monica distracts Danny at the party to help Rachel with her plan, Joey and Chandler grow increasingly impatient with Ross’s annoying qualities and decide to search apartment listings to help Ross find a place and move out, and Phoebe grows tired of Health Inspector Larry shutting down every restaurant that they visit so she tells him, “See you Ladle.”
Gandalf Gaffes – None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week – [The Setup] Joey and Chandler return home to find boxes of Ross’s stuff costuming their entire living room. Looking around, Joey calls, “Ross?” Ross comes out of the bathroom and says, “Hey roomies!” Continuing to scan the room, Chandler starts warming up his sarcasm vocal chords by stating, “Love what you’ve done with the place.” Ross replies sheepishly, “Oh, yeah I know, I know, it’s a lot of boxes, but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here.” Joey reassures him by saying, “Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you’re gonna be here for a while, why don’t—I was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.” Chandler agrees, “Oh yeah!” Ross informs them of his preemptive strike by saying, “Oh, I uh, hope you don’t mind, but I kinda uh, already jazzed it up a little. Check this out.” He presses play on the machine and the instrumental to Queen’s We Will Rock You comes on followed by Ross singing, “We will, we will, call you back!” Joey tries to respond politely to Ross’s message by saying, “Hey, all right!” Seeking further affirmation, Ross asks, “Pretty cool, huh?” Chandler and Joey nod their head and laugh nervously as Ross returns to the bathroom. After Ross is gone, Joey turns to Chandler and asks, “You’re fake laughing too, right?” [The Knockout] Visibly consumed by his disdain for Ross’s singing coupled with his own fully warmed up sarcastic vocal chords, Chandler bellows into melodic verse with, “Oh, the tears are real.”
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