I’m Gonna Go Do My Laundry

Written on:January 7, 2019
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Friends S5:E11 – Hey there, Mercedes Friends! Can you believe it’s that time again already? We are back again for calendar year 2019. Hard to believe but we’re already in our sixth calendar year. (But who’s counting?) Well class, I thought today we could discuss New Year’s resolutions. (Those of you who did your homework for today’s episode probably aren’t surprised.) Having just returned from getting right mentally, physically, and spiritually by spending New Year’s on a beach in an undisclosed tropical location, my New Year’s resolution is to deliver you the sharpest and funniest Friends 20/20 content while, at the same time, establishing the best “work-life” balance of my career here at theLeftAhead (thus far). In other words, my New Year’s resolution is to give you more bang for your buck while putting forth less effort. I have my reasons for believing I can keep this New Year’s resolution. They are threefold. 1) Since theLeftaAhead has, does, and will forever offer all of our content to our readers free of charge, making sure I give you the aforementioned “more bang for you buck” is a pretty low bar considering the fact that you are not spending any bucks to read the greatest blog series in internet history. All I have to do is step my game up one percent or even 0.1 percent, and my New Year’s resolution is off to the races. Giving the content away for free makes the enjoyment / cost ratio a non-issue. 2) I’ve been writing this blog series for a fair amount of time now. I don’t know about you, but I find in life that when I’m on my sixth year of working on a craft, I’m astronomically better at it than I was during the first year of working on said craft. If you’ll follow my logic, if I’m getting 10 percent better at writing Friends 20/20 year over year, then common sense would suggest that I can increase my commitment to the “life” side of the “work-life” balance and still maintain the same production on the “work” side of the equation. Consequently, if I decide to put in 5 percent less effort to the blog series so that I can devote more time to the “life” side of my “work-life” balance equation, I’ll still be able to put our 5 percent better content than last year while accomplishing my New Year’s resolution. 3) As longtime readers already know, my batting average of driving posts into the gap with the MAIL-IN SPECIAL tag is probably somewhere between .350 to .400. If I make a concerted effort this year to declare at least one or two less posts as MAIL-IN SPECIALs, that action alone will increase the quality of the Friends 20/20 content and as a consequence move me closer to achieving my New Year’s resolution. (Spoiler Alert: expect less MAIL-IN SPECIALS in 2019.) Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

So there you have it class. I’ve declared my New Year’s resolution, I’ve given you the reasons that I think I can succeed in sticking to it, and I’ve accepted the challenge of upping my game. Now, it’s your turn. Your homework assignment over the next two weeks (there’s no class next Monday) is to come up with your own New Year’s resolution and then come to class in two weeks prepared to present on it. At that point we will already be roughly three weeks into 2019, so you will also need to be prepared to be honest with the class on whether or not you’re still on track with your resolution or if it’s already been derailed. My wish for you is that between now and then, you don’t face an obstacle as difficult for keeping your resolution as Rachel faced in today’s episode in trying to keep hers. Rachel’s New Year’s resolution was to not gossip. Lo and behold, the obstacle she faced in keeping her resolution was discovering the most gossip-worthy revelation she could’ve possibly uncovered: Chandler and Monica are in a relationship. Talk about a seismic-sized juicy burger of gossip. After finding out about Chandler and Monica, poor Rachel never stood a chance. I’ll close today by sending positive vibes out for better luck in your New Year’s resolution journey. May the force help you live long and prosper. (Yes, that cross-reference was an intentional hilarious example of the quality of blogging you can expect for 2019. In case you hadn’t figure it out yet, I take my resolutions seriously.) Happy New Year. See you in two weeks.

Recap in the Key of Phoebe – This is the one where Monica’s New Year’s resolution is to take more photos, Chandler’s New Year’s resolution is to not make fun of his friends, Rachel’s New Year’s resolution is to not gossip, Ross’s New Year’s resolution is to do one new thing everyday that he hasn’t done before, Phoebe’s New Year’s resolution is to pilot a commercial jet, Joey’s New Year’s resolution is to learn how to play guitar, and one thing Monica doesn’t want to take photos of is what happens after she tells everyone, “I’m gonna go do my laundry.”

Gandalf Gaffes – None. Flawless episode!

Chan Man Quip of the Week – [The Setup] Ross makes a $50 New Year’s resolution bet with Chandler that the Chan Man can’t go one week without making fun of his friends. Chandler takes the bet and proceeds to spend the majority of the episode in abject misery as it prevents him from lambasting Ross for dating a woman whose last name is Hornswoggle, or for wearing tight leather pants. Also, Phoebe – for her unorthodox techniques when teaching guitar. By the end of the episode, Chandler’s suffering is palpable. As he walks into Central Perk to greet Monica, Phoebe, and Ross, it’s clear that our moment has arrived. (You guessed it, class. After four and half taxing years of prolonged anticipation, we have finally arrived at the GREATEST CHAN MAN QUIP OF THE WEEK OF ALL TIME [GCMQOFTWOAT]!!!) Like a quarterback walking through the tunnel to warm up for the Super Bowl, Chandler has tunnel vision as he walks from the front door of the coffee shop straight over to the couch the gang usually hangs out at. Seeing that Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are there, he says, “Oh good, okay, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here!” [The Knockout] After handing Ross the $50 dollars that covers their bet, he unloads with, “Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggle Rock?” ????


Featured Image Source: Stout Street Hospitality

Headline GIF Source: Tenor

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