Written on:January 8, 2018
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Friends S4:E11 – Happy New Year, Mercedes Friends! I hope 2018 has been good to you all thus far. I can’t believe we’re already eight days into our fifth calendar year together. This first week of the twentieth anniversary of 1998 flew by. On the other hand, I can’t believe that we’re only eight days into 2018 and I’m already back to work. It kind of feels like we got shorted on our holiday break during this trip around the sun. It feels like days…not weeks ago that we were saying our goodbyes for 2017. I mean, come on…I’ve still got “Please tell Joey Christmas will be snowy” stuck in my head for Pete’s sake. But, don’t cry for me, Argentina. Working 26 days a year is tough but, alas, it had to start sometime and you, the readers, deserve a pop culture with a world-class work ethic and so I’m here (a mere eight days into the year) to deliver the goods that you need and deserve. So buckle up, girls and boys. We’re 35 percent of the way through our Friends doctoral program it’s time to rev this fine-tuned machine back into high gear and embark on the next semester (five percent) of our journey. All aboard! In this blog series, we leave no man, woman, child, or chef behind. Nobody is eating by themselves in the alley in our restaurant.

When last we left our pals, Chandler was in a pretty good place. He had managed to have his cake and eat it too by getting to finally date Kathy without ruining his friendship with Joey. However, in today’s episode it’s revealed that not everything is sharp quips and Apple laptops in Chandlerland. Much like the (no spoilers) shadow of Darth Vader as Kilo Ren’s grandfather looms large in the newest Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, the shadow of Joey Tribianni as Kathy’s previous lover looms large for Chandler in today’s storyline. He reveals to Monica, Rachel and Ross that as well as things are going for him and Kathy, he hasn’t actually had sex with her yet because he’s intimidated by Joey’s sexual prowess and his fear of not being able to live up to it. When Monica questions whether or not Joey is actually that good in bed, Chandler reminds her, “We share a wall! So either he’s great in bed, or she just likes to agree with him a lot.” After his friends convince him to just have sex with her and then she doesn’t “agree” with him as much as she did with Joey, Chandler enlists Monica’s help in teaching him how to deliver maximum pleasure to a woman. In one of the most infamous and hilarious scenes of the season, Monica proceeds to teach Chandler about the seven erogenous zones and role play with him a series of moves he can make to please Kathy. The role playing leaves Monica, Rachel and Chandler all hot and bothered when Monica climaxes with the word, “SEVEN!” (See Headline GIF.) Added bonus: we discover that Rachel is into toes. Kinky.

While diving heavily into Chandler’s sex life is quite entertaining, the most significant development this week is Phoebe’s decision to carry Frank and Alice’s child as their surrogate. While mulling over such a life-altering decision, the gang convinces Phoebe to seek advice from someone who has given birth (none of our female mainstays have yet to get pregnant) so she goes to talk to her birth mom about it. Phoebe, Sr. cautions Phoebe, Jr. against going through with it because she believes that it will be too hard for our Phoebe to give up the baby after the birth. Added bonus for elder Phebes…our Phebes coins the term EROTIERY to label her birth mom’s erotic pottery. But that’s neither here nor there. In the end, Phoebe decides to agree to carry Frank and Alice’s child which sets up a storyline that will see it’s way through the rest of Season Four. So now, girls and boys, with our table set for the rest of the spring…it’s time to settle in for a nice, smooth ride. Much like Tom Cochrane’s life, Friends is a highway. I wanna ride it all night long. And I’ll be riding for you. Because you ride for me too. It’s great to be bizzack.

Recap in the Key of Phoebe – This is the one where Phoebe is asked by Frank and Alice to carry their baby to term, Ross gets Joey a job as a tour guide at his museum and then snubs him in the lunch room, Joey shows Ross the error of his ways, Chandler is nervous about sleeping with Kathy because he’s scared he won’t be able to perform like Joey, Monica teaches Chandler about the seven erogenous zones, Rachel reveals that she’s weirdly into toes, and Phoebe brushes aside her birth mother’s advice and instead agrees to carrying Frank and Alice’s baby while also offering to let them have a puppy belonging to Phoebe Sr. aka The One Who Does Erotiery.

Gandalf Gaffes – None. Flawless episode!

Chan Man Quip of the Week – [The Setup] Phoebe is entering Monica and Rachel’s apartment to inform the gang of important news. After exchanging “heys” she reports, “Guess what. Frank Jr., and Alice got married!” Everybody reacts with a version of “Oh my God.” Phoebe continues, “And! And, they’re gonna have a baby!” Seeing no interruption from her stunned audience, she keeps going, “And! And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus.” Ross breaks the gang’s shock-provoked silence by exclaiming, “My God!” Monica follows by asking, “Are you serious?” Phoebe responds, “Yeah.” Joey (being Joey) then seeks clarification by inquiring, “You’re really thinking about having sex with your brother?” Understandably weirded out, Phoebe responds, ” Ewww! And Oh no! It’s—they just want me to be the surrogate. It’s her-it’s her egg and his sperm, and I’m-I’m just the oven, it’s totally their bun.” Joey indicates that he’s trying to follow by saying, “Huh.” Moving the conversation along, Monica asks, “What did you tell them?” Phoebe answers, “Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to think about? I’m gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.” [The Knockout] After having held his tongue thus far, Chandler takes the opportunity at this point to swoop in with, “You’re gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?”


Featured Image Source: Georg Burwick on Flickr

Headline GIF Source: SheKnows