Friends S7:E19 – [Long Pause] Say something clever! Okay, doesn’t have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! There is nothing you can say to make this worse!! So just say something!! LOLOL…..Ross Geller, y’all!!! How’s that for a tone setter? Thought y’all could use a pick me up since here we are again…back in our pandemic virtual classroom for what feels like that 500th week in a row. The good news is there’s light at the end of the tunnel. If you haven’t heard, President Biden has made all adults in the United States vaccine eligible as of today. We are on our way to safely opening back up so it’s just a matter of time until I will be seeing your bright, shiny faces IRL again! Also, I’m just realizing that since we’ve been on hiatus the entire month of April so far, this is my first opportunity to report that ya guy Kenny Adams got his first dose of the Pfizer vaccine on Friday, April 2nd and I’m getting my second does this coming Friday! I’m beaming from ear to ear because I’m less than three weeks away from getting back out there amongst all of the people. Come on, y’all. Truly, happy days are here again
When I saw that THIS was this week’s episode, I’ve gotta tell ya, I was quite delighted (and also a little bit frightened). Oh the possibilities of creative ways to clown on one of the most “off the rails” episodes in series history. I mean, ayy, the Notorious RFG making a pass at his own freaking cousin is about as weird and icky a place as the FRIENDS writers dared to take a story line (maybe also in Fireball (S5:E10) when Danny the Yeti is bathing with his sister, but yah). Don’t get me wrong, the awkward long pause when Ross is trying to figure out how to explain himself to his cousin after making his move and homie’s accompanying inner monologue is, in my opinion, one of the funniest moments in series history so I understand that it took a messy situation for the writer’s to serve up a moment that funny but still. Was that moment of pure comic bliss really worth it given that I could never, ever really look at Dr. Geller the same way again from the first time I watched this episode through the in perpetuity that is living in the Friends vortex? Tough call, y’all. Once a cousin romancer, always a cousin romancer. There’s really no coming back from that. Then again, we also know from The Rossatron earlier this season (S7:E11) that Chandler used to undress his cousin Glenn so 🤷♂️ maybe they’re all just batshit incestuous? In Chandler’s defense, at least he was a kid when he did it, not a grown ass man with a PhD that calls himself Bea and likes to drink tea. Anyway, who are we to judge? Let it be, let it be. Haters gonna hate. Ross gonna Ross, I guess. Ugh, I started out writing this paragraph excited (and a little nervous) but now I’m just sad and confused. Maybe that’s a sign. Probably makes sense to just call it. I guess the moral of the story, class, is never, ever make a pass out your cousin. Not only can it blow up in your face but it might haunt you for the rest of your existence. And if you’re a character on the GOAT television sitcom, you should especially think twice because “the rest of you existence” means infinity because you will live forever in the the vortex of your loyal fans. Kind of a bad episode for Monica’s older brother, in the end. For anyone keeping score in the Ross Geller Is Trash Olympics, this is the episode where he earns his gold medal. Cue up the Star-Spangled Banner. Adams out.
Recap in the Key of Phoebe – This is the one where Joey is being considered for the lead in a movie but must prove that he is anatomically “not Jewish” in order to get the part, Chandler gets busted leering at Cassie (Monica’s cousin) while she is in town visiting and staying with them which causes Monica to suggest that Cassie stay at Ross’s apartment, Rachel and Phoebe plan Monica’s bridal shower on short notice and forget to invite her to it, Ross freezes up trying to explain away making a sexual advance on his cousin Cassie (gross!!!) after she has switched from staying at Monica and Chandler’s to his place, and Monica helps Joey create a “wrap” to help him appear to be anatomically “not Jewish” to the casting and movie director during his call back but the “wrap” falls off while Joey is naked show them his body because evidently Monica’s double-sided tape wasn’t strong enough to handle the weight of silly putty.
Gandalf Gaffes – None. Flawless episode!
Chan Man Quip of the Week – [The Setup] Monica and Chandler run into Ross at Central Perk after Monica busted Chandler leering at her cousin Cassie. Monica informs Ross, “Cassie needs to stay at your place.” Ross asks, “What? why?” Monica answers, “Because Purvy Perverson over here can’t stop staring at her.” Turning to Chandler, Ross suggests disapprovingly, “What? Chandler, she’s our cousin!” Attempting to defend himself, Chandler suggests, “I was not staring at her. Okay? I was just listening intently. It’s called being a good conversationalist. Watch.” He proceeds to stare directly into Monica’s eyes and then continues, “Say something.” Unconvinced, Monica responds, “You were staring about eight inches south of there.” Sidestepping Monica and Chandler’s tiff, Ross answer Monica’s request with, “Fine, she can stay at my place.” He then asks, “By the way, what-what does Cassie even look like now?” Monica answers, “She looks exactly like Aunt Marilyn.” [The Knockout] Brushing aside his concern for how much hot water he is in with Monica, the Chan Man lines up a zinger in the form of a questions with, “Umm, so this Aunt Marilyn is-is-is-is she coming to the wedding?”
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